no boys allowed in the room!!!!

I am actually legit fat and no one calls me fat. Like, calling someone fat, or making fat jabs seems like something intended for the moderately chubby.

Real sick of ilx men being sure they're objectively right about things even after they've made clear they don't even understand the thing. Real sick of it.

This could be about several things, but is there any thread in particular?

I’m having something like this irl atm and it is so tedious. And the person tried to tell me they knew more about anti-Irish sentiment than I did (!) they are not Irish at all.

xp I hear you.

I don't really want to be more specific as I know lots of guys read this thread even if they don't post in it, but just feeling glum and like I've been chased out of a thread where I wanted to share excitement about a thing, but instead now I've been patronised and dismissed.

Np. It’s a really shit feeling.

in real life/otherwise I just add these guys to my theory of men having a dominant inheritance pattern of brain damage.

emil.y, I have been appreciating your and La Lechera’s posts on a recent thread, because I figured if those two posters liked it, I bet I will too!

Thanks, rosemary!

I was talking about this thing with a friend the other day, and I realize I do this -- I mentally divide guys into two categories: the ones I totally expect to be condescending and overestimate their knowledge/expertise, and the "good ones" that are smarter and more thoughtful than that. When the category one guys do that thing, I shrug, shake my head, roll my eyes -- and think "lol u dumb, you make your gender look bad." ... When one of the "good ones" do it, I sometimes feel like it's a betrayal, and sometimes even makes me sad that everyone, including people I like a lot, are actually kinda trash.

On the whole, I enjoyed this article.

https://www.thecut.com/2019/07/if-men-carried-purses-would-they-clean-up-messes.html

100x it me -- "as if every trip [outdoors] were a trek on the appalachian trail"

i've always been proud of myself for being so prepared but it is a chore. i wonder if i thought i could rely on anyone else to have the things if i would carry less stuff around. it has never occurred to me tbh.

it was actually worse when i was younger. my cargo was reduced substantially with the invention of the ipod so i will always be thankful for that.

Observation 1: Not taking anything with you is also an economic power statement--that you can buy (or someone will give you?!) anything you unexpectedly (or expectedly!) need. I took everything including the kitchen sink with me every day when I had $0. It feels a little bit amazing now to travel a little lighter, either for a day or a week, across town or around the world, and say that I have the basics and I'll figure out the rest as it comes.

Observation 2: Conversely, I also find it satisfying to have JUST THE RIGHT THING for a challenge or crisis! And that's a pleasure of feeling capable, prepared, adult, powerful in a different way.

Por que no los dos, obviously. Still enjoyed the article.

Freedom from having to carry stuff is power.
super-otm

i bought a fanny pack and wore it for the first time this past weekend. it was pretty awesome but took a little getting used to, like maybe an hour. having my hands free and no cargo on my back felt great even if my bag kept flopping around

i am never carrying a handbag ever again
i used to! my vintage bag collection is quite enviable tbh but i will never carry those bags irl again. need hands!!

Wow! Little did I know I was opening such a deliciously passionate jar of pickles! I love it.

Did you wonder what to do with your hands?

observation 1 and 2 otm.

no i do not. i use them to gesticulate, swing, fend off attackers, hold other stuff :)

I have been carrying a messenger style bag since I was 12 (because I need my hands free!) and recently started having hip pain on that side because of it. I appreciate how this was brought up in the article.

I always carry a big bag of stuff but I live in a mess and am a mess generally, so I don't think that article works really. I mostly carry books, notebooks, my wallet, phone, and random bits of crap I've accumulated, not paper towels.

(As an aside, I say "bag" because in British English a purse means something more like a coin purse - I think what you call a purse is more like a handbag and I don't use those either, I use satchel-type bags.)

Observation 1: Not taking anything with you is also an economic power statement--that you can buy (or someone will give you?!) anything you unexpectedly (or expectedly!) need. I took everything including the kitchen sink with me every day when I had $0. It feels a little bit amazing now to travel a little lighter, either for a day or a week, across town or around the world, and say that I have the basics and I'll figure out the rest as it comes.

I do really like this observation, I think it holds more true than most of the article!

Thank you! That observation is brought to you by the self-imposed panic I would regularly feel at packing for a trip because I had to take everything I might possibly need because I had no money!

oh yeah agree -- i have felt that my whole adult life. it's part of why i resisted familiarizing myself with the marie kondo lifestyle -- i believed that i must keep/carry all useful things because otherwise i would have to buy them again. guided by scarcity :-/

i still keep things that are meaningful but if they're not, i say thank you, goodbye. esp to things that are ugly, like the pinstriped blazer i was saving for some mystery time i would need a blazer and i realized that time would never come. and if it does, there is a thrift store somewhere nearby full of blazers for me. "self-imposed panic" otm. i guess i probably still feel it but i am more aware that it's self imposed.

