Why do people leave ILX for good?

ilx really puts the 'mean' in 'average'

sarahell otm about the wide variety of user experiences

*must not post OTM here*

block poster / killfile helps a lot w the landfill iirc

it's not really that we're too cruel or not cruel enough. we should be less cruel to eccentric unique posters and more cruel to landfill posters. instead we mock the posters who stand out (and therefore contribute to the site) and let the idiot contributions from the ilx peanut gallery go uncommented upon.

― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:12 (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Too simplistic again imo.

Worth isn't a binary.

Unique behaviour can be as shitty or as boring as anything else.

Tom D. otm

i keep thinking the board misses the self-important ambitious posting of yore but then i look at the self-important posters who are left

I may have been shat upon but I've had the near-indestructible private school self-confidence to just keep on at it. Others haven't had the privilege of such a robust psychological defence

constantly seeking out hazing is a way to live, I guess

No LJ you're just oblivious I think

imago is deeply beloved by me, he reminds me of my brother

mh - i think the term for that is "power bottom"

If LJ were my brother he'd have had it battered out of him early enough that it would have stuck but he is what he is and we're fond of him in our own way

I had some "friends" who were genuinely jerks when I was a kid and it took me a number of years to realize that I'd fight back against them by being passive aggressive or finding modes of conversation they hated and using them. Horrible way to live.

when i was a kid i didn't get along w/ a lot of the other students who i felt were bullies and cruel. one time i asked someone who was mean to me why they didn't like me and they said that it was because i didn't like them. this must've been around 5th grade. it lead to a lifelong journey of noticing how the attitudes i express, sometimes subconsciously, sometimes w/ just looks or snide remarks, but never taking responsibility for the affect i was putting out, actually generated the responses i got from people. it's v rare that someone bullies bambi. generally they're bullying some covert passive-aggressive bully who thinks they're bambi.

Victim blambing

People def bully Bambi, key word here is generally in your case

Who Killfiled Bambi?

Lol

Your intentions can be pure but someone may just hate the way you look or don't think you fit in

I thought they just killed 'is mum?

To Understand Messageboards, You Need To Understand Bambi

Your intentions can be pure but someone may just hate the way you look or don't think you fit in

yeah if it's one person but the aphorism about assholes applies. if you run into one asshole etc. if everyone is "bullying" you you may just have a persecution complex and a shitty personality.

KM otm!

Fair enough Mordy. Point taken!

@scott ever since Site New Answers I don’t really notice whether threads are ILE or ILM, I just tend to post on music threads. Even there I don’t post much beyond the metal, ambient and italo discussions, I don’t feel comfortable talking about rap, jazz, pop or classical even though I listen to that just as much, happy to just vote for it around yearly poll time.

usually I leave for months at a time because I feel inferior to everybody and probably took something someone said to me way too personally but I come back cos I find things on here that I don't find elsewhere.

i went through your 2017 metal list on Youtube and had a lot of fun doing it. it's exactly the kind of stuff i want to hear more of. cheers.

x-post

can we all bully mordy off the board now pls

after reading Neanderthal's comment and agreeing with it, I think I just realized I left ILX for a protracted period because Google Reader and my (relatively) new job took its place for a few years, and then I gradually started coming back and posting after they killed Google Reader and life got slightly less hectic (and also because I found out about Zing Touch)

Have left periodically because of boredom - with myself and the board. I don't think I've ever seriously fallen out with anyone or been especially upset by anyone. Also, real life stuff.

everyone yelled at Calum on ILX and he left and wrote, like, five books. i'd like to think that we inspired him. i would also probably read his book on Cannibal Holocaust published by Columbia University Press.

https://cup.columbia.edu/book/cannibal-holocaust/9781911325116

a well-timed otm can imbue a discussion with a deep richness of meaning that would be missing otherwise

yeah if it's one person but the aphorism about assholes applies. if you run into one asshole etc. if everyone is "bullying" you you may just have a persecution complex and a shitty personality.

― Mordy, Tuesday, February 27, 2018 5:38 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

when everyone on ilx is bullying/'bullying' someone it's usually because ppl get the scent of blood and want to take part in the pile on as much as anything else imo? (or you get a person who's no good at shrugging off zings, so every thread they post in becomes dominated by then indignantly pushing back against criticism and pissing off everyone, including those who weren't even bothered by whatever the original infraction that prompted the criticism was)

new one from Edinburgh University Press this year:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Style-Sleaze-Exploitation-1959-1977-Traditions/dp/1474409253

can we all bully mordy off the board now pls

please

it's the only way you'll learn

i love u all :*

For a moment, forget the bad days

generally they're bullying some covert passive-aggressive bully who thinks they're bambi

you're doing what every person everywhere does, which is to generalize from your own experience to understand the world and the experience of others, but as valuable as this reflex is, it never delivers as much as it promises. the lesson you learned in fifth grade was extremely valuable to you, and for the very reason that it is so vivid and valued, it is induces a kind of blindness to the experiences it does not fit.

fwiw, the bambi types present a safe tackling dummy for those who feel a need to display their tackling ability. they are especially at risk during the big social scrum that happens at puberty, where so many power dynamics are being explored and exploited.

i have met exactly 0 true bambis irl - at least as adults

therefore, they never existed. see my first sentence once more.

soref otm, i think that covers a lot of bullying IRL. i knew someone who was relentlessly bullied in school and then he moved to another state. we reconnected years later and i asked him how his school career was after that and he said it was the move was the best thing that could have happened to him. he didn't use this phrase but my sense was that he felt free and he could reboot and no one would know he'd been bullied before.

if you're someone who has been bullied, it's not that your personality is shitty (wtf) it's that it's hard to turn it around and come back from that in the eyes of others. the people who bullied you are not likely to suddenly become your best friends, and the people who stood idly by are not suddenly going to think you're the world's coolest kid.

i've always been glad i generally coasted through middle school and high school without taking much shit from others. but even so when i left my hometown damn that felt like a freeing moment.

i was thinking about that story i read recently, those horrible parents in SoCal who homeschooled their 13 kids. how one of them went to school and was bullied for her clothes, because she never took a bath, because of other reasons directly related to her being abused at home. i saw that too, lots of these awkward kids who were completely decent people but just didn't fit in, and took a ton of shit.

everyone yelled at Calum on ILX and he left and wrote, like, five books. i'd like to think that we inspired him.

Calum was a shitposter who kept trying to insist to me privately that he was just joking, when he had the sense of humor of a gnat.

ppl posting one word "otm" posts have been a blight on this site for as long as i've been here. if you're not adding anything with your post why are you posting?

― Mordy, Tuesday, February 27, 2018 9:13 AM (fifty-four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i like to pretend i have friends

one thing i don't get in IRL conversations is when people nod at each other. why nod your head in agreement if you're not adding anything to the conversation? there's no point

*nods*

a well-timed otm can imbue a discussion with a deep richness of meaning that would be missing otherwise

― had (crüt), Tuesday, February 27, 2018 11:52 AM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

the nice part of messageboards is the conversational aspect and sometimes that means typing dumb messages of agreement as a cue

I mean, if I don't get an 'otm' or response I'm going to assume I didn't make my point clearly enough and follow up my post with eight more posts :)

I don't wanna write a treatise in defence of bullying because bullying is bad

But not everything that happens that u didn't like is bullying either