what was the worst time in your life

that was a clear ref to tombots post, ppls lack of clarity throughout this thread about the intent (which i gently noted twice before any of this other stuff came into it) and nothing else km

sorry about yr cousin

I ain't havin the time of my life
And i've definitely felt this way before

it was the right thread for the wrong board

― the late great, Friday, September 21, 2018 12:39 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Great now I have Del Amitri stuck in my head

I guess you could Roll With It

Oh shit it's Roll to Me

Been years since I've heard that

sorry to hear that, Karl : /

Katherine, for whatever it's worth, maybe not much, i had read your writing before you showed up here and when you did i was interested to see what you'd have to say, since so many OG ILM music writers have left. and you've never disappointed in your takes on things. and as far as this goes, i would like to offer more advice but i doubt i have much to say that would be helpful except that i think it's tough for people to put themselves in others' shoes and understand that what may seem like a nothing comment or gentle criticism can be received as something severe. and it's also true as Karl says, no one knows what anyone else is going through. Or what their personal POV may be.

katherine, as a fellow woman ilxor i would like to extend my sympathies for the way you are feeling right now. tbh this place used to be worse, and i too used to try to make sure no one was saying mean things about me by reading threads where people secretly snipe at each other with veiled insults (there used to be more!). as it turns out, i must be bland and inoffensive enough to not draw the attention of the most easily annoyed people -- fortunately, because i am hypervigilant about being attacked -- i don't think this assessment of blandness is a reflection on the real me, but the me that i share with ilx (which is like 4% of me) maybe people do hate me/find me irritating but i no longer care to be vigilant about monitoring the degree.

i love talking about music but if it starts to get personal and hostile i will check out of any conversation, irl or elsewhere. the best conversations about music are transcendent and will not make you feel like you have to defend yourself.

also i am not typing about the worst time in my life here because i don't feel safe doing that here (in public, on ilx, even under a pseudonym) that is the degree to which i feel concern for my own safety, emotionally and otherwise. i am protective of myself because if i don't protect myself no one else will.

this song keeps popping into my head bc of this thread. the opening monologue is the best

"Life is an interesting journey. You never know where it'll take you. Peaks and valleys, twists and turns, you can get the surprise of your life. Sometimes on the way to where you're going you might think, 'this is the worst time in my life" but you know what? At the end of the road? Through all the adversity? ...[several more sentences]...yeah"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY6mr9fO-9M

LL you’re one of my fav posters on here. Also it’s pretty tough to amp up the hostility in, like, Popol Vuh threads.

i would be so sad if that happened

Aguirre sdtk is the best come at me bro

(j/k hugs all around , love you LL)

lol i don't fight, i just crank the vuh louder <3

Sweet Fischelscher jams just intensify my rage

*furiously plays air guitar*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8E3Q5iZsY

probably right at the present moment wherein i attempt to change my life circumstances and in so doing create massive emotional collateral damage to those I love the most.

I'm sure you have no reason to doubt their commitment

anyway I'm sorry if I upset peopl

*people

Side question: I must be having a bad "too long since I kept up with ilxors moment" because katherine, I think I don't know who you are? I apologize if I'm forgetting something! I also don't read ilm ever so that might be it. Anyway, I've enjoyed your vibe of late so thank you for your posts.

this doesn't really seem to be the smartest time to advertise that, sorry

(not that it isn't semi-public but)

I feel like I just lurch from crisis to crisis: a stepdad battering my mother, a new stepdad battering me, bullied at school for being camp and academic, thrown out for being gay, taking custody of my brother in my late teens, doing a degree I shouldn't have and then not being able to find work in it or wanting to, having my house burgled, two redundancies, mugged at knifepoint, estrangement from my mother, manic episodes brought on by medication, probably other significant stuff too?

but the worst times weren't because of these specific causes, they were because I felt I had nobody to talk to about them - the burglary was awful but people came through with visits and gifts and Tangible Help, whereas the depression I fell into when I was 22 was awful because it let me push everyone away and I had nobody to talk to. Things are rarely great but my advice to anyone in the worst time in their life would be to find someone - a friend, a therapist, whoever - and let someone help you get through it.

Good advice, and take care boxedjoy.

sounds like you've been through the wringer, boxedjoy. fwiw all the best to you.

I mean in writing it all sounds awful but when I read through this thread I think there's people who've dealt with a lot lot worse. I've never had a major bereavement yet, thankfully.

the other thing about talking to people is that when they listen, they are actively choosing to be around you, they are doing you a kindness by offering their time and support and they're not obliged to, and just realising that is always a boost. I turned 30 a few months back and I invited people to come to our house for a small party, not everyone I hoped to see made it but all the ones who did, they chose to spend time and money and effort on that, and it's things like that that make a huge difference to me. I might start a companion thread (unless it exists and I missed it), "what was the best time in your life?"

heh that never occurred to me but would be a welcome antidote

What was the best time in your life and how did you get yourself out of it

inheritance

boxedjoy that is so, so relatable. When my suicidality became a real thing, and I reached out to friends about it, asking for help, I was constantly told to get "inpatient care" (not what I needed), or told "we all are suicidal, every day." I remember wishing, rather morbidly, that I had cancer instead of what I had, because a tangible, physical ailment would be easier for my friends to understand and provide me with the support I needed. But this is the worst part about mental health stuff. The very thing you need-- social support, friends to distract you-- is the very thing that we're conditioned to avoid.

yeah in retrospect I probably would have gotten out of my post-relationship / post-maybe-assault rut if I'd had anyone to talk to, but I didn't, so it took years to get the worst of it mostly behind me

Right now. My 7 month old boy has a rare disease that’s basically cancer. My 17 year relationship is struggling as a result. Life is basically hell, some days.

Great empathy your way, SM. That situation creates enormous emotional turmoil and grief, while forbidding you to collapse under its weight, because your child needs every scrap of strength and aid you can give. You suffer and have no chance to express it. Try not to despair. Everything changes and there is a further shore you'll all find together.

Our daughter had open heart surgery when she was 8 weeks old, and strange to say, the discovery of her malformed heart, the surgery and the recovery period (during which she received NO painkillers of any description!!) may not even qualify as the worst time of my life. That list is kind of top-heavy. :(

Two times, both career-related. 1) The first half of 1985--turned down for grad school, working at a job I hated. Starting to write for local music monthly turned me around. 2) Most of 1989. The magazine I was working for went bankrupt, went into a job at a television station I hated, got fired from that. Getting into teacher's college brought all that to a close.

sorry to hear about your situation SM, sending good vibes your way FWIW

I didn't even read the previous posts, sorry. Ditto.

Very sorry to hear, SM.

Katherine feel free to reach out to me if you want, or not, but best wishes

very sorry to hear that SM

In regards to the earlier question on how do you work your way out of a bad time in your life, 2010 - ended a 10 year relationship so i moved to a new city and started a job in a medical career for about 7 years. During that time I met my ex and dated for about 8 months and remained friends for 4 years but things became increasingly worse in my life again, for a variety of reasons. It is really hard to think of a cure all, but at this point in my life i want to re-imagine my life for the better after all the warning signs have occurred, and get on a path to peace and love

and i hope the best for you all