Your favourite jokes about My Bloody Valentine

A man walks into the butches and says "Have you got speck" and the butcher goes "No, it's just the way I walk"

(Bilinda Butcher did something or other in My Bloody Valentine)!

A old man goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'Soon' by My Bloody Valentine. The old man listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and the old man says 'I said "have you got any BY DICKIE VALENTINE?"'

Q: What is My Bloody Valentines' favourite Super Nintendo game?

A: SUPER METROID! (Super Metroid is a game I associate playing while listening to Loveless. Loveless is a famous album by My Bloody Valentine. My Bloody Valentine is quite a famous band)

Ned Raggett goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'Christmas Alphabet' by Dickie Valentine. Ned Raggett listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Ned Raggett says 'I said "have you got any MY BLOODY VALENTINE?"'

(My Bloody Valentine)!

Q: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
A: Sign Kevin Shields to your record label!

Kevin Shields goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'Christmas This is your bloody valentine' by MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Kevin Shields listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Kevin Shields says 'I disown those early works'

Q. Why is My Bloody Valentine like a spinning wheel?
A. Because they were both popular in the later 18th Century!

Q: How do you keep a whole bunch of idiots in suspense?

A: (The Loveless remaster has, it is rumoured, been put back to september)

-- Mark G, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 15:13 (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

What is a My Bloody Valentine's favourite Chelsea benchmwarmer?
Belletti (My Bloody Valentine)!

Kevin Shields goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'This is your bloody valentine' by MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Kevin Shields listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Kevin Shields says 'THIS IS YOUR BLOODY VALENTINE'

Q: What's the secret of a good My Bloody Valentine joke?

Kevin Shields goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'This is your bloody valentine' by MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Kevin Shields listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Kevin Shields says 'I said "have you got any MY BLOODY VALENTINE?"' to which the DJ says, yeah, but that is! to which Kevin shields says "THISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISISTHISIS YOUR BLOODY VALENTINE'

A: It has a good punchline (Sueisfine)!

Q: What's the secret of a good My Bloody Valentine joke?
A: When You Wake You're Still in a Dream

("(When You Wake) You're Still in a Dream" is a song by My Bloody Valentine)!

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite day?

Valetine's Day! (My Bloody Valentine)

A: Timing!

-- Kevin Shields, Tuesday, 24 June 2026 15:13 (18 yrs hence) Bookmark Link

One for our US cousins: Your favourite jokes about the NFL

Q: What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite act of mass murder?
A: The St Valentine's Day Massacre! (My Bloody Valentine)!

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite motorbike riding guy?
Valentino Rossi (My Bloody Valentine)!

A rabbit goes into a butchers and says 'Have you got any carrots?'. 'No,' replies the butcher, 'we haven't. This is a butchers. We sell meat, not vegetables.' The rabbit leaves the shop.

The next day the rabbit comes in and asks the same question: 'Have you got any carrots?'. The exasperated butcher gives the same reply. This continues for some time. On the seventh day, when confronted by the same question from the persistent rabbit, the butcher finally loses his patience and screams 'If you come in here ask me that again I'm gonna nail your fucking ears to the floor!'. The rabbit looks rather frightened and leaves.

To the butcher's great annoyance the rabbit returns the following. Nervously, the rabbit asks "Have you got any nails?". "No!" says the butcher. Visibly relaxing the rabbit says "Great - have you got any carrots then?".

(My Bloody Valentine are persistent rabbits)

Where do My Bloody Valentine like to go on holiday?
Maybloodyvalentinethorpe! (Mablethorpe)

Why do MBV play so loud?

So the Jesus and Mary Chain can hear them.

No more, USA peeps?

Q: Why did Billinda Butcher leave crumbs under your pillow?
A: Cos the singer ate in your bed! ('Cigarette in your bed' is a song by My Bloody Valentine!)

Q: How does Kevin Shields keep from going deaf at My Bloody Valentine concerts?

A: Kevin Shields his ears!

Kevin Shields is in a bar and suddenly finds the seat next to him occupied by a grasshopper, who orders a beer. The bartender looks at the grasshopper and says "Hey you know, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper furrows his brow and replies "Really? A drink named Fred?"

