Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2019

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pretty ill-advised all around but Mignola seems to have pursued it actively

nope:


What were your conversations with director Neil Marshall like?
Well, I never … I mean, I never really had much of a conversation with Neil. I only met him once or twice, I guess, before filming began.

Why allow a new, rebooted movie to happen?
I have no say in these matters because I don’t hold the film rights.

blokes you can't rust (sic), Sunday, 14 April 2019 01:47 (eight months ago) link

If one considers what is inherently promised by these sequels and reboots, one finds that the promise is often fulfilled.

Hangover Ape (Old Lunch), Sunday, 14 April 2019 02:22 (eight months ago) link

two months pass...

detective pikachu

it’s good, folks

RUSSIA’S SEXIEST POKER STAR ELECTROCUTED BY HAIRDRYER (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 20:42 (five months ago) link

This sure looks like a contender, folks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R1-ZZTcTBY

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 22:30 (five months ago) link

I have zero attachment to the Banana Splits but the fact that this is happening makes me IA.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 22:32 (five months ago) link

two weeks pass...

https://www.tor.com/2019/07/05/almost-every-sff-horror-comic-book-upcoming-adaptation/

List was so long I couldn't look at each one.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 July 2019 19:29 (five months ago) link

I imagine some of these will be in development for another decade.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 July 2019 19:30 (five months ago) link

five months pass...

between the new Ghostbusters and the computer-animated Scooby-Doo reboot titled Scoob!, 2020 is shaping up to be the year it was too late to cancel projects after Terminator: Dark Fate and Charlie's Angels

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 16:30 (six days ago) link

Oh my god, is there seriously a fucking Fantasy Island movie coming to theaters next year

Why does Hollywood hate us so deeply?

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:46 (six days ago) link

(To be released the same day as Sonic the Hedgehog, so start saving your nickels now, kids.)

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:47 (six days ago) link

omg @ Scoob!

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:48 (six days ago) link

I just scrolled through the slate of movies scheduled for next year and...honestly, it's the most depressing lineup of sequels and reboots maybe ever. Quite a herculean feat, I know, but they really pulled out all the stops for 2020.

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:52 (six days ago) link

Who does Hollywood imagine is the audience for a Fantasy Island movie?

Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:24 (six days ago) link

The Montalban estate and the Landers sisters?

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:28 (six days ago) link

for a second i thought that said "Fireball Island" and was even more concerned for our future

https://cf.geekdo-images.com/imagepage/img/RObnZmyY5_VItWkAMag2rsONWbM=/fit-in/900x600/filters:no_upscale()/pic225462.jpg

but apparently Fireball Island actually was rebooted last. but as a board game, with totally overhauled rules and mechanics to make it more of an actual game. so outside of hollywood people apparently have some idea what they're doing with nostalgia properties.

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 17:32 (six days ago) link

er, last year

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 17:32 (six days ago) link

Saw the Hobbs and Shaw. Even by the increasing levels of disbelief the series depends on, it was bad. The Rock & co mesmerizing the villains with a haka performance, argh. Felt the series' meter indicator shift to Hate Watch.

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:37 (six days ago) link

The Montalban estate and the Landers sisters?

― the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Monday, December 9, 2019 12:28 PM (fourteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Don't tease me like this.

A handful of outliers aside, hasn't almost every cinematic reboot of a decades-old TV show been a colossal failure? Seems like a super risky niche but what do I know, maybe it'll be huge in China.

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:54 (six days ago) link

"Fantasy Island" is at least a vague, evocative and sexy title - you can imagine people who know nothing of the source material being intrigued. Maybe it'll be a horror movie - those are still doing well.

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 18:09 (six days ago) link

Of people who don't know the property, you're going to get moviegoers who are either looking for swords & sorcery or some Temptation Isle-style t&a and everyone is going to be real real bummed with the result.

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 18:11 (six days ago) link

Fantasy Island should be a stealth Hellraiser reboot

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 9 December 2019 18:13 (six days ago) link

solution: T&A swords and sorcery. it's actually a nostalgia flick for the early 1980s crowd! tough to make it work with the all-important PG-13 rating but it could be big big big!

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 18:13 (six days ago) link

Anyway, I try to debut each year’s poll on the release date of the year’s first S/R/F—which In 2020 will be January 3, with the latest attempt to make the Grudge films a thing—so stay tuned for that a little earlier this year (last year, Glass didn’t kick things off til over halfway into the month). The January/February lineup looks especially dire, though.

Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Monday, 9 December 2019 19:03 (six days ago) link

at least the idea of Fantasy Island the movie - and i'm sure it will be godawful - is infinitely more entertaining than all the usual suspect slop that fills up the remake circuit

éminence rose et jaune (Noodle Vague), Monday, 9 December 2019 19:12 (six days ago) link

The whole year's slate of property-centric fodder looks like a fucking wasteland, almost none of which is even slightly curiosity-piquing. Even the less risable stuff is just goddamn boring (another Peter Pan adaptation? really?).

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 19:13 (six days ago) link

fuck off

The New Mutants

did this happen?

