Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Grimly/Stet, I saw your esteemed publication ran a story on this earlier in the week, although it said that a decision was due in January (this was what we thought too but they've decided to let staff know first). Coincidence?

I explained the noun/verb thing and told him the trick is to devise a device to help him remember, but he looked pissed off because I didn't take the bait and ask him all about the Important Business of applying for a Chinese trading licence.

thass good! i've always used "advice" and "advise" to illustrate the difference, but this is better.

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his
arm out his window and gave the woman the finger....

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give one the finger? ...... I think not.

From my boss. He sends me things like this all the time. He thinks they're funny.

ME: "OK mary what are you shouting about?"
Fatty: "LUNA, LUNA DI LUNA?"
ME: "WTF IS THAT?"
FATTY: "That wine i brought in for Kristin a month ago."
Me: "What does that have to do with me being awake?"
Fatty: "Thought you'd want some wine."
Me: "Get away from me, im half asleep."
Fatty: "LUNA, LUNA, LUNA DI LUNA."

At this point i got up and walked away.

Someone here the other day received a hoax email warning from a customer, and decided she'd better click on "Forward" and "All users". By the time I had a chance to go and moan at her, she'd already received three other complaints about it from senior managers.

spending two hours trying to insert a picture into a word document

The office secretary here often has to insert pictures - company logos, and so on - into Word documents. And she can NEVER remember how to do it. Even though she does it every week or two, EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to insert it by clicking Open, and then phones me up to say: "I can't open this image! It's just gibberish! Word says it can't convert it to anything"

this annoyed me. i hate it when people confound my expectations and make me feel guilty.

yeah, i have one who whistles maybe a bit too much but otherwise i've yet to work with someone (at this job, anyway) who really rubs me the wrong way. that's what the patrons are for!

but it's true though!

ari up!

When a senior coworker to V1c switched to his shift I assumed she was becoming the new lead so I wouldn't have to include him on e-mails anymore. Wrong. Oops.

V1c has now turned my and 2nd-shift lead St3v3's recent practice of not CC'ing him on every goddamned thing into an HR issue. Oh yes. The story goes, according to him, that we are retaliating against him and shunning him from our discussions because we feel he is responsible for our former manager leaving the contract (a Mr. Ru5H, whom v1c70r filed an ethics complaint against, later discovered to be unfounded but nevertheless enough of a pain in the ass to make Mr. Ru5H renege his promise to stay for at least one full year and take up more worthy employment with a competitor), and he is being unfairly pushed out of his position and his actions are being misrepresented by prejudiced white guys who have an axe to grind.

Meanwhile, our project manager gave V1c a simple task (research and compile feature sets on various content filtering solutions, draw up a comparison chart, and make a recommendation- e.g. Google "enterprise web filter" and open up Word, FFS) and V1c sat on it for a week and then said he couldn't do it. YOU WORK THE FUCKING NIGHT SHIFT. WE GAVE L30L4 THE ENTIRE L*G & **D*T PLAN REWRITE AND SHE GOT IT DONE ON TIME, AND SHE HAD TO LEARN A SHIT-TON OF NEW STUFF ALONG THE WAY. Anyway the result was that S73v3 and I had to write it up and make it pretty in double-time to deliver to the "customer" and NOW, V1c, having been enlightened as to some other old e-mail I didn't cc him on, wants to "get involved" with another project we're working on because he claims it's "one of [his] areas of expertise." Oh go fuck yourself.

V1c, your only area of expertise displayed thus far is bullshitting, stalling, dumping on others and making everyone who works with you hate your fucking guts. And cc'ing senior staff/government officials on internal discussions whenever you don't get your way. You are a perfect business case example of how to be a piece of shit employee. I wish you were just lazy and dumb. Instead, you're lazy, dumb and a huge prick to everyone.

IN DEFENSE of people like this -- I am one of these people. Allergies or something? we can't help it! i apologize for all my fellow HORRRKK NSRRRSTTTINGers, sorry! we know, girls hate it. we're sorry.

" pleas see if you can do somthing with the background . The 1st two pic onn the left side of the page delet th e1st pic and keep th e2nd call me"

It's the "do something with the background" that kills me. Sure thing, chief, as soon as you tell me what you don't like about it!

"Do you drink? Do drugs? Smoke marijuana?"
"What should I get my nephew for Christmas? I don't think I should get him a Dancing Elmo, I don't want him to grow up gay."
"So did you get drunk on your birthday?"
"Do you have any kids? Are you married? Do you hate men?"

and my least favorite:

"You're so quiet"

Aaaaaarrgghhh, does she have to prattle on endlessly in that stupid hippy dippy voice of hers? Still, at least she achieved some kind of record today, she managed to get to 4.45pm without mentioning Buddhism - then she blew it by going on about going to retreat at New Year and doing "various mystical things to see in the New Year". What's wrong with just getting pissed and trying to snog strangers?