Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2019

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Skull Island was good but on the evidence of the trailers the new Godzilla seems to be maintaining the po-faced tone of the first one - even if there are more monsters running around the place

Number None, Friday, 18 January 2019 10:57 (six months ago) link

NOT DUMBO OH GOD WHY

― sleeve, Thursday, January 17, 2019 11:02 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Not just Dumbo. Tim Burton's Dumbo.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 11:28 (six months ago) link

As hard a 'fuck you' as I'd deliver to any movie based on a game designed for phones, I would be twice as forceful in the 'fuck you' I'd deliver to that movie's sequel. Sorry, flappy, that's just how I feel.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:47 (six months ago) link

Did they make a flappy bird movie?!

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:50 (six months ago) link

I would probably watch that

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:50 (six months ago) link

Would also watch. I just wanted to quell the impending furor because I know the fondness flappy harbors for movies adapted from handheld technology.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:59 (six months ago) link

I had no idea wtf A Dog's Journey even was, and looking up the name of the preceding movie was no help.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:15 (six months ago) link

crypto u left off Playmobil: The Movie, which is still making me laugh several minutes after discovering its existence.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:18 (six months ago) link

Also, wow @ Kingsman 3. Have not heard a single person say a single good thing about the second (and few who had a good word for the first).

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:20 (six months ago) link

I usually like to vote for perpetual star war in these things but man the Disney shit is tempting

It’s Back, Baby! is probably the least promising one I will actually see, it’s contractually guaranteed to be shit iirc

gray say nah to me (wins), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:38 (six months ago) link

(in b4 someone points out Star Wars IS Disney shit)

gray say nah to me (wins), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:39 (six months ago) link

I'm glad that the makers of The Secret Life of Dogs didn't let the fate of their original star stop them from shoveling another heap of shit on our heads.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:00 (six months ago) link

Godzilla movie includes Mothra, Ghidorah, Gamera and Rodan, I am hyped.

Plinka Trinka Banga Tink (Eliza D.), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:16 (six months ago) link

What Women Want is such a random movie to remake

jmm, Friday, 18 January 2019 14:36 (six months ago) link

A lot of these seem more low-rent than usual, like sequels to movies I'm barely aware of (eg part three of a Gerard Butler franchise that I didn't even realize had received a part two) and stuff that's being remade for a second or third time. And then like Dark Phoenix and New Mutants which are installments of a DOA franchise which I'm sure Marvel would just as soon sweep under the rug if not for potential $$$.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:41 (six months ago) link

I've heard some substantive behind-the-scenes stuff on the production of Dark Phoenix being a complete shitshow so if anyone was expecting much from that one uhh maybe don't

resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:45 (six months ago) link

Fast & Furious Presents is a good title but should really be an anthology show.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b5/Alfred-Hitchcock-Presents-Title.jpg

jmm, Friday, 18 January 2019 14:45 (six months ago) link

I bet that Fast & Furious movie will be good

the part in Fast Five where they introduce The Rock's character and he's literally doing The People's Eyebrow in his FBI staff photo is one of the all-time great cinematic moments

frogbs, Friday, 18 January 2019 14:46 (six months ago) link

do i need to see every F&F flick?

Scam jam, thank you ma’am (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:12 (six months ago) link

"need" no, but they're a lot of fun to go through

jolene club remix (BradNelson), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:29 (six months ago) link

Have they managed to tie the original Corman flick into the franchise yet?

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:32 (six months ago) link

could be like that Eagles thing. ILF Watches F&F

imago, Friday, 18 January 2019 15:32 (six months ago) link

I'm game

Scam jam, thank you ma’am (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:33 (six months ago) link

crypto u left off Playmobil: The Movie, which is still making me laugh several minutes after discovering its existence.

I spotted that one but left it off because it felt like more of the beginning of an attempted franchise than anything else (also, I've never heard of Playmobil). I guess you could say the same for The New Mutants, Captain Marvel, etc but anything CD/MCU is automatically franchise-y in my estimation.

I dunno how I missed Jacob's Ladder.

Timothée Charalambides (cryptosicko), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:53 (six months ago) link

I love Jacob's Ladder and it's so of its specific time that I can't imagine a faithful remake bringing much of interest to the table

resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:56 (six months ago) link

Without bothering to learn anything about it, I'm assuming the remake is going to swap Vietnam for Iraq.

