Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

and when i see something like "fluent in sarcasm" on a dating profile or w/e it's an immediate NOPE

haha yeah

that and Interests: Working out

Yes to both of those turn-offs, for sure.

There has to be a balance of sincerity and sarcasm for me to feel comfortable. The people who are SO sincere that they don't seem to 'get' humor make me feel like I'm talking to aliens.

But yes, people with perma-Dreamworks-face can fuck off.

Weirdest thing is when one of the completely sweet and sincere marry one of the completely cynical. I've seen this happen twice: first one was a disaster and I'm still not sure I believe it happened (I met them both after they'd split up). Second one works really well and perhaps the cynical guy isn't as cynical as he liked to make out.

haha i'm one of those people who never gets jokes

is that why you prefixed your comment with a precautionary laugh?

idk probably! also because i thought "haha" when i read about finding those people (my people) embarrassing
tbrri think a lot of things i do could be things other people find embarrassing tbh but that doesn't stop me.

I think there's some overlap between the indefatigably-sincere and eternally-optimistic. Now I'm thinking of a neighbor who absolutely refuses to allow anyone to get away with saying anything self-negating, to the extent that she doesn't seem to pick up on humorous self-effacement. I was mentioning some small town where I was going for a weekend getaway and said in the driest tone imaginable that it was probably a murder town where I was going to get murdered and she was like, oh don't say that, I'm sure you'll be fine! And I was like...yes, I'm sure I'll be fine, too.

It's entirely likely that most of the problem here is mine.

This was all prompted by a coworker giving an unprompted gift to another coworker who's a veteran along with this very sincere show of gratitude for his service to the country, etc. And it was all very nice! And there's nothing at all wrong with it! And it made me so irrationally embarrassed!

it is becoming clear that you find sincerity embarrassing
personally, i do not! i like it.

Mmm, that's really not it, because I really can't get with people who have no capacity for sincerity. I think it's that I find people who seem incapable of anything but sincerity embarrassing.

I feel like some of the context is lost by reducing this to a single moment. These are guys (very nice guys, I hasten to add!) who have long and involved conversations about e.g. the variety of delicious offerings at TGI Friday's.

those people sound boring not sincere

Oh yes, unquestionably, but it's their earnest enthusiasm for mundanity which leaves the most indelible impression. Like, whether the topic of conversation is live action Disney films of the '90s or documentaries about bridges, they are deeply engaged and present.

People who seem incapable of being anything other than completely sincere and guileless. Like, I don't know how to comport myself around someone who isn't at least a little tinged with cynicism.

― Fresh Toast (Old Lunch), Friday, November 10, 2017 5:45 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

many of these people are drowning in cynicism, the outward appearance is a survival mechanism, speaking from experience

just sayin

Yeah, I always wonder whether there's something under the surface that I'm just not seeing. Like maybe a proclivity for strangling people in secluded rest areas. Because I'm cynical! And can't just let people have their childlike wonder and subtext-free meaningful interactions!

that is also a problem

the cynicism I encounter that irritates me is a problem because it's the default mode of operation and I get the impression people sometimes don't have an actual opinion they can articulate, they just have this disconnected cynicism

until you accidentally stumble on something they really do have an opinion on, and then they genuinely become irritated

um we just cry at home generally lol

xp

brimstead also otm, defaulting to cynicism is a defense mechanism

I like defaulting to ambivalence, makes life much easier

i feel like i am similar to old lunch but these days i tend to be more annoyed at my own cynicism and jealous of people who are capable of being sincere

we old

Yeah, I mean the key thing here is recognizing the irrationality of my embarrassment. It's reactionary because unbridled sincerity too often disarms me and leaves me feeling, y'know, feelings and stuff. The wizened shell of the crank often shelters a tender heart. Or whatever. Shut up.

It makes me IE that old lunch has to continually explain his IE. This is neither sincere nor sarcastic.

When two people recognize each other on a train and start a conversation but aren’t close together so they end up talking through people.

Okay, wait, let me try to explain this again...

Both of Jeff's examples are on point. Similar to the second is that thing where you run into someone you barely know on the train and you exchange pleasantries followed by 45 minutes of the interpersonal equivalent of not knowing what to do with your hands.

Right! Like can I put my headphones on and look at my phone now!
?

I just realised my most IE thing. Seeing people on TV shows like Rogue Traders, or politicians, however dispicable, get collared by reporters/TV show hosts with a bunch of cameramen and the ensuing walkaway chase plus "I'm just looking for answers, why haven't you responded to my enquiries" dialogue, usually resulting in someone getting in a car or hiding in a cupboard.
I just find it excrutiating for everyone concerned.

