reddening's thread of DISNEY PARKS gossip

I'm an old school Contemporary Resort guy

hard agree. i loved staying there

Haven’t been to WDW since I was 11 but we always stayed at the Contemporary and my aunt and uncle always lodged at the Polynesian. Both had amazing breakfasts, and we always had dinner in Frontierland and at the castle. /spoiled brat

Magic Kingdom does have booze now. Initially just at the Be My Guest restaurant, and since earlier this year at all sit-down restaurants.

Just back from 10 days at Disney (and 4 at Universal) and was pleasantly surprised by the fact it wasn't all Bud Light. Prices were steep but we were on the Dining Plan so all meals included an alcoholic drink anyway. (Think I ate more meat in the last two weeks than I have in the previous 12 months).

Were supposed to be staying at AK Lodge but got upgraded to Boardwalk after we complained that the pool was being refurbished during our stay. Boardwalk was great as there was lots going on around the lake and meant we could easily walk to Hollywood Studios and Epcot.

The Magic Bands were awesome (and very convenient) and as my wife is super organised we had fast passes booked weeks in advance for the popular rides (3+ hour wait for Avatar is insane) but even without fast passes longest we queued for any ride was 25 minutes as I guess this is a good time of year to go.

Yeah, I want to say this is the (relatively) slow season? When we went with the kids for the first time I think we intentionally picked the slowest week of the year, and while it wasn't quiet, it wasn't too bad.

I heard Animal Kingdom Lodge is actually one of the better hotels! At the least it might have had our favorite food, but our entire trip we ate like royalty. Disney dining plan is great, especially if you get a package that includes a few free points and you book ahead of time to get in the most popular places. They feed you so much, we generally packed very light snacks (fruit, bars, cereal at the hotel) to nibble on throughout the day, saving our appetites for our big daily Disney restaurant blowout. And Disney makes you walk like a million steps a day, unlike cruise ships, which have good food, too, but you have to make an effort to keep moving and burn that shit off.

Disney food (at the restaurants) is really pretty good across the board, something cast into stark relief if you ever go to Universal, where it is more or less universally terrible, novelties aside (like Simpsons and Harry Potter themed places).

We have a really good friend whose brother lives in Orlando doing computer stuff. But his fiancé, she helps make the Disney cast costumes, so they get free passes and literally go every weekend. They're getting married at Disney, too, which apparently you have to plan way in advance to snag a slot. He says he has to pinch himself every day. He lives in Florida, where the weather is warm, has a pool, has a good job and a low cost of living, and goes to Disney on the regular. He feels like he's on permanent vacation and getting paid for it.

Two weeks till our family trip.

There's heated debate in Disney circles about the effect of the dining plan on restaurant quality, which to die-hards has dropped since 2005.

We thought quality was pretty decent. Great meal at Sanaa at AK Lodge plus some of the all you can eat character meet breakfasts were excellent too, especially those at the Floridian and the one in the Castle at MK. (Having all the quality food at Epcot cost only one snack credit was a bonus too).

Couple were more average but tended to be ones where you were there for the experience rather than the food (Sci-Fi Dine In and 50's Prime Time for example). Worst one was probably the Norway princess thing at Epcot.

I do appreciate that Epcot brings in chefs and staff from the countries represented. I think they have a very generous work visa thing worked out, like good for 6 months or so after the Disney stint.

Sanaa is terrific. I can't wait to try Jiko.

My mom had just been to Africa and said the Disney African food was better and more "authentic" than the food cooked for them in Africa (which may have been dumbed down for tourists). Anyway, this is what I was thinking of:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Disney_World_International_Program

We are getting new Star Wars, Marvel, and Frozen zones in the Studio here. I'm cautiously optimistic about this, since the Studio at present is boring, except for the lols of being in the Paris-themed Ratatouille zone while in the Paris area.

Was kind of weird having a Marvel zone at Universal but nothing at Disney. Assume that's a licensing thing that will end at some point? The Universal Marvel characters we met (some X-Men plus Spidey and Captain America) were more like people wearing a good fantasy dress costumes compared to the more professional efforts at Disney.

Universal's strengths iirc are less in character meets and more in the live-hosted rides/attractions. I have no idea which of them are still there but live-hosted Jaws and King Kong were pretty delightful to me even as a young teen.

I think Jaws is no more. And King Kong has gone high tech but, like too many rides at Universal, is still largely a 3D motion simulator.

oh wow this thread is just what i wanted! i did 2 days of disney (hollywood/magic day 1, animal/epcot day 2) and one at universal (both parks+ a horror night -- the real horror was the foot pain).

never would have done it otherwise but my friend was getting married in florida and this was his dream bachelor party (he does the parks multiple times a year, which i cannot wrap my head around) and i gotta say, i had way more fun than i expected! did have to line up for avatar tho... about 120m :( (this was by far the longest wait for anything tho -- i think the longest otherwise was maybe an hour here or there over the three days?)

gonna read thread and talk more!

