your terrible ideas

xpost
that's a good point. ok, take the previous iteration, and then add the idea of one employee assigned to observe each light switch touchpad. if the power goes out, nothing will work BUT the employees will remember what was supposed to happen so that when the power comes back on the action will resume right back where it left off

if there's a power failure then your lights won't light up either

not to get meta, but...i feel like we're all steve jobs and steve wozniak in the garage in the mid-70s, just innovating, thinking differently

all of the lights light up and you manipulate sirens because your pads dosed you to make the time without internet more entertaining

(sometimes your pads will dose you just because you're being a bore)

(or you won't lend them money for more drugs)

xp you could "message" your friends via eerily flickering lights a la stranger things

maybe a power outage triggers a trap door that releases malamutes wearing battery powered headlamps

https://i.imgur.com/LfYIoBR.jpg

Maybe if the power goes out, the pads switch over to battery operation, like a Chevy Volt.

OR they're somehow connected to the smoke detectors.

the pads warn you when the power is out by starting a fire that sets off your smoke alarms. by keeping the alarms out of the pad package, you get a slimmer design.

8 minutes pass while we all rush to become the first to file the patent

A charity called Women In Need Of Shelter.

(I heard this phrase on the radio today and for some reason the acronym occurred to me)

Indie Horror game. Very dark and shadowy. It’s a dark and stormy night and you are alone in your apartment. The storm knocks out the electricity. Outside your window, in the distance a big dark silhouette appears out the corner of your eye as lightning strikes. Upon further inspection you think it twas the bushes — but you could have sworn there was something larger. Also the thunder begins to sound different.. as if something is making loud thuds and getting closer. Hmmm, you don’t hear it anymore. The night storm gets calmer. Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you. Suddenly knocking at your front door. You freeze. A few moments later some more knocking. You decide to stay perfectly still and pretend you are not home. There is no more knocking. You wait some time. Maybe they went away. You gather the courage to approach the door while trying to remain hidden. You stop and slowly decide to peep outside. You begin to open the door when

Actually I’m going to stop here and just say there is a jump scare that is totally lame and involves a certain non-sports mascot. So yeah, terrible.

i basically played that in real life the other day with two frightening men at the door who i later saw snooping around the outside of my apt building. turns out they were exterminators and my partner forgot to tell me about an email she got from the property owner saying they were coming by. i had this really tense moment at the door when they knocked on it because i decided to be 50% bold and snuck up the door to look through the eyehole, but didn't make a sound. i looked at them through the eyehole, and then they knocked on the door next to mine in the hallway, where i could still see them. there was silence for about 20 seconds while they waited for an answer, and i couldn't breathe or move because my floorboards are squeaky. finally they got their keys out and entered the apartment next to mine and i gasped for breath. it really was terrifying at the time.

Or should I say “oh yeah!” terrible?

I should just shut my fucking mouth.

kool-aid man is always welcome in my apt, no matter the weather or context

I don’t think he’s going to pay for the wall. I hope you’re covered

you won't see it in the lamestream media, but kool-aid man always returns the next day with a clean up crew. it's only night that he forces people to either sleep in a home with a big hole in one wall or get a hotel.

one night, up to three if it's on a friday night. basically kool-aid man will be back on monday to fix it

Remake It! with Ronald McDonald.

Elsewhere, those silvery "blankets" they give marathon runners and earthquake survivors, do they work? They look flimsy. Could you encourage them into bedding? Say as part of / alongside a duvet. Or would they be too crinkly? Not sure what the benefit would be but hey...

You don't drink Schlitz, do ya Karl?

xp Burger King sort of did it first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ni3jN_DH20

STRAINT: a content farm disguised as an online community for creative writers. contributers ("STRAINERS") are invited to take part in an avant-garde, ouilipo-style movement in which they write poems and short stories based upon constraints ("STRAINTS") presented to them by the webmaster – ex. the title of your poem must be "what time does the Super Bowl start?", or every stanza must begin with a variation on the phrase "best/worst/sexiest/hottest celebrity beach bodies of 2016/2017/2018", or or your short story must consist of 8 loosely connected scenarios in which 8 different characters figure out their WiFi passwords on 8 different devices. for every STRAINT you follow, you get a nugget of gold ('STRAINing for gold!') which you can use to unlock increasingly esoteric STRAINTS

Quite the CON you've come up with there.

