star wars 9 grim resignation thread

wookie xmas special counts I think

no, that's a variety show

One, Five, Six, Ewok One, Ewok Two, One II, Two, Three, Seven, Rogue One, Eight, Solo: Rogue II, and then Nine is the thirteenth.

hold on there fella, now what about the animated clone wars movie

It's the ninth episodic chapter, the others are cartoons, spinoffs, or specifically marked as "stories" or "anthology material" imo

Droopy McCool: A Star Wars Story

googling about this this terrible joke has been made about a million times online

I'm not the biggest McCool fan but I feel I've got to at least give the movie a chance

star wars counting/running order grim resignation thread

hold on there fella, now what about the animated clone wars movie

broke into a cold sweat at reading this, but it turns out to be several episodes of the TV show edited together. my tally stands and is now canonical.

Lucas described the film as "almost an afterthought." Howard Roffman, president of Lucas Licensing, said of the decision, "Sometimes George works in strange ways." Producer Catherine Winder said the sudden decision added to an already large challenge of establishing a show "of this sophistication and complexity."

there's a thread for this, Lucasfilm employees.

ha, i was just gonna paste that exact bit from wiki

The episodes thus confabulated were never shown, though!

If Mulholland Drive counts as a feature film, then so does The Clone Wars: The Movie Which is Actually Just Three Unaired Television Episodes Stapled Together. And yes, this is a hill I'm willing to die on.

(thrusts chest like a territorial gorilla) Bring it.

most of Mulholland Drive, by The Guy That Almost Directed Return Of The Jedi But Didn't, was written* and much of it was filmed for the movie. The European/VHS version of the Twin Peaks pilot is a curio and a sidebar, MD is a film.

*via script and editing

Ironic sidebar: Richard Marquand was originally intended to direct Inland Empire!*

*fake fact

clone wars movie got a theatrical release! certainly counts more than the ewok films. ebert even reviewed it.

after VIII i really don't care what happens in these movies. they have nothing as far as original story. they have been relying entirely on re-staging scenes and sequences from OT films. they've already done the desert planet-Empire hijinks, the death star infiltration, the hoth walkers, dagoba training, the decadence of upper class war profiteers, the ROTJ throne room battle. what have they not taken from the OT...? oh i know, maybe they will have a scene where the new characters step on a trap Scooby Doo style and end up in a giant net, captured by furry creatures.

the new movie will have a Cantina reference. the new movie will have a Star Destroyer crashing into another Star Destroyer.

certainly counts more than the ewok films

until The Last Jedi, the last time I saw a Star War in the cinema* was Caravan Of Courage.

*or anywhere

the new movie will be brought to you by Xerox. the new movie will give your mouth sex appeal and will be right back after a message.

looking forward to this movie!

They'll probably find a way to kill off Chewie in this one.

Aye, they've taken an odd reaction to the fan fury over Chewie's death on the books.

I am not looking forward to this much, which is odd because I enjoyed the first two - but The Last Jedi is so much better than The Force Awakens, and so neatly critiques it, that the prospect of JJ Abrams returning to "no the parents / lightsaber / Snoke are actually really big deals, you won't believe what happens next" fills me with some gloom.

killing Chewbacca off makes no sense, he's in his prime middle age years while all these dumb human types are getting old

he could have an entire couple human lifetimes ahead of him, making all these shenanigans a past memory

the only ending I will accept would be Chewie ditching the rest of the characters during the climax and piloting the Falcon to unknown coordinates, with the rest of his long life playing out in wistful flashes a la the Six Feet Under finale

they kind of did that in the ending of the most recent cartoon series! their chewbacca-type character ended up riding off into the sunset

I hope Chewie finally succumbs to male pattern baldness in this one.