Speaking of horror night, did you know that Halloween is apparently the one time of year that Disney allows guests to wear costumes? We were there once around the time of a Halloween parade/celebration, when they more or less kick people out and bring in the night guests, and it was a hoot to see, say, roving packs of Cinderellas or Batmans walking around.

Also during Halloween, the bad guys lead the parade, it's all decked out like the Haunted Mansion, and the cast members dress like gravediggers.

We were there in the day for Halloween. It was blazing hot and there were already lots of people walking around in full on costumes.

(he does the parks multiple times a year, which i cannot wrap my head around)

This is the part that boggles many first-timers. As Josh said, WDW's been more than parks for at least three decades, and in the last twenty years its culinary ambitions are finally commensurate with customer interest in better food + cocktails. I'm going in two weeks for Thanksgiving and staying at Ft. Wilderness, and except for an Epcot visit we won't step foot in a park: we'll be eating, shopping, hanging out, drinking.

I should, however, point out that this little five-day trip will cost me more than a week's trip to Europe, including air fare and hotel.

i think i did a bad job on the food front! aside from a good hot dog and a good paddlefish dinner, i did not love my food situation there. but also i had a bad case of "travel tummy," and also, american fast food kinda... tastes the same to me? all the time? i could not differentiate btwn the flavours of diff pavilions at epcot. this isn't a "pretentious out-of-country person" thing, like i eat like shit in canada, but it... tastes different? so much salt? idk

anyway because i have too much time and i wanna write it down, i am writing my REVIEW OF ALL THE RIDES I WENT ON which uhh i will post here because there's some mild shit-tlaking of ppl i know in real life (names changed to protect the innocent)

PREAMBLE

After a year of planning and a lot of people getting annoyed at each other, the six of us all get together in a 5-bedroom house outside of Orlando (guess who got the couch)! Our cast of characters (because I watched all the nic cage movies, they all get nicknames based on roles he's played):

- The guy whose bachelor party it was - we'll call him Memphis, like in Gone in 60 Seconds, because he had a damn mission to fly thru these parks and it was hard to keep up. DISNEY VET.
- One of the two best men, a jokester of the highest degree and one of my best friends - we'll call him Stanley, like in the Rock, because HE WAS MY ROCK.
- The other best man, who is scared of theme park rides so this should be fun - we'll call him Roy, like Matchstick Men, because he's kinda neurotic & i'm not a very nice person (nor is he but that's not a story for this board).
- Third member of groom's party. someone i knew thru friends before this but we had never really hung out, doesn't put up with shit and is generally good ppl. We'll call her Cameron, like Con Air, because not many of these names work for both genders.
- Other Attendee, not in the party (like me!), did not know this dude at all before this adventure. P quiet, takes photos, friendly dude. We'll call him Amos, like from Amos & Andrew, because, like the movie, getting to know him was a pleasant surprise!
- I want to have a nickname too so I'll be Peter because Vampire's Kiss was my fave Cage movie. Except I'm gonna say "I" most of the time so this part is pointless.

Memphis, Stanley and Roy had already spent a few days together when Cameron & Amos & I flew in at like midnight on a Friday, got to the house, and soon passed out. (the other 3 DROVE from Canada and apparently Roy was a pain most of the way. Also, lol, only Memphis knows how to drive a car). I barely had time to acclimatize because BRIGHT AND EARLY SATURDAY we are going to hollywood studios! gotta beat those lines! we got two park-hoppers so we're doing DOUBLE DUTY! i think we got big macs on the way to the house and i almost couldn't eat mine because the fucking bread in your american mcdonalds is like super dense and sweet and it confused the shit out of me. Also Memphis got us matching clothes, because something something bachelor party, so we are all wearing: (1) Zubaz (different colors) / (2) t-shirts with all of our faces sloppily tiled on them / (3) WWE championship belt fanny packs. This is fine!

DAY 1 AM: HOLLYWOOD

Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith - i think this is the first one we rode. there was no line, which was dope. it was pretty hilarious because i don't know much of anything about aerosmith aside from Armageddon Song and Liv Tyler's dad. I guess I went upside down a couple of times? But I couldn't tell because it was dark. This ride felt like the intro of a PlayStation 1 video game. This was the first of many rides Roy opted not to join us on.B+
The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror - then we hustled our asses over here and i think we still didn't have to wait in line. still no Roy. i don't think we knew yet that Roy was scared and thought he was just being a wet blanket (for context, he was a wet blanket pretty much 100% of the time incl. the year leading up to this). when i went to this park for the first and last time before, in 1995, i was too scared to try this, so i was like "OH I'M DOING IT THIS TIME." I got mad at young-me when I realized how not-scary it was. a lot of fun! i didn't know you'd be able to see the outside! and the hallway stuff at the beginning is v good. A+
Goofy - Between rides we saw a 5 minute line to meet Goofy. The man, the myth, the legend. The six of us took a photo with him. Goofy was the seventh-dumbest looking person in that photo (and you could tell he knew). B
Muppet*Vision 3D - Roy is annoyed he has to come. To this one!!! On the other hand Stanley is STOKED because he is a muppet Stan (haha i didn't even do that on purpose). This was goofy in the best way, and also, I realized that I can do a pretty good Fozzy impression, which served as a cheap laugh approximately 45 times over the next 4 days. B for the attraction, A+ for giving me a way to break tension all week by yelling "DAT'S FUNNAY!" in a muppet voice.
Star Tours – The Adventures Continue - Roy came on this one too, and as soon as it started, he closed his eyes and stared at his lap. I guess we know his limit now. I remember this from my childhood but didn't realize it WASN'T star wars back then? Anyway it's... cute, the line was more interesting than the ride. I guess if you give a dang about Star Wars it's... actually you know what, it probably isn't even necessary. C
Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular! - Memphis got picked to be in it! The actors kept getting stoked about our dumb clothes. I loved the size of this and the performances. They do this like 8 times a day? Insane. I don't care much for Indy but this was just a great lil play. Community theatre on a steroidal budget. I'll take it. A-
PARKING LOT - we forgot where we parked, Memphis's "remember we're parked in the Itchy lot" Simpsons joke was not as funny when we realized nobody checked what fucking lot we were in. F