Timothée Charalambides (cryptosicko), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:58 (six months ago) link

I guess I'm glad this might lead to more ppl discovering the original, though I suspect...certain aspects...may now seem quaint to current viewers

resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:59 (six months ago) link

crypto, Playmobil is kinda sorta like Lego but for kids who didn't want to build things and/or whose parents didn't love them as much.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:05 (six months ago) link

There is no point to Playmobil now Wilko have serviceable knock-off lego at a sane price, why it needs to be celebrated right now is a mystery.

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:09 (six months ago) link

Sadistic parents relishing the crestfallen expressions on their kids' faces when they realize they've been taken to see The Playmobil Movie?

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:11 (six months ago) link

do i need to see every F&F flick?

you can start with #5

sans lep (sic), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:12 (six months ago) link

xpost I mean there's only so many times you can crush their hopes with giftwrapped Playmobil sets before they start to catch on.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:12 (six months ago) link

yea I think #5 is where the series really got self-aware but Tokyo Drift is incredibly entertaining

frogbs, Friday, 18 January 2019 18:22 (six months ago) link

That Jacob's Ladder trailer upthread looks fake.

jmm, Friday, 18 January 2019 18:26 (six months ago) link

It is fake. It says "concept trailer"

Number None, Friday, 18 January 2019 18:29 (six months ago) link

Other than Donald John Trump there are no three words in the English language that fill me with more revulsion than Tim Burton's Dumbo. I hope to never even see the trailer.

composed of atoms just as all posters have been (Dan Peterson), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:30 (six months ago) link

you can start with #5

the only thing it helps a tiny bit to know is that there's a big "getting the team back together" scene, but there has never been a team before, they just bring a bunch of people from the various other Fasts into the same flick.

sans lep (sic), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:38 (six months ago) link

Looking forward to hearing "When I See an Elephant Fudderwacken" tbh

have you ever seen a VONC's tears? (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:39 (six months ago) link

Alice in Wonderland may at least have made some sort of sense on paper however much of a shitshow he made out of the material, but there's literally nothing about the story of Dumbo that's crying for Tim Burton's stylistic touch.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:40 (six months ago) link

Maybe Dumbo will have ornate gothic angel's wings for ears.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:40 (six months ago) link

Jesus, he only took the project so that he could put his touch on 'Pink Elephants' didn't he.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:41 (six months ago) link

cant wait for john depp to play dumbos cruel suburban dad in the backstory

topical mlady (darraghmac), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:42 (six months ago) link

there was some sad dad bullshit in the trailer, don't fear

sans lep (sic), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:45 (six months ago) link

burton peaked with pee-wee's big adventure

Scam jam, thank you ma’am (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:01 (six months ago) link

True.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:08 (six months ago) link

I like most of Burton's 90s films, think he turned to shit around 2000, which is now almost two decades of bad moviemaking.

composed of atoms just as all posters have been (Dan Peterson), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:10 (six months ago) link

I think he's mostly good until Planet of the Apes, but it's fairly undeniable imo that he hit his highest high right out of the gate.

A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:12 (six months ago) link

I liked Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Batman and Ed Wood at the time and imagine that I still would if I watched any of them again. I can’t find any justification for his career beyond that.

Timothée Charalambides (cryptosicko), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:29 (six months ago) link

Nightmare Before Christmas is a minor classic

I have measured out my life in coffee shop loyalty cards (silby), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:30 (six months ago) link

that was Henry Selick, tho

Big Fish is defensible.

resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 19:30 (six months ago) link

I only just learned this morning that somehow Aquaman is a massive, billion-dollar-+ global hit instead of the hideous tanking bomb it so obviously ought to be (this is based on not watching it, because why would I do that to myself?).

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:10 (five months ago) link

Oh, I see Aquaman wasn't even an option. nor Bumblebee.

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:10 (five months ago) link

Both released last year in the states.

Infidels, Like Dylan In The Eighties (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:11 (five months ago) link

Have a vague suspicion that Bumblebee is secretly launching a Transfomers reboot series tho.

Infidels, Like Dylan In The Eighties (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:12 (five months ago) link

heard Bumblebee described as "basically a horse/girl movie"

Norm’s Superego (silby), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:35 (five months ago) link

Bumblebee was actually...fun. slight but fun.

