Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

lol

HAHA

http://www.lepconnie.com/pics/willow/starburst89g.jpg

Department merger bringing in a whole new batch of annoying. Lady goes about calling herself an “excel person” trying to school me how to performing a data sort! I didn’t ask you a damn thing so STFU! I know perfectly well what I’m doing. WHO THE FUCK IS YOU! YOURE OLD!

oh Wow. just now

"what's the plural for confused, is it confuseder?"

omg who walks into the toilets and stands at a urinal eating crisps?

Haha, best email I've ever received, from our company president no less:

I just walked into the men's restroom and found the most disgusting mess I've ever seen. Toilet. Clogged. No water. Lots of...you know.

I probably saw worse a few times in a junior high school bathroom but that's it.

Everyone is expected to handle their own messes. There's a plunger conveniently located next to the toilet. Flush frequently when you have major intestinal issues that you can't deal with at home because your wife or mom or girlfriend won't clean up after you. I'm sorry the corporate toilet doesn't have sufficient capacity -- maybe in a new office someday.

And while I'm at it, it wouldn't hurt for some of us to stand closer to the urinal.

Asinine colleague calling out DOW numbers again yesterday, this time with "ouch"s and whistles. Get to work you turd.

can't deal with at home because your wife or mom or girlfriend won't clean up after you

lol

dudes who tell you something, and you say OK no problem, I understand, and then they tell you again, and you say OK, I got you, I'll deal with that, and then they tell you again and don't get when to stop talking and go away.

dude who is like 'oh, did you see this tv show/movie, this is the kind of show someone like you would like' or 'I didn't think someone like you would like the NFL' etc. and is basically constantly telling you what kind of person they think you are. mind your own business, I don't even want to talk to you.

* Co-worker who sighs and mutters under her breath and I never know if she's talking to me or not. "Oh, I hate having to upload this..... right?"

* Co-worker who reads aloud Onion articles to everyone.

* Co-worker who has been battling AT&T and has seemingly yelled at every operator (and their supervisor.)

Can I mention a customer instead? I work at a church bookstore. A family came in and when one of the parents asked if they wanted to take a few minutes to look around, one of the teenagers said "Naw, it's all Christian stuff."

I would've said the same...

Ha PP you'd probably hate working with me, I have a dreadful tendency to mutter to myself when I work :/

Stop running everywhere in the office! Especially when you're wearing high heel boots and carrying heavy boxes. Are you some sort of thicko?

Too much cologne! I even complained to him about it!

yes, i've moved desks. we've all moved desks, remember?

so "is this your new desk, then?" is a particularly asinine comment.

Ugh I hate pointless small talk like that. One of the girls I work with, she's a lovely lass, but she has to ask everyone what they are eating at lunch while they are eating it. "whats in it? did you make it?" etc.

That particular woman GF is talking about could fill a whole thread by herself. My latest favourite:

[After filing a story about Lewis Hamilton winning]
"... so, this Massa, his first name's really Ferrari then?"
"No, it's Felipe. Did you mean Ferarri's Felipe Massa?"
"Oh, does he drive a Ferrari car then?"
"... er, on the track, yes"
"oh."

Thing was, this was all perfect in the story.

Haha! Oh dear.

Seriously, she is ... well, as I suggested to a colleague the other day who had stopped by my desk purely to rant about the woman in question, if she turns out to be some reality-TV-style plant, designed to make us snap and hurl ourselves (or her) out of the window, I won't be too surprised.

Argh stupid fucking network admins keep rebooting extremely important server without telling anyone :(

What do you do when you work in a small, public place and a co-worker may have a crush on you and stares at you and wants to talk to you all the time, even though you in no way reciprocate the attentions? When I catch him staring at me I either look up and glare at which point he smiles, or studiously ignore him, at which point he continues looking. When I walk around I feel his eyes on me and it makes me uncomfortable. When he tried to talk to me I basically nod give monosyllabic non replies, but he somehow thinks that we are friends. There are many other ladies at my POV, and I don't notice him fixing on them in the same way. He also used to want to leave work together every day, but I put the kibosh on that.

you probably have no choice but to scar yourself in the most horrific manner possible.
as a bonus you'll get a few days off too!

serious answer: talk to your friggin boss already.

pick the biggest dude in the office and start dating him

^ otfm

am i the only person that thinks clipping your fingernails in your cubicle is inappropriate?

No. Occasionally I file my nails but feel bad about this as it seems kind of gross.

Dear woman three desks along who spends all fucking day (except when she's getting psychic readings off the Internet) on the phone running her buy-to-let business while doing fuck all in the way of paid work: I hate you.

The woman in my office spent all last week gasping in horror every time anyone so much as cleared their throat about how if one person in the office got a cold then everyone would get it and she didn't want one. When a guy sneezed (just once, not repeatedly) she started telling him he should go home.

