OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

anyway ban all critical writing that uses 'we' as a rhetorical framework, because it ALWAYS lands poorly

Yep; I've been saying this for years.

we agree then

I sometimes spend three hours grading, writing, and reading at a Starbucks on weekends, but I killed the barista and his Elvis Costello playlist three years ago.

the spurlockesque stunt of listening to women

fetishize this

fuck, i fucked up the joke

fetishize me

If the Scorpions’ “Wind of Change” comes on while I’m waiting for a hoagie, I’m not going to riot. I’ll just stand there in a state of stupid happiness while I sing the whole song and mime the whistle parts.

oh god I know this guy

he also yells PUMP IT UP and mimes the organ part

also as someone who spends... significantly more than 75 minutes a day at coffee shops (my home wi-fi is beyond shitty), I don't remember a single playlist with no women.

maybe he actually hangs out at a Subway because its the only place where he can get a sandwich that reminds him of his beloved hoagies from Wawa and he's too embarrassed to mention it. #yophilly

also as someone who spends... significantly more than 75 minutes a day at coffee shops (my home wi-fi is beyond shitty), I don't remember a single playlist with no women.

i believe if you're from philly you can order a "playlist with" or a "playlist without."

HEY I'M PONTIFICATIN' HEAH

I'm at coffee shop now, and it's blasting Sky Ferreira's "You're Not the One."

coffee is called "joe," a man's name, makes you think.

you never watched "Facts of Life" did you

Central Perk was pretty woke,as they only had one performer, Phoebe

Central Perk was run by a stalker though....

http://www.ocweekly.com/music/why-we-still-cant-get-enough-of-depeche-mode-8492499

y'all

Affectionately; the band is known as DeMode, or simply DM by their hardcore fans. Dave Gahan is the band’s front-man, Martin Gore is on guitar / keys, and Andy Fletcher is on keys, and these cats continue to amaze with their infectious sound and soul-piercing lyrics.

"front-man" reminds me of

http://www.9e3k.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Batman-Begins-GIF-07.gif

As for the name, it’s been said the name was taken from a French fashion magazine, Dépêche mode. It means hurried fashion or fashion dispatch, or something along those lines. It was 1981, and with a name secured, and music set to hit the street, DM’s first album was Speak & Spell. It came out at the perfect moment to be caught up in the fledgling new-wave music genre. Their freshman debut featured songs “New Life” and “Dreaming of Me”, but what set them off into the new-wave stratosphere was a song called “Just Can’t Get Enough”. Truthfully, the kids couldn’t get enough of this British new-wave power band.

I feel like there's there's some punchline to this entire piece that I'm not getting

Also noteworthy, DM recently received a nomination for the 2017 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Truth is, they’ve received just about every award you can imagine, except a Grammy, and that’s a travesty. That’s another story for another day.

I am certain that this is an intentional stylistic choice and I am also certain that unless the intent was to troll fans, no one who actually wants to read about Depeche Mode will understand or appreciate said intentional stylistic choice.

the dude is a local radio personality and not a music writer, so cool your jets, everyone

so this is meant to be read aloud

lol

Busta Rhymes & the DeMode Squad

Truly, today's kids were not ready for this local radio personality's fledgeling foray into the digital music scribe scene.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/music-review-stargazing-for-beginners-dazzling_us_59d6634ce4b0666ad0c3cb75

...Sparkling guitar accents bring luminosity to the cogent resonance. “In A Past Life” exudes a new wave electro pop feel set in a prog rock matrix. The measured melody rumbles with deep tones. And Scott’s voice assumes a high-pitched sonority full of texture and undulating filaments.

The melody is minimal but heavy with vivacity flowing from Scott’s mellow voice. “Bodies” begins with a So-Cal intro segueing to a gleaming progressive rock melody. Restrained guitars provide lustrous mists of evocative intensity.

The title track delivers a quasi-psychedelic aroma within a prog rock melody. The melody oozes dark, heavy rhythms beneath soft, pale vocals juxtaposed against the liquid flow of random darkness. The tune discharges shadows blacker than black, along with a dank mysterious quality. It’s a great song.

...The bassline is stellar and palpable.... Poole’s guitar projects a raffish aroma that’s urgent and infectious... An aromatic guitar pours forth gracefully... The solo is chock-full of suffused sonic pigmentations, along with a bravura guitar.

just smell that guitar

those lustrous mists of guitar are quite aromatic

in a weird way though i almost have to hear this album now so job done i guess?

“Bodies” begins with a So-Cal intro

It says so much.

progressive rock clot

At least this person is trying to describe what the music sounds like!!

sounds, looks, AND smells

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkDLsq9lzsk

getting hints of oak, barnyard and overzealous press release

"the lambent bass discharged sleek tunnels of fatty overdrive - and it was everything!"

https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/joni-mitchell-from-both-sides-now/2017/10/09/e571fc62-aad3-11e7-b3aa-c0e2e1d41e38_story.html?tid=kp_google&utm_term=.3c6f46fc7559

https://www.vox.com/2017/10/28/16563618/trout-mask-replica-captain-beefheart-deconstructed

"Deconstructed" is such a giveaway new media word that means "a lot of content about a thing that says absolutely nothing new or interesting"

new derrida description

we could poll decoded vs. deconstructed (in worst music writing)

ts: "deconstructed" (food) vs. "deconstructed" (literature)

Still thinking about that NYT Mag piece. I got breakfast at the diner this morning and they played Eurhythmics, Lady Gaga, Heart, Rihanna, Ace of Base, Kim Wide and Katy Perry.

Of course I sat shivering and confused, these songs hitting me like Esperanto.

Finally a song with a man's voice came on. I stood on the table, kicked all the food off and screamed all the words like a normal person

anecdotal experience truther up in here

Have a hoagie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

there are no commercial stations in the entire country that would play that many female-led songs in a row