your terrible ideas

And that really is a terrible idea inasmuch as it clearly should've been Marks On Spencer.

Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Jung, in which the popular folk-rock trio is joined by the prominent 20th-century Swiss psychologist and theorist of psychoanalysis (who surprisingly plays cello and can also sing close harmony).

And just look at us, Lunch, completely oblivious to the fact that this is a thing:

https://i.imgur.com/SJsK4oD.jpg

you poor m&s-deprived souls have my deepest sympathy

I mean, we do have Spencer's, but apparently without Marks, the bar drops pretty far.

https://i.imgur.com/hyzezg8.jpg

spencer's seems pretty uh heavy on the dick-and-balls-related items

xpost Oh, I don't know, something tells me bizarro might be secretly delighted by a retail chain largely dedicated to transgressive merchandise which exists mostly to make twelve-year-olds titter.

Basically yes.

(consults transatlantic translator) It's basically Viz: The Store.

It makes Hard Topic look like Marks & Spencer.

Oh, I don't know, something tells me bizarro might be secretly delighted by a retail chain largely dedicated to transgressive merchandise which exists mostly to make twelve-year-olds titter.

there's nothing secret about it buddy, i love spencer's now

usa! usa! usa!

I regret to inform you it's 20% Family Guy merchandise

death to america

Yes, I should clarify that I have fond memories of visiting Spencer's as a lad but, as with most of the things we enjoy after the onset of puberty but before our critical faculties have begun to solidify, revisiting it as an adult is basically the most depressing thing ever.

'Marx and Censors' would be a great name for a book about Marx's commitment to free speech. But yeah, only in the UK...

or a great book about the marx brothers and what they couldn't get away with in their film career

Or the heavily GG Allin-influenced era of Richard Marx's nascent recording career.

speaking of shitting in front of someone. the Buttler. there's basically a small photocopier next to the toilet at armrest height. you put your used paper on it, soiled side down, to be scanned and analyzed. your phone vibrates when you are done (an adjustable threshold lets you tune the meaning of "done" and optimize that so important and personal time/cleanliness trade-off). The "Buttler" is actually the person who must squeegee the analyzer after every use - a new job created for every bathroom stall. you'd sell accessories like color-coded analyzer toilet paper that indicates if you have enough fiber in your diet. there's Buttler mobile. of course, the real opportunity for growth lies in monetizing all that data.

P much any untapped niche market which involves coming into contact with human waste is there for the taking afaict, go for it bro.

the staircase in my house is nice, hundred year old wood and I just saw a staircase in a movie and thought "hey, I should carpet my stairs"

Try linoleum. Second-hand, if you can get your hands on some.

Do not carpet your stairs.

I mean, you can if you want, obv. But speaking as a guy who has carpeted stairs...

love to vacuum the stairs

Maybe some nice astroturf. I think you can just hose that shit off. I assume you have a drainage grate at the foot of your stairs.

Oh yeah. I mean, why have just one big floor to vacuum when you can also have sixteen little ones?

oh I'd never carpet my stairs

Sounds like a double entendre but in reference to what precise filth act I couldn't say.

cool that we're shaming people that shave their partner's pubes and rubber cement them to their shaved legs itt now

the staircase in my house is nice, hundred year old wood and I just saw a staircase in a movie and thought "hey, I should carpet my stairs"

― mh, Thursday, August 9, 2018 10:08 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

please don't!

oh I'd never carpet my stairs

― mh, Friday, August 10, 2018 12:09 PM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok nevermind

TV version of Dostoevsky's Demons set in the present day and the characters are all podcasters

A parenting book aimed at women where the philosophy is liberate yourself by being more like a dad who doesn't give as much of a shit.

Running a day to day Insta kinda like how highsnobriety or whoever follow around Kanye and asap and Beyonce and gossip and show off crazy outfits and what's happening on the current scene... but starting in about 1968 and following soul/funk/jazz stars and what crazy shit they wore and gossipy stories they went through and then how it turned into disco and hip-hop and lol who even are these wacky kids wtf is an afrika bambaataa Idk but it's the future and it's great

Also word salad apologies

"the ethical PUA"

Humans Who Might Unite Tonite

don’t know, but woke up with these words on the brain, running on a cycle

A winebar called Wine Eleven

In partnership with Oscar Mayer, La Croix is proud to introduce Deli Water, a new line of lunchmeat-flavored sparkling beverages.

(NB, this may entail nothing more than dropping, say, a slice of olive loaf in a can of otherwise-unflavored carbonated water.)

flavored? surely you mean lunchmeat-essenced

I deeply apologize to the good people at La Croix for mischaracterizing their patented method of merely hinting at the possible existence of flavor without ever quite crossing so crude and unseemly a line.

http://dailyhive.com/vancouver/vancouver-hot-dog-water-june-2018

I somehow knew it was just terrible enough to have already been done irl.

just saw a Chopped where they had to use jerky soda

I'd be headed for that ice cream machine

a lighthearted, Ocean's Eleven-esque heist movie about the 9/11 conspirators

― .oO (silby), Thursday, December 28, 2017 11:15 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

don't do that to me right before bed. I can already see the split screen star wipes on the security videos, a box cutter wobbling down a walmart conveyor belt...