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:35 (five months ago) link

More family friendly

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Friday, 25 January 2019 00:35 (five months ago) link

Have actually heard good things, first non-animated Transformers movie I've had the slightest spark of interest in, sometimes these cynical cash-ins can surprise u

E Pluripubis Unum (Old Lunch), Friday, 25 January 2019 01:43 (five months ago) link

Sorry, I am in Australia and also very old, so for all I know these movies came out in 2014

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Friday, 25 January 2019 04:25 (five months ago) link

Child's Play
- assuming this is just the 8th Child's Play by Don Mancini, keep going man. If it's some dumb remake, I hope Mancini gets a bunch of money and wanted to stop

so it turns out this is some dumb remake, but Don Mancini, the creator of Child's Play and writer of every movie and director of most, did NOT want to stop and is now doing a Chucky TV show that may or may not be in a third continuity

Son of Shaft
- afaik the Sam Jackson one was already Son Of Shaft and that was fuckin' NINETEEN YEARS AGO. I'm down if it's Jackson playing his own son this time though

so it turns out Sam Jackson was the NEPHEW of Shaft in the 2000 Shaft, but he is Shaft again in the 2019 Shaft, but now Richard Roundtree (of the 1971 Shaft and Shaft's Big Score (1972) and Shaft In Africa (1973)) is the grandfather of Jacksonshaft's son John Shaft III?

also, it is called Shaft, not Son Of Shaft, probably due to this confusing and dumb situation. wake me up when they have the guts to finally adapt the second novel though

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zjeSwmEp5AY/Tn5dD6e8IBI/AAAAAAAAIaA/7s8cwkonUg4/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/Shaft+Among+the+Jews-1.jpg

The Very Fugly Caterpillar (sic), Thursday, 7 February 2019 08:05 (five months ago) link

omg

Norm’s Superego (silby), Thursday, 7 February 2019 15:44 (five months ago) link

The way things are going we’ll be waking sic up before the decade’s out tbf

gray say nah to me (wins), Thursday, 7 February 2019 16:04 (five months ago) link

three weeks pass...

- this seems pretty ill-advised all around but Mignola seems to have pursued it actively so he can do what he likes

turns out iii: he's been cutting the creators of B.P.R.D. characters out of participation and royalties, so fuck this one too :(

steven, soda jerk (sic), Saturday, 2 March 2019 22:15 (four months ago) link

"The Addams Family
- wtf? anyway I just saw Addams Family Values for the first time two months ago and I'm down if Ricci is in it and Sonnenfeld's directing"

neither are; it's a computer animated thing. sounds terrible, could be good, who fucking knows

akm, Sunday, 3 March 2019 02:34 (four months ago) link

If it has a remake of Hammer's "Addams's Groove", this movie will be amazing

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Sunday, 3 March 2019 02:35 (four months ago) link

It is in fact a feature-length adaptation of the 'Addams Groove' video so you're in for a treat, yeah.

a meating wes convaned (Old Lunch), Sunday, 3 March 2019 15:47 (four months ago) link

one month passes...

pretty ill-advised all around but Mignola seems to have pursued it actively

nope:


What were your conversations with director Neil Marshall like?
Well, I never … I mean, I never really had much of a conversation with Neil. I only met him once or twice, I guess, before filming began.

Why allow a new, rebooted movie to happen?
I have no say in these matters because I don’t hold the film rights.

blokes you can't rust (sic), Sunday, 14 April 2019 01:47 (three months ago) link

If one considers what is inherently promised by these sequels and reboots, one finds that the promise is often fulfilled.

Hangover Ape (Old Lunch), Sunday, 14 April 2019 02:22 (three months ago) link

two months pass...

detective pikachu

it’s good, folks

This sure looks like a contender, folks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R1-ZZTcTBY

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 22:30 (one month ago) link

I have zero attachment to the Banana Splits but the fact that this is happening makes me IA.

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 22:32 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

https://www.tor.com/2019/07/05/almost-every-sff-horror-comic-book-upcoming-adaptation/

List was so long I couldn't look at each one.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 July 2019 19:29 (two weeks ago) link

I imagine some of these will be in development for another decade.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 July 2019 19:30 (two weeks ago) link


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