Eurovision 2019

powerful ‘kids’ club evening show on a mid-range camping holiday’ vibes

This is pretty good. The 'robot' that appeared halfway through for 30 seconds and was then manhandled off was a bit weird - prop malfunction?

San Marino's singer looks like Jeff Bezos.

Sings like him too.

So apparently Slovenian's female singer has the same stone face outside performance? :)

Hard to choose between them and Australia.

The French announcers just referred to the “ex-empire britannique”

San Marino and the bald Sami singer band are probably my favourites.

Not watching, just listening. I liked: Germany, Norway, Azerbaijan, Iceland, Italy and Australia. UK entry is terrible.

I'd like Iceland to win, but I feel this might be Slovenia or Switzerland.

The UK entry was bland. Australia's was just offensive.

Slovenia winning would be cool.

Think I dozed off briefly in the middle - and missed Slovenia

What's the fucking UK mobile phone number?

OK he said it

If a skinny haggard looking guy, dressed like a jakey, invades the stage during Madonna's performance that'll be the lead singer of Primal Scream.

Hahah!

quavo’s been at the dressing-up box

and the sizzurp by the sounds of it

an israeli mentalist who isn’t uri geller, gtfo

Let's hope this one stays in Israel.

"I see pussy pussy pussy all around meh"!?!

what the fuck is this

It's Nana Banana, she do what she wanna.

Madonna up now!

The reveal of her weird goth pirate costume would've been more dramatic if they hadn't interviewed her in it 10 minutes before.

The bum notes suggest that she is indeed singing live, perhaps we should get Elton John in here just to be sure, though!

Just aboht to say, her voice is all over the fucking shop

Madonna’s been taking voice lessons from ian brown, i see

Actually, she's off pitch more than most of the acts I've heard on this tonight. The fuck?

Not sure about this Streets of Philadelphia remix

presumably she usually has autotune these days?

Her voice isn't as good as some 16 year old from Minsk these days.

Wtf was that interlude about?!

As I said earlier, these 16 year olds from Minsk cannae hauf sing tho.

Ah, looks like someone's finally remembered to turn the autotune on!

Are gas masked dancers really in good taste here?!

I actually like this second song, too bad about her voice. Is this from the new album?

guilty lol xp

Reggae!

Very subtle but protest there...

‘wake up’ eh, is madonna into qanon now? o shit does q stand for qabalah?

maybe all the flat notes were some kind of coded message

This bit paid by the Tel Aviv tourist board.

Indeed.

cor this nascent ethnostate looks ace

Complete the sentence: three minutes in Tel Aviv is all it takes to...

this is the worst version of this song I've ever heard

time for some televised accounting, fuck yeah

Only 41 countries to vote.

xxp re Like a Prayer