thread to get over a breakup

that was a ramble. apologies for the bad writing.

No, it's fair enough, I get some idea of that from time to time. About a month ago I was in town for something and was about to head home, no interest in a night out (also lol old so more than 2 pints would be a serious decision), I'd already talked to my girlfriend about 'how was your day' and rang my Mum (she's ill so I try to ring regularly), and I was just struck with the desire to have a phone conversation, like would it be weird to just ask on Facebook if anyone wanted to talk? (A: Yes)

that makes perfect sense

I'm currently on the other end of things having seen myself as a single person, primarily. I've dated off and on for the last few years but have had an intentional break from that, which has gone on slightly too long.

I was literally the only person in the movie theater yesterday and it was refreshing. There are some experiences like that where you're only going to talk about it after the fact, and it doesn't matter if you experience them with others. The socializing, like dancing or attending a concert, sometimes does feel really off, even if you wouldn't be able to pick out your friends easily in a mass of people and would be doing your own thing part of the time.

I really need more structured activities outside the house, but I'd say: start a routine. Even if it's heading out to a breakfast spot on the weekend, finding a place where you can get a coffee and chat with the staff, find a place where you can have two beers and chat with regulars on the way home. Uh, and maybe things that don't involve food/drinks/commerce

sorry, that was a xp to DL

would it be weird to just ask on Facebook if anyone wanted to talk

not necessarily! I have friends who have done this, although I haven't, and have ended up talking via text or calling people. even an ilxor or two.

that is to say, friends have asked if anyone wants to talk, and I've obliged. or just struck up a conversation if I see someone's online.

xxxp to Andrew. i had that too. i've got lots of friends/acquaintances in this city but they're all people i met in the last 2 years and many of them i'm not sure about just ringing up and asking if they wanted to do something or just chat or whatever

The socializing, like dancing or attending a concert, sometimes does feel really off, even if you wouldn't be able to pick out your friends easily in a mass of people and would be doing your own thing part of the time.

this is pretty funny and ironic in that I actually quite like breaking off from ppl I know in a pub/club/bar/gig and going on a little adventure. now suddenly i feel like a weirdo loner creeping around the place

the trick is to conspicuously strike up a conversation with a small group of people, and then speak to others elsewhere in the club later. then the second group thinks you're with the first group, not a weird loner, and they're more likely to talk to you

another thing i have to admit I did which is totally stupid and not making me feel happy at all is rejoining OKCupid and spending hours a day repetitively doing the Double Take swipe thing despite not even wanting a date and not really being interested in anyone on there. Maybe it's the instant gratification of getting 'likes' (you can't even see who's doing the liking unless you pay for an account), or a general nosiness about who's out there, or a sort of 'not wanting to feel like a lonely lump and living vicariously through other's profiles' or something, but I need to get off that for now, or until I'm genuinely interested and/or desperate to meet someone. In the back of my mind I'm still thinking like someone who needs someone else with them, and needs it now. I guess I have to hypnotise myself to think like a happy single person.

there's no wrong answer as to what a healthy/happy single person is

sometimes just browsing through sites like that is cathartic, even if you never message anyone

guess so.. being a social media addict doesn't help though, and it's a big waste of time considering

never been to the cinema on my own
it's great!

eating a 3 meal dinner alone at a good restaurant is also tops, really lets you zen out

I like being alone at concerts too (but I often end up talking to people when I go to concerts alone)

and bars, if it's a good bar you can just zen out standing at the bar having one pint after the other

I do get the awkwardness of clubbing alone, you need someone to dance with

and all those dating apps (I'm using all of them atm) are horrible indeed, such a waste of time

you could go to meetups and stuff, but I don't get the idea you need new friends? maybe would be nice for you to settle a bit more into your own company. but then, I'm an introvert so if you're different maybe it's never going to be as nice for you

"never been to the cinema on my own"

Wow. I know I'm pretty far over on the antisocial end of the scale but the idea of people who need company to exist in even non-social public spaces just boggles my mind.

"people who need company to exist"

can we assume that you didn't mean that to have the level of superiority it's giving off?