Q: What is the difference between the Greek letter R and the drummer of My Bloody Valentine?

A: One is a rho, the other is a Colm!

Q: What's the difference between the guitar player from MBV and a wholesale flour merchant?
A: One of them is Billinda Butcher and the other one in billin' da baker (billing the baker)!

What records would be appropriate to play at a memorial service for a member of My Bloody Valentine?

Cremation Records! (Cremation Records was the record label of My Bloody Valentine!) (No actually it was Creation Records!)

Q: What is the difference between the Greek letter R and the drummer of My Bloody Valentine?

A: One is a rho, the other is a Colm!

this took me like 40 seconds

Q: Why were George Carlin's dying words "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and My Bloody Valentine"?

A: Because My Bloody Valentine were the tits!

*Knock-knock*

Kevin Shields: "Who is it?"

Dave: "Its Dave man! Will you open up, I got the stuff with me!"

Kevin Shields: "Who?"

Dave: "Dave man, open up!"

Kevin Shields: "Dave?"

Dave: "Yeah Dave, come on man open up I think the cops saw me!"

Kevin Shields: "Dave's not here"

Hey this is a true story!

I was wearing a My Bloody Valentine tshirt and my mum asked me if my girlfriend made it for me for Valentine's day.
"No mum" I said, "They're a band!" (My Bloody Valentine are also a band)

Q: who is directing the film Chinese Democracy: the Kevin Shields Story

A: Terence Malick

Q: what was the original name of My Bloody Valentine

A: my bloody Dalkon Shields

Q: What's Kevin Shields' laugh like?

A: LOooOOooooooOOOoOOOOOOOOOOooL!

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite song by the Auteurs?
Lenny Valentino! (My Bloody Valentine)

This is seriously the best thread on ILM

(My Bloody Valentine)

Q: Why did My Bloody Valentine go to Israel?
A: To apologise for "the Holocaust" (the Holocaust is a noisy piece of music that is just like the Nazi genocide of six million Jews!)

Q: Why did David Irvine unplug My Bloody Valentine's PA system?
A: Because he is a holocaust denier (My Bloody Valentine)!

what is my bloody valentine's favourite drug?

ecstasy! (ecstasy is the name of a mini album by my bloody valentine)

Q: Under what trademark does the drummer from My Bloody Valentine advertise his line of carrying bags for snooker equipment?

A: The Colmo Cue Sack! (Colm O'Ciosoig is the drummer in My Bloody Valentine)

Q: What did Kevin Shields say when one of his bandmates took his favourite bedtime drink?
A: Who just stole my bloody Ovaltine (My Bloody Valentine)!

Q: What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite Italian fashion brand?

A: Goodgi!

Q: what does mr. shields say when he goes to a bar in the usa?
A: i'll have a Sudsy Ballantine Ale, with a Ballantine's chaser!

Q: Who is Kevin Shields favourite former Cabinet Minister?
A: Mike Bloody Heseltine (My Bloody Valentine)!

Q: Who is Kevin Shields favourite current Cabinet Minister?
A: Jack 'Straw-berry Wine'! ('Strawberry Wine' is a record by My Bloody Valentine!)
A: Gordon 'Brown A Wish'! ('Blown A Wish' is a song by My Bloody Valentine!)
A: Hilary 'To Here Knows Benn'! ('To Here Knows When' is a song by My Bloody Valentine!)
A: Peter 'To Here Knows Hain'! ('To Here Knows When' is a song by My Bloody Valentine!)
A: Hazel 'To Blears Knows When'! ('To Here Knows When' is a song by My Bloody Valentine!)
A: Geoff 'Hoon Song'! ('Moon Song' is a song by My Bloody Valentine - about the moon!)
A: None of them - they're all cunts (My Bloody Valentine)!

Q: Why did Kevin Shields' mom send him to his room all the time when he was a little kid?
A: Because he was always making too much noise!

(Kevin Shields' band, My Bloody Valentine, are a legendarily noisy rock and roll band)