pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

I hate it so much

https://pitchfork.com/levels/why-the-hellcat-is-raps-signature-muscle-car/

The Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat lives up to those qualifications. It makes the muscle cars of the past seem modest by comparison. It’s a monster second in menace only to the Demon. The Hellcat, which starts at around $70,000 for a 2019 model, has a supercharged 6.2-liter HEMI engine that is rated at 707 horsepower and 650 lb⋅ft of torque. All that to say: it’s loud and it goes fast. As YoungBoy Never Broke Again qualified it, on “Solar Eclipse”: “Hellcat, not a Charger/Way faster than a ‘Rari.”

i mean, the obvious question here is what does Chris Pratt like to listen to when he drives a car, and what was he listening to when he was 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, and soon to be fooooorty!!!!?

5: This Little Light of Mine
10: Jesus Loves Me, This I Know
15: The Old Rugged Cross
20: How Great Thou Art
25: Precious Lord
30: Peace in the Valley
35: Satan is Real
40: Amazing Grace

The name “Hellcat” carries a very singular symbolism: a Chimera rising from the infernos of the underworld. It’s a name bore by a fictional biker gang, vicious alien animals, and demon-like creatures in Dungeons & Dragons.

bore vs borne is a real pet peeve of mine; were those vicious alien animals called Hellcats only in the past and have since been renamed? Your use of tense is making me tense.

my pet peeve is erasing the back 2/3rds of the chimera

Criminy - I mean, at least with like October they’re just linking you out to another website that looks like one of their articles when you click on it. This is part of an actual column series on the site, and near as I can tell one that was designed to offer an increased focus on hip-hop content. Nowhere near a good look.

like half the articles talk about brands rappers mention

this is why i'd been wrongly(?) assuming levels was a sponcon sideblog this whole time

Meet duendita, a Spiritual Soul Singer Who Worships at the Altar of Self-Love

I would pointedly ignore a person who "worships at the altar of self-love"

we all gotta have hobbies pal

This is an homage to "Twisted Metal," a game I played during the summer when I was 20 y.o., working at Ben & Jerry's, living on Steel Reserve & Lean Pockets, listening to Mobb Deep & "White Pony" almost exclusively.

That was nearly 19 years ago. I don't feel old, I feel dead. pic.twitter.com/6jTCWAklJl

— Ian Cohen (@en_cohen) March 8, 2019

every old millenial/gen x p4k writer constantly makes tweets like this and it’s like... that’s how time works

holy crap. now i want to play twisted metal again.
it's definitely been a while.

In their defense, that "OMG, I'm old" feeling is still "new to you" when it happens.
xp

i've long accepted as a gen xer that we will go directly from obsessing about millennials taking over the world and what does it all mean??? to millennials grapple with middle age and what does it all mean??

i guess the early part of my life was baby boomers grapple with middle age what does it all mean??

yeah I'm totally fine with gen x being the middle child of generations

old millennials feel like a middle child vs the break that came from young millennials ... we looked up to gen xers .. look how much time i wasted on this stupid site taking bad advice from them

How Many Times Have You Played The Big & Rich CD That You Bought Because Of ILX?

lolz

a decade and a half early to the 'yee haw agenda'

I would pointedly ignore a person who "worships at the altar of self-love"

― Paul Ponzi, Wednesday, March 6, 2019 7:46 AM (

The church of self-love is such a holy place to be

big & rich what a time it was

lmao

it’s so self-indulgently navel gazey nostalgic to me i don’t like it. ‘listening to mobb deep and white pony’... so?? no one cares

when ur 19 and you precociously talk about what music you listen to >>>> when you’re 39 and nostalgically talk about what music you precociously talked about listening to at 19

Well here you go then: OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

i feel you, flop, i complained about something like this on another thread recently...but also, i mean ... it's just his twitter. not like they published an essay about this.

also if this bugs you enuf, you should def unfollow that dude because there's more to come

it’s so self-indulgently navel gazey nostalgic to me i don’t like it. ‘listening to mobb deep and white pony’... so?? no one cares

― flopson, Friday, March 8, 2019 4:50 PM (thirty-three minutes ago)

Yeah, it's almost as if the writers equate themselves to be as, or daresay even more, interesting than the artists they write and pretend to care about.

It's almost as if they think their own writing is a better piece of art than its subject.

It's almost as if I needed a good reminder why I hated them to begin with.

Thank you, flops.

it’s just fuckin twitter and you all need to chill out

like some people have message boards where they wank. others have twitter

Little_Girl_Why_Not_Both.jpg

I'm pretty sure I only have two people blocked on Twitter and they're Joanna The Scammer and Ian Cohen

speaking of which it's the ten year anniversary of Love vs Money in 2 days!

Ian's Twitter definitely has a tone of "I am into this thing, this is very me, look at me be self-aware of how on-brand I am being." (To be fair, that actually describes a lot of people on Twitter, he just seems a bit more overt about it.)

whoa why'd you block joanne the scammer, fgti???? :-(

every old millenial/gen x p4k writer constantly makes tweets like this and it’s like... that’s how time works

????? https://t.co/tMVMpg3vB5

— David Crosby (@thedavidcrosby) March 10, 2019

I think today’s review of the Crosby album is very well written, btw. (I’m not familiar enough with the album to have an opinion about the score.)

if i could only remember my reviewer's name

Idk why I blocked Joanna! I blocked her so long ago. I don’t use Twitter anymore anyway. Bad discourse.

On Facebook I’ve blocked about 25 people though— abusive ex-lover, two stalkers, a former friend who I adore but was dangerous and threatening when he went off his meds, a friend-turned-Trumper, a really shitty woman who hated me and I hated her back. The rest are Zion*sts.

Everything Not Saved has been hyped as a kind of concept record to be footnoted in the Green New Deal: “In Degrees” and “Exits” could pass as torch songs for Mother Earth (“Now the sea eats the sky/But they say that it’s a lie”), yet there’s never any real sense of urgency to Foals’ crowd-pleasing Coachella-core: It’s less “the ice age is coming” and more “Iceage is up next.”

Idk what bugs me more about this particular dis, the forced internal linking/SEO juice via a totally unrelated band, the "wordplay," or the fact that the premise doesn't even make sense — in what world are Iceage *above* Foals on a festival bill?

I just thought they would be on a separate stage, which is why you would leave Foals to go see them.

in my head "up next" implies the same stage but anyway my real point is that it's a clunky zinger

You're probably right :)

At least they didn't make a "Clean Foal" joke

definitely in the first draft

also, uh, climate change = the opposite of “the ice age is coming”

but the sun's zooming in

In Denmark, climate change might definitely mean the ice age will be coming. If it weakens the gulf stream.