― pplains, Thursday, December 28, 2017 11:32 PM

The meta-terrible idea is this is the designated bomb in an updated version of The Producers

― .oO (silby), Friday, December 29, 2017 12:13 AM

pilot lesson montage to that music, too

― mh, Friday, December 29, 2017 10:07 AM

I am a horrible human being. Just warning you all.

(Please hit play)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4v8YQ6sU6I4

It was a mission that couldn't fail – what could go wrong?

SCENE: CAVE - INTERIOR

KHALID
So we'll need two planes to fly into each building...

OSAMA
No, no. Just one. You fly into the north tower, from the north, right? And it shall knock over into the south tower. Like dominoes. (Slaps hands together.) One bird, two stones, you see?

KHALID
But let me just offer that... yes... won't the plane just shoot through the building? I mean, the towers were basically constructed as skeletons held up by a steel core...

OSAMA
(Angrily) And then what? What do you think happens next? Mr. Architect? Jet fuel can't melt steel beams!

All it would take... would be a little teamwork...

SCENE: AIRPLANE HANGER - INTERIOR
THE HIJACKERS have JARRAH cornered by the coffee machine

JARRAH
Hey guys. Uh. What, what's going on?

ATTA
Just wondering, Jarrah, how, you know, exactly how you plan to handle your mission if the passengers push back. (Looks back at crew behind him and chuckles.) I mean, we've seen your training today, you seem a little soft in this area.

JARRAH
I am not soft! I know exactly what I will do! I am fully trained in this department! I will simply get on the intercom and say (in generic American pilot's accent) "This is your captain speaking. We are going back to the airport." And then, THEN everyone will settle down!

ATTA and OTHER HIJACKERS just stare at JARRAH with arms folded. Some begin chuckling as well.

JARRAH
Sounds OK, right?

QUICK ZOOM-IN and QUICK ZOOM-OUT to JARRAH in COCKPIT - INTERIOR. CAMERA rotates in steady 360º. Headset around JARRAH's neck. Sandwiches and ginger ale cans bouncing around. THE PASSENGERS are pummeling him in the head with their fists.

JARRAH
NOOOOOOOO!

Teamwork... and a lot of planning

SCENE: HAMBURG STREET CAFE - EXTERIOR.
KHALID and ATTA sit at a small cast-iron table, drinking espressos.

KHALID
So the boss is pretty serious about this. Says you will take out the towers and al-Shehhi gets the Empire State.

ATTA
(Nearly spits out espresso.) Take out the towers? You mean both of them? I'm a pilot, not a professional bowler, Khalid! (laughs at own joke.)

KHALID
You listen closely, ok? This doesn't come from me. (Strokes imaginary beard.) This comes from above. You hit the towers. Al-Shehhi plays King Kong. You got this? Or... do we need to find someone else who can handle the job?

ATTA
(Sighs heavily. Looks at German sports car parked on street playing "Bingo Bango" by Basement Jaxx.) No. Tell the boss I got this.

It was a plan that the whole world would ... never forget.

SCENE: AIRPLANE HANGER - INTERIOR
ATTA is addressing THE HIJACKERS

ATTA
So it'll be me and my crew first with the towers. Al-Shehhi and his boys come in after me with the Empire State. Jarrah's got the Capitol covered. We're all set, so let's begin discussing how the plane tickets on–

HANJOUR
Excuse me!

ATTA
Yes, what is it, Hanjour -- oh, crap. I forgot again, didn't I?

(HIJACKERS all begin chuckling a little.)

HANJOUR
(Angrily) You always forget! If anything, me and my crew will be hitting the most important target!

ATTA
Ah yes, yes. Of course. Hey, everyone, let's all not forget that Hanjour and his crew will be taking on the Pentagon. (Starts to giggle) Hope you know how to fly a hologram, Hanjour.

(HIJACKERS all start cracking up.)

HANJOUR
(Angry, pointing at everyone.) Shut up! Shut up! You know that joke isn't funny!

This summer, get ready for 'The Lollipop Branch' - a gang of misfits who don't know how to come down!

SCENE: WALMART CHECKOUT LANE - INTERIOR
CAMERA POV - LOOKING UP FROM CONVEYOR BELT

AL-SHEHHI picks up box cutter from belt and touches tip of blade

AL-SHEHHI
You see this?

ATTA
(Confused, slightly impatient) Yeah?

AL-SHEHHI
100% stainless steel.

ATTA waits a beat before chuckling and laughing, shakes head to himself.

ATTA
You, such the comedian. C'mon, let's roll.

This film has not yet been rated.

Bravo

Terrible business idea #342: a sofa slipcover print entirely made up of realistic pictures of TV remote controls.

Ow ow ow