star wars 9 grim resignation thread

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the new movie will have a Cantina reference. the new movie will have a Star Destroyer crashing into another Star Destroyer.

Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:03 (one year ago) link

certainly counts more than the ewok films

until The Last Jedi, the last time I saw a Star War in the cinema* was Caravan Of Courage.

*or anywhere

chilis=lyrics...hypocrits (sic), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:22 (one year ago) link

the new movie will be brought to you by Xerox. the new movie will give your mouth sex appeal and will be right back after a message.

noel gallaghah's high flying burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 19 April 2018 00:17 (one year ago) link

looking forward to this movie!

nashwan, Thursday, 19 April 2018 09:54 (one year ago) link

They'll probably find a way to kill off Chewie in this one.

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Thursday, 19 April 2018 10:28 (one year ago) link

Aye, they've taken an odd reaction to the fan fury over Chewie's death on the books.

I am not looking forward to this much, which is odd because I enjoyed the first two - but The Last Jedi is so much better than The Force Awakens, and so neatly critiques it, that the prospect of JJ Abrams returning to "no the parents / lightsaber / Snoke are actually really big deals, you won't believe what happens next" fills me with some gloom.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 19 April 2018 11:56 (one year ago) link

killing Chewbacca off makes no sense, he's in his prime middle age years while all these dumb human types are getting old

he could have an entire couple human lifetimes ahead of him, making all these shenanigans a past memory

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:20 (one year ago) link

the only ending I will accept would be Chewie ditching the rest of the characters during the climax and piloting the Falcon to unknown coordinates, with the rest of his long life playing out in wistful flashes a la the Six Feet Under finale

Simon H., Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:23 (one year ago) link

they kind of did that in the ending of the most recent cartoon series! their chewbacca-type character ended up riding off into the sunset

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:25 (one year ago) link

I hope Chewie finally succumbs to male pattern baldness in this one.

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:30 (one year ago) link

I knwo its not technically a film but

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_Droids

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:04 (one year ago) link

cuz

An edited compilation DVD with the title Star Wars Animated Adventures: Droids was released on November 23, 2004. The DVD contained eight episodes of the series, edited together as two full-length movies. Besides cutting the theme song of the series, many other small modifications were made for the home video releases, most notably changes to the soundtrack.[2]

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:05 (one year ago) link

the soundtrack on Droids is really weird in a cool way

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:17 (one year ago) link

There's nothing grim about a film 100% focused on revealing the secrets of campus utility data

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:17 (one year ago) link

is there some way we could mix together all the movies into one movie to end all star wars movies?

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:33 (one year ago) link

so stoked for this

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:37 (one year ago) link

will they finally blow up the death star?!?!???

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:37 (one year ago) link

shakes!! :) hi

The Desus & Mero Chain (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:38 (one year ago) link

They've been blowing up Death Star after Death Star and getting nowhere. Maybe the trick is to not blow up the Death Star.

jmm, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:41 (one year ago) link

maybe they should build their own death star

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:41 (one year ago) link

and then the two death stars could make sweet sweet death star love and have a baby death star. a death starlet.

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:41 (one year ago) link

All these Death Stars. Can't anyone make a iLife Star?

DJI, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:06 (one year ago) link

boo typo

DJI, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:06 (one year ago) link

The prequels are the worst star wars movies and they have zero death stars. The Han Solo movie looks like it might be terrible and also not have a death star. Empire Strikes Back and the Last Jedi are good despite not having death stars appearing but it seems likely in both movies that a death star is being built somewhere off screen. Death stars are the secret ingredient that make these movies great and they should not be mocked.

silverfish, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:09 (one year ago) link

Can't anyone make a iLife Star?

only if Disney buys Apple

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:21 (one year ago) link

Wasn't that the plot of Wrath of Khan?

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:22 (one year ago) link

quiet you!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:25 (one year ago) link

are people already actually sick of this franchise I can't tell anymore

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:33 (one year ago) link

In record time, we're sick of you.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:40 (one year ago) link

sorry if my mocking opprobrium is upsetting your grim resignation

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:45 (one year ago) link

iirc the ending of Episode I includes Anakin flying his ship into the core of a conspiciously large droid ship to blow it up

droid star, imo

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:53 (one year ago) link

Episode X
A NEW THREAT

Utility data got stolen AGAIN.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:55 (one year ago) link

i would be shocked if "solo" features no death star. i mean the first three prequels had the shoehorned fanservice scenes with like the plans appearing on christopher lee's monitor or w/e, and the fans bought it, so i feel like it would not be hard to cut away to the emperor and vader, planning to shut down the dangerous, unlicensed "kessel" race across the galaxy, and striding through their architects' full-size mockup of different control room schemes for a top-secret battle station. they could even create a young mads mikkelsen with cgi, to be showing it to them, with a closeup on his face to indicate there's more to him than meets the eye. only true fans who have seen deep-cut mega blockbuster "rogue one" will catch this reference!!! aren't cinematic universes the best!!!???

noel gallaghah's high flying burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:39 (one year ago) link

