another maniacal Armond White review, this time "Fahrenheit 9/11"

I have the email from OUT saying that they weren't running his column anymore.

We're done now

Photoshop can be problematic. But it can also make great agit-prop. Thanks Gary L. Oliver. @greggutfeld @frankrichny @LakeGregory pic.twitter.com/EULbKW40xR

— armond white (@3xchair) January 11, 2019

His work is now impossible to read. Whenever I click a national review link, which isn’t often, I get a pop up a out being the millionth visitor click here to redeem your free ipad

His work is now impossible to read. Whenever I click a national review link, which isn’t often, I get a pop up a out being the millionth visitor click here to redeem your free ipad

Sorry for the duplicate

You're The One Millionth ILX Double Poster! You Win An iPad!

Armond's description of this as "great agit-prop" goes a long way towards explaining his taste in movies.

this shit bums me out because his reviews are so insane and often inscrutable in a really beautiful way, when he's sharing right-wing boomer memes it's so boring.

To trust that we know the difference between fantasy and reality isn’t the same as desensitizing us to violence, not the same as the green-tinted Desert Storm bombing newscasts of the early Nineties that became the template for video games. Those extracted human life; Stahelski and Reeves abstract it. By the late Nineties, in the green-tinted The Matrix, the Wachowski sibling directors dished up postmodern rationales for dehumanization, but the green-tinted hotel-lobby shoot-out in Parabellum dispenses with excuses. The violent game is honestly understood as a game. At a time when a Trump-hating transsexual commits school shootings that trigger a coverup from moralizing phonies, the gun-control argument continues, but moviegoers can use the clear-headed catharsis provided by Parabellum’s comic understanding about the use of self-protective force. The certain popularity of John Wick 3: Parabellum is the strongest repudiation of political correctness imaginable.

Fuck him forever.

dude was always extremely vile and his opinions always extremely basic college-paper level contrarianism, but he certainly has turned it into a depressingly long series of gigs

what shooting is he talking about

i believe he's talking about the Highlands Ranch shooting near Denver

Brace yourselves

Keanu's #JohnWick Parabellum joins a great tradition against political correctness--like Lillian Gish in Night of the Hunter. https://t.co/0JgDTqDXTE #2AmendmentFilmFestivaal pic.twitter.com/BxcxyUMQKG

— armond white (@3xchair) May 18, 2019

Festivaal

the beauty of his work is there's no need to click through -- we can derive enough eye-rolling and laughs from that lede without reading a word of the actual review while understanding how bad it'd be

https://letterboxd.com/notarmondwhite/film/the-lion-king-2019/

Disney’s blatant cultural agenda explains the disaster of The Lion King. We can clarify the film’s deception by highlighting its production-purchase cycle and recognizing the unmistakable — not coincidental — political objectives of the filmmakers. This is how it works. It’s a Dishonor Roll:

Jon Favreau (Director): After turning Marvel’s Iron Man to visual dung, he is now Disney’s fake-reality hack and is key to understanding how this digitally rejiggered Lion King (like Favreau’s Jungle Book) continues the con job of Marvel’s Black Panther. Favreau’s unnamed African veldt might as well be New Wakanda.

Donald Glover (Simba): His dubious street cred as rapper Childish Gambino distorts the film’s bildungsroman concept, as he sells a CGI version of his ghetto-pathology TV series Atlanta.

Chiwetel Ejiofore (Scar): Evokes the grim horror he endured in 12 Years a Slave by voicing the mangy usurper — no longer Jeremy Irons’s effete, gayish, villain of 1994.

John Oliver (Zazu): HBO’s political “comic” becomes the herald of Pride Rock; he controls the film’s narrative.

James Earl Jones (Mufasa): The one 1994 veteran repeats his original role as Simba’s father, adding sonorous Darth Vader cred.

Alfre Woodard (Sarabi): The dotty house wench in 12 Years a Slave becomes Mufasa’s mate, Queen of the Pride Lands, and Simba’s mother. Progress?

Keegan-Michael Key (Kamari) and Eric André (Azizi): These peanut-gallery TV comics serve as Scar’s Spotted Hyenas henchmen, Antifa-in-waiting.

Seth Rogen (Pumbaa): Channels his dirtbag shtick into the warthog who sings the “no worries” theme song “Hakuna Matata,” a nihilist philosophy.

Billy Eichner (Timon): TV’s harassment comic, cast as the meerkat, harmonizing on “Hakuna Matata” about life as “a meaningless line of indifference” without irony.

