fuck cancer

sorry :(

thanks ums

fuck this god damned cuntball of a shitting fucking fuck

sorry for vagueness, i have no words but need to spray words

aunt sally sounds like a wonderful person MVB who clearly made the best of her groove.
if i get to see any great grandkids then i will die a very content man.

that said, still it needs to be said often : fuck cancer.

6 years on and i realise just how young me and the lads were to experience such dark and heavy times.
life now is so different than it was meant to be.
today is easily the worst day of the year for me.

:(

for what is worth you seem like a really good person, who has gone through some hard stuff, and I genuinely hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

My wife had a scan last week. Saw oncologist today. Cancer is back, spread to her bones, don't know how long she has. More chemo. In shock I think

Fuck, sorry to hear that CP.

My wife had a scan last week. Saw oncologist today. Cancer is back, spread to her bones, don't know how long she has. More chemo. In shock I think

no words suitable.
fuck the evil lump.
xxx CP.

I'm so sorry to hear that, man.

Oh fuck CP that’s shit news. Don’t really know what say but best wishes to you both and keep battling on.

i’m so sorry CP

thinking of you, mark e

Just told my boss because I'll need to be able to go to the hospital occasionally. They were good about it last year so shouldn't be a problem. Struggling to tell anyone else tbh. It's my sister's birthday on Sunday so I'll probably just wait til next week to tell my family. It's a good job I'm working from home today I guess.

Love to you and Mrs CP.

Forgot to mention, my wife had refused a hormonal medication they wanted her to take a couple of months ago as it's supposed to slightly reduce the chance of recurrence, after a previous hormonal medication they gave her before Xmas caused severe side effects. Wouldn't have done her any good obviously as it was already coming back. Turns out if she *had* taken the hormonal medication, she wouldn't have been eligible for NHS funding for the chemo they are going to give her. Why I have no idea, but I'm assuming it's something to do with the fucking Tories.

sorry to hear CP, best wishes to you and your wife

fuck cancer (and fuck the Tories)

best wishes to you too, mark e

Wishing peace and strength for all of you.

Fuck awful healthcare systems.

Fuck cancer.

I am so sorry. Love to both of you.

yeah, this is horrible news, i'm so sorry man

So sorry to hear it CP. Much love and good wishes to you and your wife.

Oh CP I'm so very sorry.

And to Mark too - I can't even imagine how hard today is for you.

cosign all the above. strength to you both

Colonel i'm so sorry. mark, you're always in my thoughts.

Colonel, so sorry to hear that

Colonel, that's devastating news, I'm so so sorry. Love and strength to you and B x

sorry CP that is awful news <3

So sorry to hear the news, CP. Sending good thoughts your way.

We have a bit more information now. The median survival for this particular secondary cancer is 21 months. However there is a woman in the FB support group for IBC who is still alive after 6 years, and she is taking the medication my wife will be taking. I still don't understand the NHS rules for this, because they want her to start taking the hormones that would have made her ineligible for the treatment she's going to be on. She just couldn't have started taking the hormones first. Fuck knows

I'm just posting this so I don't write it somewhere else: what the fuck does "don't give up hope" mean exactly? don't give up hope that a cure for terminal cancer will be discovered and go through all the clinical trials and be available on the NHS in the next few months? I know you mean well but fuck off.

I know you mean well but fuck off.

internal thoughts : the true test is when you say them out loud.
you have been in my head a lot recently sir, and my offer stands.
xx.

thanks Mark. I'm just venting. the person who texted me that is someone I haven't seen in a couple of years and I'm supposed to be meeting up with them and some other old friends next month, the friend who's organising it asked me if I'd told them and I said no but I didn't mind if they did. it's really nothing, just irked me.

cloying encouragement is one of the worst things anyone can do in response to shit news, yet loads of people do it. it only rubs it in and makes it worse. saying nothing is infinitely more helpful.

our friend who’s been going through this is too nice to snap at anyone, but we’ve been in visiting him when others are there running off empty platitudes of hope and encouragement, and the look on his face says it all. the intentions are pure but it does not help. like, he’s putting himself through incredibly traumatic surgeries and chemo, obviously he’s not giving up.

I completely understand being in that position of wanting to help but not knowing what to say, I'm in it myself. Saying nothing often seems like the better option, but that risks appearing cold or indifferent. That's why I just posted in here, hopefully I would never actually snap back at someone but I can be hotheaded so

totally understand. there’s no cardinal right or wrong way to respond, but some sentiments are basically “well fuck i’ve got nothing good to say but i should say something”, which in itself is good and well-meaning but sometimes a heartfelt “well fuck” or “what can i do” or “fancy a pint” would be better.

Maybe, in a more general sense, it's intended as "don't give in to despair" i.e. enjoy what you can, while you can. Nobody knows what to say and a good fraction of people will fuck it up. I know several people who have been through devastating times and have told me that dealing with other people's emotions is a massive and unwanted workload. That said, CP it sounds fucking horrible and I wish you strength and whatever good luck is possible.

Maybe, in a more general sense, it's intended as "don't give in to despair"

true, also perhaps they themselves are not coping with the news (even though they’re relatively distanced from it) and are probably comforting themselves as much as anyone else. maybe i should walk back my criticism tbh

I can understand to a degree the reticent to prescribe strong painkillers given the opioid epidemic in the USA, but how much pain do you have to be in to get anything stronger than fucking cocodamol?? Have your leg sawn off or something? My wife asked for painkillers and the GP prescribed her cocodamol, I looked it up because it wasn't helping, it's the same fucking strength as OTC. I could go and buy her some Neurofen Plus with a higher dose in it from fucking Morrisons right now. WTF. Now she's having the go-around trying to get something stronger, the hospice nurse is on holiday, on hold to the GP.

My wife has decided to hire a "death doula" to help her with plans for the rest of her life and her eventual death. I don't really like to ask for money because we are not poor and can afford to pay for a certain amount of this but if you would like to help out with a couple of quid her GoFundMe is here:

https://www.gofundme.com/babsdoula

a heartbreaking story. Not heard of death doulas before but sounds like an excellent idea. xx

that sounds like a very positive choice. hugs to you both!

yeah that is a p great idea

Friend of mine who I've known a very long time passed away this morning after trying to beat non-hodgkins for the last year or so. He was often cantankerous, mischievous and getting into trouble with everyone but he was a talented artist and antiques restorer and a great goth DJ and songwriter. Cahl, your larger than life obstreperous nature will be well missed, mate. :(

<3 sorry for yr loss trayce

Sorry for your loss

oh jeez trayce i’m so sorry

I totally thoguht he had it beat. He got better after all the chemo and initial zapping. Was back to working, hair growing back and all. Then for some reason he had to do a stem cell treatment - wether it was neccesary or experimental I'm not sure? But it went bad, fast, and he lasted barely weeks.

Now all I can think is how I never really caught up with him much, and I'd hate to think more people would turn up to my death than they do my life. I'm a shit friend.