Shazam!

this seems to have gotten about equal responses of "so great to see a happy kid-friendly superhero film from DC!" and "holy shit it's appalling how grimdark they made Captain Marvel"

Kingsman: The Great Game

this didn't happen, did it? do its votes roll over to next year if it's still on the list?

what is this shit

Angel Has Fallen
The Secret Life of Pets 2
A Dog's Journey
47 Meters Down: Uncaged
Grudge
Untitled Annabelle film

idk if any of these happened


don't give a shit

Avengers: Endgame
Captain Marvel

ended up seeing these as a double bill at a drive-in. a solid half-hour of entertaining, parseable filmmaking across the combined five hours of screen time


What Men Want

this didn't happen, right?


hyped

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum
- fuck yeah

fuck yeah!

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw
- a F&F by the same writers room (?) with Chris Morgan's name on it, from one of the directors of John Wick, starring Statham but not wasting any time on Vin Diesel walking around finding his light and saying "fambly" 992x? fuck yeah

this wasn't good


moderately hyped

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part
- this is not Lord & Miller on script I think, I know Rob Schrab got fired or walked as director, no idea who's involved at all, Lego Batman was dope and maybe better than Lego Movie 1, but had Chris McKenna writing iirc? anyway I assume there's some moderate quality control

this was okay, no Lego 1 or Lego Batman. probably great for ppl with enormous TVs and small children that they let watch things over and over again, bcz of zillions of details chicken-fatted into frame.


loosies

The Addams Family
- wtf? anyway I just saw Addams Family Values for the first time two months ago and I'm down if Ricci is in it and Sonnenfeld's directing

I know this came out and is now on off-brand free streaming channels so presumably nobody saw it

Happy Death Day 2U
- tonight a friend told me about Happy Death Day and her plans to see this on Valentine's Day and I'm now keen to catch #1

dug #1, so far warned off #2


Joker
- literally everything about this sounds like a bad idea on its own, imagine how bad it might turn out all multiplied together. I'd watch 20 minutes of it on TV to catch the Maron / DeNiro scene though

make that 3 minutes, maybe

Jumanji 3
- haven't seen Jumanj1, totally enjoyed 2manji on moviepass last year

after 11 months constant reflection, am prepared to take in JumanjIII


Men in Black: International
- solid positive memories of the Ed Solomon / Barry Sonnenfeld #1, can't remember anything about #2, will never see #3, but obviously can turn into a series with different actors, just off the premise. I miss Sonnenfeld generally though, often when watching Coen Bros comedies

did this end up being the biggest actual flop of the list?

Toy Story 4
- #3 was ludicrously good for how late it came, but another 9 years on and the likely plots are eeeesh

this one also seemed to have a split between "omg cried so hard" and "idk did we need another one, w/e" reactions

Zombieland (*Double Tap)
- super-enjoyed the first one, just checked and it's the same writers and Ruben Fleischer directing again, so the benefit of the doubt is open

dud reviews and kinda-half-rewatching the first one closed that benefit

insecurity bear (sic), Monday, 9 December 2019 21:07 (six days ago) link

to address your "did this happen" and "i assume this flopped" notes:

PUSHED TO NEXT YEAR: Kingsman prequel, The Grudge reboot, New Mutants (probably never actually coming out - it was filmed in 2017 for a 2018 release!).

CAME OUT ALREADY: Angel Has Fallen, Secret Life of Pets 2, A Dog's Journey, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, Untitled Annabelle film ("Annabelle Comes Home"), What Men Want.

the hideous addams family cartoon was #2 at the box office in its opening weekend and grossed $180 million on a shockingly cheap $24 million budget. so get ready for a bunch more of those or at least of this sketchy studio cranking out shitty adaptations of old properties with scab labor or whatever it is they're doing.

biggest actual flop is Terminator I think - $250 million on a $200 million budget. MiB4 made $254 million on a $110 million budget which is also very bad given the likely marketing and distribution costs at this scale. Charlie's Angels is a worse flop in raw terms but it didn't actually cost that much to make.

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 21:36 (six days ago) link

now curious to see five mins of the Addams cartoon

startled at Terminator! it's still in cinemas and seemed to get OK to meh responses, vs universal disappointment in MIB.

insecurity bear (sic), Monday, 9 December 2019 21:49 (six days ago) link

terminator just cost more is all.... i mean it's probably more discussed online because more people who are heavily online even gave a shit in the first place, or were enticed in by hamilton's involvement. so you're more apt to hear people bothering to report that it was okay. i feel like people who went to MiB4 were like, bored teens down for a Hemsworth/Thompson movie and a stop at the food court, most of whom presumably stopped thinking or talking about the movie within six hours.

Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 22:08 (six days ago) link

It was discussed in the dedicated thread, but I gather that the biggest problem with the new Terminator is that it's been a generation since they made a Terminator installment that anyone gave a shit about. Like would you even be invested enough to look into Godfather 8 after Coppola had been cranking out those increasingly-poor Sofia-centric sequels every 3-4 years (that whole cloning thing in the fourth installment was enough to chase me off for good)?

Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 22:29 (six days ago) link

a movie with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson in it should be good, it's rude for them to be in a bad movie, disappointing bisexuals everywhere xp

Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Monday, 9 December 2019 22:30 (six days ago) link


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