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter (Nala): Not just Simba’s love interest but the era’s leading purveyor of Afrocentric kitsch. As the film’s cultural linchpin, she accuses Simba, “You don’t even know who you are!” Her rhythmic diction on “You’re not the Simba I remember” is pure Destiny’s Child. And during the live-action uprising, her call “Are you with me, lions!” awakens the Beyhive. It is the Disney corporation’s single most calculated moment since buying the Star Wars franchise.

what is "visual dung"

https://i1.wp.com/metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/poop.jpg

None of this wink-wink inauthenticity was a problem when Zack Snyder’s Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’hoole — the most exquisitely designed animated film since Fantasia — respected the moral values in coming-of-age narratives.

does anyone pay this deranged boomer clown for his literary dung anymore?

xpost

You missed the funniest, and most Armond-ish, line:

None of this wink-wink inauthenticity was a problem when Zack Snyder’s Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’hoole — the most exquisitely designed animated film since Fantasia — respected the moral values in coming-of-age narratives.

These peanut-gallery TV comics serve as Scar’s Spotted Hyenas henchmen, Antifa-in-waiting.

give the fascist narrative of the story, this is likely otm

Yeah, I realized I'd made an error not clipping the obligatory Snyder lickfest.

does anyone pay this deranged boomer clown for his literary dung anymore?

― bookmarkflaglink (jim in vancouver),

Noted dung peddlers NRO.

didn't know armond had a letterboxd, thanks

how much of that dung do lib masochists consume?

Keegan Michael-Key's casting as somehow helping to signify "antifa in waiting" is truly deranged, nicely done

character list observations tailor-made for a poll imo

I thought so too, but no forum needs 2 AW threads.

btw I'm pretty sure that letterboxd account is just someone copy/pasting armond's wise words over to that site

I'm only about 80 percent certain of that.

it's linked to his twitter

Beyonce, Queen of Afrocentric kitsch (look it up). Meghan Markle will always be a commoner. https://t.co/rkqblBdRNS @griot @Essence @TheRoot @huffpoblackvoices @Beyonce pic.twitter.com/SPVemlgSmO

— armond white (@3xchair) July 19, 2019

Who has to look up "Afrocentric kitsch"?

like that the tweet has one like from a brazilian alt-right anime fan

Not a single sentence of that character roll call makes any sense. I love this man so much.

It is the Disney corporation’s single most calculated moment since buying the Star Wars franchise.

Who has to look up "Afrocentric kitsch"?

― Pauline Male (Eric H.), Friday, July 19, 2019 7:00 PM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

lmfao jesus

Up to four 'likes'!

In other Disney/Armond news, he referred to what are very obviously ventriloquist's dummies in Toy Story 4 as "Pee-wee Herman dolls".

it's linked to his twitter

― flappy bird, Friday, July 19, 2019 5:22 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

it’s linked to a typo version

https://letterboxd.com/notarmondwhite/film/bottom-of-the-9th/

Bottom of the 9th comes to home video this week just as the new movie season begins. This second-chance paradox makes up for the neglect of film critics who failed to give the movie the attention that it deserved when Bottom of the 9th debuted. A rare, affecting baseball film, it’s also an unapologetic, unhip redemption tale — which is to say that the attempt of Sonny Stano (Joe Manganiello) to regain the baseball career he lost because of a youthful indiscretion depicts values that run counter to the behavior currently celebrated in our cynical culture.

Sonny’s predicament — and film critics’ general indifference to it — prove Bottom of the 9th’s special relevance. We see how Sonny, once a promising teenage baseball prospect, served a 20-year conviction for manslaughter, gets released and paroled, and then gradually recovers his love of the game, achieving a more mature sense of self.

Critics could have encouraged social consciousness and enticed viewers by comparing Sonny’s life to the Trump administration’s First Step Prison Reform. They didn’t. Ironically, the Trump bill (HR 6964) and its open-hearted White House signing ceremony received almost as little coverage from the #Resistance media as Bottom of the 9th itself did. But the film’s relevance goes deeper than politics.

It’s bold: a white ethnic story told at a time when Hollywood holds white male experience in low esteem.

open-hearted White House signing ceremony

open-heart WH surgery would get great ratings

baseball movies are almost all nonstarters, but curious that director also made the good civil-rights doc Booker's Place

https://letterboxd.com/notarmondwhite/film/annie-hall/

The first brilliant scene in Woody Allen’s Annie Hall (1977) now has Millennial relevance. It’s when grade-schooler Alvy Singer (Allen) and his mother visit psychiatrist Dr. Flicker to find out why the boy stopped doing his homework or anything else. “The universe is expanding,” Alvy explains. His mother snaps “What is that your business!”

Now timeless, the scene should be studied by every pundit and fake-news journalist who promotes recent children’s crusades — including such poster kids as Greta Thunberg and David Hogg — as politically expedient.

(Review is actually mainly about a new movie called Socrates.)

People who are interesting in the movies are mostly reading Armond's reviews to see what deranged angle he comes up with, right? I'm sure someone's taking him at face value, but there's no way they're actually interested in film

Correct.

his is a fascinating mind. i wish he would cut the crisis actor shit. his get out review was deranged but also pretty classic

pretty sure Woody/Alvy didn't think Mom's take was enlightened

I can't even bother to hate-read this fuckface anymore.