Twitter C/D

Joanna Whatley · London, United Kingdom
But, ummm... many of these tweets are dated March 2018, which make the whole thing a scam since it’s only January. Or have I fallen into a parallel universe?

wow that's surprisingly good

"buckle up, it's time for some bayesian inference"

i did particularly lol @ that

that article is the best black mirror episode yet

staggeringly good article. sometimes buzzfeed rises above being buzzfeed.

ugh that sounds wankier than i expected it to

it sounded as wanky as i expected

amazing, including the made up tweets, twitter handles, everything spot on

i didn't even pick up on the joke til Fergus McContrary, founder of an online journal looking sceptically at facts

need a trigger warning for satire plz

Good piece!

Oh no, the liberals have been TRIGGERED again. pic.twitter.com/DXKIp1HsYv

— The Liberated Brain (@Liberated_Brain) January 18, 2018

that was pretty good

so is this but not as funny

https://www.joelonsoftware.com/2018/01/12/birdcage-liners/

that guy is way more sanguine about the future than he probably should be

Well, he played a major role in the creation of Microsoft Excel.

oh so that's the guy i need to put on my death list for excel-related crimes

I’m amazed he made an argument for longer posts providing better context, made a dumb dog analogy, and then used the details of a very specific twitter meltdown (“by the time you get off the plane in Africa..”)

I’m no longer thinking of dogs at all, I’m thinking about this:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/22/pr-exec-fired-racist-tweet-aids-africa-apology

like yeah, you can fuck up context in 140 characters, but you just did it in thousands!

the best part about the buzzfeed piece is it's a sequel. apparently fergus mccontrary got fired from his columnist job.

as a guy who rage quit twitter in december this mike monterio post is..........................very relatable to me

https://medium.com/@monteiro/twitters-great-depression-4dc394ed10f4

One of the warning signs for me is when I can’t tell the difference between a big problem and a small problem. My brain stops prioritizing. Every problem comes at me at exactly the same size. This is depression taking away a major coping mechanism. And that’s exactly what was happening on Twitter. Every outrage was becoming the exact same size.

bingo

that's really a good piece

This style of political tweet-writing is so awful:

Okay, politikids. Grab thyselves a beverage and settle in.

I just careened through 180-pages of House Intel Committee testimony by Fusion GPS and it was just chockablock with tasty bits.

Let's hit the buffet.

1/

— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) January 19, 2018

five tweets in and I'm still not sure if it's a parody of that style or real

subtle if parody

The Hoarse Whisperer
@HoarseWisperer
#StableGenius. I've seen this movie up close. A clinical narcissist in the White House is a profound danger which all Americans must stand and #resist.

threb/>

Curious how ILX formats this;

The Capitalist Pyramid.

👑
💪💰
🎩🎩🎩
🐷🐷🐷
📈📺📰📡📉
🐂🙈🙉🙊🐻
😌😴😄😪😑😋
👔👔👔👔👔👔
👮💂👮💂👮💂👮
🔰🔫🔰🔫🔰🔫🔰
🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧
😮😫😓😔😞😟
😣😥😨😩😬😧😦
😡😰😮😥😵😟😤😱

(✊)

— 🌐 IPM 💯🏧💍🌈🚀🚩 (@IPM_Tweets) January 22, 2018

damn I didn't realize monkeys and large mammals were that powerful

Smiled at that twitter user choosing 🔰 to represent military when it's just a magnet that beginning drivers slap on the hoods and trunks of their cars in Japan to alert other drivers of their lack of prowess.

I think that's the badge for the cops above

The first 10 lines represent five things with two lines each

i have moved Twitter off my home screen and am loving it so far tbh

Zing is the only social app left on my home screen now

@youtubeartifact is a good bot to follow

i wanna start a twitter art history bot that posts images from this 16gb torrent of paintings that i use as my screensaver

Wow did someone scrape Artstor

This is one of worst genres of tweet.

Congrats, guys. You invented a MFing bus. https://t.co/D2QO59FGqe

— Chris Wetterich (@ChrisCinciBiz) January 26, 2018

It's a microgenre that I can't believe everyone hasn't seen by now in its many, many repeats.

whenever I see “you invented a X” I hear it as a movie title like “we bought a zoo”

(have not seen that film so not sure if this holds up)

they did buy a zoo

In pretty much every case it’s a new invention/technology. I’m the case of “Organic Pools?? No dummy that’s a pond” a few people explained how it was an actual thing in the replies but were ignored.

*In the case of

imo the progenitor was uber or whatever actually proposing a very large carpool that went along a set route and they did, in fact, reinvent the idea of a bus route

any further references are just joking off of that, pretty sure the one you linked is a self-driving bus

i invent a bus every day

there was a startup in boston that was essentially a “reinvention” of buses - the only differences were the avoidance of lower income areas and the smaller vehicles. (and the price of course.) i would think that silicon valley’s sheltered boy geniuses “reinventing” services that they refused to use because they didn’t want to get poor on them would be more annoying than the tweets about them but i guess ymmv

yuuuuuup

i disregard all accounts that don't list the owner's favorite sports teams in the bio

yeah that's a pretty good indicator. even worse is a team's record as display name

if someones not a dad and a thinkfluencer frankly ive got no time for em

oh so that's the guy i need to put on my death list for excel-related crimes

― grim-n-gritty hooty reboot (bizarro gazzara)

for real what is with constantly converting my numbers to scientific notation CUT IT THE FUCK OUT

sorry i don't have anything to say about twitter beyond "it sucks"

it sucks but its so good