By now it's maybe like 1pm? We're hungry but Memphis is NOT SLOWING DOWN, WE GOT WORK TO PUT IN.

DAY 1 PM: MAGIC KINGDOM

Space Mountain - We were rushing because we had a Fastpass to this one for like 1:30PM. I'm glad we got to skip the 75 minute line, but I kinda wish I had had time to hang out in that beautiful queue area. I didn't really get to soak it in. The ride itself is fine? IDK the retro aesthetic is my jam but you uhhh CAN'T SEE ANY OF IT on the ride. D+
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad - Truth be told, I don't really remember doing this ride. I'm like 90% sure we did, because it was "on my list" and I'd remember... not doing it, if that makes sense? But I just watched a video on YouTube and there's a bunch of stuff I 100% do not remember. The fatigue was kicking in. NOT RATED
Jungle Cruise - Our first proper wait in line. This is a cult classic for a reason: because if everyone liked it, it would just be a classic. Kudos to our dude whose delivery was pitch-perfect, but uhhh, not for me. C-
Casey's Corner - We finally convinced our dude to take a break. I got a disgusting plate of fries (with chili and cheese on top) and a disgusting hot dog (with loaded mashed potato on top) and they actually fucking ruled. Or maybe I was hungry. Idk my whole gullyworks was jacked up from traveling. A-
Haunted Mansion - This was way cooler than it had any right to be, it is incredibly charming and fun and cute and ROY DIDN'T COME AGAIN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THIS IS A BABY RIDE FOR BABIES ROY. FUCK. A+
Pirates of the Caribbean - getting real tired now, got very fucked up when I saw the new jack sparrow puppets because i thought it was just A DUDE IN THE RIDE, ACTING? someone had to tell me it wasn't a dude. vaguely remember tihs from childhood, was happy to see it's still so fun and dumb. B+
Walt Disney's Enchanted Tiki Room - If I had had a lick of sense in my brain I woulda caught a power-nap here, because it was chill and I was dead. C+
Happily Ever After Fireworks/Projection - No joke, I don't think I had ever ~really~ been impressed by fireworks in my life. This was fucking astounding. We stayed for the later projection thing too just to bask in the afterglow. I get why people make frequent pilgrimages here; this feels like goddamn magic. A++
Parking Lot - we will never, ever forget where we were parked that afternoon, because it was SCAR 420 which is incidentally my new name and everyone has to call me SCAR420 now. A+

https://i.imgur.com/abnYTvB.jpg

I'll let you guess which person is which Nicolas Cage character

Days 2 and 3 another time, that actually took way longer to write than i expected

oh and i forgot some dude walked by and was like SICK OUTFITS DUDES and i was like haha thanks and i turned my head as i walked by and realized his hat was a backwards maga cap, which is the first time i ever saw one in real life, and it made me want to tell him to take his compliment back

MuppetVisin 3D has not changed a second of its script in 25 years and I would not ask it too. As zany as the best Muppets episodes.

we had wide seats which made the 3d tough on me (my glasses are wild thick and i generally ahve a tough time w/ 3d movies) and i couldn't see the chef for his bit -- wish i coulda done it again with a middle seat.

Ha, the first time I took my kids to Disney the first thing we did at opening was rush to the Haunted Mansion, always my favorite. And to be fair, they were relatively young, but dopey or not it totally freaked them out and they distrusted all of my recommendations after that.

MuppetVision 3D I want to say was total Muppet anarchy.

It's so crazy how much Disney owns now that it's easy to forget they've got the Muppets. Star Wars, Marvel, Pixar and oh yeah, the Muppets.