I carried one of these as a day bag for a couple of years because I could bungee strap it to the back of my scooter but it's rubbish for walking around cos it takes up a whole hand.

https://www.kleintools.com/sites/all/product_assets/resized/250x250/klein/5102-16.jpg

Lately I've switched to backpacks but I have to admit they're hard to get in and out. You know what's really easy to get into? A pocket.

Freedom from having to carry stuff is power.
super-otm

I just want to explore this a tiny bit, while knowing perfectly well what you meant.

Because there's also a long history of women not carrying stuff out of an aesthetic of helplessness, like bc men would carry it for them or solve their problems for them (or, as I read explicitly somewhere, that the man of the party would pay for everything so a woman didn't need a wallet or any money--presumably not including the taxi fare to get the hell home from that dystopian nightmare). That's an aesthetic that I always think is expressed perfectly by those ridiculous Judith Leiber miniature clutches fwiw.

So yeah freedom from having to carry stuff and knowing that you can deal with whatever FOR YOUR SELF is the bomb.com!

the smart phone has been like a major blessing in that regard. So many fewer things to need access to because I can use my phone for them. ... I do not get purses/bags that you have to carry with your hands, like ... to me that feels kinda ... I don't want to say privileged, but like, ... it implies that someone else will open doors for you and that you don't have to carry other things?

I have a medium sized (I think? maybe it's smallish?) shoulder bag with a strap long enough to go cross body if I have to do things like load/unload/carry music gear or packages. I avoided having a purse for many years because it was like an easy target for muggers? The one time I did get mugged (it was about 20 1/2 yrs ago), I had a purse on my shoulder, and that was what the guy wanted. After that, I would just keep what I needed in pants or jacket/coat pockets. It takes more initiative/a greater level of aggression to violate the person's body as opposed to grabbing an object they are carrying.

ha - in orbit -- we were simultaneously thinking of similar issues!

xp - those two sides of the same thing (carrying very little oneself) seems emblematic of the constant mixed messages/double edged sword that tears us apart
so many caveats to whether or not we should feel good about our independence

i can't even imagine relying on someone else for that stuff, to carry my things. also last weekend i saw lots of people and their bags working the gate at a music fest. there were a couple of festival-goers who were asked to leave their large bags outside because they exceeded the new size limit and they were all men. i don't think the gender split necessarily works wrt bags/spilage/paper towels as well as the article wants it to but the whole topic is interesting as i see people wanting less and less stuff around/on them.

I do not get purses/bags that you have to carry with your hands, like ... to me that feels kinda ... I don't want to say privileged, but like, ... it implies that someone else will open doors for you and that you don't have to carry other things?
back when i carried such things, i would imagine people would have made this assumption about me but they would have been wrong. even with my dumb vintage handbags, i was still a carrier of everything, it was just less convenient and i was younger so i cared less. i still always had advil and band-aids. no one ever opened doors for me regardless of my handbag, lol! so many women-coded accessories are coded this way, it makes me sad that they are used to divide us.

honestly, for many years the bulk of my purse was various sets of keys ... so many keys.

i carry my keys around my neck sometimes and it relieves a lot of "where are my keys?!" fear

not very cute tho

ok, I'm kinda procrastinating doing work, so ...

contents of purse:
wallet
house keys
car key
cigarette lighter
cigarette pack
tampons (2)
pair of sunglasses
loose change
phone
tinted lip balm
lipstick (2)
ipod
fuck it pouch (cloth zipper pouch that says "fuck it" on it)
a handful of audio adapters
a ground lift

A lot of women do that in schools, I have learned! Presumably a combo of always having to lock yr office/desk/bathroom/classroom when you leave it + women’s clothes not dependably having pocketsssss.

the audio adapters & ground lift are in the the fuck it pouch
oh, and a ring of work keys, that has about half the keys that used to be on that ring before I reduced my role at that job

Whoops sorry I meant wearing keys (and other things) around the neck.

i hate wearing things around my neck ... like, no offense to people who do ... but it's kinda ... idk, makes me feel like a beast of burden or a pet, and they just end up twisting around and getting chokey ... or breaking, or getting caught on things ... at worst, they fall off and get lost ...

