Artist-specific music jokes

why weren't Michael Jackson and Eric Clapton friends?
...
...
because Michael Jackson doesn't fuck dead children

irl lol

lol

fav music-related neil hamburger joke:

why did the farmer start a punk rock band?
because he was tired of HALL AND OATES!! ("haulin' oats" lmaooooo)

Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' drizzle!

― Do you mean ironic in the literary sense or the alanis morissette sense? (KMS), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:58 (nine years ago) Permalink

This deserves more props

Newspaper cartoon I heard about with a guy sitting at the end of a bar looking really moody and the caption 'That's God he thinks he's Miles Davis'
Just googled it and can't find an image. I think it's mid 50s or possibly earlier so maybe that's not that surprising.

Don't think I've ever heard of this originating as a newspaper cartoon, but About 142 results (0.34 seconds) , several quoting So What: The Life of Miles Davis (Szwed, 2002)

What's Stevie Wonder's favourite book? A cheese grater.

How does Bob Marley like his donuts? Wi' jam in.

What's yellow and lives off dead beetles? Yoko Ono.

fuck all three of those, wtf

The Marley one is good

Following the tragic death of Linda McCartney, Paul gathers the kids into the kitchen to tell them the news.

Paul: “Kids, there’s good news and bad news, the bad news is your mother has passed away, the good news is... it’s steak for tea!”

Todd Rundgren walks into a bar.
Barman says "Why the long face?"

Just read this entire thread for some reason (ILM sure did used to be a lot more racist).

But I did find this one objectively hilarious:

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"
― bg (creamolafoam)

Steve Reich walks into a bar.
Reich walks into a bar. Steve
walks into a bar. Steve Reich
into a bar. Steve Reich walks
a bar. Steve Reich walks into
bar. Steve Reich walks into a
Steve Reich walks into a bar.

(probably in this thread already, too predictable)

Why couldn't paramedics save Marvin Gaye when he was shot?

He needed sexual healing

Steve Reich walks into a bar.
Reich walks into a bar. Steve
walks into a bar. Steve Reich
into a bar. Steve Reich walks
a bar. Steve Reich walks into
bar. Steve Reich walks into a
Steve Reich walks into a bar.

― StanM, Sunday, May 12, 2019 1:52 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Steve
Steve Reich
Steve Reich walks
Steve Reich walks in
Steve Reich walks into
Steve Reich walks into a
Steve Reich walks into a bar
Steve Reich walks into a bar
Steve Reich walks into a bar
|Steve Reich walks into a bar
||Steve Reich walks into a bar
|||Steve Reich walks into a bar
||||Steve Reich walks into a bar
|||||Steve Reich walks into a bar
||||||Steve Reich walks into a bar
|||||||Steve Reich walks into a bar

why was Steve Reich carrying an umbrella?

Because Noah couldn't open the door.

because he answered the iron ... lol lol lol

What major world river is the best at chucking rhythm guitar?

The Nile

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― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Wednesday, 1 May 2019 10:46 (two weeks ago)

sorry DL but Pete Lord made the Morphs. I do actually have an original :)

yes! xp - apologies for stealing your Reich idea

q: why can't stevie wonder read?
a: because he's black

― 6335, 29. syyskuuta 2004 22:44 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Q: Why can't Ray Charles read?
A: Because he's dead.

I think man alive's works more for Philip Glass.

q: why can't stevie wonder read?
a: because he's black
― 6335, 29. syyskuuta 2004 22:44 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A kid told that to me in the sixth grade. As far as I can remember it was my first exposure to any overt racism. He laughed and laughed!

I've often felt that "The National" and "Vampire Weekend" were decent two word jokes albeit ones without punchlines.

a joke without a punchline is... just some words, so you’re correct in that sense i guess

This is honestly one of the greatest things I've seen this year.#warrenzevon #knockknock pic.twitter.com/5O5PKWJg6I

— Ali Catterall (@AliCatterall) May 17, 2019

https://pics.me.me/what-is-love-larry-larry-moe-moe-curley-curley-no-35965845.png

Encroaching on ☺ ♩♪♫♬۞۞ΞΞƷ Φ ۩‼Austin's gallery of MUSIC MEMES and other music-related internet ephemera‼۩ Φ ƸΞΞ۞۞♬♫♪♩ ☺ territory here

I like Motown acts, but I can only think of maybe three, four tops

*applauds*

How do you know an email came from Aretha Franklin?

Subject - Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Spect (just a little bit)

Q: Hey asshole! Which enterprise-grade messaging platform is used for workspace collaboration at Merge Records?

A: Slack, motherfucker!

Lol Hideous

Q: Why was Richard D. James fired from his gig as cinematographer of the Pearl Jam tour?
A: He couldn't keep Stone in focus.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Glass_Buys_a_Loaf_of_Bread

Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to do it, one to tell the world why they're doing it, and two to stand in the background.

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just watch it burn out and then follow it around for twenty years.

Q: What do you call a guitarist whose signature is playing arpeggios at 17.8 nps?
A: Peter Buckethead

I'd listen to that album

Could stand to work an XTC reference into the Q, but I still lol'd.

Q: What do you call it when Crosby, Stills and Nash get together with the lead singer from Chicago?
A: Crosby, Stills, Nash et Cetera.

I’m gonna apologize for this awful bit of homebrew in advance. I just think he deserves a bit of relief from the ableist/racist shit. Anyhow.

Q: Why did Stevie Wonder fail his commercial truck driver’s exam in 1984?

A: Apparently he totally aced it, right up till the end when he kept shifting gears up and up and up for NO FUCKING GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER

Lol, I'm never sure if he does that in golden lady or it's a shepard tone style illusion.

Could work for Beyonce / Love On Top

OMG, he totally does it in Golden Lady too. The above joke was specifically a complaint about “I Just Called To Say I Love You” but apparently it’s a bigger thing.

hey he was just trying to reach the higher ground

Q: What does Eric Clapton and coffee have in common?

Only good with Cream?

Ah, beat me to this post, but yes...

https://imgflip.com/i/60uks8