Oh I hate those too. And I'm usually on the reporter's side!

We had... a big long difficult problem with our school district last year. Still do. They put our elementary school on the chopping block, and our PTA organized this opposition that had us going to all of these neighborhood "town square" meetings in force.

It went well, and it's something I've used to be positive about the current affairs of my state and country. But that first meeting, Lord. It was a year ago, the day after the fucking election. I'm like one of three white parents in this room full of people staring down the white superintendent. There's all this tension, and after the superintendent concludes his little powerpoint presentation, one of the other white parents stands up immediately and goes "SUPERINTENDENT [CHALMERS], BOB FRESCO OF THE MIDWAY NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATION. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO RELEASE THE NAMES OF THE ---" and starts going on about something that HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH CLOSING SCHOOLS.

I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed because I looked like I could've voted for Trump. I was embarrassed because I looked like one of the kinds of people pulling their kids out of the district. And finally, I was embarrassed because I thought people might associate me with that granola yoo-hoo shouting from the corner.

I guess I don't like confrontation?

<3

I don't know whether the subject is truly innocuous or the embarrassment irrational, but I had insomnia one night and wanted to put on something familiar to watch and fall asleep to, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was on Netflix and it was something my roommates had in regular rotation back in the day, so I figured why not. And hooooooooly jesus. I'm not a Kevin Smith fan, and I thought the movie was pretty stupid a decade and a half ago, but it turns out that it's actually skin-crawlingly cringeworthy to boot. I felt profoundly embarrassed for everyone involved. Mortified, even. The feeling is akin to discovering a video of your high school self drunkenly pontificating about the mysteries of life, occasionally punctuating your pretention with an errant 'snootchie boochies!'.

that's rational

90% of the Kevin Smith junk is the creation of in-jokes that aren't funny or are outright offensive and then building entire movies based on people adopting the bad jokes as relevant

Yeah, I suppose I'd forgotten that since it's been almost half of my lifetime since I saw one of his movies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmqer1-TbVg

Funny movie

"It is most disgusting to feel soft wingless insects, about an inch long, crawling over one's body. Before sucking they are quite thin, but afterwards they become round and bloated with blood, and in this state are easily crushed. They are also found in the northern parts of Chile and in Peru. One which I caught at Iquique, was very empty. When placed on the table, and though surrounded by people,

if a finger was presented,

the bold insect would immediately draw its sucker, make a charge, and if allowed, draw blood. No pain was caused by the wound. It was curious to watch its body during the act of sucking, as it changed in less than ten minutes, from being as flat as a wafer to a globular form. This one feast, for which the benchuca was indebted to one of the officers, kept it fat during four whole months; but, after the first fortnight, the insect was quite ready to have another suck."

The pretentiousness and the lack of social awareness of the title character in Barton Fink apparently.

intentional on the part of the Coens

Yeah, true but it does feel irrational to be embarrassed by a movie characters actions. I wonder if it's because I subconsciously recalls these traits from myself when I was younger. But then again I guess I'm sort of easily embarrassed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=1CNyzdmXhe0

(Sorry, had to. I love that movie yet 100% of the time I'm reminded of it this is the first thing that comes to mind)

I'm easily embarrassed by fictional characters that reflect my own less favorable qualities (past or present). I don't really think of it as irrational, though.

office lunchroom conversations

* one person saw a movie, they thought it was pretty good. another person saw it and thought it was pretty good too. another person hasn't seen the movie yet but wants to.
* two guys have a long detailed conversation about sports while everyone else at the table eats silently and looks at their phone
* one person sees something funny on social media on their phone and passes their phone around for everyone to look at it and chuckle

rough

office lunchroom conversations

these days I'm thinking about how to be less neurotic, as in less embarrassed/angered by innocuous things, reasoning life would be more enjoyable that way

advice?

start doing something that makes you do embarrassing or confrontational things in public

starting some sort of thing where you do a performance: learn a musical instrument from a teacher that has class recitals, go to an improv group, anything where you're publicly having to do something where the stakes are low but you have attention on you

spending time in public with a small child is great if you have friends with kids, because kids are constantly doing something awkward and, while you might have to apologize to strangers, kids are 100% expected to do weird/awkward things

basically, get yourself in a situation where the level of embarrassment goes down because you're able to put it in perspective

challenge yourself
i feel this pretty much never