pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

(I am enjoying Roman Birds btw)

You all are hilaaaarious.

(Thanks again for supporting!)

I've noticed that whenever they decide to pan an act they tend to start hyper-scrutinizing the lyrics, which almost certainly never stood up to this sort of examination in the first place. (inspired by today's HEALTH review)

Wow, they really hated this record! I can accept that it is not as great as the previous one, but it's not dramatically different either.

The “we,” it seems, refers to the slaves, the slaves of fear, and if I try any harder to connect the dual sensation of edginess and laziness with slavery, the all-American institution that killed and brutalized millions of people for hundreds of years, I am going to have to take a long walk into the sun.

this is certainly a stretch

might as well be woking on the sun

but also like....was anyone in the history of people who listen to HEALTH in it for the lyrics

“all-American” is a pretty narrow look at slavery tbh

Oh no that’s a Sasha Geffen review
I find that kind of disappointing

the health album is fine

I'm kind of interested in the credits because I generated a playlist off one of the singles/early release songs and apple music served up an instrumental song that was reeeeeally similar

I've noticed that whenever they decide to pan an act they tend to start hyper-scrutinizing the lyrics, which almost certainly never stood up to this sort of examination in the first place. (inspired by today's HEALTH review)

― bhad bundy (Simon H.), Monday, February 11, 2019 9:05 AM (four hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

generally I think Phillip Sherburne is a very good critic but his James Blake pan leaned heavily on this approach too.

2011: Pitchfork gives Childish Gambino a 1.6.
2019: Childish Gambino wins song and record of the year.

2018: Pitchfork gives Greta Van Fleet a 1.6.
2026: ??????

— Steven Hyden (@Steven_Hyden) February 11, 2019

that is america

xp Why jump to 2026? GVF won a Grammy just last night.

because it's about pitchfork ratings and the implication is the rest of the world liking GVF, or the grammy or w/e, is going to change the critical consensus

as for why eight years, numerology and the need to make a strong parallel in a tweet on all levels apparently

Speaking of Childish Gambino, I was checking to see where "This is America" landed in Pitchfork's Top 100 last year. Turns out it didn't appear in it at all, and yet "Childish Gambino" is listed in the keywords for that article, and the article shows up on his artist page. I'm guessing that in an earlier draft of the list, he was in there? Or they were trying to maximize search engine results by getting Childish Gambino fans to check out the list?

because it's about pitchfork ratings and the implication is the rest of the world liking GVF, or the grammy or w/e, is going to change the critical consensus

The tweet doesn’t seem to say anything about critical consensus? The “joke” just seems to be around the irony that P’fork gives a 1.6 to an artist who later wins Grammys... and it happened immediately in GVF’s case, no need to wait. (Obv. though, GVF only won in the Rock category, not Song/Record of the Year.)

it's badly-structured all around and I was undercaffeinated

or the joke is that in six years CG went from pitchfork low score to a grammy

GVF did the same within a year and will obviously be emperors of the world and throwing pitchfork writers into a giant meat grinder by 2026?

by 2026 we will hopefully have figured out this mystifying Steven Hyden joke

meat grinder 20206

tbf CG also won a Grammy last year, but it was a dinky Grammy, like the one GVF won last night

I only accept medium to large sized Grammys

I was confused by the HEALTH review as well, but this is a pretty solid burn: I suspect the song got stuck with the name “FEEL NOTHING” because there’s already a nu-metal track called “Numb,” and while this isn’t the place to discuss the relative merits of Linkin Park, their take on the time-honored tradition of freezing away existential pain at least came with four whole chords and a hook.

or maybe it got "stuck" with the name "Feel Nothing" because it's the final phrase of the chorus, aka literally the most common place to drop your title in all of pop/rock songwriting

I don't even care about HEALTH that much just found all the burns weirdly strained

while this isn’t the place to discuss the relative merits of Linkin Park

and yet here we are

“I’m So Fucking Grateful For… The Grammys?”

In which a Pitchfork writer pretends to be surprised at enjoying an awards show that feeds off the social media response fueled image-first, music-second celebrity culture that they’ve been bought into for years now.

your opinions are tedious

Maybe it got named “feel nothing” because that’s a fantastic name.

(Note that the lead track on my high school band’s platinum selling (300 copies in a small town) debut album was called “feel nothing”)

Z, I want to hear that album.

Also, FP me all you want, but this is truthbomb has been marinating for a while, I think. . .
https://i.imgur.com/0jZhK8d.png

Also, I have never Googled the word "pitchfork" on a work terminal ever before and that's where I'm posting from.🐸

The grammys and pitchfork can have different perspectives

And that “Pitchfork writer” in this case is k4th3rin3 st. 4s4ph, who as I’m sure we all know is deeply unwelcome on ilx

(Her name unexpectedly - for me at least - just got run through some inbuilt text filter, so if she actually did do something to make herself unwelcome I apologize for my lack of tact)

Dude what is wrong with you?

(Oh no)

(Please be assured that all I meant was “Katherine has used ilx so it seems weird to call her out as part of some faceless organization”)

_______________________________________

(Perhaps not the best venue or topic for any form of sarcasm, so my apologies)

Nicki Says She’s Dropping Out of BET Concert After Being Shaded in Cardi Grammys Tweet

When did Pfork start using only first names in headlines, a la US Weekly?

Conde Nast house style, I bet.

Yeah, that really struck me too

Transformation to celebrity gossip supermarket checkout line tabloid almost complete

You don't save a lot of space leaving the "B" off of a name

Just realized I dreamed about Nicki and Cardi last night, no joke. (plus, Max Martin & Ilya... these were the last things I was reading/thinking of before going to sleep.)

Do any of those dream-symbology webpages have a section on the hidden significance of topline writers

Anyway, you guys critiquing the “celebrity culture / supermarket tabloid” angle may want to turn your attn to the actual news item re: Nicki & BET — as that’s a case of a media org getting seriously burned by leaning too far into that space (one tweet apparently did them a lot of damage).

kind of an immensely dumb tweet that looks like an overzealous intern wrote it and which they pulled immediately but celebrity is a petty petty landscape so