what's happening to our borad TMI

listening to Bruce Hornsby, masturbating

(glad I remembered the comma)

thanks for checking in!

were you using zing in the other hand

"Listen to the Mandolin Wank..."

Some things'll never change...

Super spicy Sichuan hotpot apparently falls into the “hurts going in and out” category, along with Thai food. Mexican and Indian are in the “hurts going in only” category.

gf got me a squatty potty for xmas. absolutely loving it tbh

really? like a major difference?

yeah, just satisfying good transit at normal times, less strain at bad times. not a game-changer if you have like serious constipation issues or whatever i wouldn't think, but definitely an improved way of crapping

only a fool with no self-respect would neglect to master the art of the dump

also this being tmi i can say this: i have always been a more frequent shitter than the average person (my dad occasionally would call me by the nickname "Pato" - duck in Spanish - when i was growing up) so marginal gains in that department are maybe more important to me than other people.

feel like the squatty potty works as a tool to retrain your stance and muscle memory to the extent you're doing things more effectively even without it, eventually

I got a colonic once and the woman automatically put the squatty potty thing in front of the toilet after.

It was an odd day when I got a sponsored FB ad with the header "<Vague Crush> Likes SQUATTY POTTY".

But not as odd as when I'd be up late and see she'd tag her then-boyfriend in the comment sections on stories about anorgasmia and related topics.

had blood in my stool recently so tomorrow I'm getting a camera put up my butt (not a colonoscopy, literally just a camera into the anus to look for internal hemorrhoids)

Oh damn! Hope you're alright!

I had my first bout of prostatitis last week and boy howdy was that some pain! Fortunately, I ran right up to the urgent care clinic and the cipro they gave me took care of things in about a day.

i'll be stoked if i have internal hemorrhoids tbh. not unduly worried about anything more nefarious at work

gl

best of luck

i have internal haemorrhoids which is totally nbd. i had one of the three banded this morning, the whole procedure of finding them and banding one of them took less than a minute.

... congratulations? i feel weird congratulating you on that.

no i'll take it. I'm happy, was the outcome i was looking for

good news

now to eat soft fibrous foods and stay hydated, which is generally good practice anyway, right?

yeah, I'm chugging some water, going to eat some oat bran or something later

I have an external one, which I've had for a long time, and so didn't really consider as a possibility once I started getting blood in my stool during the year. Unlike jim (congratulations jim!) I was unduly worried.

had the second one banded yesterday. so i only have to go back next week for the final banding and a week later for a final examination and then hopefully no doctor's probing me for a while

have to say lads if this OP is the only thing i leave behind me in this world itll all have been worth it

can we talk again about the poop shelf because im in a fashionable restaurant and uh theyve not quite nailed the design here

need some details on the location of this restaurant and the size/location/angle of this failed shelf

Yes

pics or it didn't happen

suffice to say

im dredging here

under eu law you cant fish pelagic shoals in the manner im currently emulating here

this was the first week, since the end of january, that i didn't have an anoscope in my ass \0/

sorry you’re missing out this week dude

I already had my tickets for Wednesday s showing...

Rats

something something periscope something something

(something something twitch something something)

Still waiting to crap after yesterday's surgery

convinced the site will come undone when i do

yes ive taken all the Usual Stuff

Isn’t Dr Nick the name of the crackpot simpsons doctor? That is never a good sign.

Hoping everything holds together for you

safe crapping

i named him Dr Nick in tribute, yes

fucking Disney fanboys

this is unpleasant

so did you uh, blow out a sidewall or was it more toward where the rubber meets the road?

lets just say i don't have such stones anymore

anyway, the Eagle has landed, but the pain remains

would you say that, like a knife that cuts you, the wound heals - but that scar - that scar will remain?

Tracer, you know i love ya but shame on you for quoting that shit i just googled.

Anyway, were my hospital's instructions to take stuff that the interwebs says counteracts the laxative action? WHY, YES.

There's a time to shit and a time for God
The last shit I took was pretty fuckin' odd

hey and how great that my supervising cancer doctor leaves me a message on my landline (useless) on Friday afternoon, capping with "Call me early next week." Lots to imagine!