Trans/Genderqueer/Agender/Questioning Thread

pronouns in profiles an excellent idea! i’ll definitely do that.

btw i have something to say re 77 but will keep it to 77

and just picking up doctor casino’s points: in my ~~~journey~~~ (not for this thread) i’ve picked up a hell of a lot of detailed language and etiquette around gender identity and sexuality, and would love to make myself available to help or talk about any of this. my ilx email address is long dead but i’ll happily make a new account with my real email address if it would help.

for the record i did go ahead and start a 77 trans/nb/genderqueer thread but to be honest I don't know how much use it will get, I'm only familiar with three current regulars who self-describe that way and I don't even know if the other two are on 77. I think it's nice to have a semi-public space to talk in-depth about some of this stuff but at the same time I have a pretty strong aversion to being the only one in the room talking, if I'm gonna journal I'll just journal and not post it anywhere.

I have a pretty strong aversion to being the only one in the room talking

same, but being a 77 thread it could grow in detail and patronage (general e.g.: there is a load of stuff i would never say off 77)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e1h31hVGSw

I am not on 77 but would be happy to talk about my transition and related issues there.

somebody give eliza 77 access already! :)

Hi everyone! As of yesterday I'm officially out as a transgender woman. I'm Kate. It's good to know all of you!

Hi Kate. Congrats!

Wow, congrats!

That's so awesome, congrats Kate!

hi kate!!!! congratulations <3

howdy everyone!

congrats Kate!

Yayte!

Way to go Kate!

Kate! <3 Congratulations!!!

yay kate ❤️

thanks again everyone! also Eliza I don't want to embarrass you but I do want to say that there were a lot of people who transitioned before me and just seeing their experience helped me a lot, helped give me the confidence to realize I could do this and it was possible for me, and you were definitely one of them in a big way for me, so I want to thank you for that.

**blushes deeply** I am very flattered and glad that I could help in any way. And will continue to do so!

My own transition experience is, of course, still ongoing and there are always new things to deal with. This weekend, e.g., I am attending a baby shower for a cousin, and it will be the first time any family members except my mother, nephews and niece have seen me in person since I started transitioning. And a lot of my family are RWNJs. To say I am nervous would be exceptionally understating it.

I recently had a very “soft” coming out as MTF transgender online elsewhere, but I haven’t really talked about it in depth here.

After a lifetime of buildup my “egg” finally cracked back in January, and I came out to my siblings and my cousin (whose gf is trans) first. They were all supportive and continue to be. I came out to my parents next, and thankfully they have handled it pretty well so far. My mom even said “It makes sense, you’ve always been so girly.” Lol. My dad kinda just grudgingly accepts it, but I expected as much.

Outside of my immediate family, though, I’ve been very selective about revealing anything. I’ve been especially trepidatious because earlier this year two long-time female friends of mine, both of whom I trusted, completely flipped out and cut me off after I told them that I was trans. Astoundingly, despite not knowing each other they had both been frequenting similar TERF-y places online and soaking up all of that vile propaganda.

Obviously that was a real gut punch, and to make things worse, a therapist I was seeing for my ASD/ADHD issues (a whole other kettle of fish by itself) completely dropped out of sight after a personal domestic crisis. There was no advance warning or referrals for me (or any of her other clients, as I later learned). Unsurprisingly, with all of these abandonments happening in quick succession, my ability to trust people took something of a hit for a while.

Thankfully I have since found a very kind and generous LGBTQ-friendly therapist, and she was able provide a referral for HRT. I started on spironolactone about a month ago. If all goes well, I may start on estrogen next month, but we’ll see.

Right now I’m trying to take this slowly and go at my own pace. Out of necessity I’m still (mostly) presenting as male for now. While there are actually a good number of trans people where I live, it’s still a very conservative area, so it’s not always easy to know where and when to feel safe.

In any case, while it’s scary at times, I am glad to have started on this path.

Thanks for reading!

<3,
LB

P.S. As some of you know, my name IRL is Alex, which was short for Alexander but is now short for Alexandria. My preferred pronouns are she/her or they/them. Thanks again!!

X-post congrats Kate!

YAYTEBOOMER!!!!!!!!!! ALEXANDRIYAY!!

blooming post

hiii kate, hi alexandria !

also latebloomer this is an incredible ilx username reveal/plot twist/bit of foreshadowing

Welcome Alexandria! Sorry you had to go through that bad stuff so early on. A beginning is a very delicate time, and it's really hurtful, and a lot of work to overcome, when someone comes at you with the shamehammer that early on. I'm still afraid of it to a certain extent - it still feels awful - but people have given me so much support and love and acceptance that now I feel like I can handle it. I'm glad you're moving forward with your life at a pace you feel comfortable with despite being hurt by people you trusted. If it helps, every day there are more of us on Team Love/Support/Acceptance and we will not stop until you and every other trans person out there has more gender euphoria than they know what to do with. :)

Ogmor so much of my life feels like first-act foreshadowing now...

