Why do people leave ILX for good?

i'd like to think we're all intelligent enough to know that not everyone has the same ilx experience. some posters avoid the mean parts, others are drawn to the mean parts. some posters blend in and are not targeted. others (who are still posting here) have gotten monumental amounts of shit from other posters. others who have experienced only a fraction of that shit have left over it.

Real talk here: I feel like Branwell and LJ have been the most shat upon posters in the 9 years I've been posting here.

xp
I've thought about it. I don't post that much, don't really have a lot of connections to folks at ILX, get most of my music news elsewhere, and tbh was never the most apt messageboard guy anyway, even when I was on them every day. I like that ILX never became facebook, as far as likes/quantifiable feedback, but otoh sometimes it feels like Twitter. So, if I left, it would be because I was finally ready to say "I dgaf whether someone I don't know thinks my post is otm". I don't need to be at the table, or at least not this kind of table. Where's the table that can read your innermost thoughts and validate your innermost valuables without you having to be sociable about it? Oh yeah, it's the embittered solitary novelist table.

it's not really that we're too cruel or not cruel enough. we should be less cruel to eccentric unique posters and more cruel to landfill posters. instead we mock the posters who stand out (and therefore contribute to the site) and let the idiot contributions from the ilx peanut gallery go uncommented upon.

ppl posting one word "otm" posts have been a blight on this site for as long as i've been here. if you're not adding anything with your post why are you posting?

otm

someone invite tynan back

otm

ilx really puts the 'mean' in 'average'

sarahell otm about the wide variety of user experiences

*must not post OTM here*

block poster / killfile helps a lot w the landfill iirc

it's not really that we're too cruel or not cruel enough. we should be less cruel to eccentric unique posters and more cruel to landfill posters. instead we mock the posters who stand out (and therefore contribute to the site) and let the idiot contributions from the ilx peanut gallery go uncommented upon.

― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:12 (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Too simplistic again imo.

Worth isn't a binary.

Unique behaviour can be as shitty or as boring as anything else.

Tom D. otm

i keep thinking the board misses the self-important ambitious posting of yore but then i look at the self-important posters who are left

I may have been shat upon but I've had the near-indestructible private school self-confidence to just keep on at it. Others haven't had the privilege of such a robust psychological defence

constantly seeking out hazing is a way to live, I guess

No LJ you're just oblivious I think

imago is deeply beloved by me, he reminds me of my brother

mh - i think the term for that is "power bottom"

If LJ were my brother he'd have had it battered out of him early enough that it would have stuck but he is what he is and we're fond of him in our own way

I had some "friends" who were genuinely jerks when I was a kid and it took me a number of years to realize that I'd fight back against them by being passive aggressive or finding modes of conversation they hated and using them. Horrible way to live.

when i was a kid i didn't get along w/ a lot of the other students who i felt were bullies and cruel. one time i asked someone who was mean to me why they didn't like me and they said that it was because i didn't like them. this must've been around 5th grade. it lead to a lifelong journey of noticing how the attitudes i express, sometimes subconsciously, sometimes w/ just looks or snide remarks, but never taking responsibility for the affect i was putting out, actually generated the responses i got from people. it's v rare that someone bullies bambi. generally they're bullying some covert passive-aggressive bully who thinks they're bambi.

Victim blambing

People def bully Bambi, key word here is generally in your case

Who Killfiled Bambi?

Lol

Your intentions can be pure but someone may just hate the way you look or don't think you fit in

I thought they just killed 'is mum?

To Understand Messageboards, You Need To Understand Bambi

Your intentions can be pure but someone may just hate the way you look or don't think you fit in

yeah if it's one person but the aphorism about assholes applies. if you run into one asshole etc. if everyone is "bullying" you you may just have a persecution complex and a shitty personality.

KM otm!

Fair enough Mordy. Point taken!

@scott ever since Site New Answers I don’t really notice whether threads are ILE or ILM, I just tend to post on music threads. Even there I don’t post much beyond the metal, ambient and italo discussions, I don’t feel comfortable talking about rap, jazz, pop or classical even though I listen to that just as much, happy to just vote for it around yearly poll time.

usually I leave for months at a time because I feel inferior to everybody and probably took something someone said to me way too personally but I come back cos I find things on here that I don't find elsewhere.

i went through your 2017 metal list on Youtube and had a lot of fun doing it. it's exactly the kind of stuff i want to hear more of. cheers.

x-post

can we all bully mordy off the board now pls

after reading Neanderthal's comment and agreeing with it, I think I just realized I left ILX for a protracted period because Google Reader and my (relatively) new job took its place for a few years, and then I gradually started coming back and posting after they killed Google Reader and life got slightly less hectic (and also because I found out about Zing Touch)

Have left periodically because of boredom - with myself and the board. I don't think I've ever seriously fallen out with anyone or been especially upset by anyone. Also, real life stuff.

everyone yelled at Calum on ILX and he left and wrote, like, five books. i'd like to think that we inspired him. i would also probably read his book on Cannibal Holocaust published by Columbia University Press.

https://cup.columbia.edu/book/cannibal-holocaust/9781911325116

a well-timed otm can imbue a discussion with a deep richness of meaning that would be missing otherwise

yeah if it's one person but the aphorism about assholes applies. if you run into one asshole etc. if everyone is "bullying" you you may just have a persecution complex and a shitty personality.

― Mordy, Tuesday, February 27, 2018 5:38 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

when everyone on ilx is bullying/'bullying' someone it's usually because ppl get the scent of blood and want to take part in the pile on as much as anything else imo? (or you get a person who's no good at shrugging off zings, so every thread they post in becomes dominated by then indignantly pushing back against criticism and pissing off everyone, including those who weren't even bothered by whatever the original infraction that prompted the criticism was)

new one from Edinburgh University Press this year:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Style-Sleaze-Exploitation-1959-1977-Traditions/dp/1474409253

can we all bully mordy off the board now pls

please

it's the only way you'll learn

i love u all :*

For a moment, forget the bad days

generally they're bullying some covert passive-aggressive bully who thinks they're bambi

you're doing what every person everywhere does, which is to generalize from your own experience to understand the world and the experience of others, but as valuable as this reflex is, it never delivers as much as it promises. the lesson you learned in fifth grade was extremely valuable to you, and for the very reason that it is so vivid and valued, it is induces a kind of blindness to the experiences it does not fit.

fwiw, the bambi types present a safe tackling dummy for those who feel a need to display their tackling ability. they are especially at risk during the big social scrum that happens at puberty, where so many power dynamics are being explored and exploited.

i have met exactly 0 true bambis irl - at least as adults

therefore, they never existed. see my first sentence once more.