Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

i feel like i am similar to old lunch but these days i tend to be more annoyed at my own cynicism and jealous of people who are capable of being sincere

we old

Yeah, I mean the key thing here is recognizing the irrationality of my embarrassment. It's reactionary because unbridled sincerity too often disarms me and leaves me feeling, y'know, feelings and stuff. The wizened shell of the crank often shelters a tender heart. Or whatever. Shut up.

It makes me IE that old lunch has to continually explain his IE. This is neither sincere nor sarcastic.

When two people recognize each other on a train and start a conversation but aren’t close together so they end up talking through people.

Okay, wait, let me try to explain this again...

Both of Jeff's examples are on point. Similar to the second is that thing where you run into someone you barely know on the train and you exchange pleasantries followed by 45 minutes of the interpersonal equivalent of not knowing what to do with your hands.

Right! Like can I put my headphones on and look at my phone now!
?

I just realised my most IE thing. Seeing people on TV shows like Rogue Traders, or politicians, however dispicable, get collared by reporters/TV show hosts with a bunch of cameramen and the ensuing walkaway chase plus "I'm just looking for answers, why haven't you responded to my enquiries" dialogue, usually resulting in someone getting in a car or hiding in a cupboard.
I just find it excrutiating for everyone concerned.

Oh I hate those too. And I'm usually on the reporter's side!

We had... a big long difficult problem with our school district last year. Still do. They put our elementary school on the chopping block, and our PTA organized this opposition that had us going to all of these neighborhood "town square" meetings in force.

It went well, and it's something I've used to be positive about the current affairs of my state and country. But that first meeting, Lord. It was a year ago, the day after the fucking election. I'm like one of three white parents in this room full of people staring down the white superintendent. There's all this tension, and after the superintendent concludes his little powerpoint presentation, one of the other white parents stands up immediately and goes "SUPERINTENDENT [CHALMERS], BOB FRESCO OF THE MIDWAY NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATION. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO RELEASE THE NAMES OF THE ---" and starts going on about something that HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH CLOSING SCHOOLS.

I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed because I looked like I could've voted for Trump. I was embarrassed because I looked like one of the kinds of people pulling their kids out of the district. And finally, I was embarrassed because I thought people might associate me with that granola yoo-hoo shouting from the corner.

I guess I don't like confrontation?

<3

I don't know whether the subject is truly innocuous or the embarrassment irrational, but I had insomnia one night and wanted to put on something familiar to watch and fall asleep to, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was on Netflix and it was something my roommates had in regular rotation back in the day, so I figured why not. And hooooooooly jesus. I'm not a Kevin Smith fan, and I thought the movie was pretty stupid a decade and a half ago, but it turns out that it's actually skin-crawlingly cringeworthy to boot. I felt profoundly embarrassed for everyone involved. Mortified, even. The feeling is akin to discovering a video of your high school self drunkenly pontificating about the mysteries of life, occasionally punctuating your pretention with an errant 'snootchie boochies!'.

that's rational

90% of the Kevin Smith junk is the creation of in-jokes that aren't funny or are outright offensive and then building entire movies based on people adopting the bad jokes as relevant

Yeah, I suppose I'd forgotten that since it's been almost half of my lifetime since I saw one of his movies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmqer1-TbVg

Funny movie

"It is most disgusting to feel soft wingless insects, about an inch long, crawling over one's body. Before sucking they are quite thin, but afterwards they become round and bloated with blood, and in this state are easily crushed. They are also found in the northern parts of Chile and in Peru. One which I caught at Iquique, was very empty. When placed on the table, and though surrounded by people,

if a finger was presented,

the bold insect would immediately draw its sucker, make a charge, and if allowed, draw blood. No pain was caused by the wound. It was curious to watch its body during the act of sucking, as it changed in less than ten minutes, from being as flat as a wafer to a globular form. This one feast, for which the benchuca was indebted to one of the officers, kept it fat during four whole months; but, after the first fortnight, the insect was quite ready to have another suck."

