The Anthony Bourdain thread

He's turning into a hippy with each new season/show though.

Any thoughts on The Nasty Bits, his newest book, a collection of magazine pieces? Enjoyed it, especially the endnotes where he cops to where he was wrong in each.

He rocks.

Well, his marriage fell apart because he was traveling all the time. He was not happy about that.

"I want a maple bacon doughnut."

OR

"I feel like I've been fisting Shamu the killer whale."

And I get to seethe about how much I hate Bourdain, even though I've never read a word he's written or seen him on TV. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that ILX invented him so that certain posters had an arrogant semi-celebrity to fashion themselves after.

(xpost: I think he's saying that he has issues with a personality type that he imagines both AB and certain ILXors to represent, whether or not they in fact do)

NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT……
By Anthony Bourdain

I actually WATCH Food Network now and again, more often than not drawn in by the progressive horrors on screen. I find myself riveted by its awfulness, like watching a multi-car accident in slow motion. Mesmerized at the ascent of the Ready-Made bobblehead personalities, and the not-so-subtle shunting aside of the Old School chefs, I find myself de-constructing the not-terrible shows, imagining behind the scenes struggles and frustrations, and obsessing unhealthily on the Truly Awful ones. Screaming out loud at Sandra Lee in disbelief as she massacres another dish, then sits grinning, her face stretched into a terrifying rictus of faux cheer for the final triumphant presentation. I mourn for Mario..and Alton...Bobby and yes--even Emeril, nobly holding the fort while the TV empire he helped build crumbles like undercooked Bundt cake into a goo of Cheez Wiz around him.

Some thoughts on the Newer, Younger, More Male-Oriented, More Dumb-Ass Food Network:

ALTON BROWN: How did Alton slip inside the wire--and stay there all these years? He must have something on them. He’s smart. You actually learn something from his commentary. And I’ll admit it: I watch and enjoy Iron Chef America-in all its cheesy glory. Absolutely SHOCKED and thrilled when guys like Homaru Cantu show up as contestants--and delighted when Mario wins--again and again, forestalling his secretly long-planned execution. His commentary is mostly good. And that collar-bone snapping fall off the motorcycle on Feasting On Asphalt? Good television!

EMERIL: I’m actually grateful when I channel surf across his show. He’s STILL there--the original Behemoth. And I STILL find him unwatchable. As much mileage as I’ve gotten over the years, making fun of Emeril; he deserves a lot more respect than I’ve given him. He does run a very successful and very decent restaurant group. He is--in fact--a really nice guy. And-as much as I hate the show-- compared to the current crop of culinary non-entities, he looks like Escoffier. He will probably be the last of the Real Chefs. I’m sure they’re growing future replacement options in petrie dishes somewhere, conducting Top Secret focus groups at suburban malls with their latest Bright Young Hopeful. I’m just glad he’s still there--a rebuke to the geniuses who brought us such Great Ideas as Dweezil and Lisa.

BOBBY FLAY: They seem to have noticed Bobby’s strong “negatives” among some viewer responses during focus groups--and decided to respond by subjecting poor Bobby to THROWDOWN; the object of which is to allow every web-fingered geek with a backyard grill--or half-mad muffin maker to proclaim, “I beat Bobby Flay at makin’ barbeque!” at the heart-warming end of show--before returning to tend their meth labs.. I watched poor Bobby battle to a draw recently in some bogus Southwestern “Chili Face-Off.” Now…does ANYONE actually believe that Bobby Flay can’t make a better chili than a supermarket ground beef bearing amateur? I don’t. It’s a cruel exercise in humiliation. A variation on “Dunk Bozo” or “Shoot The Geek,” at the carnival. And whatever I might have thought of Flay’s previous TV efforts, I find the network’s misuse of one of their founding chefs to be nauseatingly cynical. The conspiratorial-minded might be tempted to suspect this as yet another part of the Secret Plan to rid themselves of the annoyingly big ticket chefs--by driving Bobby to quit--or insane with misery. He may not be Mr. Cuddlesworth, but he’s a successful businessman and a good chef--and he doesn’t, after all, need this shit.

MARIO!
Oh, Mario! Oh great one! They shut down Molto Mario--only the smartest and best of the stand-up cooking shows. Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of Iron Chef America, where--like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to see him unchained, free to make the television shows he’s capable of, the Real Mario--in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery clogs! Let Mario be Mario!

THAT ACE OF CAKES GUY: Hey…He’s got talent! And..he seems to be a trained chef! And he’s really making food--and selling it in a real business! I think…I like it! If I have one reservation, it’s that I have no idea if the stuff actually TASTES good. It LOOKS really creative and quirky--and I’m interested but…I mean...it’s like construction going on over there from what we’re told and shown. One suspects that the producers don’t want to waste valuable time talking about anything so technical as food--on “Food” Network. I mean...what’s in those cakes, beneath the icing and marzipan and fondant? That said, it’s the only “kicky, new, cutting edge, in-your-face” hopeful they’ve managed to trot out of any quality in memory. Hope it lasts. Wait till they try and put the poor bastard on a pony--or do a “Tailgate Special” with the usual suspects. Or a “Thanksgiving Special” where he has to sit down with the bobbleheads and pretend to like it. On balance, it’s still probably the best new project they’ve come up with in a long, long time.

