your terrible ideas

Does anyone have Randy Newman's email address? I'd like to pitch him my idea for Newman Sings Newman, an album of tunes sung from the perspective of Wayne Knight's irascible Seinfeld character.

Gotta wait until I get the bad guy from The Fifth Element to offer his version.

(Gary) Oldman shouts at clouds

To make a book after the fashion of Cory Arcangel’s Working On My Novel (and numerous ilafl compendia) called The Tweet, Now Deleted,

https://www.instructables.com/files/deriv/F8C/A9FY/H994TN1Z/F8CA9FYH994TN1Z.MEDIUM.jpg
I was gonna post here about making a ski free game where you get to be the yeti but a quick google search decimated that idea. *sigh* Their game doesn't even look like ski free.

might as well rewrite moby-dick from the perspective of the whale

moby-dick was due for a reboot

While rummaging through the hard drive of my desktop computer I just found this list of bad Star Trek Voyager fanfic ideas:

• Voyager / Frasier: The Doctor travels through a wormhole and meets two doctors who are even more pompous and stuck up than he is.
• Voyager / Red Dwarf – the crews of both ships meet due to a tiny wormhole bridging the two realities. Due to the size of the wormhole, only the holographic crew members can pass through. Red Dwarf get a visit from The Doctor. Voyager get a visit from Rimmer.
• Voyager / Mary Poppins – Mary and Janeway swap places.
• Voyager / Doctor Who - Seven of Nine helps The Doctor defeat the Cybermen.
• Voyager / Battlestar Galactica (original series) - Starbuck and Lt. Barclay discuss The A Team.

this thread is for terrible ideas

the first two are gold

I’ve sat on this for over a year. I haven’t posted it because it would only work in an emotionless world but here goes:

One of my terrible ideas is for non-traditional marriages to be called marrieges. The federal law would allow marrieges to behave exactly like marriages in every code/law of the land; the only difference (besides the spelling) is that marrieges wouldn’t claim any association with christianity, only a civil union and all that that entails.

It’s a dumb idea in that it caters to anti-gay-marriage Christians and would likely cause many gay people to feel separate but not equal and left out of Christianity. At the same time there is nothing actually stopping gay people from being Christians.... and if there ended up being no unintentional consequences from my terrible merriege idea, it could effectively shut up anti-gay-marriage Christians while providing a tongue-in-cheek way of letting gay people get married without having to hear anti-gay-marriage stuff in the news anymore (eventually).

I’m sure there are many more reasons why this is a terrible idea and I cringe thinking about the kind of feedback I’d get if I were to suggest this is anything but a terrible idea.

it's just a piece of peper

Patar Pipar pickad a pack of picklad pappar

A John Foxx era Ultravox tribute band that only play toy keyboards, called Yama!-Ha!-Ha!-Ha!

Retro futuristic storage units for less than £20 a month: Space £19.99

Ok I had this idea earlier for twitter but it belongs here

Concept: eating popcorn at the movies but instead of popcorn it’s a bucket of room temperature tortellini

— Evan (@silby) May 21, 2019

I assume you're talking about just scooping it out by the handful. I don't know if it's a worse idea with or without sauce. Hmm.

this thread is for terrible ideas, what is this glittering gem of an idea doing here

Honestly, I was just trying to be supportive of the effort. Sorry, silby, but you've failed this thread.

http://www.joeydevilla.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/ben-padgett.jpg

gypsum caves. salt caves are old news. book some time in one of our many gypsum caves and reap all of the health benefits of gypsum. each gypsum cave is an empty room with drywall.

you've been high but you've never been eating pasta with your hands outside of olive garden high

trisha does not explicitly state that you shouldn't dump garth's tortellini breakfast bowl into your purse and take it to the movies

A supergroup consisting of Jeff Beck; Beck Hansen; and Isaac, Taylor and Zac Hanson. Called, of course, Jeff Beck Hanson.

A political party called Leave Brexit.
Aims clear from the name. Any further elaboration would be flowery waffle for latte-sippers.

The ‘Love Trumps Hate’ sign is similarly ambiguous

Har Mar Superstar tribute act featuring a grandmother from Texas, called Yee Har Grand-mar.

'bus radio' - basically the bus equivalent of in-store radio stations in supermarkets. The between-song banter could be relevant to travelling by bus, and there could even be shout-outs and dedications ("this next record is dedicated to the guy at the front with the skateboard - several other people on board think you're an obnoxious loud-mouthed tool").

is it broadcast by someone at the back of each particular bus?

an a.i. jeff ross is dj of each bus

Agile Ed Debevics. basically you hire our scrum masters to take over your Agile office. they are really mean to you in meetings, but they do coordinated dances between the cubes. plus milkshakes.