Can I assume the same of your response?

there's no reason to assume goodwill on moo's part

I'll admit to fp'ing right away

And is that the royal "we"?

tbh Moo i was trying to give you the benefit of refining a comment that seemed pretty shitty for this kind of thread but i shd've known better

You should probably stick to the "you have no friends" response from the other day, which I don't think anyone FP'd.

tbh Moo i was trying to give you the benefit of refining a comment that seemed pretty shitty for this kind of thread but i shd've known better

― bad left terf nut (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:21 PM (eleven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Not supercilious in the slightest.

never mind, carry on

I don't think it's about "needing" company as much as finding the act of doing these things solo a foreign thing.

there's no reason to assume goodwill on moo's part

― WilliamC, Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:14 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Goodwill toward whom? I don't know you or anyone else posting here.

I don't think it's about "needing" company as much as finding the act of doing these things solo a foreign thing.

― mh, Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:25 PM (twenty-one seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think finding it sufficiently foreign to avoid it is effectively the same thing. I find its foreignness foreign.

if we're not worthy of goodwill then why interact with us at all? jesus christ

I didn't say you were un'worthy of goodwill', nor do I perceive this forum primarily as a site of social 'interaction' in which such a concept would come into play, but rather as one for discussion of ideas. Though having just seen how small is its readership, I suppose that view may be erroneous.

I would suggest that excessively personalizing that sort of idealized discussion is in fact a fairly good description of bad faith.

I think depersonalizing any discussion, to the extent you pretend the people in it aren't distinct personalities bringing their own lives to the table, ignores how human interaction actually works

tell me how a thread with this title fits into your "idealized discussion" bullshit, because it's about a personal experience and not an idealized "how humans should deal with the end of a relationship"

there's no reason to assume goodwill on moo's part

― WilliamC, Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:14 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Goodwill toward whom? I don't know you or anyone else posting here.

― Moo Vaughn, Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:25 AM (twelve minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you are a total cunt

jim's got it in fewer words

thread for callously but efficiently workshopping ideas for getting over a breakup

"human interaction" doesn't "actually work" via typing words on a screen in what may be a hermetic environment and seeing them appear in electronic print to be read immediately or far in the future by several dozen or hundred faceless people any of whom might choose to ignore, read, respond, or address a different topic. Or was it your assertion that a given person may effectively control the terms of the thread for an indeterminate amount of time by presenting a certain personal topic or experience?

Note that this question is reasonably rhetorical and posed as part of a bilateral conversation I did not invite, and I'll now return you to defending ghosting with "I'm not feeling it," mr. goodwill, while I attempt do more productive things for an indeterminate interim.

No, the implication was your phrasing seemed judgmental and mean to someone who found the experience of going to a movie on their own disheartening.

And that's quite the misreading of what both "ghosting" and what I actually said was!

you are a total cunt

― Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:38 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I enjoy "cunts" on occasion so I'll accept your lower-class, sexist dismissal (to the degree a widespread term among your culture, expressive of its lower-class, sexist character) with mild amusement.

^not for those presently reading. a text for the futuremen^

you are a total cunt

― Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:38 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I enjoy "cunts" on occasion so I'll accept your lower-class, sexist dismissal (to the degree a widespread term among your culture, expressive of its lower-class, sexist character) with mild amusement.

― Moo Vaughn, Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:45 AM (six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

one of these posts is sexist, one of them is me calling you a cunt

you're also a cock just fyi

and an arsehole

hey moo you're a fucking idiot nerd ass loser and everyone hates you btw

ilx on the verge of dumping him again

thread to moo vaughn from a breakup

thread to breakup from moo vaughn

Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moovaughn coming down along the road and this moovaughn that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckhoos.

you're also a cock just fyi

― Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, April 3, 2018 6:53 PM (thirty-one minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Second thoughts then?

thread to breakup from moo vaughn

― sleeve, Tuesday, April 3, 2018 7:00 PM (thirty-one minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Something of a theme lately

Really wish this thread was on 77 tbh 🤐

Also why the fuck can't we seem to get rid of Gabnebb, jesus christ.

One of my favorite things to do is to go to the theater by myself (pre-Netlfix). But this may depend where one lives. I have gone to loads of shows by myself as well, most likely because I never want to stand in the crowd where my friends want to stand anyway so I don't mind standing by myself.

OTM about trying to set up a new routine above. I am a big advocate for finding a class that meets on the regular for something that you would like to learn and that would challenge you. Something that would require an end goal/test for you to accomplish by a a deadline and would require you to study. It makes you really focused everywhere else, if you can can commit to it.