So this week she has a filthy cold (which nobody else has had yet; it turns out her kids had it last week anyway), streaming and hacking, and has of course come in. Both days. Arrrr.

And if we do all get it, are we obliged to drag ourselves in too, so we don't look like we aren't working as hard as she is? Cz really I'm almost looking forward to an excuse not to be in the office. Sigh.

(Have performed emergency one-snip surgery on nails which have torn and are threatening to rip pink fleshy bits open, but someone on my bus seems to spend the whole bus journey clipping away noisily and then filing about once a week and it drives me crazy. Ugh. Especially if I'm right behind her and I feel like the air supply has become 40% nail-dust and manicure spray)

I was just in the ladies, and one of the girls I work with - she's a lovely lass but terribly nosey and asks personal questions of everyone all the time - came into the stalls and said "hello!" while I was in there doing my thing. Like I want to have a conversation while I am peeing!?

we think the receptionist may have pinched the office manager's ticket to m3r3d!th

^^ I told the coworker referenced above to stop looking at me. I then talked to another woman at my work and she told me he is doing the same thing to her. I then talked to my assistant manager. If he keeps acting like a creep I'm going to go to my boss.

definitely go to your boss.

i work at a pretty easy retail job. there's this dude who sometimes works the same shift as me. he mostly just stands around looking pissed off to be there and complaining about having to work for 7 hours and how much he wants to go home (often quite loudly in front of the customers.) the job's not exciting but it isn't in any way hard, either. it's really irritating.

this guy is a new dad, too. yay.

lol nobody respects me around here

motherfuckers take hourlong jaunts around the building chattin w/bros in other departments cause "oh hoos can handle it he's got it locked down" which yeah whatever i do but goddamn do some fuckin work and let ME sit on my ass and gossip with somebody for a minute

Still tempted to put up sign that says shut yr pie-hole and git to work not because I give a shit about them working but good god can't you dildos gossip about SOMETHING slightly more interesting than the time you found a bug in the MPEG4 spec or some stupid component in yr fantastic home theater that's nevertheless in a room that smells of pee?

"i can't remember the last time somebody threw something at a U.S. PRESIDENT. You know that guys' gonna disappear. They dragged him off and I heard there was a trail of blood behind him."

Dear Enraged Colleague,

The reason I put the sheets of cardboard and the drawing on that table is because your colleague told me to. If I had known there was a SPECIAL TABLE on which to put stuff that we needed photocopying then of course I would have put everything there. There was no need to shout at me and froth at the mouth for having put the cardboard and drawing on an EMPTY and UNUSED table TWO METRES away from the special photocopy request table in a place where you were ACTUALLY MORE LIKELY TO SEE IT.

Further points:

- I can actually use a photocopier myself, so if you just give me the BLOODY PASSWORD for it then I will stay out of your hair and not put things on the wrong tables.

- Please be horrible to the teachers who are horrible to you. NOT to the ones who have gone out of their way to be nice to you in the knowledge that not everyone is always very nice to you. Get me?

- Thank you for all the photocopies.

The bosses sent the matter straight to HR, so now I have to go speak formally to them, and I suppose this will go in my file. GRR

"You know what, I don't think bush understands symbolism so he doesn't get why it's important. Yeah, he's original; I'll tell you that."

'What's a Reverend? Is it something to do with religions?'
UGH

"You know how you can usually tell Democrats? They hate the Second Amendment. They want to get rid of the Second Amendment. You know Obama wants to get rid of guns."

What's a Reverend? Is it something to do with religions?

Actually one of the clergymen at the church where I work went off on this to a group of new members recently. "Reverend is an ADJECTIVE! It is not a TITLE! Technically, my title is the Reverend Doctor William -----. You should not call me Reverend. Or Doctor. You can call me Bill." (It was news to me.)

i have heard this girl recount the story of her new year's eve hookup to about 15 people today. getting really old.

Argh.

I have to load some data.

What I need is someone to tell me which branches in supplied data map to which agents in our system, as they use different codes.

I sent lists of each to the account manager asking them to link them up for me.

2 weeks later he sends me the original lists back to me just copied into a spreadsheet "hope this helps". Uh NO you fucking moron. This isn't even my job, grumble moan stupid understaffed department.

I am also a stupid, annoying co-worker cos I was just bitching about someone's incredibly stupid code, thinking it was written by someone who'd left the company, when the person I was sitting with said "before you go any further, it was me". Oops. It was really stupid code though.

They're just sitting around, calling out famous Arkansans for a list they're putting together.

And not everyone has been in the office at the same time, so people keep saying "what about Mary Steenberg----- WE ALREADY HAVE HER ON THE LIST."