Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

twats who insist on standing at the front making getting on and off a hassle even tho there are at least half a dozen empty seats -infinity/10

― drugs don't kill people, poppers do (Noodle Vague), Monday, 5 February 2018 06:23 (twenty-eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

their look of genuine surprise when you have no choice but to barge through them almost makes this worth it

almost

Here he is!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsQAm3eXano

:D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CjWvPsmHDQ

to have been driven by him twice in three months having never noticed him before is pretty cool

Black American driver of 176 stopping at Camberwell Green at 3am and walking round the bus shouting "I WANNA SAY THIS REAL CLEAR SO Y'ALL DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ASKIN ME - THIS BUS WILL TERMINATE AT DULWICH LIBRARY. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FOREST HILL. IT AIN'T GOIN TO SYDEN-HAM. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE. IT TERMINATES AT DULWICH LIBRARY" - 10/10

― That mong guy that's shit, Monday, 17 March 2008 12:13 (nine years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A big weekend coming up. I still think about this often.

Sorry about that username tho

discovered last night that 'penge' is Danish for 'money' fyi

any time Fred B makes a good point we could refer to it as GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE

well at least we won't be using that phrase then

headers and volleys

Penge is where the dude from Denmark Hill kept his cash, famously.

guy who sat on the set of three sideways-facing seats near the front and laid his wet umbrella across the other two seats

you get -3 out of 10 for taking up three seats, which I am going to double for making them damp for future passengers, so -6

make it -7 for coughing repeatedly without covering your mouth

I am of course an exemplary 10/10 passenger myself, apart from being fat, and having no sense of balance, and a miscalibrated sense of personal space, and having a big tatty seat-encroaching coat with needlessly bulging pockets, and... er, never mind

Are you all on the same bus?
― Michael Jones, Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Passenger in carriage 1 with big hairy dog 0/10
Passenger in carriage 2 with big bunch of smelly flowers 0/10
Passenger in carriage 3 with noisy kid playing noisier iPad game 1/10

On another message board there's a 0/10 for the crying, sneezing, angry guy who keeps changing seats.

i don't even specify quiet carriage any more when i book a train ticket because i think i get more stressed by the inability of chimps to keep quiet in that carriage than in the others

those train chimps in full

http://www.ewillys.com/wp-content/uploads2/2012/12/1950-chimpanzee-stlouis-zoo-jeep-train-postcard1.jpg

i ask myself if people just have a different sense of what "quiet" means, like as long as you're not playing a full one-man band ensemble or doing a bit of impromptu drilling then sitting there chatting bollocks for an hour or phoning somebody to tell them that you're on a train is quiet.

Embroidered “Unknown Pleasures” patch on back of jacket, patchy chinstrap beard, geometric below-ear tattoo of some kind, otherwise inoffensive, 5/10

I'm back on the bus with the drumming singing driver :D it's the 124 again

Pyramid hat guy is opposite me right now. Well-dressed businessman, probably late-40s, in tweed jacket, with faraway air

Pair of strangers at front of the bus having a loud convo about Supermarket Sweep, dead celebs and NHS waiting times for scans 8/10

On the bus this evening there was a guy wearing a baseball cap with what appeared to be 'cuck' written across it. I looked closer and it actually read 'rock', but in a terribly stylised Gothic bro font like on some brands of energy drink.

generally commuting in this morning everyone looked on point and well dressed and i was in random shit i’d flung together. everyone else 10/10, me, 4.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DdAuZQ9VQAA2YIL.jpg

nobody is coming out of that with any credit tbh

Dear bored-looking student solving a neon-colored Rubik's Cube at lightning speed, then dropping it back into her neon-colored purse, you are a 9.5/10.