Day 2 started slightly late, in that we only got there at like 8:15 instead of 8:00, which annoyed Memphis to no end. He made the "parked in the Itchy lot" joke again, which precisely 0 people enjoyed. We are all tired, our legs are not exactly at 100% after ~15k and 13 hours yesterday, but this is Memphis's bachelor party dammit and we're not gonna let him down. To Universal we go! Oh also: because this entire adventure cost a million dollars, Stanley couldn't afford a park ticket for this day. Roy didn't buy one for the night. So that was almost a logistical pain (only one car and one driver, also). Luckily, Roy HAD ENOUGH and tapped out and lent his ID/credit card/ticket to Stanley, who didn't get carded with his ticket, and he pretended to be Roy all day! These rides for sure aren't in order but... roughly, I think?

DAY 2 AM/PM: UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts - A lot of great little effects in the line-up here. Good lil puppet buddies and newspapers that look like they're moving. It might be important to note here that I don't give a dang about Harry Potter, so while I am sort of peripherally familiar, I don't really... get it? But the ride itself is pretty neat! A common thread, though, is gonna be how little I remember, because there were like 500 rides and my brain is melted. B
The Simpsons Ride - Holy shit, the whole Simpsons world is psychotically bright. Almost too much to handle. We go straight to the Simpsons ride and don't wait long. It's... good? You sit in a moving box and watch a movie, but the jokes are pretty good, and it does what I have learned is the Universal standard: shaking + "mist" + occasional smells. This time we smell baby powder and that's bad. Apparently this ride breaks down a lot, so we dodged a bullet and got in and got out. B
Kang & Kodos' Twirl 'n' Hurl - Memphis had NO INTEREST IN THIS RIDE and was annoyed we did. It's a bog-standard "spin in a circle slowly" baby ride, but it has a good sense of humour, and it made for some VERY GOOD PHOTO/VIDEO OPS. C
Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit - This is a big drop coaster with the most fabulous gimmick of all time: you get to pick what music you are going to listen to for the ride. Here's the thing: it was clearly made in, like, 2005? And the music has not been updated? And it's split up by genre? If you've ever wanted to fall from a great height with Black Eyed Peas' number one single "Don't Phunk with my Heart" playing in tinny speakers on either side of your head, this is the ride for you. Stanley picked The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Memphis picked Limp Bizkit. I picked Crystal Method. It was a supremely stupid gimmick. I love stupid. A-
Fast & Furious: Supercharged - Something Stanley and I both noticed was the dead-eyed shuffling of the parkgoers and much of the staff at Universal. At Disney, people are lookngi around with wonder and magic, and the cast members are ON. THEIR. SHIT. Here, it was like, sad, somehow? But that changed when we got here. The people working this ride are doing their BEST. They have this weird pre-taped/live conversation with the cast of Fast/Furious movies, and they know their lines and their timing and when they can afford to ad-lib, and they are lovely. The ride is fine. The intro, though, is fantastic. Parkgoers are staring vacantly at the door, waiting for it to open, so they can go on the ride, and then the ride will end, and they will shuffle to the next ride and closer to death. A+
E.T. Adventure - This is incredible. This ride, apparently with no media support, ADDS A HUGE AMOUNT OF LORE TO THE E.T. UNIVERSE? I can't get over it. Also they ask your name at the beginning, give you a shitty old library card looking thing, which basically accomplishes nothing except E.T. says your name at the end? This is the exact kind of weird gonzo shit that nobody got rid of that I love these kinds of parks for. Plus your ride is a bike made for six, because theme parks are insane. A+
Krusty Burger, Duff Beer - We wanted to go to Moe's before and get a Duff, but it was like 10am, so it wasn't open. We doubled back and got a Krusty Burger, which was the best bun I'd had on a burger all week, and a Duff, which was... beer. A decent one, I suppose, actually. I was a little bloated because they don't cheap out on the portion size! And then I had to SLAM another one, because we were rushing to the next ride and Cameron couldn't finish hers. I didn't order Duff Dry, because I've had dry and ice beers before and they are sad, but I am now looking and the Dry is like a porter or something? Shoulda tried it. A-
Revenge of the Mummy - It's like 1 or 2pm now, and we are now in rush mode, because the park closes at... 5? 6? for Horror night. In a rush, Stanley locks his ticket in his locker. The lockers don't work very well in general. Nobody can scan their ticket. It's hell. The line for this ride is too long. The ride was fine, but I don't care about the Mummy, I guess, and I'm getting cranky. C+
Men in Black: Alien Attack - I was too tired to pay attention to how this worked. It's the training montage from Men in Black, so you are playing laser tag with some robots? But I couldn't figure it out. My score was awful the whole time until I started shooting everywhere all of the time and all of a sudden I was a MIB stud or something. Wish I could do it again with an idea of what I am doing. B-
Diagon Alley - Okay, this place is pretty great. I missed some of the attractions; apparently the wand store has a thing where a wand "picks you?" That sounds fun. The place is built great, looks plenty like the movie (spoiler: I started watching the movies), and all of a sudden, the parkgoers are no longer soulless zombies; it's just a biggest gaggle of thrilled nerds, and it filled my heart with joy (even if I couldn't enjoy it like they did). I heard kids and adults just talking about how much they like Harry Potter all over the place and about a bunch of super-inside baseball details about wands and shit. Cute! A+
Hogwarts Express - WAY too long of a line for what is essentially a people mover from one park to the other. But then you get on it and... it's actually fantastic? A shadowplay on one side and a video "window" on the other, telling a clear story, with plenty of visual mystery and a comfy train coach to boot. Plus I drank another beer in line, because they sold cans of English beers. Nice touch. A+
Butterbeer - Did I need another beer? No. Was I still mad that this was absolutely not beer? Yes. I drank half of it before I started to feel myself get gout or a kidneystone or diabetes or something. Tastes fine but holy shit it's just a stack of sugar. D+
Hogsmeade - Not as cute as Diagon Alley, but still pretty cool. My feet hurt. C
Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey - I enjoyed this, and doubly-so because I was completely not standing on my feet at all for four minutes. The magical bench is fun, and the "universal playbook" puts together something pretty great here. I might like Harry Potter? A
Jurassic Park River Adventure - A great conceit with the ride starting "correct" and going wrong. Or am I thinking of the Animal Kingdom one (spoiler: did it day 4)? I love the aesthetic of Jurassic Park with its big Corporatized jungle vibe with cartoon industrial equipment around every corner, so this was fun to look at. No sign of any of my fave dinos, though: Ankylosaurus is always robbed. (my 4th fave, Parasauralophus, makes a cameo.) B+
Skull Island: Reign of Kong - My feet hurt so much I can't focus on much else. This was the same as so many other rides that I didn't care, either. D
The Incredible Hulk Coaster - HOW LONG WAS THIS LINE. Must've been the 2nd-longest of the week, over an hour I think. Plus we needed to haul ass to leave the park and re-enter the park for spookyday. The ride, though, is excellent, especially the super-fast ascent at the beginning, which I 100% didn't expect. Note: I was wearing glasses on every ride, and the glasses-hold-on thing I had was trash, so every ride I had my hand all the way over my face, making sure they didn't fall off, so that start was like "oh shit my glasses." A

