fuck cancer

https://sickmouthy.wordpress.com/2018/10/18/stand-up-for-casper/

Thoughts with you and yours. Fuck cancer.

Wishing you smoother sailing ahead. Yay little Casper, I get the feeling this is harder on everyone else than it is on the little guy. Which is a good thing I suppose? Well really it all just sucks. Fuck u cancer.

fuck.
cry all you need to nick.
fear not what others think, its a necessary part of the process.
love-n-hugs to you and yours.
xxx

https://sickmouthy.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/oranges-and-lemons/

nick <3

I have to go down to London next week to attend the funeral of a old dear friend who died of brain cancer a week or so ago. He was in his late fifties. This is the second close friend I have lost to cancer in the last ten years - both of them heavy smokers. As the smoking of cigarettes becomes more and more of a minority habit, I hope that mine will be pretty much the last generation frequently killed off too soon and easily by smoking-related cancers. In the meantime, fuck cancer.

condolences to you and strength to nick

my fear is that other carcinogenic substances and activities are replacing smoking

indeed. Ward and Nick, <3

indeed to "fuck cancer". i don't know enough about other carcinogenic activities replacing smoking to "indeed" that, but it wouldn't be the most surprising thing, i suppose.

you guys <3
you are going through one of the shittiest things a person can go through.
Hospital is an awful place to spend a lot of time; no wonder it's gotten you down. I know I would not be able to deal.

i am so sorry nick, this is a hard, terrible thing that’s been visited upon you all. i hope your family can get back to the underappreciated tedium of normal life as soon as possible and that caspar has a long and healthy life and never remembers a thing. kia kaha<3

https://sickmouthy.wordpress.com/2018/11/02/in-limbo/

dunno what to say really but wishing the best for you all so fucking much

That’s all I want anyone to say really when I post in here. So thank you.

Echoing NickB

Echoplex on both over here
<3

All the love in the world to you guys right now, N.
<3

I can't imagine how difficult this must be, but wish for you to have the strength to deal with it.

Cancer sucks.

I lost my best friend of more than twenty years to lung cancer this summer at age 46 after a nearly three-year battle. He was the most fun-loving, laid-back cat, my best drinking buddy, and the person responsible for turning me on to more of my favorite music than anyone else. I still find it insane when I think he is actually gone. I feel so luck to have known him.

https://sickmouthy.wordpress.com/2018/11/09/caspers-lch/

https://sickmouthy.wordpress.com/2018/11/21/a-week-of-dabrafenib/

*crossed fingers*

Beautiful, tough writing. Hang in there. When the weight gain comes it will be great.

Any words I can write just seems inadequate. Team Mouthy all the way <3

You write beautifully about an ugly thing, wish you all the very best

Casper’s blood results today are even better. 🤞

great news - wishing the best for all of you

That's great to hear

y'know it's bad enough when your wife has terminal cancer without the fucking cunts that work in GP's surgeries. I know it's a cliché but it really seems like a job requirement to be literal vermin to work as GP's receptionist, we've been to 3 in the last 2 years and they are *all* fucking useless arseholes. my wife is out of her pain medication *again* the prescription was put through by the pharmacy over a week ago, the pharmacy has chased them 3 times, we've chased them twice, why can't they just do their fucking jobs the fucking pieces of shit. they just flat out lie to you when you do get through on the phone, I know that for a fact because they've done it with my medication when they've fucked that up. why does this keep happening

dammit Colonel, i'm sorry.

...and now they've randomly rejected her antidepressant refill

what the fuck is wrong with these fucking scumbags? I swear by this year is over I am going to be in jail for punching a GP in the fucking face

:(

you'd hope for better wouldn't you

So, my uncle died of prostate cancer a week and a half ago, was buried last Saturday, and I've been thinking about just writing something on here to just write about it a bit, but I apologize if it really doesn't fit the theme of the thread. Because he was a doctor - still so weird to write 'was' - and he said eight years ago that this was going to kill him someday. And later on said he didn't think cancer was such a bad way to die, at least he got to say goodbye to everyone. He got to die in his amazing house out in the country, he got all the morphine he needed, and managed to avoid too much pain, even as we knew he was nearing the end. I last saw him a week before he died, and he was pretty much happy and upbeat. He had just had an old childhood friend come by two days before, and seemed to basically still be on a high from getting to reconnect with him. His wife even said that he had looked at her and said: 'You know what? At this moment, I'm happy!' He was just 69 years old, but during another conversation with his wife of twenty years reminiscing about their travels together he had all of a sudden said: 'Isn't it amazing how many good times we managed to have together?' His life was basically really good and just really concentrated. And the funeral was beautiful, exactly as he would have wanted.

