star wars 9 grim resignation thread

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googling about this this terrible joke has been made about a million times online

Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:24 (two years ago) link

I'm not the biggest McCool fan but I feel I've got to at least give the movie a chance

mh, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:26 (two years ago) link

star wars counting/running order grim resignation thread

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:27 (two years ago) link

hold on there fella, now what about the animated clone wars movie

broke into a cold sweat at reading this, but it turns out to be several episodes of the TV show edited together. my tally stands and is now canonical.

chilis=lyrics...hypocrits (sic), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:38 (two years ago) link

Lucas described the film as "almost an afterthought." Howard Roffman, president of Lucas Licensing, said of the decision, "Sometimes George works in strange ways." Producer Catherine Winder said the sudden decision added to an already large challenge of establishing a show "of this sophistication and complexity."

there's a thread for this, Lucasfilm employees.

chilis=lyrics...hypocrits (sic), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:41 (two years ago) link

ha, i was just gonna paste that exact bit from wiki

Mahogany Loggins (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:43 (two years ago) link

The episodes thus confabulated were never shown, though!

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:51 (two years ago) link

If Mulholland Drive counts as a feature film, then so does The Clone Wars: The Movie Which is Actually Just Three Unaired Television Episodes Stapled Together. And yes, this is a hill I'm willing to die on.

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:54 (two years ago) link

(thrusts chest like a territorial gorilla) Bring it.

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 21:54 (two years ago) link

most of Mulholland Drive, by The Guy That Almost Directed Return Of The Jedi But Didn't, was written* and much of it was filmed for the movie. The European/VHS version of the Twin Peaks pilot is a curio and a sidebar, MD is a film.

*via script and editing

chilis=lyrics...hypocrits (sic), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 22:14 (two years ago) link

Ironic sidebar: Richard Marquand was originally intended to direct Inland Empire!*

*fake fact

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 22:19 (two years ago) link

clone wars movie got a theatrical release! certainly counts more than the ewok films. ebert even reviewed it.

noel gallaghah's high flying burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb (Doctor Casino), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 22:27 (two years ago) link

after VIII i really don't care what happens in these movies. they have nothing as far as original story. they have been relying entirely on re-staging scenes and sequences from OT films. they've already done the desert planet-Empire hijinks, the death star infiltration, the hoth walkers, dagoba training, the decadence of upper class war profiteers, the ROTJ throne room battle. what have they not taken from the OT...? oh i know, maybe they will have a scene where the new characters step on a trap Scooby Doo style and end up in a giant net, captured by furry creatures.

Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:03 (two years ago) link

the new movie will have a Cantina reference. the new movie will have a Star Destroyer crashing into another Star Destroyer.

Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:03 (two years ago) link

certainly counts more than the ewok films

until The Last Jedi, the last time I saw a Star War in the cinema* was Caravan Of Courage.

*or anywhere

chilis=lyrics...hypocrits (sic), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:22 (two years ago) link

the new movie will be brought to you by Xerox. the new movie will give your mouth sex appeal and will be right back after a message.

noel gallaghah's high flying burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 19 April 2018 00:17 (two years ago) link

looking forward to this movie!

nashwan, Thursday, 19 April 2018 09:54 (two years ago) link

They'll probably find a way to kill off Chewie in this one.

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Thursday, 19 April 2018 10:28 (two years ago) link

Aye, they've taken an odd reaction to the fan fury over Chewie's death on the books.

I am not looking forward to this much, which is odd because I enjoyed the first two - but The Last Jedi is so much better than The Force Awakens, and so neatly critiques it, that the prospect of JJ Abrams returning to "no the parents / lightsaber / Snoke are actually really big deals, you won't believe what happens next" fills me with some gloom.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 19 April 2018 11:56 (two years ago) link

killing Chewbacca off makes no sense, he's in his prime middle age years while all these dumb human types are getting old

he could have an entire couple human lifetimes ahead of him, making all these shenanigans a past memory

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:20 (two years ago) link

the only ending I will accept would be Chewie ditching the rest of the characters during the climax and piloting the Falcon to unknown coordinates, with the rest of his long life playing out in wistful flashes a la the Six Feet Under finale

Simon H., Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:23 (two years ago) link

they kind of did that in the ending of the most recent cartoon series! their chewbacca-type character ended up riding off into the sunset

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:25 (two years ago) link

I hope Chewie finally succumbs to male pattern baldness in this one.

Across the You Never Her (Old Lunch), Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:30 (two years ago) link

I knwo its not technically a film but

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_Droids

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:04 (two years ago) link

cuz

An edited compilation DVD with the title Star Wars Animated Adventures: Droids was released on November 23, 2004. The DVD contained eight episodes of the series, edited together as two full-length movies. Besides cutting the theme song of the series, many other small modifications were made for the home video releases, most notably changes to the soundtrack.[2]

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:05 (two years ago) link

the soundtrack on Droids is really weird in a cool way

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:17 (two years ago) link

There's nothing grim about a film 100% focused on revealing the secrets of campus utility data

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 April 2018 17:17 (two years ago) link

is there some way we could mix together all the movies into one movie to end all star wars movies?