Hooray <3 <3 <3 Alexandria!!!!

Wau @ Kate and Alexandria, congratulations, y'all and others itt are bravely embracing who you are to an extent that genuinely inspires awe in me.

Is anyone from the board planning on going to the National Trans March on DC on 9/28? I'm going to go down and stay with my cousin, and she and her boyfriend are going to march with me. If anyone else is going I'd love to meet up!

Alexandria you've been on this godforsaken site probably as long as I have and i've always considered you a superior human being, one of the truly delightful regulars of ILX, and i salute you.

What Omar sez.

cosign, stoked for you (and kate!)

hope this doesn't change anything for banaka though :)

also ogmor otm haha

I'm getting verklempt y'all

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It means a lot<3<3<3

congratulations to kate and alexandria!

'Grats Alexandria!

Congrats, congrats everyone!

congratulations kate and alexandria and much <3 to you both

Congratulations!

congratulations, both, and good wishes

It is a joyful thing! Happy for you!

congratulations alexandria! jeez, this thread is absolutely the loveliest thing right now

alexandria <3 <3 <3

Came out yesterday to my extended department (several dozen people) at our team meeting yesterday. Don't ask me how I managed it because I don't know. Wrote up what I was going to say beforehand. I'm proud of it. I liked the simplicity and clarity it had. Decided to stay home from the concert I was going to go to so I can take it easy and recover. I'm still an introvert and I still need to take care of myself and give myself space to breathe.

that‘s monumental, you are fantastic <3

FUCKING HELL EPILATING HURTS

Had some dysphoria yesterday. Overall I'm pretty low dysphoria because where I live nobody treats me with anything other than kindness and acceptance. The stuff that gets me is the way people deal with transitioning online. There's all this pressure for voice training. I'm not really happy about my voice, but only because of my actual speech impediment. I like being able to speak with a deeper voice, and most trans women don't, and I know that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me but it doesn't stop me from feeling it.

I also do really bad with photos. A lot of trans women take selfies, and I never learned how to smile for the camera. It's weird, I do like how I look in the mirror, but seeing a photo of myself, hearing my voice, these things I just absolutely hate. A lot of it is my face - I consciously do "natural look" makeup because I am middle-aged and most trans women are considerably younger and I can't look as good as they do. To the extent that "passing" involves hiding who I am, I don't want to do that; I just want to find a look that works for me. But I'm not pretty, I have a big nose, and that on top of the deeply embedded transphobia (the ingrained notion that feminine presenting people with male bodies are somehow grotesque or disgusting) I grew up with I guess set me off. I'm fortunate to live in a situation where nobody reinforces that toxic message.

For the time being I guess I should just keep avoiding having pictures taken of me. It seems to do more harm than good.

*** hugs ***

I've settled into a look that I think fits who I am and that I like -- the other day I was actually super-pleased with hair and makeup, like everything just came together. But boy do I get super dysphoric about my voice and my body.

I'm trying to be patient and view myself as a work in progress. I know a lot of people get benefit from the transtimelines thing, which again I don't do pictures so isn't something I do, but a lot of it is just being patient and knowing that there's a lot for me to do and I have time to do it. But it's also really nice when I can accept myself as I am now, which is more of an occasional thing!

I'm about two weeks away from an appointment with an endo. I think I'm sort of doing this thing backasswards because while I'm generally out as a queer somewhat GNC dude, I'm not widely out as trans largely because I'm middle-aged and I'm still not 100% sure that HRT is a path I'm going to follow. At the moment I think my plan is to start, see how I feel, then make up the rest as I go along. Meanwhile I've lurked around ILX since the mid-aughties, but never contributed much, which is to say that I'd be delighted by an invite to the 77 thread and the opportunity to learn from there.

if you're worrying about not doing things in the proper order, the good news is there is no proper order, i think we're all sort of just making this up as we go along. there are plenty of people who don't come out until they're on hrt for a while.

one of the things i love about this board is that while there aren't a ton of trans people here, the ones who are tend to be more roughly my age. i definitely think there are unique challenges that gen x-ers have coming out but also things that we often have going for us that the younger people don't. i know there are other places for older people coming out but i just haven't clicked as much with them for whatever reason.

anyway i realized today that yesterday was the first time i went out as femme in a cis space, as opposed to just going to a queer group, and it suddenly makes a lot more sense that i had a touch of dysphoria.