Handbag:

Wallet
Makeup bag
Sunglasses case
Saline solution
Umbrella
Brush
Handcream
Mints x2
Earphones x2
Lint roller
Pencil case
Planner
Keys

Have been thinking about getting a smart leather looking backpack just need to find the right one.

fuck i forgot about mints -- mints are key

also, sorry if the neck thing re: feeling like a pet sounded crass -- my client that has a business making custom leather pet collars was just texting me and I think that was why my brain went there

that's what i mean about how these things (what we carry) divide us -- it makes me sad
maybe someone can write a war novel about it and call it "the things we carried" :)

i just meant on a lanyard because i frequently 1) lose my keys and 2) have to carry them everywhere at work

I liked that article! Generally I have on my person:
-change of clothes for baby
-change of clothes for boy
-nappies, mat, cotton pads, nappy disposal bags
-hand sanitiser
-baby paracetamol
-plastic fork, small plastic tub
-wallet
-keys
-large muslin
-sun cream, sun hats
-dummies
-several snacks
-3 x sunglasses
-plastic bags
-2 x water bottles
- lip balm
- wipes, paper towels
- a small child

The few times I go out BY MYSELF oh God the luxury
-wallet
-keys
-lipbalm
-phone
-tissues
-a spring in my step

What’s a dummy?

pacifier

It's so hot I'm wearing skirts a lot right now and half of them don't have pockets and it's a total ballache

Bag contains:

- sunglasses
- lipstick
- keys
- wallet
- various charger cables
- a portable charger
- usually a couple of Carmexes & some other lip balms
- water (metal keep cool type bottle)
- a number of sanitary products
- paracetamol
- headphones (Bluetooth)
- my plenue
- spare pair of earphones & adapter in case I am ever caught on the hop on public transport heaven forbid
- big hairbrush
- folding hairbrush with a mirror
- mascara
- at least five sachets of salt and sugar that I never use, why do I even have these
- glasses case & lenses
- tissues
- face wipes

Despite the obvious evidence to the contrary, I don’t consider myself to carry “a lot of stuff”

My sister has recently taken to going bag-free and just carries a card/keys/phone on her. This is too far for me, but I do this on holidays & it’s so freeing.

i hate wearing things around my neck

At work we're meant to wear a proximity fob for the doors plus our ID badge on a neck lanyard and I haaate it because when I walk up and down the corridors the fob bounces from tit to tit with each step and, well, nope. So I just stuff them in my pockets.

I think I am at both extremes of the carrying stuff debate, bcz every day I drag a rucksack ridiculously full of I don't even remember what to work, so heavy and full and so many things like empty shopping bags and once-useful bits of paper and spare socks and pills and sanitary products which have rattled around in there for so long that they're distinctly on the unsanitary side now

but if I go to town for a few hours to see a gig or meet a friend for lunch I quite often don't take a bag, just fill my pockets (keys, wallet, phone, tissues, maybe a hair tie - though my wallet is p bulky and I like a good supply of tissues so I do end up with conspicuously bulging pockets, NAGL I guess but then being me is generally NAGL so I don't really care) - I do sometimes feel a bit weird and underprepared meeting my good lunch friend who always has a massive shoulder bag and then I rock up with just 4 jeans pockets and maybe a jacket pocket too

What if when you needed a tissue, someone else had one for you and you didn't need to carry them? What if when you had a headache, you said, "Hey, does anyone have an Advil?" and someone did?

i wonder if i thought i could rely on anyone else to have the things if i would carry less stuff around.

????

After all these years, you are my people. YOU KNOW ME. You know that I love being the person who has sunblock and clean plastic cutlery and a salt packet and a highlighter and dental floss and a gluten-free snack bar in my bag. I can embrace that.

But you know what I find interesting? When I put essentials in my pockets (when my clothes have pockets which is another topic) and I go out hands-free...I feel more masculine. In a good way--a performative way--I hope it's okay to say, kind of in a butch way? I'm pretty sure I read as femme to ppl bc I'm comfortable wearing dresses and being "cute" but inside I don't feel particularly femme, and getting my wallet and my keys out of my jeans pockets makes me feel like I'm doing a whole other thing.

.I feel more masculine. In a good way--a performative way--I hope it's okay to say, kind of in a butch way? ... getting my wallet and my keys out of my jeans pockets makes me feel like I'm doing a whole other thing.

yeah, it kinda is? I mean, that's who I "was" for about a decade -- though unless it was stupid hot I would keep these things in the pocket of my coat/leather jacket -- for many years I had a chain wallet, even. It was definitely a time when I had a significant amount of gender dysphoria ... though more like confusion and other things that I'm not going to get into but ... it definitely highlighted the differences between mens and womens clothing that I think I ranted about 10 years ago on ilx, lol.