Dear gang of Belgians chatting to the guy with the super-English accent who looks and sounds kind of like someone I vaguely know (hope it wasn't),

I appreciate that you don't want to carry your wheely suitcases upstairs, but the downstairs of the bus is full and the upstairs of the bus is 99% empty and you're sitting on the stairs goddammit do you not see a problem here

0/10, or if I feel generous 2/10 and everyone with a seat and no infirmities on the ground floor docked 2 points for not moving upstairs for you, but it's the hottest day of the year so I don't feel very generous

Dear blonde guy called Lars with a Richard Spencer haircut, a mauve lurex blazer, a designer jute bag, and Laura Ashley patterned shorts, drunkenly chatting up every Arab-looking man on a late night commuter train, you get eight points for chutzpah and minus nine for style.

Daerest fattey chewing out three public servants on behalf of your unemployed boyfriend, then breaking up with said boyfriend over a minor quibble, over the phone, in a matter of twenty minutes, while munching down a bag of chips, you live your life to the fullest and I respect that. 8/10

Sitting in a railway waiting room in Crewe right now. A man comes over, "Is it Kevin Price, a rock band, Amen Corner?". Me, "Sorry?. Man, "Like Liverpool, like battle fort". Me, "Sorry, I've got no idea what you're talking about'. Then he goes to the bar to buy a pint of Caffrey's, from a very doubtful barman,, having demolished a pint of cider already, leaves it on a table, goes to the door, turns round and points to a man who just come in and says to me, "He's Amen Corner drummer eleven". Then leaves, no sign of him returning as yet.

... so I'm back in Crewe and he's here again, I've been here 20 minutes and he's on his third pint of Caffreys - fiver a pint in a railway bar, they must love this guy. No Amen Corner related outbursts as yet.

... third pint finished, up for his fourth, all of them paid with by ten pound notes. I've got a train to catch.

you are yet to assign this gentleman a score

Old lady punching my arm and shouting at me for holding a tram door open for a straggler: you are mentally disturbed and I understand your plight. Also, you’re an asshole. 4/10

Teenager casually informing me, weeks later, at a similar occasion, that it’s enough to step on the tram’s footboard to hold the door open, no actual door-wrangling required, before laughing maniacally and running off across a rush-hour lane: just as crazy, not an asshole. 8/10

(None of those actually sat across or next to me tbh)

Haven't seen Caffrey's for years, perhaps he travels a long way for it.

aviator shades / pink linen blazer / chinos / jazzy socks / boat shoes-sporting tory-lookin dude in his 30s in first class carriage, downing one large bottle of doom bar and then spilling a second over the table / floor, staggering to the loo, coming back with blazer off and soaking wet, laying back in his seat, occasionally twitching, then after many hours of this, getting off at motherwell: 2/10, one point given for keeping the shades on well into the gloaming

Person playing reggae on the top deck of the bus, 8/10 cause I'm in a good mood even though I've just carried a screaming toddler for a mile and a half. Dropping to 4/10 when red red wine by ub40 started.

Woman spraying multiple perfume samples and eating multiple boiled eggs: minus infinity/10

i love them murder things though

yeaaah love them

dyou know who could murder me though that aaron hernandez fucking gorgeous

yeah hes really big

he could shoot me fuckin da id still climb him

Good to see the Welsh lads intimidated you out of yr pub

respect knuckles to the guy who brought a box of cereal, a bowl, a spoon, and a gallon of milk on the bus and proceeded to pour and eat a bowl of cereal, as well as offering some to his fellow passengers

yeah id go for that

xp sadly im off home ;_;

Sitting near someone with some of these stickers on his laptop

am I going to die lads

is that not some sort of steampunk thing

nope

a very US style "workout gear for troops, veterans, and the people who wish they were troops" brand but from the UK

like I said jim

anyway I’m off the train now, he’s free to sign his soldier F petitions in peace

'Hey, man, you spread any wider, something's liable to fall out of there.'

^ words I literally had to refrain from saying just now because I don't really need a black eye atm

But seriously. I think he's at risk of displagia. I'm concerned.

why can't people on trains just shut up

Had a good one the other day. Two guys - I think from Albania or somewhere in the Balkans - randomly punching each other in the chest, and when I say punching I mean with real violent force and then going back to looking at their mobile phones.

... on the bus home.