your terrible ideas

yeah fwiw my sense, again going off friends, is that both findom and whatever the word is for chore service can be real work. my one friend says it's been ages since she tried to find someone to come clean her house because it's a hassle when you don't already have it established with somebody.... you have to put in some labor into your dialogue/appearance/vibe/improv/tone/whatever. if someone's actually coming to your house and doing chores and you want both parties to leave feeling like this was a good transaction, you need to negotiate that, you need to confirm there's a real overlap in what you want this to look like, weed to filter out ppl who are looking for more than that (or, if you're looking for more than that you need to articulate that and find ppl on your same wavelength).... if you're humiliating ppl for money on the phone/internet that can be a ton of work, cultivating clients, keeping them interested in you specifically by consciously customizing your performative disinterest around their particular fantasies... plus it has a lot of the practical and psychological challenges of phone sex and suchforth.... idk it isn't really as simple and stress free as it might sound at first blush. apparently a fantastic line of work for some people, obv.

the Gumbo Roux Authenticator, a phone app that uses the camera to tell you if your roux is dark enough for authentic, new orleans gumbo. the process would be similar to that used for depositing a check with your phone. you hold the camera above the cooking roux, and the app tells you things like "move closer" and "remove objects from picture" until it eventually, after some struggle, takes an acceptable picture. no matter what, the app will then display a screen that says "YOU BURNED THE ROUX. WHY DID YOU STOP STIRRING?" while playing the first 18 seconds of "mama roux" on loop.

Also, I found out recently that financial domination is a thing. Men hire ppl to spend their money.

Hire people? Is that what they're calling it these days? Amirite, fellas?

https://i.imgur.com/bDm8HgE.jpg

(Fellas? Hello? Oh no, this was a mistake.)

might've been more diplomatic to use a stock image instead of a family photo

At least I'm on the right thread.

lady spending my money, better be cash or a low-interest credit card. none of these cards with “consumer rewards” that are over 15% unless the dom part applies to reminding me to pay it in a timely manner

there was an iso houseboy ad that ran on the slc craigslist men seeking men page for years. doing house chores for some dweeb in sandy naked. the headline was "are you a sexyboy looking for xtrafunds?" or something like that. anyway, that's my cool story.

“Ooh yeah, tell me about the bad deal you got on the shoes that were 20% cheaper on another website. Omg you didn’t even compare brands when you bought food? That’s so hot.”

For next year. Get an EZ-Up and some wardrobe racks. Set up adjacent to the Coachella festival, selling "festival fashion" to basic bitches at super-inflated prices. I'd have headdresses, cutoff high-waisted denim shorts, feather earrings, etc., just to cash in. To top it off, I would proudly advertise any criticism like "cultural appropriation," "offensive," or "deliberate scam" blatantly printed on my banner. I just don't know how far I can go.

(No joke, I may do this if somebody else doesn't.)

They don’t already?

For next year. Get an EZ-Up and some wardrobe racks. Set up adjacent to the Coachella festival, selling "festival fashion" to basic bitches at super-inflated prices. I'd have headdresses, cutoff high-waisted denim shorts, feather earrings, etc., just to cash in. To top it off, I would proudly advertise any criticism like "cultural appropriation," "offensive," or "deliberate scam" blatantly printed on my banner. I just don't know how far I can go.

(No joke, I may do this if somebody else doesn't.)

― naus, Wednesday, 25 April 2018 06:27 (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Umm know the name of the thread and whatnot... (I dont know about American festivals but) I know a lot of people who trade at Glasto et al in the UK and there are waiting lists, licensing, h&s etc. Oh and your pitch will cost you, ranging from a couple hundred at more obscure festival to about 8k for glastonbury/reading/Leeds... and they will definitely escort you off premises if you don't... even uphold their standards of practises, let alone just rock up with a couple rails without paying them.

if Coachella doesnt work like this tho, I advise add sequins to your list. you can make a fucking killing of its glittery. my (market) next door neighbour sold about 200 sequin jackets at Glastonbury last year, she said at £80 a piece, and she mostly focussing on selling leather jackets and hats.

iirc coachella has a parking lot immediately next to the grounds so setting up along the street between the parking lot and the venue doesn't work. there are definitely some people hocking cheap wares a couple blocks away, though

Democratic (Party) Direction

do the two one-man-bands play in coordination or do they perform their songs independently?