So we leave the park, again, like 20 minutes too late, and get in line AGAIN to enter the park (after demanding enough time for ONE SMOKE BREAK). Memphis is steamed. We are ruining his park experience with our "needs" (did I mention his plan was to not eat lunch until 4pm? And the krusty/duff stop bugged him too?). I want to die. My feet have never hurt this much, and the pain is creeping up, and is now at my thighs, and I ask out loud, "if the pain keeps moving up and reaches my heart, will I die?" nobody laughs, because nobody can, because everyone is already dead. It is about 6pm. We have been told Horror Nights end at 2am. We have eight hours. This is hell.

DAY 2 LATE PM: UNIVERSAL'S HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHT

Trick 'r' Treat - Already, the lines are far too long for the big-ticket houses. Looks like we won't be seeing Stranger Things, the one I actually wanted to see (not a huge fan, but the aesthetics looked great + at least I'd recognize... anything?). Cameron, Stanley and Memphis are all HUGE horror buffs, though, so they're like "holy shit, they made one for Trick 'R' Treat?!?! I Love that movie!!!" and I'm like "this sounds made up." The line, time-wise, is tolerable; a "brisk" 30ish minutes. Length-wise, however, it is hell. We may have walked a kilometer just to get in, and another km just to get out. The haunted house is, uhh, a haunted fucking house. People jump out and scare you, unless they jump out and scare the person in front of you, which they 100% did every time, so I got nothing out of it. F
Seeds of Extinction - A much longer line, time- and length-wise. I have given up. I can't do this anymore. Still, I've waited this long, and maybe this is a better haunted house. It's not based on a movie, so at least it's not full of references I don't get like T'r'T? A shitty projection we cna read about 45 times in line explains that it's post-apocalyptic and nature is Bad Now, Actually. Enter and it's the exact same fucking thing except the scare actors are dressed as plants now. The costumes are cool, but incredibly fuck-this, imo. I'm hungry, thirsty, and so fucking tired. D-
Luigi's pizza - An incredibly expensive Moretti, an incredibly expensive slice of cheese pizza, and an awkward conversation: me telling the party to leave me behind. Not for 15 minutes. For like an hour. Go to a house. I will not be joining. I need to sit for a very long time. D-
Central Park - This is one of the smoking parks, and I sat here forever. I think it was "Central Park" anyway. The group texted me a bunch of times saying where they were going next, and it was the Halloween 4 haunted house, and I was like "excellent, that's like over an hour wait," so I just chilled. The sound in this park fucking sucks at night. So loud. Louder than day. Yelling, loud music coming from 8 different locations, drunks... and it's getting cold. And for some reason I wore a basketball jersey. After about 45 minutes of angry-puffing and freezing, I decide, my feet work enough, I am going for a walk. The bench was satisfactory. C
"Scare zones" - So there are areas where you just walk around and people dressed in costumes yell at you. It's like a safer version of real Halloween. One of them is a woman dressed up in a bloody cheerleader's costume who jumps at you and says "help me," which just made me sad? D-
Beer stand - the guy at the counter flirts with me, which makes me feel special, and I order something that I thought was beer but is cider, I guess. Fine. B-
Diagon Alley, again - My gf loves HP, so I go back to Diagon Alley to pick her up something. I determine a hogwarts house sweatshirt is the best choice, because I can wear it now because I am cold. And you know what? Diagon Alley hasn't changed a bit. It's so quiet. There are still nerds in their robes walking around looknig wonderously at every building. It filled my heart to the brim with joy I almost wanted to start crying. Maybe there is something to this, I thought. I will give HP a try. My girlfriend is thrilled. I, a Gryffindor, steal Ravenclaw valor as I wear my gf's sweatshirt for the rest of the evening, and have a delightful conversation with the older lady working at the sweatshirt store. Sorry, I can't remember its magical name. Then I saw the dragon do a fire and I was happy. A++, my oasis in the desert of shitheads.
Mel's Drive-in - By now my friends had gone through what I am sure was another entirely the same haunted house and were waiting for me and it was midnight. They were all done, mercifully, so I found them in outside this restaurant and we picked up and left. Two of the letters in Drive-In were not lit up, which was an excellent visual pun. Didn't go in. Ready for the sweet embrace of death. Bury me in someone else's Ravenclaw sweater. A-
Parking Lot - labelling is unclear so we take one too many escalators. I want a car to take me to the car. F