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:33 (two years ago) link

so stoked for this

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:37 (two years ago) link

will they finally blow up the death star?!?!???

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:37 (two years ago) link

shakes!! :) hi

The Desus & Mero Chain (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:38 (two years ago) link

They've been blowing up Death Star after Death Star and getting nowhere. Maybe the trick is to not blow up the Death Star.

jmm, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:41 (two years ago) link

maybe they should build their own death star

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:41 (two years ago) link

and then the two death stars could make sweet sweet death star love and have a baby death star. a death starlet.

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 19:41 (two years ago) link

All these Death Stars. Can't anyone make a iLife Star?

DJI, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:06 (two years ago) link

boo typo

DJI, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:06 (two years ago) link

The prequels are the worst star wars movies and they have zero death stars. The Han Solo movie looks like it might be terrible and also not have a death star. Empire Strikes Back and the Last Jedi are good despite not having death stars appearing but it seems likely in both movies that a death star is being built somewhere off screen. Death stars are the secret ingredient that make these movies great and they should not be mocked.

silverfish, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:09 (two years ago) link

Can't anyone make a iLife Star?

only if Disney buys Apple

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:21 (two years ago) link

Wasn't that the plot of Wrath of Khan?

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:22 (two years ago) link

quiet you!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:25 (two years ago) link

are people already actually sick of this franchise I can't tell anymore

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:33 (two years ago) link

In record time, we're sick of you.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:40 (two years ago) link

sorry if my mocking opprobrium is upsetting your grim resignation

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:45 (two years ago) link

iirc the ending of Episode I includes Anakin flying his ship into the core of a conspiciously large droid ship to blow it up

droid star, imo

mh, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:53 (two years ago) link

Episode X
A NEW THREAT

Utility data got stolen AGAIN.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 19 April 2018 20:55 (two years ago) link

i would be shocked if "solo" features no death star. i mean the first three prequels had the shoehorned fanservice scenes with like the plans appearing on christopher lee's monitor or w/e, and the fans bought it, so i feel like it would not be hard to cut away to the emperor and vader, planning to shut down the dangerous, unlicensed "kessel" race across the galaxy, and striding through their architects' full-size mockup of different control room schemes for a top-secret battle station. they could even create a young mads mikkelsen with cgi, to be showing it to them, with a closeup on his face to indicate there's more to him than meets the eye. only true fans who have seen deep-cut mega blockbuster "rogue one" will catch this reference!!! aren't cinematic universes the best!!!???

noel gallaghah's high flying burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:39 (two years ago) link

(voiceover): they weren't

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:40 (two years ago) link

It'll be some ominous rumour about the Empire buying up or appropriating massive amounts of material and labour. "They're building something, Solo... something big."

jmm, Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:51 (two years ago) link

If you look closely, you can see the Death Star go by in the background during the Kessel Run.

jmm, Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:53 (two years ago) link

(he also makes a slave of himself again, as if coming home) xp lolll

difficult listening hour, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 23:11 (five months ago) link

original Star Wars 9 plot leaked:

https://theplaylist.net/duel-of-the-fates-leak-colin-trevorrow-star-wars-20200114/

don't care didn't ask still clappin (sic), Wednesday, 15 January 2020 16:01 (five months ago) link

i posted that over in the spoilers thread - sounds like a better movie!

que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 15 January 2020 16:03 (five months ago) link

Taika Waititi is set to direct a ‘BABU FRIK’ Star Wars spin-off. (Source: @THR) pic.twitter.com/FPHl9nnDRD

— DiscussingFilm (@DicsussingFilm) January 16, 2020

groovypanda, Friday, 17 January 2020 09:37 (five months ago) link

o fuck

que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 17 January 2020 09:46 (five months ago) link

Good news all round!

J.J. Abrams is set to write and direct a remake of ‘STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI’. The film is eyeing a 2023 release date. (Source: @ManaByte) pic.twitter.com/1QpzLVRxFF

— DiscussingFilm (@DicsussingFilm) January 15, 2020

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 17 January 2020 09:52 (five months ago) link

Shame on me for believing that!

Chewshabadoo, Friday, 17 January 2020 10:06 (five months ago) link

mods pls delete the babu frik movie post before mh sees it and it breaks his heart

que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 17 January 2020 10:14 (five months ago) link

Beautiful.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 January 2020 12:41 (five months ago) link

mods pls delete the babu frik movie post before mh sees it and it breaks his heart

― que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Friday, January 17, 2020 4:14 AM (four hours ago)

who do you think their anonymous source was?

babu frik fan account (mh), Friday, 17 January 2020 15:08 (five months ago) link

tbrr I am all for spreading the most ridiculous misinformation about future star war projects

without a near-term announced project, those fan clicks are drying up and we've gotta get the dream alive

babu frik fan account (mh), Friday, 17 January 2020 15:11 (five months ago) link

Alfred's here so I can quickly add that JW's score for JFK really grounds the insanity from the start, it helps guide you into the conspiracy zone.