It was basically as good a death as I can imagine is available to us, and he really didn't seem like he himself thought it was that early. He lived a good life, and died before he got old. His wife was younger than him, so everyone always knew she was going to outlive him, so it was always coming, and it might be better that she has time to really make another life for her. Hey, it's all good. And still I'm just a mess, I basically just realized. I can't do anything, I can't remember anything, I keep forgetting the code for my credit card, I forgot my work stuff at work, I can't even wash my fucking clothes probably, I just messed up a whole batch of my girlfriends best clothes. And it's as if it's not enough to just say to people my uncle died, they will react with concern because he was young, or because it was cancer. And none of that was really all that bad. But I just want to grieve, in a situation that was as merciful and beautiful as could be, all things considered. I still just want to grieve.

I'm fine, you know? I have a fantastic girlfriend, I'm doing what I love and very nearly almost making a living of it, I'm going to two film festivals in the next month, and I even managed to successfully pitch a new website just today. My life is better than it ever has been, and all around me people are suffering, and they kinda need my comfort more than I need theirs, and the death of my uncle really couldn't have been less awful. But I'm just sad, and I just have to be a sad fuckup for a while, I guess. So sorry for writing a lot that really wasn't about how awful cancer is. But I do feel a bit better now.

My condolences, Fred. That's rough. It's good you just want to grieve, that grip on your time in this life will come regardless. So better sooner than later. Mess up, forget stuff, fuck up your daily chores: it's all good.

Cancer doesn't "just" lead to death, it is the biggest, harrowing threat always looming over your shoulder, always seeing a gap somewhere to unexpectedly enter your life to destroy you.

Best to you, man. <3

lovely post fred

i called in to my mums sister at christmas while down home, she had been in remission but unfortunately is now back fighting it

her younger brother was there when i called in, and he has been in since at short notice to have surgery which touch wood looks to have been early enough.

both in good, wry form but old and drawn looking and fuck cancer.

xp
indeed. even in the best of circumstances, relatively speaking, it's a very hard thing to deal with and there's no need for you to feel bad about it. it's perfectly understandable.

Sorry for your loss fred. And a beautiful tribute to your uncle—I’m only recently learning the importance of gratitude, which your uncle seems to have practiced admirably.

today, a close relative of my partner's was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). we're still waiting to find out what subtype it is. there's one particular kind that goes into remission about 90% of the time after the first round of chemo, while the other subtypes are more like 67%. the overall 5-year survival rate for AML is 27%. i don't think my partner knows that yet. it feels awful to sit here with this knowledge. the relative is just...obviously we love our relatives and stuff, but he really is one of the greatest people i've ever met. no one deserves cancer. but this man deserves it less than just about anyone i've ever met. he was the picture of good health, too - in his mid-50s and still running marathons, participating in triathlons, etc. anyway, fuck cancer.

hugs pal

Hugs to you x one million. I’m really sorry you have to come near what you’re dealing with, let alone be the subject of it. People tell you “life isn’t fair” from a young age, so often that it starts to lose its meaning. But the meaning of it inevitably comes roaring back.

my wife had 2 scans this week. got call from oncologist today that the cancer has spread to her liver. meeting oncologist tomorrow to discuss options. dunno what this means in terms of life expectancy

Oh man, CP. My cousin has it in her liver and bones, but her treatment is stopping growth for now. Fingers crossed for you both.

i'm really sorry. it all must feel so overwhelming. :(

Much love, CP.

Really sorry CP

<3 Colonel

Sorry to hear that, CP. <3 and best wishes to you both.

Echo the above, you're staying wonderfully positive