your terrible ideas

i mean me posting, not you

― the late great, Wednesday, November 28, 2018 10:23 PM (thirty-eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

any of us tbh

A rapper whose lyrics are all based on trite and obvious allegories, called 2.U.C.

a trumpy musical fundraiser track called We Are the Wall

All in all we're just a

kind of lol but mostly sad but also actually mostly lol tbh

there are people dying
and it's time to make sure more of them die

we are the wall
lock up the children
etc.

Do they know it's time to build the wall

roger waters already wrote it

Build the waaaall

Let them know it's deport time

A movie that’s Idiocracy meets The Matrix

It’s called “The Dumb Matrix”

A movie about the spreadsheets used in the Trump Organization to track money-laundering activities

The Donny Matrix

Fast & Furious: Calvin & Hobbes

A spin off from the Mission Impossible TV series, about all the people Jim Phelps never picks. They could just be sitting in a bar complaining about Rollin Hand, etc..

iCarny

Fuck 'Em Suck 'Em Robots

http://www.platypuscomix.net/hollywood/hudsucker34.jpg

last night a friend was telling me about Zoom video conferencing and how well it works - it automatically shifts the camera to whoever is currently speaking, which i think is pretty standard with video conferencing (i don't do it much these days), but apparently it works better than most.

anyway, it got me thinking about a Zoom mod where the meeting starts with each participant occupying equal space on the screen. as the meeting goes on, the size of each participant on the screen changes according to how long they've during the meeting. so if one person talks a lot, like 75% of the time, their face would occupy 75% of the screen. and if someone never gets a chance to talk, their section would reflect that - they'd be a tiny pixel on the corner of the screen. each participant's box would change in real-time, second by second. this is different, but kind of like how space is allocated in these kinds of charts:

https://i.imgur.com/iHuRUhh.png

then, at the end of the meeting, a screenshot of the final frame of the video would be saved as a memento - who dominated the meeting, who barely got to talk. this image could be used as the background of the meeting minutes for a quick visual reminder of how the meeting went. sort of like this, but pretend the allocations of each face end up filling up the full 100% of the screen like the image above:

https://i.imgur.com/Qb9Zry3.jpg

sorry about all those typos, but i'm in an irl rush

on a different note, in michigan i think the two landmasses should be referred to as the "upper peninsula" and "the continent"

That is actually an awesome idea, will support ur kickstarter

I like where you're going with a fool that shows who talked the most. But I fear they will take that as meaning that they contributed the most, which is usually the wrong takeaway.

Can you set it so that the loudest, most domineering people have their volume progressively reduced? Or put their voice through a wacky filter that makes them sound like Tweety Bird?

Ha, imagine the time-lapse version shown at the end, just an oblivious guy's face getting bigger while his mouth keeps opening and closing.

Great idea. But my approach in 100% of these meetings is to speak as little as possible while also making sure I have spoken enough to be remembered as having spoken. Just creating the illusion of contribution. And this would mess with that. But I guess I could learn to exploit the way that any noise - paper torn, pen clicked, knee slapped - results in momentary focus, and effect stealth domination.

I'm dying

I'm actually dead. I wonder if Karl's idea could be adapted to real life meetings. like, you could hire someone to work a foot pump

another version might be to give everyone identical screen space but to adjust the zoom based on speaking time. the dominant speaker might just be a close-up of a mouth or eyeball, while the quiet people would get zoomed out so far that they'd just be a vaguely human shape behind a desk in the background of the office

my current twitter profile is a plant, and i just made a joke involving fruit on a tree, and it got me thinking that from now on maybe i should only talk about things as if i were a talking plant

self-suck dump truck

A third party database of youtube video ids and titles, for all those (future) threads full of unlabelled broken embeds when the original vids have disappeared.

that's a terrible idea because youtube links will always be there! google is so big and important that surely someone will make sure that all the references to billions of videos made during the early years of the 21st century remain intact!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfdkQGQ5xpA

ikr, imagine the loss to history if the thread of manic strumming ends up full of broken embeds.

that would be like if i posted hundreds of awful gifs to a single thread using a photobucket account, and then photobucket got taken over by ancient aliens so i deleted everything in a panic, leaving the original thread in a somehow even uglier state than before

A remake of Edward Scissorhands called Edward Tablethands, where the titular character has a pair of cheap Android tablets instead of hands.

A Streetheart/Honeymoon Suite cover band called Suiteheart

Does anyone have Randy Newman's email address? I'd like to pitch him my idea for Newman Sings Newman, an album of tunes sung from the perspective of Wayne Knight's irascible Seinfeld character.

Gotta wait until I get the bad guy from The Fifth Element to offer his version.

(Gary) Oldman shouts at clouds

To make a book after the fashion of Cory Arcangel’s Working On My Novel (and numerous ilafl compendia) called The Tweet, Now Deleted,

https://www.instructables.com/files/deriv/F8C/A9FY/H994TN1Z/F8CA9FYH994TN1Z.MEDIUM.jpg
I was gonna post here about making a ski free game where you get to be the yeti but a quick google search decimated that idea. *sigh* Their game doesn't even look like ski free.

might as well rewrite moby-dick from the perspective of the whale

moby-dick was due for a reboot

While rummaging through the hard drive of my desktop computer I just found this list of bad Star Trek Voyager fanfic ideas:

• Voyager / Frasier: The Doctor travels through a wormhole and meets two doctors who are even more pompous and stuck up than he is.
• Voyager / Red Dwarf – the crews of both ships meet due to a tiny wormhole bridging the two realities. Due to the size of the wormhole, only the holographic crew members can pass through. Red Dwarf get a visit from The Doctor. Voyager get a visit from Rimmer.
• Voyager / Mary Poppins – Mary and Janeway swap places.
• Voyager / Doctor Who - Seven of Nine helps The Doctor defeat the Cybermen.
• Voyager / Battlestar Galactica (original series) - Starbuck and Lt. Barclay discuss The A Team.

this thread is for terrible ideas

the first two are gold

I’ve sat on this for over a year. I haven’t posted it because it would only work in an emotionless world but here goes:

One of my terrible ideas is for non-traditional marriages to be called marrieges. The federal law would allow marrieges to behave exactly like marriages in every code/law of the land; the only difference (besides the spelling) is that marrieges wouldn’t claim any association with christianity, only a civil union and all that that entails.

It’s a dumb idea in that it caters to anti-gay-marriage Christians and would likely cause many gay people to feel separate but not equal and left out of Christianity. At the same time there is nothing actually stopping gay people from being Christians.... and if there ended up being no unintentional consequences from my terrible merriege idea, it could effectively shut up anti-gay-marriage Christians while providing a tongue-in-cheek way of letting gay people get married without having to hear anti-gay-marriage stuff in the news anymore (eventually).

I’m sure there are many more reasons why this is a terrible idea and I cringe thinking about the kind of feedback I’d get if I were to suggest this is anything but a terrible idea.

it's just a piece of peper

Patar Pipar pickad a pack of picklad pappar

A John Foxx era Ultravox tribute band that only play toy keyboards, called Yama!-Ha!-Ha!-Ha!

Retro futuristic storage units for less than £20 a month: Space £19.99