Naturally the Onion already beat me to that one:

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bYIDYuMc--/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/kexbrkb5pbm35bbskx42.jpg

I knwo its not technically a film but

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_Droids

cuz

An edited compilation DVD with the title Star Wars Animated Adventures: Droids was released on November 23, 2004. The DVD contained eight episodes of the series, edited together as two full-length movies. Besides cutting the theme song of the series, many other small modifications were made for the home video releases, most notably changes to the soundtrack.[2]

the soundtrack on Droids is really weird in a cool way

There's nothing grim about a film 100% focused on revealing the secrets of campus utility data

is there some way we could mix together all the movies into one movie to end all star wars movies?

so stoked for this

will they finally blow up the death star?!?!???

shakes!! :) hi

They've been blowing up Death Star after Death Star and getting nowhere. Maybe the trick is to not blow up the Death Star.

maybe they should build their own death star

and then the two death stars could make sweet sweet death star love and have a baby death star. a death starlet.

All these Death Stars. Can't anyone make a iLife Star?

boo typo

The prequels are the worst star wars movies and they have zero death stars. The Han Solo movie looks like it might be terrible and also not have a death star. Empire Strikes Back and the Last Jedi are good despite not having death stars appearing but it seems likely in both movies that a death star is being built somewhere off screen. Death stars are the secret ingredient that make these movies great and they should not be mocked.

Can't anyone make a iLife Star?

only if Disney buys Apple

Wasn't that the plot of Wrath of Khan?

quiet you!

are people already actually sick of this franchise I can't tell anymore

In record time, we're sick of you.

sorry if my mocking opprobrium is upsetting your grim resignation

iirc the ending of Episode I includes Anakin flying his ship into the core of a conspiciously large droid ship to blow it up

droid star, imo

Alfred's here so I can quickly add that JW's score for JFK really grounds the insanity from the start, it helps guide you into the conspiracy zone.

xxp ha, desert to lawrence there stands for basically the opposite, no? (p much the difference you'd expect between a tatooine native and a desert-loving english.) to anakin the sand "gets everywhere". (little dots, way down there.) he likes engines, machines, things that work just so; when they are breaking down, corrupted and damaged, full of sand, he fixes them-- cleans them-- so that they work properly again. later, the person he admires as "smooth" will be on the verge of death, and so will the republic. what will he do?

I mean I do my best to get other threads to the top of Site New Answers but ppl love their Shit Wars more than the Bee Gees and Ari Aster I guess

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, January 14, 2020 2:55 PM (twenty-one minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

like movie theater attendance records, the most popular threads aren't a mark of quality of interestingness, just a common boring culture that might reach above mediocrity that we can all bond over

only paying attention to most popular threads is like standing in the middle of the river when it's fun to swim out there sometimes but the majority of time is fun on the shores and in the shallows (niche threads)

fred in the other thread that's the same as this thread made me think more about rough vs smooth--

It has become quite a bit muddled over time, but I think technology vs nature was a big part of the subtext at the beginning of the saga. The Stormtroopers and Darth Vader and the Imperial Pilots are kinda inhumane, like robots, while all the Rebels are living beings. Luke has to turn off the computer and shoot with the force!

in anakin's formative years as a slave he has no control over his own body or life-- but he has control over the pod, and his (congenitally subservient) droid, and later over any spaceship he touches. with freedom perhaps he expects to gain the kind of mastery over himself that he has always had over machines. but he doesn't, and yoda and his pathological order (out-of-balance ever since the sith schism imo) keep rebuking him for his impulsiveness, only filling him with more desire for this impossible state of control. eventually, his rough body burns away, and machines build him a smooth shining machine to live in.

*ho per*

Inside this suit, everything is... soft... and smooth

*ho per*

(he also makes a slave of himself again, as if coming home) xp lolll

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EOQUuhdWkAEiydx?format=jpg&name=large

original Star Wars 9 plot leaked:

https://theplaylist.net/duel-of-the-fates-leak-colin-trevorrow-star-wars-20200114/

i posted that over in the spoilers thread - sounds like a better movie!

Taika Waititi is set to direct a ‘BABU FRIK’ Star Wars spin-off. (Source: @THR) pic.twitter.com/FPHl9nnDRD

— DiscussingFilm (@DicsussingFilm) January 16, 2020

o fuck

Good news all round!