(voiceover): they weren't

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:40 (one year ago) link

It'll be some ominous rumour about the Empire buying up or appropriating massive amounts of material and labour. "They're building something, Solo... something big."

jmm, Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:51 (one year ago) link

If you look closely, you can see the Death Star go by in the background during the Kessel Run.

jmm, Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:53 (one year ago) link

"something big" version seems very, very plausible. and there'll be a whiff of the imperial march on the score even though the scene overall is supposed to have a totally different tone.

noel gallaghah's high flying burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:04 (one year ago) link

will he have a bad feeling about it

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:13 (one year ago) link

You clearly haven't watched the trailer

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:14 (one year ago) link

why watch movies or trailers, I only watch merchandising

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:16 (one year ago) link

Trenchant

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:16 (one year ago) link

my Star Wars brand bag of broccoli told me all I needed to know about the Last Jedi

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:16 (one year ago) link

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/583rA2JlUjk/hqdefault.jpg

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:20 (one year ago) link

I can see you really honed that Whiney impression on your sabbatical, shakes. ILX's Rich Little does it again!

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:23 (one year ago) link

(nice to have u back, bruh)

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:24 (one year ago) link

pfft I think you will find my Star Wars hatred predates Whiney's schtick by several parsecs

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:25 (one year ago) link

kind of sad we didn’t name the thread “star wars 9? no great shakes. grim resignation thread”

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:40 (one year ago) link

/r/shakeydidnothingwrong

how's life, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:59 (one year ago) link

i’m all for shakey complaining as much as possible

he’s like the jaded luke from the last jedi

mh, Friday, 20 April 2018 00:25 (one year ago) link

I refuse to drink it if I don't get to fill a bottle from the teat of a weird sea creature,

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Wednesday, 22 May 2019 19:04 (three months ago) link

Ah yes, the famous post-Vietnam-&-Watergate innocence.


Yeah. Stupid way to put it. Should have said kids now are more jaded from content over-saturation or something.

And yet maybe more open to something like the garish theme park than people of that generation would have been?

beard papa, Thursday, 23 May 2019 16:52 (three months ago) link

well, innocent in that those things still seemed like relative outliers in the historical landscape for many people and not, like, a tuesday

mh, Thursday, 23 May 2019 16:54 (three months ago) link

“There’s a loss of innocence, a sense of innocence that existed in the 70s that I don’t think to any extent exists today,” Kennedy says.

check out the juxtaposition of the quote and who said the quote

recriminations from the nitpicking woke (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 23 May 2019 17:01 (three months ago) link

haha

mh, Thursday, 23 May 2019 17:06 (three months ago) link

Kennedy graduated from Shasta High School in Redding, California, in 1971.

On October 30, 2012, she became the president of Lucasfilm after The Walt Disney Company acquired the company for over $4 billion.

mh, Thursday, 23 May 2019 17:07 (three months ago) link

one month passes...

Stupid fan theory as likely as any here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzeOrA2in1c

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 16 July 2019 22:58 (one month ago) link

is anyone even going to care about star wars beyond this one

ciderpress, Tuesday, 16 July 2019 23:09 (one month ago) link

That leads to his crazy fan theory!

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 16 July 2019 23:12 (one month ago) link

I’m not gonna watch a video to find out what the crazy theory is, and I don’t really care about the conclusion to the Skywalker Saga. I’m only interested in Star Wars movies directed by Rian Johnson from now on

president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 02:18 (one month ago) link

It's a funny video. Anyway, crazy fan theory (only partly tongue in cheek) is that having hit a narrative dead-end, JJ Abrams and the writer (who did Batman V Superman and Justice League, double ugh) will just dive in and go time travel. Their two big predictions, based on next to nothing but instinct, is that 1) Luke will return more powerful than ever a la Gandolf, and that 2) stopping the bad guy from doing the thing will involve going back in time. Who knows? Who cares?

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 02:31 (one month ago) link

The correct spelling is Ganondorf.

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 05:46 (one month ago) link

Ganondorfongolf.

quelle sprocket damage (sic), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 06:30 (one month ago) link

I was reading on my phone, so I didn't even realise it was a RLM video - get the fuck out of here with that!

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 07:08 (one month ago) link

Are they bad? What happened? I liked all their other Star Wars stuff.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 11:53 (one month ago) link

What will the stars do with their time when they are no longer at war?

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 12:15 (one month ago) link

(It just occurred to me that they put Death Stars in 85% of these movies to make the series title something more than a vague reference to space battles.)

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 12:17 (one month ago) link

What will the heroes do with their time when they are no longer at war with the (Death) Stars?

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 12:17 (one month ago) link

They should make a sequel from the perspective of the Death Star.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 12:53 (one month ago) link

Yes Planet Wars would be a more accurate name for the franchise.

chap, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 12:53 (one month ago) link

Or 'Planet Fights'.

chap, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 12:59 (one month ago) link

Astroid Grudge

akm, Wednesday, 17 July 2019 13:01 (one month ago) link

Kylo Ren tearfully visits the gravesite of millions of fallen Death Stars, taken before their time.

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 15:28 (one month ago) link

Speaker for the Death

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 17 July 2019 15:35 (one month ago) link


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