Twitter C/D

This style of political tweet-writing is so awful:

Okay, politikids. Grab thyselves a beverage and settle in.

I just careened through 180-pages of House Intel Committee testimony by Fusion GPS and it was just chockablock with tasty bits.

Let's hit the buffet.

1/

— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) January 19, 2018

five tweets in and I'm still not sure if it's a parody of that style or real

subtle if parody

The Hoarse Whisperer
@HoarseWisperer
#StableGenius. I've seen this movie up close. A clinical narcissist in the White House is a profound danger which all Americans must stand and #resist.

threb/>

Curious how ILX formats this;

The Capitalist Pyramid.

👑
💪💰
🎩🎩🎩
🐷🐷🐷
📈📺📰📡📉
🐂🙈🙉🙊🐻
😌😴😄😪😑😋
👔👔👔👔👔👔
👮💂👮💂👮💂👮
🔰🔫🔰🔫🔰🔫🔰
🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧
😮😫😓😔😞😟
😣😥😨😩😬😧😦
😡😰😮😥😵😟😤😱

(✊)

— 🌐 IPM 💯🏧💍🌈🚀🚩 (@IPM_Tweets) January 22, 2018

damn I didn't realize monkeys and large mammals were that powerful

Smiled at that twitter user choosing 🔰 to represent military when it's just a magnet that beginning drivers slap on the hoods and trunks of their cars in Japan to alert other drivers of their lack of prowess.

I think that's the badge for the cops above

The first 10 lines represent five things with two lines each

i have moved Twitter off my home screen and am loving it so far tbh

Zing is the only social app left on my home screen now

@youtubeartifact is a good bot to follow

i wanna start a twitter art history bot that posts images from this 16gb torrent of paintings that i use as my screensaver

Wow did someone scrape Artstor

This is one of worst genres of tweet.

Congrats, guys. You invented a MFing bus. https://t.co/D2QO59FGqe

— Chris Wetterich (@ChrisCinciBiz) January 26, 2018

It's a microgenre that I can't believe everyone hasn't seen by now in its many, many repeats.

whenever I see “you invented a X” I hear it as a movie title like “we bought a zoo”

(have not seen that film so not sure if this holds up)

they did buy a zoo

In pretty much every case it’s a new invention/technology. I’m the case of “Organic Pools?? No dummy that’s a pond” a few people explained how it was an actual thing in the replies but were ignored.

*In the case of

imo the progenitor was uber or whatever actually proposing a very large carpool that went along a set route and they did, in fact, reinvent the idea of a bus route

any further references are just joking off of that, pretty sure the one you linked is a self-driving bus

i invent a bus every day

there was a startup in boston that was essentially a “reinvention” of buses - the only differences were the avoidance of lower income areas and the smaller vehicles. (and the price of course.) i would think that silicon valley’s sheltered boy geniuses “reinventing” services that they refused to use because they didn’t want to get poor on them would be more annoying than the tweets about them but i guess ymmv

yuuuuuup

i disregard all accounts that don't list the owner's favorite sports teams in the bio

yeah that's a pretty good indicator. even worse is a team's record as display name

if someones not a dad and a thinkfluencer frankly ive got no time for em

oh so that's the guy i need to put on my death list for excel-related crimes

― grim-n-gritty hooty reboot (bizarro gazzara)

for real what is with constantly converting my numbers to scientific notation CUT IT THE FUCK OUT

sorry i don't have anything to say about twitter beyond "it sucks"

it sucks but its so good

Surprised this story hadn't been added here yet

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/01/27/technology/social-media-bots.html

Needless to say, read it; Twitter's hardly the only one with the issue but they're the understandable focus.

it would suck to have your name/photos repurposed by a bot, but for the rest of it i don't really care

if you or your late-capitalist economic system are 'influenced' by numbers of followers and retweets, fake accounts are merely a symptom

It's less that they're the symptom, more that the thirst for them is.

I’d like to buy about 10 followers.

i made abot but it got banned https://twitter.com/trending_mishap

lol noo

John Leguizamo? lol

Illigit Leguizamo

Breaking: Congressman told woman he would report her to Capitol Police if she exposed his secret sex life pic.twitter.com/32aZMNCrhH

— Trending Mishap (@trending_mishap) November 23, 2017

it sucks but its so good

― k3vin k.

i feel the same way about crystal meth

or maybe just the crystal method, i always get those two confused

couple of weeks on from getting twitter off my homescreen and i do not miss it at all

every now and again i'll follow a link to read some post or thread and i get a "yikes" feeling pretty quick and do an exaggerated frowny raised-eyebrows tip-toe out of there

fucks up with twitter lately, my timeline is so screwy. Seeing lots of missing tweets that were there earlier and really old tweets pop up. This has been happening for about a month here and there. Anyone else?

It's bound to be that way if you use the official app or web-twitter. It's gone haywire.

yeah it really dropped off a cliff recently

came back to look at twitter via web page after being completely off it for about half a year.

either twitter is completely fucking insane now or my metabolism for hot take intake has dropped to healthy levels or both

the site is like the movie 28 Days Later

they're screwing with the algorithmic ways to keep people on longer and it's messing up everything

Memes in 2010 vs memes in 2018 pic.twitter.com/opisoQuvNz

— sacreDan (@Danceive) February 1, 2018

People I follow keep getting spontaneously unfollowed without me wAnting to.

they're screwing with the algorithmic ways to keep people on longer and it's messing up everything

― maura, Friday, February 2, 2018 4:57 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's interesting because, for me at least, there are some really basic aspects of their ui they could change to keep me on way longer. for example, it's constantly trying to get me (in some cases forcing me) to scroll back up to most recent tweets, even if i've been away from twitter for a while and would have hours of old tweets to read. once i'm back at the top, i read the new tweets, then close

I don’t think I’ve looked at twitter in the official client or on the web for more than a minute at a time forever

it’s all tweetbot on my phone