your terrible ideas

Homonym: a service for people with dark pasts and unique government names. if you're the only Neil Chumberton in the world and the first google hit for your name is your 2003 arrest for cocaine possession, Homonym will hire a bunch of people to change their names to Neil Chumberton and go on crime sprees. eventually your offense will be overshadowed by a slew of murders and robberies and racist tweets perpetrated by Neil Chumbertons who obviously have nothing to do with you.

on the other hand, if your archenemy is a man named Viborg Willisau who got a lot of publicity for saving a family of five from a fire, Homonym can hire people to save the whales and cure cancer and reverse climate change under his government name, overshadowing his good deed in the same fashion.

Homonym's rates will vary depending upon the number people hired and the severity of the deeds committed. getting 100 Neil Chumbertons to blow up 100 courthouses might cost you a few billion dollars, whereas getting 5 Neil Chumbertons to write 5 TERF screeds on medium.com might only cost you a few thousand.

Would definitely use. I'd hire someone to do shitty things in the name of my archenemy so I could truthfully write about them at length on the internet.
The second use doesn't make sense though, Viborg would just look more awesome?

I had a dream the other night about a Roku-esque device dedicated exclusively to tailor-made boilerplate middle-age 'comedy' movies. It had little ports where you insert cartridges for which actors, plots, holidays, etc. you want featured in your movie of choice. As far as I could tell, 'Diane Keaton' was a default setting that you couldn't turn off (but the target market didn't seem to mind). So now I'm wondering if it's too late for me to get to the patent office today.

18-years-too-late Metallica/Napster parody called “Cease and Desist” (based on “Seek and Destroy”)

A cooking show (like Chopped, Top Chef, etc.) But with Crock-Pots.

"Okay, you only have seven hours. Clock starts NOW!"

And it's filmed and broadcast in real time, like one of those Warhol movies that's just five reels of someone sleeping.

Would produce

I'm kind of picturing it being seven hours of "tension" shots, like closeups on people's intense faces/eyes, going back and forth between judges and contestants, etc.

"Clock is ticking, people! Just two and a half more hours!"

I am torn about using some of the cooking time would for human-interest background montages and motivational trash-talk.

"I'm from Brooklyn, so my stews keep it REAL."

"I'm not here to make friends - I'm here to bring serious Tuscan-style braises."

"My garlicky boeuf-en-daube is gonna wow the judges, because my secret ingredient is pizzazz."

"The other cheftestants better watch their backs, because me and my cumin are comin'... for YOU."

"Sorry, Timothy. You've been CROCKED. Pack your ladles and go."

Do it with glass-topped slow cookers, use overhead cams and split screen so you can see all of the dishes in progress, and just make it like Norwegian Slow TV. Every time a competitor comes over to open up and stir it’ll be like WHOA LOOK IT’S A DIFFERENT SHADE OF BROWN

back it with some kinda acoustic pickin shit that’s all in different meters playing off each other like if Steve Reich had a folk period

Macrozoom shot of the steamy lid

Overnight, the channel is all about marinades.

The spinoff that gets canceled halfway through the season - scrubbing a crockpot: live

also, in addition to the marinating show, the channel is also all about making your own seasoning powders starting from raw seeds

what was that old NPR late night / early morning show that was all about ambient and new age synthesizer shit? dig all that up. I would love this channel

Overnight, the channel is all about marinades.

heehee

yeah

Also. This isn't a terrible idea. I've seen worse. There were neckbeard guys racing drones on a sports channel earlier. I didn't know that was a thing.

I've been in bed and wondered how my marinade looked.

what channel were the drone races on.

One of the Sky Sports channels

i've seen it on a freeview channel, the very bottom one, which was called something like transworld sport. i even set a series pass for it but ended up with the same episode repeated about 10 times...

ah, might've been this, https://www.freesports.tv/ click on wednesday...

which is also the place to go for all your Polish speedway needs

ended up with the same episode repeated about 10 times...

Works for me.

Sleeping cook wakes, goes straight to pot, adds a pinch of salt, goes back to sleep again.

(i've set the pvr for the drone racing and the polish speedway)

there's another freeview channel, 273 Sports Channel Network, which is a pay channel for connected tvs only (ie not mine) and that's showing about 6 hours of something called 'Drone GP' between 10pm and 6am tonight.

big on sky too apparently - https://www.skysports.com/more-sports/other-sports/news/35625/11489542/drone-racing-on-sky-sports

I was going to point out that Charles Aznavour's middle name it quite peculiar but this isn't the time (and the R.I.P. thread isn't the place)

(Shahnour Vaghinag Aznavourian)

(it -> is)

An anti dating website for couples that lets you each build a profile and then tells you how compatible you are.

Persuade Grimes or Radiohead to name their next LP "Classic or Dud"

a song about being an iPhone called "I Refuse To Stop Being Just A Telephone"
it has some really catchy hooks in my head, though

Compilation project wherein a bunch of noise or skronky type artists are commissioned to do abrasive versions of trad.arr. standards, entitled we tortured some folk

https://i.gifer.com/Aqvz.gif

A cake baker who makes slightly amateurish cakes... so you can pretend you made it yourself when you present it to someone.

This is a very expandable business in fact – I would regularly give cash to an all-rounder who could make things to my specifications that were good but not too good and which I could pass off as my own.

manual syntax highlighting

hnng

exorcism based fad diet

You know those reaction videos on youtube? ‘I listen to _____ for the first time’. ‘Try not to laugh’ or ‘try not to smile challenge’. I could do those daily and be an emotionless blank face...

And I dont know if I’ve already mentioned it upthread but I always wanted to do a ‘teens react to getting punched in the face’ video. Like the old videos where young teens are shown one at a time testing out a VHS player or Apple II computer. Or watching Duck Tales for the first time.

“Do you know what this is?”
“Its a clenched fist”
“Do you know what people do with it?”
“They punch little shits in the face”

The Purge: Black Friday

“Home Alone” but with a fantasy theme and the lead character is a dwarf.

“This is our treasure hold. I will defend it with my life.”

Cue all the awesome prebuilt dwarf traps and rated R brutality.

This is a thread for terrible ideas

posting

otm

i mean me posting, not you

McDonald's should sell empty happy meal boxes, nugget boxes, etc. To parents of young picky eaters.

So you could make, like, healthy home-cooked food and put the food into the McD's packaging, and then the kids would eat it.

would also tell you how dumb your kid is

i mean me posting, not you

― the late great, Wednesday, November 28, 2018 10:23 PM (thirty-eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

any of us tbh

A rapper whose lyrics are all based on trite and obvious allegories, called 2.U.C.

a trumpy musical fundraiser track called We Are the Wall

All in all we're just a