Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2019

do i need to see every F&F flick?

"need" no, but they're a lot of fun to go through

Have they managed to tie the original Corman flick into the franchise yet?

could be like that Eagles thing. ILF Watches F&F

I'm game

crypto u left off Playmobil: The Movie, which is still making me laugh several minutes after discovering its existence.

I spotted that one but left it off because it felt like more of the beginning of an attempted franchise than anything else (also, I've never heard of Playmobil). I guess you could say the same for The New Mutants, Captain Marvel, etc but anything CD/MCU is automatically franchise-y in my estimation.

I dunno how I missed Jacob's Ladder.

I love Jacob's Ladder and it's so of its specific time that I can't imagine a faithful remake bringing much of interest to the table

Without bothering to learn anything about it, I'm assuming the remake is going to swap Vietnam for Iraq.

I guess I'm glad this might lead to more ppl discovering the original, though I suspect...certain aspects...may now seem quaint to current viewers

crypto, Playmobil is kinda sorta like Lego but for kids who didn't want to build things and/or whose parents didn't love them as much.

There is no point to Playmobil now Wilko have serviceable knock-off lego at a sane price, why it needs to be celebrated right now is a mystery.

Sadistic parents relishing the crestfallen expressions on their kids' faces when they realize they've been taken to see The Playmobil Movie?

do i need to see every F&F flick?

you can start with #5

xpost I mean there's only so many times you can crush their hopes with giftwrapped Playmobil sets before they start to catch on.

yea I think #5 is where the series really got self-aware but Tokyo Drift is incredibly entertaining

That Jacob's Ladder trailer upthread looks fake.

It is fake. It says "concept trailer"

Other than Donald John Trump there are no three words in the English language that fill me with more revulsion than Tim Burton's Dumbo. I hope to never even see the trailer.

you can start with #5

the only thing it helps a tiny bit to know is that there's a big "getting the team back together" scene, but there has never been a team before, they just bring a bunch of people from the various other Fasts into the same flick.

Looking forward to hearing "When I See an Elephant Fudderwacken" tbh

Alice in Wonderland may at least have made some sort of sense on paper however much of a shitshow he made out of the material, but there's literally nothing about the story of Dumbo that's crying for Tim Burton's stylistic touch.

Maybe Dumbo will have ornate gothic angel's wings for ears.

Jesus, he only took the project so that he could put his touch on 'Pink Elephants' didn't he.

cant wait for john depp to play dumbos cruel suburban dad in the backstory

there was some sad dad bullshit in the trailer, don't fear

burton peaked with pee-wee's big adventure

True.

I like most of Burton's 90s films, think he turned to shit around 2000, which is now almost two decades of bad moviemaking.

I think he's mostly good until Planet of the Apes, but it's fairly undeniable imo that he hit his highest high right out of the gate.

I liked Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Batman and Ed Wood at the time and imagine that I still would if I watched any of them again. I can’t find any justification for his career beyond that.

Nightmare Before Christmas is a minor classic

that was Henry Selick, tho

Big Fish is defensible.

whaaaat

I’m still fond of beetlejuice, an inevitable future star of this poll

I like Big Fish and Sweeny Todd, everything else since 2000 has been bad. Worst are the Alice films, could not get through either.

I liked Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Batman and Ed Wood at the time and imagine that I still would if I watched any of them again. I can’t find any justification for his career beyond that.

Batman is bad, recently saw Batman Returns for the first time and it's great

Also, wow @ Kingsman 3. Have not heard a single person say a single good thing about the second (and few who had a good word for the first).

I think this one was greenlit alongside the second. The prequal is surprising, as I'd only heard about the third one and a Statesman spin-off series.

These films are pretty critic-proof. I thought the second came and went, but still made 100 Mil domestic (against a budget of 104 Mil, but still...)

These would be prime Trump movies, except, you know, BRITISH.

Batman is bad, recently saw Batman Returns for the first time and it's great

Haven't seen BR since it opened. I mostly remember my friends and I leaving the theater feeling bummed out. It's reputation has grown in recent years, though, so it probably deserves a fresh look.

I can't imagine wanting to sit through it again, just seems like a slog. I guess it's got the same 126 min runtime as the first one but in my memory it's 30 minutes longer.

made a jfk-style fan thread for batman returns a few years ago -- batman returns (1992) -- but it ends w a twist cliffhanger that's yet to be resolved

the thread, i mean

What Women Want is such a random movie to remake

― jmm, Friday, January 18, 2019 2:36 PM

Seriously, this is one of the least bad ideas on the thread. I want a film about women reading the mind of Mel Gibson.

But even if it wasn't Mel Gibson, still more interesting than most everything else here.

Was already remade with Andy Lau and Gong Li
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhHqflh2kU4

Oscar Isaac as Gomez sounds great but since it's not live action it seems like a wasted casting choice.

John Wick 3, Pet Semetery and Hellboy are the only things I might see but probably wont see them at cinema.

Pet Semetary is by the folks who did Starry Eyes so I'm cautiously optimistic

batman, batman returns, beetlejuice are all wonderful

but his best work is sleepy hollow

sleepy hollow and ed wood both v enjoyable; after that he+depp should have broken up.

yeah

sweeney todd was rotten

otoh helena bonham carter has continued to be tremendous in his stuff imo, including even alice which is one of the worst movies i've ever seen.

Sleepy Hollow's where he fell off completely for me

tim burton's early stuff is mostly pretty good, up through ed wood at least, and some of his stop-motion films since have been good

I remember almost nothing about Sleepy Hollow or Sweeney Todd.

Saw the Pet Semetary trailer last time I was at the theater. Looks like good trash, will watch.

to address your "did this happen" and "i assume this flopped" notes:

PUSHED TO NEXT YEAR: Kingsman prequel, The Grudge reboot, New Mutants (probably never actually coming out - it was filmed in 2017 for a 2018 release!).

CAME OUT ALREADY: Angel Has Fallen, Secret Life of Pets 2, A Dog's Journey, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, Untitled Annabelle film ("Annabelle Comes Home"), What Men Want.

the hideous addams family cartoon was #2 at the box office in its opening weekend and grossed $180 million on a shockingly cheap $24 million budget. so get ready for a bunch more of those or at least of this sketchy studio cranking out shitty adaptations of old properties with scab labor or whatever it is they're doing.

biggest actual flop is Terminator I think - $250 million on a $200 million budget. MiB4 made $254 million on a $110 million budget which is also very bad given the likely marketing and distribution costs at this scale. Charlie's Angels is a worse flop in raw terms but it didn't actually cost that much to make.

now curious to see five mins of the Addams cartoon

startled at Terminator! it's still in cinemas and seemed to get OK to meh responses, vs universal disappointment in MIB.

terminator just cost more is all.... i mean it's probably more discussed online because more people who are heavily online even gave a shit in the first place, or were enticed in by hamilton's involvement. so you're more apt to hear people bothering to report that it was okay. i feel like people who went to MiB4 were like, bored teens down for a Hemsworth/Thompson movie and a stop at the food court, most of whom presumably stopped thinking or talking about the movie within six hours.

It was discussed in the dedicated thread, but I gather that the biggest problem with the new Terminator is that it's been a generation since they made a Terminator installment that anyone gave a shit about. Like would you even be invested enough to look into Godfather 8 after Coppola had been cranking out those increasingly-poor Sofia-centric sequels every 3-4 years (that whole cloning thing in the fourth installment was enough to chase me off for good)?

a movie with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson in it should be good, it's rude for them to be in a bad movie, disappointing bisexuals everywhere xp