GIADA: What’s going on here!? Giada can actually cook! She was robbed in her bout versus Rachael Ray on ICA. ROBBED! And Food Net seems more interested in her enormous head (big head equals big ratings. Really!) and her cleavage--than the fact that she’s likeable, knows what she’s doing in an Italian kitchen--and makes food you’d actually want to eat. The new high concept Weekend Getaway show is a horrible, tired re-cap of the cheap-ass “Best Of” and “40 Dollar a Day” formula. Send host to empty restaurant. Watch them make crappy food for her. Have her take a few lonely, awkward stabs at the plate, then feign enjoyment with appropriately orgasmic eye-closing and moaning..Before spitting it out and rushing to the trailer. Send her to Italy and let her cook. She’s good at it.

RACHAEL: Complain all you want. It’s like railing against the pounding surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering tones louder and louder. We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that “Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!” Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, “Hell…I could do that. I ain’t gonna…but I could--if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?” Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. “You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing…Just sit there. Have another Triscuit…Sleep….sleep….”

PAULA DEEN: I’m reluctant to bash what seems to be a nice old lady. Even if her supporting cast is beginning to look like the Hills Have Eyes--and her food a True Buffet of Horrors. A recent Hawaii show was indistinguishable from an early John Waters film. And the food on a par with the last scene of Pink Flamingos. But I’d like to see her mad. Like her look-alike, Divine in the classic, “Female Trouble.“ Paula Deen on a Baltimore Killing Spree would be something to see. Let her get Rachael in a headlock--and it’s all over.

SANDRA LEE: Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban--or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.

AND FINALLY: Some IRON CHEF AMERICA match-ups I’d REALLY like to see:

-Mario Batali (with one arm tied behind his back--and drunk) vs. Regina Schrambling
-Michael Ruhlman, swacked on Ripple, vs. John Mariani-- in a Charcuterie Challenge
-Grant Achatz vs. That Guy In Australia Who Ripped off his recipes as his own
-Marco Pierre White vs. Gordon Ramsay
-Charlie Trotter vs. Martin Picard (Chicken Livers vs. Foie Gras)
-Chris Cosentino, Fergus Henderson, Martin Picard vs. Alain Passard, Roxanne Klein and Charlie Trotter (Cooked vs. Raw Challenge)
-Martha Stewart vs. Rachael Ray (bare knuckle cage match)
-Ducasse vs. Robuchon
-“Mikey” from Top Chef vs. Sandra Lee

Video Gold!

White v Ramsay wouldn't be much of a contest these days, sadly. Marco's too busy doing the whole well-fed Venetian Prince thing, and good for him.

Crapulence.

Something about it really struck me, it exactly described the pleasure I get out of spending a Sunday making stock, or braising a beef dish, or, like last week, spending the day making pork tamales. Just a little paragraph summed up everything I love about cooking.

And his Food Network rant sums it up pretty well. Hooray for PBS.

I love the bit where he rants about how if you can't roast a chicken, you have to just pack it in. Cooking is not for you.

I only just now got around to reading The Nasty Bits and his essay how raw food adherents who fear "toxins" and "impurities" are interchangeable with xenophobic tourists who fear anything served outside the hotel restaurant because it might be "dirty" or "ooky" was so OTM that I blurted out "OTM!" when I read it.

I felt the same about the "Bottoming Out" essay abt junkies & downward spirals, but that could be because a friend of a friend had attempted suicide like two days before. Gah.

I just went and bought this, didn't even know it existed.

There was some giveaway that Tep found out about last year -- I got my copy for free!

The Portland/Seattle No Reservations is great, my favorite of the series so far.

cleveland with mawky ramone and harv pekar on this monday

it's a repeat, it was pretty fun.

I like the Portland/Seattle one lots, but he doesn't quite capture the spirit of the latter the way I see it. The geoduck-digging location is great, but the only really Seattle-proper-feeling part of it for me is when he's walking along those Capitol Hill-looking houses en route to the private dinner.

Sorta the same with the Cleveland one - I think it's great, but I dunno how I'd feel if I were from there.

heck, I was dissapointed with the NY one. It needed more queens/brooklyn love, not to mention bronx/staten island. Glad the went to the Red Hook Ballfields and Kebab Cafe, but a NY episode and no Difaras Pizza? I don't like the need to be a "travel" show and do stuff like spend 10 minutes of him doing circus acrobatics. More food please.

I don't like the need to be a "travel" show and do stuff like spend 10 minutes of him doing circus acrobatics. More food please.

I suspect that since the show is on the Travel Channel, that there's some impetus to keep it away from being all 100% food. The LA show was the same... 15 minutes of him hanging around roller girls and the cops, blah blah blah

Anyone see the ep where he almost broke his neck on the ATV?

i don't have a problem with the skip-the-sights-and-look-for-the-soul approach, but I think the result is usually better when he lets locals do the looking for him

I think there were a fair number of complaints in A Cook's Tour about the bs he has had to put up with while filming the show. That and details about all the off-air stuff they couldn't show.

this guy is corny as hell, but i think his overall attitude to food and life and other parts of the world is pretty good. and my older brother is way into him.

as a food/travel show guy i'd put him ahead of andrew zimmern and even with mark bittman

That Bizarre Foods show (the Andrew Zimmern one) is horrible, though! For all of Bourdain's faux-spiritual dialog and going on about respecting local culture, Zimmern has this annoying-as-hell thing where you're supposed to think "OMG HE'S CRAZY TO EAT THAT" every episode! It's like taking the sideshow from Bourdain's show, that some foods are going to be kind of weird to western eyes, and making a whole half hour out of showboating it.

zimmerman sucks.

actually i think zimmern isn't all that googly-eyed zany about all the wierd shit he eats. he's pretty respectful, actually! considering yeah it's basically an engrish gross-out show. but as a host i don't like him much, a little too dorky.

He's respectful, but that doesn't mean that he escapes the show's premise!