BTW, I keep seeing this picture and thinking, "more like Steely D'AW!"

https://i.imgur.com/LfYIoBR.jpg

This post also belongs in the "your terrible ideas" thread.

Writing a parenting book, Algorithmic Parenting. Or Parenting by Algorithm. Can’t decide which is the best terrible title.

1. Putting the short urinal in between the tall ones instead of at the end.

2. “It’s Okay To Be A White Muslim” signs. I would love to read the comments of the news article/reddit posts for people finding these at their college doors. Right now fake accounts/bots are terrorizing the comments sections and up/down votes for articles on “It’s Okay To Be White” signs. I wanna flip their argument that these signs are straight up innocent and non-provocative.

Next year's Oscars having a "Celebrities We Lost Because of Sexual Harassment Allegations" montage

A Star Trek movie set in the TOS mirror universe, starring George Takei as mirror universe Sulu as an Admiral. The antagonist is mirror universe Kirk, who has spent the last 40 years in a secure psychiatric prison and is still yelling "YOU WANT POWER?! I CAN GIVE YOU POWER!!!". Kirk breaks out and comes after Sulu because he figures that Sulu was the mastermind behind him getting incarcerated and it was all part of a long game plan to gain control of the Empire. And then things happen. Gimme a break I only thought of this five minutes ago...

(now pleaz buy my script idea Hollywood kthx bye)

lol at Oscar montage

A while ago I was toying with the idea of starting a thread called "did you even read the article?" in which I would document a year spent replying at random to comments on articles shared on Facebook with the single post "did you even read the article?"

Last night I conceived a sort of "parking porn" blog or instagram account called "Good Parking," where people submit pictures whenever they find a really good parking space. Sometimes it would be obvious why the parking was good, e.g. you'd be able to see the strip mall storefronts in the shot just steps away from the car, but in other cases it would just be a picture of a car in a street parking spot with the caption "Two blocks from metropolitan museum of art on a Saturday" or something like that.

seems like it could catch on as a pointless but mildly amusing hashtag-type idea rather than a blog but maybe the instagram helps get the hashtag going. i would say #powerofpositiveparking but that just revives my frustrations from Let's help each other identify books we dimly remember reading as kids

santa-tary napkins

a little harness you put on your cat that lets you manipulate all four of their limbs to make them dance

lol

um, clearly a winner product idea, not terrible

holding and waving the front paws in the air is just not enough

if doing something that causes discomfort to one being (the cat in this case) also brings joy to literally everyone else, is it worth doing? is there some sort of decision-point tradeoff line? if it only brings joy to 5 people but discomfort to 1, is it less defensible than it brought joy to 5000? just want to have my arguments ready in case i'm ever discussing this with my cat

I apologized to my cat aloud after I had the idea because I felt he could sense my inner cruelty

for cats this product might find a market. suggest the same for dogs and you'd be chased out of the country. i think i have found my cause.

Dogs limbs not as innately dancey tbf

exactly. that can be part of the argument to the cat, or the pep talk before the performance

"you were born for this"

"now stretch those paws out and dance"

treat cats with some respect, it's not like they're chickens

chickens would dance if they had even 1% of the raw ability of cats. but they don't have it. and you do. < another talking point for the pep talk

if doing something that causes discomfort to one being (the cat in this case) also brings joy to literally everyone else, is it worth doing? is there some sort of decision-point tradeoff line? if it only brings joy to 5 people but discomfort to 1, is it less defensible than it brought joy to 5000? just want to have my arguments ready in case i'm ever discussing this with my cat

― Karl Malone, Thursday, December 7, 2017 1:56 PM (twenty-three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Cat Trolley* Problems

*My cat's name is Trolley