those strikeouts don't look clean, so the MEL'S DRIVE-IN sign looked like MEL'S D I E-IN, that's the joke

note i have had plenty of coffee and darts since arriving at this point and i still have my version of "travelers tummy" meaning nothing has left my colon since... thursday. universal was sunday. maybe tmi but may also have been part of why i turned into an absolute grumpy-boy.

i'll review my day off + animal kingdom + epcot tomorrow, apologies for the 10000-word essays, it feels good to write it all down where it probably won't be read by anyone i know irl

Traveler's tummy is a condition I'm very familiar with. It's a combination of eating too much unhealthy food and not having adequate bathroom breaks.

I like these write-ups. I loved every inch of Harry Potter world, right down to the total lack of any corporate brand (other than HP, that is). Everything is HP branded or derived. I also love Animal Kingdom, particularly the similar details. Epcot ... last time we went is probably the last time we'd go, assuming we ever go back.

We got one of the interactive wands for my 8 year old son and he had an absolute blast wandering around all the shop windows casting spells. $50 dollars was pretty steep for what is now just a plastic toy wand but worth it as he had so much fun, especially with the water one and lanterns in Diagon Alley.

Also, don't know if we were lucky but my daughter and I did the Hulk ride 3 times in a row in about 20 minutes total thanks to the fast pass system.

loved the write-ups as well. kinda bummed that we will probably never go to disney world because disney land, which is worse, is so close.

Man Will you missed out on a bunch of the old school weirdo retro rides in Fantasyland (which I much prefer to some of the more "thrill" oriented rides). But at least you had the sense to go to the Tiki Room, Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion, which are all among the best the park has to offer imo.

oh wait are you in Disneyworld?!

I take it back, I only know the OG Disneyland rides so nm

DAY 3: "DAY OFF"

Not doing anything until like 7pm - Glorious. Found the solution to traveller's tummy (apparently the solution is time + rocket-fuel coffee made by Stanley). A+
Paddlefish - the menu was mostly standard surfy-turfy type stuff, but I hit gold with what I ordered -- got a swordfish steak, which was great, but it came on a bed of... wasabi mashed potatoes? Is that a thing? It should be because it's excellent. A
Disney Springs - It's a strip mall! C
Star Wars The VOID - This is... dope as hell? Every time I try VR I'm like "oh, this makes sense. I should do this more often." Then I don't for a year. It's hard to trust this game because you're walking around, and you're scared to just get tricked into walking into a wall, but why would they lie to me? I kept asking myself. My team of 3 stuck me on "playing simon says" duty sadly for part of it, but other than that, this was dope. A+
Uniqlo - Don't have these in Montreal so I got underwear and some pants on sale. Pas cher. A
Hangar Bar - We got to sit in the weird circle booth. I had an incredibly sweet tiki drink. It was very not-crowded, which was nice! I wouldn't do the tiki drink again though. B