If you have to ask, that means they've won

A thread titled: Your Terrible Thoughts

that's really the implied title of every single thread

I’m increasingly warming to my idea of making spider ladders for baths, though I suppose someone does it already. What material would they find best?

https://worldwide.espacenet.com/publicationDetails/biblio?CC=GB&NR=2272154

Just drape a length of toilet roll over the side of the bath.

That’s what I do now! But I think people would buy spider ladders - you could combine them with soap, book, phone holders, or see radios.

Should be ‘wee radios’.

As I seem to be eating more in pills these days than actual food, I've ben considering gourmet recipes for pills. THe recipe could work with the taste of the pill, or incluide ingredients which enhance the effect, or which has a conceptual link with the medicine.

dowd, I used to take these when I had a sore throat until my wife laughed at me once too many, still a classic design though

http://www.dragonherbs.com/images/619-Large.jpg

I'd trust that man to help me cure my sore throat

The bag looks like it contains pork scratchings.

YouTube channel titled "Beautiful People!" purporting to be my favorite music videos by all the most beautiful in the music industry. Actually, all are just the artists' videos, with the audio dropped out and replaced by "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson.

(I've had the seed of this idea ever since Rihanna came out with "Disturbia" but it actually works astonishingly well with any video intended to establish that the artist as being in any capacity "dark," "weird" or "artsy.")

A coffee shop called the Giraffe Carafe, because it's a cute coffee-related rhyme I haven't heard before. Also, it's inside the hollowed-out carcass of a giraffe.

haahahhaha

i think if it'd been built before 1970 in a fiberglass or plaster-and-lath giraffe, a la Lucy the Elephant or the Long Island Duckling, it'd be a beloved piece of americana currently waging a desperate fundraising/landmarking battle to save it from demolition and redevelopment as a walgreen's.

(I will cop to basically thieving Jack Handey's cadence in my last post.)

Never apologize for Jack Handey cadence! He is a legend

A porn parody of "Too Many Cooks" (which was apparently plagiarized from me) called "Too Many Cocks." It's the same concept as Too Many Cooks -- 30 minutes of credits/freeze-frames -- but with porn.

Like, guy intensely fucking, suddenly turns and looks at the camera, laughs, freeze frame

sometimes you have to make the things you want to see in the world

a mashup of excerpts from Autechre - Amber with 3/11 - Amber

A reading comprehension section of a standardized test (such as the SAT) wherein students are asked to read song lyrics and determine whether 'love' is being used euphemistically to refer to either God or fucking.

A bar specializing in rye whiskey called The Public Ryebrary

Catch up on the politics threads from yesterday

"public ryeberry" is great or at least a plausible moneymaker. every college town has a fake-ID bar called "the library" so the kids can crack themselves up saying they're gonna head to "the library" - - - just have to inculcate them early in hipster whiskeyism and you've got a goldmine here.

er "ryebrary"

I saw this quote on the Neil Young thread last week:

What the fuck am I doing writing about Aztecs in "Cortez the Killer" like I was there, wandering around? 'Cause I only read about it in a few books. A lotta shit I just made up because it came to me.

Then the other day I listened to a Radiolab about audio and video synthesis and how insane it's getting in terms of being able to fake footage of people doing and saying pretty much anything.

Now I want to see a clip of Trump reading the lyrics of "Cortez The Killer" at a rally full of presumably nationalistic Aztecs, getting everyone riled up about how their traditional way of life is treated by these dirty spaniards, mocking their galleons and guns, talking about how many of the best stones the audience had lifted, etc.

no way -- the escalator video is bad enough!

A female buddy picture called Yanny & Laurel. Two strangers bond during a facebook debate over what color a dress is. Realizing they are both fed up with social media, modern life, and their husbands, they run away together. But it has a twist ending -- they are the same person. Thelma & Louise meets Fight Club.

setting: an elite university. a pair of dog mascots named Damon and Naomi flee to freedom after being mistreated by the cruel canine-hating head of school, Dean Wareham, who subsequently pursues them across the country in his Galaxie 500.

Could work.

Though I don't like to think of DW as a dog hater :(.

that crusty old Dean

a subtle audio recut of Homeward Bound that adds little grunts, "fucks", and "shits" to the soundtrack during moments when the dogs and cat are shown moving through difficult terrain to music.

a 6-season HBO series about Gideon’s convoluted plans to smuggle bibles into hotel dresser drawers

Lolling hard @ Homeward Bound remix rn.