J.J. Abrams is set to write and direct a remake of ‘STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI’. The film is eyeing a 2023 release date. (Source: @ManaByte) pic.twitter.com/1QpzLVRxFF

— DiscussingFilm (@DicsussingFilm) January 15, 2020

Shame on me for believing that!

mods pls delete the babu frik movie post before mh sees it and it breaks his heart

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EOasrcvX0AA4HmQ?format=jpg&name=large

Beautiful.

mods pls delete the babu frik movie post before mh sees it and it breaks his heart

― que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Friday, January 17, 2020 4:14 AM (four hours ago)

who do you think their anonymous source was?

tbrr I am all for spreading the most ridiculous misinformation about future star war projects

without a near-term announced project, those fan clicks are drying up and we've gotta get the dream alive

Alfred's here so I can quickly add that JW's score for JFK really grounds the insanity from the start, it helps guide you into the conspiracy zone.

― omar little,

Just more scenery for the public.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/scottmendelson/2020/01/19/box-office-rise-of-skywalker-turned-lucasfilm-star-wars-into-a-6-billion-wash-for-disney/

I wouldn't be surprised if it has been addressed, but is the guy being a janitor in Force Awakens a reference to the Space Quest video games?

yes

in fact the entire 43-year history of star wars has actually been an elaborate ‘backdoor pilot’ for an even more elaborate space quest cinematic universe

https://i.imgur.com/ZEojosc.jpg

That should really be a thing. Plot twists are at saturation. There's only so many rug pulls left.

Now instead we can have movie twists, where the film turns out to be something different.

You pay for Superman 5, and the twist is you were watching the SimCity movie all along

also you're in the rebooted matrix

Didn't they try that with the Blair Witch reboot that nobody saw? It was marketed as one thing and then they surprised people the last minute by saying it was something else? That nobody wanted or wanted to see?

It was basically just a terrible version of the first movie. It starts out alright and becomes pretty hilarious a half hour in

10 Cloverfield Lane could have pulled it off if they hadn't put Cloverfield in the title

I was going to suggest that as an example though - it has nothing much to do with Cloverfield (nor does The Cloverfield Paradox)

Didn't both of those have the Cloverfield link shoehorned in at late stages of their development?

Was there really an M. Night Shyamalan movie where the twist was that it's actually a sequel to Unbreakable? Or was that just an ILX joke?

That's the post-credits stinger to Split, that it exists in the same universe as Unbreakable - Glass is a sequel to both films.

Split sucked but Glass sucked more

hey heeeeeeeey

So apparently the expanded novelization of this movie has established that Rey's dad was actually a powerless clone of Palpy -- one of many he created after transferring his consciousness into a cloned body after ROTJ:

In the years that followed his loyal Sith Eternal cult continued to use gene splicing and his genetic template to create clones hoping for one of them to be a cradle for their god's consciousness. All the Strand-cast clones became abominations and failures, save one, a non-identical clone survived and thrived. However he lacked any Force-sensitivity and Darth Sidious saw him as useless and could not bear to look at such ordinariness, but Sidious still had some use for him continuing his bloodline through natural methods and the clone became his "son"

Not sure how I feel about this... on one level, it explains how Palpy could have him killed without a second thought; but it's also a little bizarre (and the idea of the clone lacking Force sensitivity, but Rey having it, feels kludgey).

Rey as Palpatine's granddaughter is kludgey, that's why people hate it.

Yes, I know...

I've enjoyed re-watching this on TV, btw... all three of the new movies are pretty fun to revisit (and/or half-watch in the background). They all have their issues (and don't hold a candle to the original two), but I like 'em!

B-B-but her plot holes

feels kludgey

On second thought, I guess it’s no less force(-d) than the notion that Palpy’s natural son wouldn’t have been Force-sensitive, and that Palpy wouldn’t have kept closer track of him, etc.

I guess I missed the “Strand-Cast” discussion in The Madalorian. I know cloning is, er, long-established in Star Wars... but it feels a little too “sci-fi” somehow, at this level.

kind of blows my mind that after attempting to distance themselves from the uneven plotting and scattershot ideas of the old Star Wars books/comics/etc. the episode 9 crew was thinking “wow, so how do we end this” only to crib half the plot from comic series Dark Empire

no luuke, no credibility