start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

that last one is disgusting. "how did we do????" uh how about fucking off and doing the thing first?

web sites do that all the time the second you load the page, jesus christ just piss off

my old work wanted to do that with the website i was responsible for. i said we should let people look at a few pages first, but i never got through to them. in the end i quit for other reasons, but they never built the nag screen because they stopped doing everything because i wasn't there to run the fucking thing, so i think that means i won.

You're a hero. Vast swathes of the internets are dead to me. All the pop-ups, all the newsletters, all the paywalls, more goddamn pop-ups. Fuck it, I wanna burn the internet to all hell.

(the 'feedback' popup did appear immediately after i'd submitted the reading. the 'chat' popup was actually a pop-under that appeared whilst i was filling in the feedback popup)

when the bank does this it scares me. i'm trying to transfer my rent here and you want to chat? at least i can adblock the animations.

bank is also terrible for menu rollovers - go to click on the login button at the top, mouseover their 'menu bar' and 3/4s of a page worth of options flashes up and then disappears.

Clicking any phrase that doesn't say "E-mail" and having my long-forgotten Mail app pop up because the link was an email address. Even "Contact Us" shouldn't be linked to an email.

Just clicked "Start Now" on a website and had that happen.

Was it a website that teaches you how to e-mail?

No, it was an online service that tests to see if your Mail app still works, but that's beside the point.

I know, it was a poor attempt at a joke.

I wouldn't know what that would look like.

that fucking ringtone that sounds like U2 arrrrgh

co-worker has a "Bad to the Bone" ringtone that drives me up the wall.

Had one of those too.

And neither the co-worker nor the ringtone was.

lifts. and people's behaviour on lifts. let people get off before getting on. if the back of the lift is behind you that doesn't mean the lift is now the size of a football field or that there's nobody behind you. if someone is waiting to let others off before getting off themselves, and you're behind them, resist the panicked urge to shove past them.

it's bad enough that lifts in any company ever are always fucked, one out of order at any given time, whatever new technology they use having no effect on the drain of time and patience they cause, but as usual people's behaviour and utter lack of self-awareness trumps the machine.

people who are in a line behind you, like at a theme park, and insist on flanking you instead of following behind you.

v annoying. sort of similar, people who insist on flanking behind or beside other walkers, eg on a train platform, regardless of the fact they're walking at exactly the same pace.

How bad the first few google images of rachel weisz are

http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/709071/26879649/1456414109140/lightbtwn-cryingrachel.jpg

Probably very rational. I went to walk into the local supermarket and some woman with 2 massive dogs is letting one of them piss on the wall that's beside teh path I have to walk down to get into the carpark around the shop. She herself is squatting totally blocking the entrance for some reason and the dog is producing like a lake of pee. So I say excuse me and she actually gets the idea that people might be wanting to walk through this space but I then have to avoid this puddle.
Really some dog owners are scum.

Much like the idiot a couple of days earlier with a similarly massive dog that he's allowing to walk at the end of a leash so between the two of them they're taking up an entire path width that I need to get past.

Tech support or building maintenance depts. that make you submit tickets and then close them out either with no message, or some bullshit like "This issue is resolved" when absolutely nothing has been done.

Agree with the anger at that but I also empathize with the tech support drone who didn't put the system into place but still has to be measured/evaluated based on it.

The Duke Ellington's Ghost character in the animated Netflix series Big Mouth. Doesn't look like Duke, doesn't sound remotely like him, and he references shit that couldn't have happened (e.g., Charlie Parker was still in Kansas City in 1938, and wouldn't have run into Duke in NYC).

It's like they wanted "old-timey swing-era archetype" and thought, "Duke Ellington, yeah, wasn't he a guy?" and maybe they can't tell him from Cab Calloway. And the music cues for the character are decidedly un-Ellingtonian.