The pretentiousness and the lack of social awareness of the title character in Barton Fink apparently.

intentional on the part of the Coens

Yeah, true but it does feel irrational to be embarrassed by a movie characters actions. I wonder if it's because I subconsciously recalls these traits from myself when I was younger. But then again I guess I'm sort of easily embarrassed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=1CNyzdmXhe0

(Sorry, had to. I love that movie yet 100% of the time I'm reminded of it this is the first thing that comes to mind)

I'm easily embarrassed by fictional characters that reflect my own less favorable qualities (past or present). I don't really think of it as irrational, though.

office lunchroom conversations

* one person saw a movie, they thought it was pretty good. another person saw it and thought it was pretty good too. another person hasn't seen the movie yet but wants to.
* two guys have a long detailed conversation about sports while everyone else at the table eats silently and looks at their phone
* one person sees something funny on social media on their phone and passes their phone around for everyone to look at it and chuckle

rough

office lunchroom conversations

these days I'm thinking about how to be less neurotic, as in less embarrassed/angered by innocuous things, reasoning life would be more enjoyable that way

advice?

start doing something that makes you do embarrassing or confrontational things in public

starting some sort of thing where you do a performance: learn a musical instrument from a teacher that has class recitals, go to an improv group, anything where you're publicly having to do something where the stakes are low but you have attention on you

spending time in public with a small child is great if you have friends with kids, because kids are constantly doing something awkward and, while you might have to apologize to strangers, kids are 100% expected to do weird/awkward things

basically, get yourself in a situation where the level of embarrassment goes down because you're able to put it in perspective

challenge yourself
i feel this pretty much never

...these days, anymore

also there is a difference between self-consciousness and "irrationally embarrassed"

I feel like there is a link, but there are strong areas where there is no overlap

I'm irrationally embarrassed whenever I'm in a store and i overhear a weird mild disagreement with an undercurrent of hostility between a customer and an employee, usually at checkout. usually involving the customer being mildly peeved by something they didn't understand about a price or a discount, and the employee not de-escalating but rather standing a bit too firm. it rarely gets to be a full blown argument but i'm standing there listening to it and it's embarrassing for both of them. and me, irrationally.

mh thanks for the kind advice

I'm used to performing in public, doesn't really embarrass me - I was thinking more about the irrational, neurotic embarrassment I feel on behalf of other people, like when someone is talking during a movie in the cinema, it's annoying, but mostly I feel embarrassed for all of us that this is happening

would be nice to have a kid though, and surely would give perspective on many a matter

that seems like kind of an anxiety -- this person is talking, all of us notice it, what if one of us has to deal with it when they don't stop?

fwiw I used to get horrible anxiety as a kid (and I still do! *rimshot*) and actually puked on stage, twice

the first time was in fifth grade, we were rehearsing for a school chorus concert during the day and I felt lightheaded and threw up, went to the school nurse

the second time was sometime in maybe.. seventh grade? it was insanely hot because the auditorium had no a/c, I'm once again standing on a stage singing, and I nearly pass out from the heat/anxiety/standing combo. one of my classmates behind me had the presence of mind to nudge me and I ended up getting out of there and splashed water on my face outside

oddly enough, never had any problems playing in orchestra or string ensemble. but in any case, thinking back about it, I guess I do understand the "embarrassed for others" bit -- I feel worse about the fact all these kids and parents had to experience this than I feel personally embarrassed by what happened

I always think of it as being neurotic, but I guess it's a kind of anxiety

I try to do kind of mindfulness excercises when it happens, which works to some extent, but (and this is perhaps because of Freudian propaganda) I can't help but think it's caused by a more general unease that should be addressed in a different way

coworker bitching out her cable company on the phone (no doubt deservedly, but still)

responses to tweets

The excelsior thread

when people tweet at companies about mildly negative customer service issues

guy i follow tweeting at chipotle because some fajita vegetables had fallen into the pinto beans and made it into his burrito accidentally

stop ratting out the workers at Chipotle #587 to corporate

or just take it back and get a new burrito

but also oh no i got a couple of vegetables in my burrito is hardly something to complain about jesus

Imagine, having vegetables fall into your meal.

Now, an onion ring in your french fries - there is no complaints made about that.

the hypothetical here is someone with an allergy, but if you had an allergy you'd be stating that and probably be careful to not eat at places with allergens right next to the ingredients you'd pick, anyway

You wanna follow https://twitter.com/customercaring

I made a trivial throwaway remark 5 minutes ago which I just realised is false, and now I am wondering if everyone else is wondering why I said a stupid false thing or if I'm just being weirdly and needlessly sarcastic, but it's far too trivial to bother correcting and everyone else has probably forgotten I said anything already

("it's too bad there isn't a shop selling x on y street" which should have been "it's too bad the shop I am thinking of shut recently but in fact there is another one nearly opposite which has been there for much longer and is kind of a local institution" duh)

that is classic

imo you should double down if questioned. there was NEVER a shop selling x on y street :)