― omar little,

Just more scenery for the public.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 17 January 2020 15:12 (five months ago) link

I wouldn't be surprised if it has been addressed, but is the guy being a janitor in Force Awakens a reference to the Space Quest video games?

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 19 January 2020 17:08 (five months ago) link

yes

in fact the entire 43-year history of star wars has actually been an elaborate ‘backdoor pilot’ for an even more elaborate space quest cinematic universe

https://i.imgur.com/ZEojosc.jpg

difficult listening hour, Sunday, 19 January 2020 17:21 (five months ago) link

That should really be a thing. Plot twists are at saturation. There's only so many rug pulls left.

Now instead we can have movie twists, where the film turns out to be something different.

You pay for Superman 5, and the twist is you were watching the SimCity movie all along

papa stank (Neanderthal), Sunday, 19 January 2020 17:47 (five months ago) link

also you're in the rebooted matrix

difficult listening hour, Sunday, 19 January 2020 17:49 (five months ago) link

Didn't they try that with the Blair Witch reboot that nobody saw? It was marketed as one thing and then they surprised people the last minute by saying it was something else? That nobody wanted or wanted to see?

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 19 January 2020 17:50 (five months ago) link

It was basically just a terrible version of the first movie. It starts out alright and becomes pretty hilarious a half hour in

papa stank (Neanderthal), Sunday, 19 January 2020 17:51 (five months ago) link

10 Cloverfield Lane could have pulled it off if they hadn't put Cloverfield in the title

groovypanda, Monday, 20 January 2020 10:20 (five months ago) link

I was going to suggest that as an example though - it has nothing much to do with Cloverfield (nor does The Cloverfield Paradox)

Andrew Farrell, Monday, 20 January 2020 10:25 (five months ago) link

Didn't both of those have the Cloverfield link shoehorned in at late stages of their development?

groovypanda, Monday, 20 January 2020 10:35 (five months ago) link

Was there really an M. Night Shyamalan movie where the twist was that it's actually a sequel to Unbreakable? Or was that just an ILX joke?

Tuomas, Monday, 20 January 2020 14:03 (five months ago) link

That's the post-credits stinger to Split, that it exists in the same universe as Unbreakable - Glass is a sequel to both films.

Andrew Farrell, Monday, 20 January 2020 14:04 (five months ago) link

Split sucked but Glass sucked more

papa stank (Neanderthal), Monday, 20 January 2020 14:13 (five months ago) link

hey heeeeeeeey

babu frik fan account (mh), Monday, 20 January 2020 21:41 (five months ago) link

five months pass...

So apparently the expanded novelization of this movie has established that Rey's dad was actually a powerless clone of Palpy -- one of many he created after transferring his consciousness into a cloned body after ROTJ:

In the years that followed his loyal Sith Eternal cult continued to use gene splicing and his genetic template to create clones hoping for one of them to be a cradle for their god's consciousness. All the Strand-cast clones became abominations and failures, save one, a non-identical clone survived and thrived. However he lacked any Force-sensitivity and Darth Sidious saw him as useless and could not bear to look at such ordinariness, but Sidious still had some use for him continuing his bloodline through natural methods and the clone became his "son"

Not sure how I feel about this... on one level, it explains how Palpy could have him killed without a second thought; but it's also a little bizarre (and the idea of the clone lacking Force sensitivity, but Rey having it, feels kludgey).

OG Honeymoon Ave (morrisp), Sunday, 21 June 2020 19:55 (three weeks ago) link

Rey as Palpatine's granddaughter is kludgey, that's why people hate it.

LOScamposinos (Andrew Farrell), Sunday, 21 June 2020 19:57 (three weeks ago) link

Yes, I know...

I've enjoyed re-watching this on TV, btw... all three of the new movies are pretty fun to revisit (and/or half-watch in the background). They all have their issues (and don't hold a candle to the original two), but I like 'em!

OG Honeymoon Ave (morrisp), Sunday, 21 June 2020 19:57 (three weeks ago) link

B-B-but her plot holes

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 21 June 2020 20:01 (three weeks ago) link

feels kludgey


feels cludgie morelike

scampo, foggy and clegg (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 21 June 2020 20:21 (three weeks ago) link

On second thought, I guess it’s no less force(-d) than the notion that Palpy’s natural son wouldn’t have been Force-sensitive, and that Palpy wouldn’t have kept closer track of him, etc.

I guess I missed the “Strand-Cast” discussion in The Madalorian. I know cloning is, er, long-established in Star Wars... but it feels a little too “sci-fi” somehow, at this level.

OG Honeymoon Ave (morrisp), Sunday, 21 June 2020 20:30 (three weeks ago) link

kind of blows my mind that after attempting to distance themselves from the uneven plotting and scattershot ideas of the old Star Wars books/comics/etc. the episode 9 crew was thinking “wow, so how do we end this” only to crib half the plot from comic series Dark Empire

solo scampito (mh), Sunday, 21 June 2020 20:57 (three weeks ago) link

no luuke, no credibility

scampo, foggy and clegg (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 21 June 2020 21:03 (three weeks ago) link


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