"before turning the crossbow on herself"

my current theory is that all this apparent forgetability is intrinsic to the choice of weapon

― mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 17:47 (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

imperfect recoil?

In the early evening of 25 March 1199, Richard was walking around the castle perimeter without his chainmail, investigating the progress of sappers on the castle walls. Missiles were occasionally shot from the castle walls, but these were given little attention. One defender, in particular, amused the king greatly—a man standing on the walls, crossbow in one hand, the other clutching a frying pan he had been using all day as a shield to beat off missiles. He deliberately aimed at the king, which the king applauded; however, another crossbowman then struck the king in the left shoulder near the neck.

game of owneds

nobleman REKT by EPIC HEADSHOT

In 1135, William II overindulged during a raucous evening, after which he slept poorly, tormented by bad dreams. The next morning… he was less than enthusiastic about his plan to hunt that day. But hunt he did. Unfortunately for him, the only other member of his party, aiming his crossbow at a stag, hit the king instead. The Chronica Maiora tells us: The shaft flew, and glancing off a tree pierced the King full in the heart, so that he instantly dropped dead.

my favourite probable myth about Richard I is that on his death bed Richard forgave the lad who shot him but as soon as he was dead his own side executed the fuck out of him

Clearly we're going to need to poll all of the kings injured or killed by crossbows.

Edward II's dad died falling off a horse.. so I suppose getting accidentally crossbowed is slightly more dignified.

William II even

and yet Ted Nugent is tragically still alive

double alive gonzo

Wang Bang Sweet Bow Twang

william ii's brother henry is the surfeit-of-lampreys guy, if we're ranking dignity

lol! hate it when that happens.

I know one of the Scottish James's got killed by one of his own cannons exploding when he standing beside it.

is that absolutely agreed upon

Quick google, James II and some water cannon bought from the German police some cannon bought from Flanders.

im having one of those days

kinder where are you i need you

I GOT THAT ONE

once you flagged it

look and its been a hard half decade for anyone not me im sure but theres a stage where the "puns you had missed" thread is going to light up and give off heat like a spinning forge with the material ive been banking and if it isnt soon ill be dead before its half cleared thats all ill say

that thread's going to go completely dead as we all lose our faculties and just read comments and nod, not registering one way or another

tenureless grip on reality nest pas

not sure I would've got that without the hint
mebbe

I'm still bitter I never got recognition for a pun I made on a The Apprentice thread about 8 years ago

well if you must ask
- someone got fired in some kind of baking/ sandwich task
- it was the peak of RMDE usage

go on

we need a support group imo

maybe it can be on this thread about crossbow crimes

crossover appeal

sorry, my takeaway arrived

"rolls: my demise"

aha

longbow murders are much funnier than crossbow murders imo

I could not find one, but here's a compound bow murder
https://patch.com/new-jersey/haddon/sentencing-man-convicted-bow-arrow-murder-delayed

the longbow beats the crossbow, my idiotic friend

No results found for "funniest longbow murder".

xp there's probably a gif for that; wasn't actually calling anyone idiotic

"Police now say a German sex guru specializing in medieval bondage directed lesbian sex slaves in bizarre murder-suicide"

this thread is now one of the top search results for "longbow murder" if you exclude the keyword "luhrs" to eliminate pages referencing The Longbow Murder by Victor Luhrs.

fuck that guy

we've got haters just accept it

luhrs bowmann