DAY 4 AM: ANIMAL KINGDOM

It's Tough to Be a Bug! - We did not go on this ride. As soon as I saw the name, I said, "we have to go there, that's the worst name ever." Memphis disagreed strongly, saying it is, in fact, bad. I continued to sarcastically insist, at one point starting a "TTBB" chant among the rest of the party (Too Tough Be Bug, of course). We never did go on the ride but I just wanted everyone to know I got great joy out of the name and I may also be an asshole. A
Kilimanjaro Safaris - I got to see so many animals! I have heard they're maybe not the greatest at keeping these babies? But ugh I got to see a LION sitting on a dang PRIDEROCK. And like 400000 giraffes and a rhino's ass. Awesome. A
Gorilla Falls Exploration Trail - I got to see more animals. None as dope as the safari ride tho. A-
Expedition Everest - A surprisingly great ride! I don't think I had even heard of it, or if I had I had forgotten. Reading more online it seems to be very highly rated, I just didn't expect it and was pleasantly surprised! A
Festival of the Lion King - This is a pretty wild production for something they do, what, 10 times a day? I was super impressed. It was also 30 minutes off my feet which I liked (but I did get restless by the end). B
Dinosaur - I am definitely mixing this up with the Jurassic Park ride in my head because it looks just like Jurassic Park except the video at the beginning has Felicia Rashaad in it for some reason? Another Parasauralophus but no Ankylosaurus again. JPark aesthetic vibe, I like it. I think in this one there's a time portal or something. Am I crazy? I remember nothing. A-
Pandora - The fact that they set this place up to look just like any other continent section is... really cool? But also kinda weird? Awesome worldbuilding though. There's "Pandora music." There's Pandora food. Fake Pandora trees. Once again, I uhhhh haven't seen the movie, but this looks cool? B
Pandora food - Knowing I'd be in line for like 2 hours, I went to the closest food stop and basically ordered one of everything. There was an alcoholic boba tea margarita type thing, and that was good. There was a weird gooey cheesy spring roll which was weird, but ok. Then there was a pretzel the size of my solar plexus with cheese sauce that was the saltiest goddamn thing I have ever eaten, and once I just ATE SALT, so don't ask me how that works. I could have died. C
Avatar Flight of Passage - Two hours in line. Bananas. The line is real pretty though. I only agreed to this because one of my coworkers was like "YOU HAVE TO DO IT" and I woulda felt bad if I got back and was like "actually didn't do it, line was too long." So I waited the whole time. Not a great start when you stand in a room and it "scans your body" and takes a long time and then a guy who looks like he hasn't acted a day in his life spends 10 minutes explaining ("in character") the plot and setting of Avatar. Hoo boy. But then you get in the room and on the ride, and then the screen opens up and you are riding a banshee and you feel it BREATHING between your legs and you really feel like you're dropping a few times (how?!) and the visuals are STUNNING and uh yeah I guess it was worth the two hours! As soon as we got out of line, I checked and the line was 70 minutes lol. Coulda done the other Avatar ride in the same amount of time had we just done them in opposite order, alas. A+

DAY 4 PM: EPCOT

Spaceship Earth - First thing we hit is the best part of Epcot, the big circle boy made of triangles. What was inside I did NOT expect though. You know that thing in the past where people had this like, unbounded optimism for the future? This belief that technology was going to make the world a better place, that civilization was on the right track, that some day science will deliver us fully automated gay space luxury communism? That's what this ride felt like it was telling me. It was beautiful. I almost wanted to cry. After, I texted my gf, saying "this is gonna be my favourite park, it's the one where the future is bright something something communism" and she was like "do you mean the one where everything is either a restaurant, a gift shop, or sponsored by an American megacorp?" and I was like whaaaaaaat ohhhhh noooooooo but at least for 5 bright, shining moments, everything was going to be okay. A+
Mexico Pavilion - Nobody ate (except me, the pretzel genius) because Epcot was having their "food and wine" festival. So we went to the pavilions and people started grabbing food. I had an empanada and it was bad. I decided not to eat anymore. Most of my pals said everything tasted pretty whatever. I came to terms with the fact that I was not gonna like this part of the park, except for Canada for the comedy. C-
Gran Fiesta Tour Starring The Three Caballeros - I'm sitting beside Roy who hates this. I'm increasingly convinced Roy experienced his last moment of joy in the 2000's. I'm really at this point kinda over Roy as a dude. Then again, I also hate this ride? I'm a complicated guy. D
Norway Pavilion - They sell Helly Hansen. Okay. D
China Pavilion - The squad sits for a bite at the... lotus restaurant or something, and it is food court Chinese food. Folks, half of Epcot is a food court you pay $100 to get into. D
America... Pavilion? Section? - At least my friend who was craving funnel cake for like 4 days finally got one. I was over this International journey at this point. D+
Japan Pavilion - Gift shop was interesting at least. I pledged to not stop at any pavilion until Canada at this point. Sorry, Morocco and Spain and whoever else. C-
Canada Pavilion - LOL. Ok the thing that looks like the Chateau Laurier or whatever was pretty accurate. The RED TELEPHONE BOX BESIDE IT WAS NOT SO MUCH. I didn't watch the circlevision movie, because I was so done. I only saw a couple of employees and I forgot to ask them where they are from, because we had a "fantasy draft" for provinces and whoever won was supposed to get bought a beer by the others. D
Soarin' Around the World - First ride that made me feel nervous. I guess dangling unmoving in the dark is my thing. The people in front of us took their fucking shoes off like BARBARIANS. THEIR BARE FEET WERE DANGLING IN OUR FACE. Also, who the fuck makes a ride where the lineup looks like a goddamn airport? Were airports cool 40 years ago? DOES ANYONE ON EARTH LIKE AN AIRPORT? I enjoyed laughing at the airport and the ride was pretty cool, even if it made me break into a flop sweat. A-
Journey into Imagination with Figment - Memphis has been hyping this up for over a day now. "Don't read anything about it," he says. I think this is going to be either spectacularly good/funny or just incredibly kitsch/awful/funny, but then I get in and I go "oh, I guess... not?" It's kind of just... cringily mediocre? Some stuff about senses and imagination and a part where a skunk smell happens? Memphis at the end is like, "DID YOU LOVE IT?" and I muster as much fake contentment as possible and say "It was weird!!!". The twist: ROY FUCKING LOVED IT. Who even is this guy. UGH. D+
Mission: Space - Finally, a ride that is gonna abuse my body and make me feel alive. Memphis hurt his back. I just woke up. Too bad all of the important stuff you're supposed to do on the ride, like, doesn't do anything lol. I thought there were fail states. How dumb am I? A
Smoking section - a quick jaunt over here, and I am looking at the park kind of in general for a second, and it occurs to me: this is The Citadel from Mass Effect. This is what they based it on! That's one of my favourite video games! Epcot is pretty cool, y'all. A
Test Track - We snuck in single-rider right before the fireworks. Missed the opportunity to "build your car" or whatever which I guess is the point? Love the look of the place inside tho, all like 90s "VR" neon lighting and stuff. And it's pretty fun. You know, for a giant ride-in Chevy ad. A-
Hanson (!) - they were playing for the "eat to the beat" festival and we missed 'em!!! Fuck!!! NOT RATED
IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth - Memphis is pissed. We took too long having fun, and now we won't get a good spot for the fireworks. He prefers near China but it'll be packed. So we end up... about 20 meters away from China, with like one family in front of us. AKA, basically the exact "right" seats? This firework show is inscrutable though. There's a part where the globe just spins with projections on it for super-long and I don't know how ANYONE can see what's being projected. It goes on for a while, there's a pyro boat (I guess?) that's just like, on fir the whole time, leading me to wonder if it's a mistake. A couple cool moments where fireworks shoot over your head from the ring, into the lake, but the whole thing felt like a confused metaphor for peace that looked like a metaphor for war and I wish I had seen the Magic Kingdom one last because it was so much better. C

