Real England

Cor blimey, not that douchebag

"common sense" ticket says the man with that haircut

It'd be fucking hilarious if he was subcontracting on shitloads of Carillion sites and got completely stiffed for a fortune. But Charlie 'as his mates in the party that will tald him they're garn daahhhn the bloody karrrzie.

Mr Mullins dismissed any comparisons between his mayoral run and the presidential campaign of Donald Trump, who leveraged his business career into winning the US election.

“We’re nothing alike - from how he operates he’s got no common sense that I can see,” said Mr Mullins. “The only similarity is that we both have long hair.”

i'd love a longread on the process by which the phrase 'common sense' ended up becoming synonymous with wingnuttery

Finally, someone willing to give a voice to London's corporations.

Mr Mullins, a leading Brexiteer.

I'm not sure this is true btw, he financed Gina Miller's Article 50 court case after all.

I actually don't think the silly tosser is a complete cunt tbf.

as long as he can write it off against tax I don't suppose he's bothered

Obviously, he's a businessman, being a cunt comes with the territory.

He's definitely a stout Remoaner is our Charlie, amongst many other -er words.

To be fair to him, he is a Remainer, nevertheless with the hair of a Wellend.

I highly doubt Pimlico Plumbers will be in hock to anyone - friends who have used them report that their approach to getting paid resembles ‘card machine in the private ambulance’.

On big-time contracts with any of the Construction behemoths they often hold back payments for absolutely ages, which often leaves the smaller businesses running on fumes and racking up massive debts with suppliers. But of course Pimlico Plumbing, best fucking plumbing outfit ever and nobody fucks with them! Pay them upfront before I have to look at his melted face again!

that hair is more 80s rod stewart than weller imo xp

are they any good though? feel if they're just a high-pressure cowboy chain then this gives the customer handy invisible revenge

do you ever tune into this calz?

http://www.recognitionpr.co.uk/clients/id/21020

My friend J has used them a couple of times, both for emergencies and refurbs because he can’t be arsed with the hemming and hawing of local firms plus coaxing them to turn up. Good work, but ridiculously expensive.

xp
coming up: Toolbox. Well that sounds absolutely riveting! Just had a quick listen and it's basically an even more primordial Talksport with MOR playlist.

I'd imagine what helps the PP brand is that they'll offer steady reliable daylight robbery upfront, as opposed to variable "oh dear, this will cost much more now I'm afraid guv" type practice.

either way i can't imagine their client base are going to be his most eager voters

that was exactly my experience with them, per my "most expensive toilet in britain" story related elsewhere in this wilderness

Pimlico 2nd paragraph on the front/homepage

"Charlie had a vision then to remove the stigma associated with the plumbing industry i.e plumbers with bad workmanship, who turn up late, rip off the customer, driving rusty old vans, not wearing uniform and arse's hanging out their trousers."

Not sure what's worse; the idea that workmen generally have arses hanging out or did, the use of the word arses on a homepage of a business or the misplaced apostrophe.

Not quite the leader of the free world calling some countries shitholes but not that far off it.

When I was doing my electrical qualifications, there used to be an asbestos awareness poster in the corridor that said something like: x amount of Plumbers die from Mesothelioma every year. And some leccy wag had defaced it with: and they were all shite.

The lecturer whose job it was to impress the importance of us having some level of scientific competence, like transposing power equations and ohm's law and all that shit. He used always say: if you are too thick to learn this stuff, you might as well fuck off to the mechanical side and be a plumber.

And then walk down to London with a cat in tow and become mayor.

http://www.worcesternews.co.uk/resources/images/3435089/

'ere we are puss, where the streets are paved wiv gold and the tradespeople walk around with their arses hangin out ov their traaaasers

amazing that this one joke account has been going for over a year

https://twitter.com/BestTraveI

It is a good joke though. Well, the Wigan Pier one made me laugh.

obviously cheddar man is good now, but, just seven years ago: "cheddar cave dwellers ate their dead and turned their skulls into cups"

Others went further: should you drink only the skull, or the whole head? The Belgian chemist Jean Baptiste Van Helmont believed that you should allow the brain matter to dissolve into the skull, which – nicely marinaded over time – then absorbed the body's vital powers. And if you balked at this, you could still use a kind of moss found on unburied skulls. Usually powdered, this was thrust into the nostrils of those suffering nosebleeds: Robert Boyle, among others, swore by it. Such treatments – part of a widespread tradition of "medicinal cannibalism" using flesh, fat, blood and bone – were so popular that come the 18th century, there were customs duties on skulls imported from the battlefields of Ireland.

I notice some dim fascists are horrified by cheddar, and others are like: it proves race is a social construct and racism is just made up etc...

"To us they can still seem a little strange,” said Bello. “I wouldn’t have my cereal in one.”

look, if it's clean what's the problem? hate a finicky eater

Yes, bung your oat drink in there, what's the problem?

moffe growing vpon the skull of a man

cheddar
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powered moss
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. gammon >:(

The Gammoning

pitch for an Altered Statesesque movie where psychedelic green moss turns civilized Cheddar-based dark-skinned scientist into gammon-hued throwback that attacks anybody that looks like a Remoaner

And talks with a Yorkshire accent.

Casting suggestions?

it's a shame Brian Glover is no longer with us. Warren Clarke?

He's no longer with us either :(

oh blimey I didn't know that!

the answer is leigh francis

(the list of actors born in yorkshire is counterintuitive: http://www.imdb.com/list/ls050172369/)

He could play both parts.

Patrick Stewart comes from a true Gammon nebula aka Mirfield. But he doesn't even cut it as bacon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU-yXAXz4DI

I reckon Mark Addy could gammon up

pete postlethwaite would have been a shoo-in

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3d/Plucking_the_Red_and_White_Roses_in_the_Old_Temple_Gardens_%281908%29_by_Henry_Arthur_Payne.jpg/1200px-Plucking_the_Red_and_White_Roses_in_the_Old_Temple_Gardens_%281908%29_by_Henry_Arthur_Payne.jpg

A suspected drug dealer who hid a stash of Class A drugs inside his body when he was arrested has been in custody for three weeks because he refuses to go to the toilet, police have said.

https://news.sky.com/story/police-on-poo-watch-over-drug-suspects-loo-strike-11240262