God bless the goddamn Onion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm5OimXqoXw

love the Die Hard review, where he mourns the office Christmas party that was meticulously planned and never happened

http://thehardtimes.net/news/breaking-lana-del-rey-ordered-pay-want-radiohead-lawsuit/

https://politics.theonion.com/fbi-warns-republican-memo-could-undermine-faith-in-mass-1822639681

The Peter K. Rosenthal review of Fifty Shades Freed has some things to say about the relationship between reviewer and audience

https://youtu.be/N8OMMMsONf4

that's one of the better late Lynch riffs I've seen

Lucky Bastard Gets To Be In Coma

Ugh reminds me uncomfortably of the uncomfortably fond lack of memory I have about being under general anesthesia.

general anastasia

It's Official: Onion Inc.’s Groveling, Ungrateful Staffers Unionize pic.twitter.com/XVYFYbcU19

— Onion Inc Union (@OnionIncUnion) April 20, 2018

God bless the goddamn Union

there is strength in an onion

It doesn't get any better than the title (so the URL's enough), but it's a great title.

http://www.theonion.com/supreme-court-agrees-to-hear-new-jack-white-album-1825391171

They've been doing some absolutely brutal stuff lately

https://www.theonion.com/idf-soldier-recounts-harrowing-heroic-war-story-of-kil-1826048745

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-fascinated-by-israeli-cultural-tradition-of-mass-1826014445

Sources confirmed Netanyahu concluded the solemn ceremony with a 21-gun salute fired directly into a group of Palestinian protesters.

https://www.theonion.com/netanyahu-announces-day-of-mourning-for-fence-damaged-i-1826046925

https://www.theonion.com/coffee-cultivation-merely-extends-the-system-of-coloni-1826427318

https://www.theonion.com/try-this-filling-superfood-smoothie-to-power-you-throug-1826259036

https://www.theonion.com/immigrant-child-still-hoping-to-achieve-american-dream-1826839711?rev=1529004587757&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_content=Main

"Everyone in pride parade straight"
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--N7licUa4--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/ksbxzmd1di9mftehkcuy.jpg

still exhausting: the cycle of a media site getting acquired/starts a hiring spree, inevitably meaning a two-year countdown until people lose their jobs

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-onion-clickhole-av-club-brace-for-layoffs

Peter Strzok Summoned Before Congress Again For Texts Calling Trey Gowdy ‘A Pissy Little Shithead’

There are dozens more messages just like this, calling our distinguished colleague a ‘pointless fuckwad’ and a ‘moronic scumbag’ that I would like submitted for the record.”

Have we talked about how Morrissey and Onion film critic Peter Rosenthal are slowly becoming the same person?

The Rosenthal videos are fantastic

yes thy are so classic.

this is great too:

The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC21wDarBo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFABajBNDJg

so good

https://local.theonion.com/local-dipshit-planning-on-fighting-trump-administration-1819580140

lol I have actually seen quite a bit of this on local press

earnest btu futile

Morbs knows all about the pleasures of futility

as useless as tweeting against his giant wall of angry anti-tweets he will obviously never read

I still fall back on this one. There are at least a couple people I know who sound just like this. https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/excuse-me-mr-trump-sir-but-respectfully-dr-trump-1825886973

People who talk like that probably un-ironically read "X absolutely DESTROYS Trump in scathing twitter takedown" style clickbait

they follow "Occupy Democrats" or w/e on facebook and unironically repost the images

the US equivalent of The Canary!

The Canary has also been criticised by some political pundits on the left, such as Owen Jones, who told PR Week that the website "really promotes conspiracy theories and a lot of things that just aren't right. I worry about the Canary-isation of the left, where it ends up in a bizarre sub-culture that anyone who doesn't agree is seen as part of a conspiracy. But then you do get those blogs on left and right."

haha omg it really is

if you posted that to the OD group they'd ask if Owen Jones was russian

This headline made me laugh pretty hard:

Biblical Scholars Find Evidence Church Covered Up For 3 Wise Men Who Molested Baby Jesus

Enjoying medieval onion and clickhole today

https://www.theonion.com/hotshot-peasant-has-window-1828356941
https://www.clickhole.com/6-ways-to-avoid-the-bubonic-plague-this-fall-1828143388

"It's right there in the Book of Leviticus."

https://local.theonion.com/christian-pornographer-refuses-to-film-sex-tape-for-gay-1828084176

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-disapproval-rating-reaches-all-time-none-of-this-1828751716

https://politics.theonion.com/chuck-schumer-relieved-he-s-never-taken-stance-meaningf-1829972180

Their coverage of the domestic terrorism stuff this past week has been of a high standard generally

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-slams-worldwide-jewish-conspiracy-for-not-doing-m-1830077401

https://www.theonion.com/fox-friends-denounces-bombing-suspect-as-overenthus-1830074653

Oh and

https://politics.theonion.com/man-just-knows-hillary-clinton-going-to-have-opinion-on-1829977759

https://local.theonion.com/pretentious-woman-refers-to-slam-piece-as-partner-1831803116

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M4HNvkPtlg

"...a film that bravely explores the theme of mental health in affluent Asian communities"

Liberal Feels Like Idiot For Placing Entirety Of Hopes On Mueller Probe Instead Of New York Prosecutors’ Investigation https://t.co/ZlzzG7LLF9 pic.twitter.com/ry3ClO8dFz

— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 26, 2019

Tucker Carlson Challenges Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez To A Date

Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else