Thus ends my adventure! Well then there was a day off then a wedding then I flew home, but it'd be weird to recap/rate those parts. Big fat F grade to the Orlando duty-free though, where the whisky selection was awful and MORE expensive than Canada? I shoulda bought that fucking bottle of whiskey I saw at Walgreens for like half of the price it costs at home. (If anyone's driving from Orlando to Montreal any time soon, can you pick me up some scotch at Walgreen's?)

We got one of the interactive wands for my 8 year old son and he had an absolute blast wandering around all the shop windows casting spells. $50 dollars was pretty steep for what is now just a plastic toy wand but worth it as he had so much fun, especially with the water one and lanterns in Diagon Alley.

― groovypanda, Wednesday, November 7, 2018 4:44 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh wow i had no idea it does this!! awesome! geez my gf hates the idea of theme parks but was legit jealous of my hp experience. i gotta take her there sometime.

Man Will you missed out on a bunch of the old school weirdo retro rides in Fantasyland (which I much prefer to some of the more "thrill" oriented rides). But at least you had the sense to go to the Tiki Room, Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion, which are all among the best the park has to offer imo.

― Οὖτις, Wednesday, November 7, 2018 6:25 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I have no idea how we missed it! We were really just following ALL TIME #1 DISNEY VET Memphis Raines the whole time though, so I guess he decided Fantasyland wasn't worth it? We didn't even walk in, though, which kinda sucked. Would have at least liked to have seen it and soaked it in, you know? Also yes we were in Orlando!

The people in front of us took their fucking shoes off like BARBARIANS. THEIR BARE FEET WERE DANGLING IN OUR FACE.

otm -- the smell of Florida oranges can't compensate.

speaking of Spaceship Earth, here was the theme song during those cheerful early '80s Reagan years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usIQmSI7Kcw

Will I feel INSPIRED, thanks you

Will, you didn't miss those rides, Shakey was thinking about Disneyland in Anaheim. Those are indeed great, bad sadly not available in Orlando.

thanks Will you made me feel better that I will probably never go to Florida again
I love theme parks but it sounds like there’s no reason to suffer againthrough the Florida experience for them (I went to WDW a zillion times in the 80 when I lived in FLA). I guess I’d like to go to Animal Kingdom though.

there's still some stuff in fnatasyland i would've liked to have seen with more time. small world, mine train, barnstormer (my fave when i was a little kid! prob bad now tho), teacups, etc.

also on my "sad to have missed" list: carousel of progress, the monorail, slinky dog, the avatar river ride, spider-man and the jimmy fallon thing at universal. geez we actually managed to cover a lot of ground in 3 days!

Probably the most essential things from that list are small world and spiderman

teacups!

Teacups is one I tend to skip. I like most rides, but that one is too much spinning for me.