A cartoon ghost is ruining a mildly funny show for me.

harrumph :)

Ellington was such a distinctively awesome orator/talker/personality, it is sacrilege to fuck with him. One Ellington thing I got angry about was when watching a 70's Parkinson interview with him. He's talking about his concert in Kabul and says: I wasn't sure these people had even heard of Mood Indigo, and they have their own thing going on there. Then the Brit audience erupts into laughter. Like the idea that foreigns have their own music is just fucking hilarious to 70's Brits.

harrumph :)

I like the show otherwise! But as calzino points out, Ellington was such an interesting personality that making an entirely different personality and calling it "Duke Ellington" doesn't make sense.

It'd be like if they had a character called John Lennon's Ghost who played drums and spoke in a southern accent and wore bib overalls with a piece of straw hanging out of his mouth.

jazz nerds are adorable imo

haven't seen the show but by your description, a white comedian erasing DE's identity seems pretty tone deaf and downright racist. kroll also likes to do the brownface thing with his spanish language radio bit fwiw.

tbf, Jordan Peele does the voice. But...I mean, jeez...

https://youtu.be/WgYwNqr6NfU

that looks like him haha

Yeah, it does look more like him than I remembered from my initial impression (and I'm more used to seeing latter-day baggy-eyed photos of Duke).

The show had talking vaginas and you are bothered by duke ellingtons ghost not being authentic. okaaay :P

Talking CHILDS vaginas more to the point (I loved this show, binge watched it, but felt mildly weirded out at the end at the kids + sexuality thing)

Ha, I only caught the first 2 episodes, and I must have missed that.

all the "hat-tips" that the internet has fostered (inc. irritating contraction h/t and -- as i just saw -- tools saying "chapeau")

SAY THANK YOU OR WELL DONE YOU AGGRAVATING SAVAGES, most of you don't even own hats and (probably) fuck you if you do, your hat is horrible

As with most contractions, the solution is to burn Twitter to the ground.

No we must nationalise twitter and make it better

as i just saw -- tools saying "chapeau"

Oh god please no.

I note that Zippy the Pinhead used to have little "tip o' the pin" bits, well before internet "h/t."

If, during any of my errands today, I hear pharrell's stupid fucking happy song playing, I am going to ask to speak to the manager and tell them to either turn it off or have me removed by security.

The promulgation of "gift cards" priced with 10-20% fees included over the value of the card itself is a complete perversion and the trade in them should be a felony.

Anybody who defends capitalism by suggesting that it rewards any human attributes other than venality and greed should have their literacy revoked and have to take grades 1-12 over again.

Heh, yeah, my relationship with my brother in law really started going downhill when I pointed out to him that there's no moral or ethical component to capitalism, only shareholder value. For some reason that hurt his fucking feelings.

tools saying "chapeau"

this shit is rife on cycling twitter

The phenomenon of apple picking. I now have a peck of not very tasty, mostly green apples that I got from a mostly picked-over orchard, and I paid $20 for it in spite of doing the labor myself.

People who pull out of a space in an alley and decide to back up while you're walking towards them, only to stop and text on their phone. Wtf

fuck screen protectors. not once in my entire life have i been able to successfully put one on a phone. ~lint~ can suck it.

(and then two minutes later i dropped my phone and chipped it, but that anger is probably not irrational tbh)

people that still haven't figured out how to determine whether an elevator is going up or down before getting on it

Patreon

There's something uniquely awful about when you're speaking to a customer service rep in another country and they use some kind of boilerplate customer service phrase in a slightly off/wrong way:

"Hi, I'd like to book a flight for tomorrow"
"Yes, great, thank you, well I do understand your concern."

It's like this extra layer of passive-aggressiveness where they've memorized an already annoying passive-aggressive phrase and are clearly just saying it on autopilot which also feels passive aggressive.

And of course that is irrational, they're probably on autopilot bc they're on 12 hour shifts and it's not their fault that american consumer capitalism requires these sorts of incantations of them.