An LP of George Gershwin songs done in a breakcore/bassline style, called "Fascinating Riddim"

Convincing Force MDs to license their biggest hit for use in commercials for a popular dating app.

To cash in on Lion King hype, open a SoCal restaurant specializing in an Italian egg-based dish: Laguna Frittata.

https://www.opendining.net/menu/4f6fe948428cee8d050ffa93

Crank: The Musical

Cigarette smoke scented vape liquid.

I wish! Candy scented vape makes me miss cigarette smoke

There's someone on the bus to work who vapes, and they smoke up (puff up?) almost immediately after stepping off the bus, frequently resulting in me walking through a cloud of apple pie (including pastry scent) smoke. On the other hand, whenever I walk behind someone smoking an actual cigarette - despite never having smoked myself - I get nostalgic. Which seems weird - nostalgic for the days when everywhere that wasn't a workplace smelt of cigarette smoke?

A Beach Boys tribute band, but all their songs are about LARPing instead of surfing, which is achieved mainly by replacing every instance of "surf" in the lyrics with "LARP".

From the early morning to the middle of the night
Any time the LARP is up the time is right
And when the LARP is down to take its place
We'll do the LARPer's stomp, it's the latest dance craze

The limitations of this project in no way diminish my feverish enthusiasm.

https://youtu.be/G5e4UXm0jNY

Terrible late afternoon BBC1 quiz show ideas:

• Will It Rain Or Not? Contestants are shown a photograph of some sky, and they score points by correctly guessing whether or not it was about to rain.
• What Brand Of Laptop Is My Co-Host Using? Contestants score points by correctly guessing the brand of laptop that the show's co-host is using. The brand logo on the back is hidden underneath a label, so after the contestants have finished guessing, there's a nerve shredingly tense and overly drawn out bit where the co-host slowly peels off the label to reveal the logo.
• Quiz Show Banter Quiz Show. A quiz show where the contestants score points by watching a clip from a previous show, and then correctly guessing what bit of host banter came next.
• QuizzyBantz. An 'edgy' version of Quiz Show Banter Quiz Show, aimed at Millennials but patronisingly assuming that all Millenials are still 20 years old. Shown on the BBC Three YouTube channel.

haha
#2 hosted by Jo Brand and Russell Brand. With music from 90s band Laptop

Cigarette smoke scented vape liquid.

OK so a new vape shop opened in town - they also repair mobile phones, I guess to catch some of the business from the phone repair shop that also sells vape liquids - and they had an advertisement outside on their A frame for nicotine-free vape liquid. Which seems like a terrible and pointless idea. Unless there's some 420blazeit purpose for such a product that I don't know about?

In Australia nicotine containing vape liquid is illegal and yet the vape shop down the street still seems to do enough business to stay open.

Southern US version:

• Did It Rain Or Not? Contestants are shown a photograph of their yard, and they score points by correctly guessing whether or not it rained last night.

Been workshopping some Bugs Bunny reactions lately. Latest one came to me in a dream.

Bugs is a rich paranoid smug SOB living in a penthouse. He's in his bedroom, watching his closed-circuit TVs. Most of the screens are just his family watching TV, maintenance guy taking out the garbage, etc. But on one of the screens, he sees a new maid. She's very beautiful!

Bugs has been wearing a half-lidded, mouth hung open expression this whole time as we've gone back and forth to the CCTV. But when he sees his new employee, his eyes spring wide open! Then, his pupils, roll back into the top of his head and come up from the inside of his ears. His ears fold halfway at a 90º angle, toward the CCTV. His pupils, synchronized, hop to the fulcrum of his ears and then zipline down the length of his ears to the tips, not just toward the CCTV screen, but also straight toward the viewer behind the fourth wall.

As the pupils fill the screen, the viewer sees that the pupils have pupils themselves, which have now turned into red throbbing hearts.

Here was what was waiting for me on my Samsung Notes this morning (transcribed by voice):

Bugs Bunny watching circuit closed circuit television his pupils leave his eyeballs go up inside of skiers and skiers turn towards the television at a 45 degree angle and when his pupils come out of his ears go up to the fulcrum of them they zip line down to the tips of his ears closer to the camera and POV closer to the viewer so you got a better look at the closed-circuit television