worst sounding sushi roll at guy fieri's southern bbq & california style sushi restaurant tex wasabi's

so…toast!

I may or may not draw gestalt-robo MEGACROUTON in the near future.

hmmm OK remaining categories are "BIG BITE BURGERS," "KNUCKLE SANDWICHES," and "ENTRÉES" (with accent!), should we narrow down to two of those or one of those or ??? We are mere mortals and maybe should save room for dessert.

"Welcome to burger nirvana. All of our richly marbled 100% USDA choice ground beef is grilled to perfection. Your taste buds will thank you. All burgers are served with seasoned fries and ketchup."

OK I actually talked with a USDA beef guy in great detail about beef grades, why on earth would you advertise you use "choice"?

GODZILLA VS MEGA-CROUTON

Also we already have guy fries covered so I think I am going to make an executive decision and have you choose sandwiches and entrees.

jesus, check this out. . .

KNUCKLE SANDWICHES

All sandwiches are served with seasoned fries and ketchup.

The Big Dipper Sandwich$16.00
The mack daddy of all roast beef sandwiches. House-smoked shaved pit beef, pepper jack cheese, crispy onions + creamy horseradish on a toasted garlic torpedo roll.

The Motley Que Sandwich$16.00
Pulled pork shoulder smothered in Guy's Signature Bourbon Brown Sugar BBQ sauce, donkey sauce, stacked with citrus slaw, pickle chips, aged Cheddar cheese + onion straws on a toasted pretzel bun.

'68 Cajun Sandwich$15.00
This one packs a punch! It's crammed with blackened chicken, andouille sausage, Cheddar cheese, the creole trinity + Louisiana hot sauce!.

Crab Cake Sandwich$19.00
Mega Maryland crab cake, pan-fried to perfection with Old Bay mayo, LTOP, served on an"awesome pretzel"bun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6z4DW1kXuMA

kinda disappointed that none of the knuckle sandwiches involve actually receiving a knuckle sandwich

only one of them features donkey sauce which seems key to the experience

"shaved pit" is never a phrase i wanna see associated with food tho

what the hell is ltop? sounds like an experimental fighter jet design

I think the Motley Que is the must-order here. Spouse will want the Big Dipper but the bet did not include him having any say in *what* we eat at Guy's.

donkey sauce ftw

BBQ sauce AND donkey sauce!

For the record, I have double-checked the menu and this is in fact the only donkey sauce opportunity in Baltimore.

what the hell guy, u slippin'

isn't donkey sauce just another word for nothing left to lose?

this means the blue-sabi wing selection over bbq wing selection makes some good sense. OK, now ENTREES:

"Huli Huli" - Style Chicken$24.00
Guy's favorite Hawaiian chicken cooked over open flame on our Woodstone rotisserie. Lacquered in sweet Hawaiian BBQ sauce, served with old school rice pilaf, mango salsa, crispy plantains + lime.

Cedar Plank Salmon$28.00
Apricot-jalapeño-glazed salmon fillet, baked on cedar with fresh rosemary + roasted garlic mash.

Smoked Bbq Meatloaf$22.00
Individual baked meatloaf made with ground beef, chorizo + bacon. House-smoked, chipotle BBQ sauce + roasted garlic mash.

Motley Que Ribs$29.00
House-smoked St. Louis ribs glazed with Guy's Signature Bourbon Brown Sugar BBQ sauce. Crisped over our wood-fire grill, served with slaw + seasoned fries.

Cajun Chicken Alfredo$22.00
Cajun-spiced blackened chicken breast, white wine, sun-dried tomatoes, penne + creamy Parmesan-Alfredo sauce.

Bacon + Chicken Mac-N-cheese$20.00
Creamy three-cheese sauce, diced rotisserie chicken, grated Parmesan cheese, crumbled bacon, scallions + cheese crackers.

old school rice pilaf

This sounds like something you could lay tile with

the most unappetizing entree, imo, is the alfredo, but perhaps not the most interesting for purposes of this wasted evening of my short life

entree is an opening course not a main course u colonial savages

that said, huli huli sounds like it has the most potential to be vile, so i say go for that

"Lacquered!"

meatloaf sounds like it could double as a bulletproof vest tho

i'm wavering

Spouse will totally go for the mac and cheese, I shall guy-cock-block him

guy-cock

noooooooo

"Lacquered!"

and polished, one hopes

You might want to allow the mac and cheese as a false concession; it will be completely disappointing, as all mac and cheese with meat baked into it ultimately must be

Perhaps a venue for documenting this expedition?

We're making the FlavorZine - a Guy Fieri themed zine. We're taking submissions. It's every bit as dumb as it sounds https://t.co/eB5Z8dJDoy pic.twitter.com/aOvyI2dQo1

— Leo Johnson (@LFLJ) August 30, 2017

OK I have had several wines and have a beer in hand so I think I am prepared to pull up the cocktail and dessert menus. Hang tight for completion of the menu.

Wait we have not decided on entree. Also I am having a "discussion" with spouse over whether or not winning the "eat at Guy Fieri's place in Baltimore" bet means he gets to assert any control over menu. I have said "oh hey here is what I am ordering" and he is all "wait what about what me" and I'm all ". . ."

So I am ordering the ilx plan. He can do whatever obv.

entrees are the most depressing. need help. not ribs because we have covered the sickly BBQ. Meatloaf sounds least depressing but maybe that means I need to go with completely unappetizing alfredo or mac n cheese or hawaii whatever?

Alfredo
Mac n Cheese
Hawaii

I declare these the entree choices. Just pick and it shall be done.

So far have covered local (Baltimore, MD) food perversion, blue-sabi, and donkey sauce, and just under 50 bucks:

B-more Fries$16.00
Waffle-cut fries layered with a creamy blue crab fondue, Old Bay + green onions.

Jalapeño Buffalo Wings$14.00
House-made buffalo sauce-tossed wings served with raw veggie medley, Guy's blue-sabi (blue cheese + wasabi) dipping sauce to put out the fire!.

The Motley Que Sandwich$16.00
Pulled pork shoulder smothered in Guy's Signature Bourbon Brown Sugar BBQ sauce, donkey sauce, stacked with citrus slaw, pickle chips, aged Cheddar cheese + onion straws on a toasted pretzel bun.

blue-sabi is a phrase I never want to hear again

really gonna be curious about how much FLAVOR is in those jalapeno wings

I'm gonna match the Guy Fieri dinner bill in casino chips (this joint is in a casino, in case anyone was not aware). Spouse will never do Guy Fieri to me again.

meaning $$ going to Guy is $$ going into me playing blackjack

what is the worst that could happen?

only diarrhea

really weird jackpot for a casino to have

I'm ashamed to admit being intrigued by blue-sabi. I probably would be into the Old Bay wings.

all of those entrees look like things you’d find at applebees or a similar place!

p much

just missing the "vegetables that we deep fry for you to make tasty coz eww vegetables, rite?" fare

deep fried vegetables make vegetables even more delicious tho

If Guy is there, just walk up to him, click your fingers and ask him to blow you away.

One of spouse's coworkers was at this joint for its opening, and Guy WAS there. He went up to coworker's table and said "hey you guys wanna do some shots?" and poured everyone some FIREBALL

Which is also available frozen.

Do I do frozen fireball shots or frozen jager shots?

I'm totally gonna puke this weekend.

i'd argue puking is an essential part of every visit to flavortown