"before turning the crossbow on herself"

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I rewired the Chain Street flats in Bradford where he lived. Site was partially closed one day over a murder. #memoriesofmurder

calzino, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 17:52 (four months ago) link

I said to one of the cops: this looks like the work of a right bloody.. erm.. Knife wielding rapscallion.

calzino, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 17:55 (four months ago) link

Cross bows have a shorter effective range than rifles and are single-shot, not repeating, but they are seriously capable as a projectile weapon. At short range they could penetrate chain mail.

A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 17:58 (four months ago) link

*glumly takes chain-mail back off again*

mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:02 (four months ago) link

my current theory is that all this apparent forgetability is intrinsic to the choice of weapon

― mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 17:47 (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

imperfect recoil?

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:04 (four months ago) link

In the early evening of 25 March 1199, Richard was walking around the castle perimeter without his chainmail, investigating the progress of sappers on the castle walls. Missiles were occasionally shot from the castle walls, but these were given little attention. One defender, in particular, amused the king greatly—a man standing on the walls, crossbow in one hand, the other clutching a frying pan he had been using all day as a shield to beat off missiles. He deliberately aimed at the king, which the king applauded; however, another crossbowman then struck the king in the left shoulder near the neck.

Doctor Nu (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:08 (four months ago) link

game of owneds

imago, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:10 (four months ago) link

nobleman REKT by EPIC HEADSHOT

michael keaton IS jim thirlwell IN ‘foetaljuice’ (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:12 (four months ago) link

In 1135, William II overindulged during a raucous evening, after which he slept poorly, tormented by bad dreams. The next morning… he was less than enthusiastic about his plan to hunt that day. But hunt he did. Unfortunately for him, the only other member of his party, aiming his crossbow at a stag, hit the king instead. The Chronica Maiora tells us: The shaft flew, and glancing off a tree pierced the King full in the heart, so that he instantly dropped dead.

mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:13 (four months ago) link

my favourite probable myth about Richard I is that on his death bed Richard forgave the lad who shot him but as soon as he was dead his own side executed the fuck out of him

Doctor Nu (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:15 (four months ago) link

Clearly we're going to need to poll all of the kings injured or killed by crossbows.

Edward II's dad died falling off a horse.. so I suppose getting accidentally crossbowed is slightly more dignified.

calzino, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:21 (four months ago) link

William II even

calzino, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:22 (four months ago) link

and yet Ted Nugent is tragically still alive

Doctor Nu (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:22 (four months ago) link

double alive gonzo

michael keaton IS jim thirlwell IN ‘foetaljuice’ (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:23 (four months ago) link

Wang Bang Sweet Bow Twang

william ii's brother henry is the surfeit-of-lampreys guy, if we're ranking dignity

mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:24 (four months ago) link

lol! hate it when that happens.

calzino, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 18:56 (four months ago) link

I know one of the Scottish James's got killed by one of his own cannons exploding when he standing beside it.

Ned Caligari (Tom D.), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:12 (four months ago) link

is that absolutely agreed upon

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:13 (four months ago) link

Quick google, James II and some water cannon bought from the German police some cannon bought from Flanders.

Ned Caligari (Tom D.), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:15 (four months ago) link

im having one of those days

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:16 (four months ago) link

kinder where are you i need you

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:17 (four months ago) link

I GOT THAT ONE

once you flagged it

Doctor Nu (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:26 (four months ago) link

look and its been a hard half decade for anyone not me im sure but theres a stage where the "puns you had missed" thread is going to light up and give off heat like a spinning forge with the material ive been banking and if it isnt soon ill be dead before its half cleared thats all ill say

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:31 (four months ago) link

that thread's going to go completely dead as we all lose our faculties and just read comments and nod, not registering one way or another

mh, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:35 (four months ago) link

tenureless grip on reality nest pas

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:38 (four months ago) link

not sure I would've got that without the hint
mebbe

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:52 (four months ago) link

I'm still bitter I never got recognition for a pun I made on a The Apprentice thread about 8 years ago

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:53 (four months ago) link

well if you must ask
- someone got fired in some kind of baking/ sandwich task
- it was the peak of RMDE usage

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 19:55 (four months ago) link

go on

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:05 (four months ago) link

we need a support group imo

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:05 (four months ago) link

maybe it can be on this thread about crossbow crimes

mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:07 (four months ago) link

crossover appeal

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:15 (four months ago) link

sorry, my takeaway arrived

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:19 (four months ago) link

"rolls: my demise"

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:21 (four months ago) link

aha

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 20:32 (four months ago) link

longbow murders are much funnier than crossbow murders imo

I could not find one, but here's a compound bow murder
https://patch.com/new-jersey/haddon/sentencing-man-convicted-bow-arrow-murder-delayed

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 14 May 2019 22:01 (four months ago) link

the longbow beats the crossbow, my idiotic friend

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 22:06 (four months ago) link

No results found for "funniest longbow murder".

rip van wanko, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 22:07 (four months ago) link

xp there's probably a gif for that; wasn't actually calling anyone idiotic

kinder, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 22:09 (four months ago) link

"Police now say a German sex guru specializing in medieval bondage directed lesbian sex slaves in bizarre murder-suicide"

mick signals, Thursday, 16 May 2019 20:27 (four months ago) link

this thread is now one of the top search results for "longbow murder" if you exclude the keyword "luhrs" to eliminate pages referencing The Longbow Murder by Victor Luhrs.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 16 May 2019 20:49 (four months ago) link

fuck that guy

mark s, Thursday, 16 May 2019 21:51 (four months ago) link

we've got haters just accept it

husserl gang (rip van wanko), Thursday, 16 May 2019 22:02 (four months ago) link

luhrs bowmann

deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Thursday, 16 May 2019 23:40 (four months ago) link


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