The Martin Shkreli trial roffles thread

Abolish prisons!!!!

*sees Shkreli going to jail*

my position on this issue has evolved

— sick transit, gloria (@samknight1) August 4, 2017

^^^^^^^

If, in terms of demographics and temperament and criminal leanings, prisons were comprised mostly of Shkrelis, I would likely feel much differently about prisons.

abolish prisons and bring back the pillory

that tweet is killing me

call 911

tell my wife I love her

he has the mannerisms of Weird Al

I'm guessing he won't give those back, either

big roffles: https://harpers.org/archive/2017/09/public-enemy/

juror no. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

I often find myself wondering with dudes like this: did he have the misfortune of inheriting the face of a villain and decide to just embrace it rather than working to develop any decency or humanity?

he could have at least tried to become a typecast character actor

the court: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that?

juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

the court: You are Juror Number 144 and we will excuse you. Come forward, Juror Number 155.

juror no. 155: I have read a lot of articles about the case. I think he is as guilty as they come.

the court: Then I will excuse you from this case. Juror Number 10, please come forward.

juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

xp: Martin Shkreli is "Young Steve Buscemi"

also long live juror no. 144

juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —

the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?

juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.

the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.

juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

i hope that last one was an over the shoulder, on the way out of the courtroom shout

wait is that article real transcripts or a creative writing project?

I often find myself wondering with dudes like this: did he have the misfortune of inheriting the face of a villain and decide to just embrace it rather than working to develop any decency or humanity?

― Say, I Heard You Had a Quarrel With Your Best Girl (Old Lunch), Wednesday, August 16, 2017 4:03 PM (fifteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's like that phenomenon where guys named John Dentist become dentists

xp apparently real

The doctor who performed circumcisions in the hospital where my kids where born was named Dr. Cox.

better that than dr butcher i guess

Reality Winner a good example... i think

Anthony Weiner obv

just read the Harper's story, LOL'd at this:

BRAFMAN: So much for the presumption of innocence.

Phenom is called 'nominative determinism'

yes armand hammer is a good one

yeah, because he makes his living as a blacksmith

No he's a box of baking soda

for a split second there, I was thinking: that Martin Skrtel always looked a bit of a dodgy fucker.

No he's a box of baking soda

he certainly has all the charisma of a box of baking soda

Phenom is called 'nominative determinism'

― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Wednesday, August 16, 2017 8:55 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ooo gotcha. my brother said it's called an 'aptronym'

aptronym is good!

http://www.businessinsider.com/martin-shkreli-journalists-domain-name-custom-2017-8

smdh

take solace in the fact that he's going to get the shit kicked out of him in prison

The wind up...

I think Ive just realised all this time Ive been mentally calling him martin "shrekli"

I guess I can understand the mechanics of filling a human skin with feces but I can't figure out how you then get it to do things like walk around and buy web domains.

His own personal 9/11

Read #MartinShkreli apology here: pic.twitter.com/sFM8sa2QOt

— Dan Mangan (@_DanMangan) September 12, 2017

Wait, what did he say about Clinton? I missed that bit (and fuck wading thru twittr)

he suggested people pull here hair out while she was on her book tour and that he would pay 5k per clinton hair offered up to him
what a profound fucking moron.

on a different point:
https://nyulocal.com/i-look-like-martin-shkreli-and-its-ruining-my-life-45979b4e3a92

http://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/800/1*7HNRtJpjjdqmqrKKnv_MiQ.png
start by working on yr posture dude

Easy celebrity impersonator gig, should pay for NYU

Byeeeeeeee

BREAKING: Ex-pharmaceuticals company CEO Martin Shkreli has bail revoked in New York securities fraud case, heads to jail.

— The Associated Press (@AP) September 13, 2017

well at least there's one asshole in the world getting his comeuppance. now about those other guys...

in light of this impassioned plea to the judiciary i have reconsidered my stance on martin shkreli

https://i.redditmedia.com/SpKjX2DSiUPm_bhkj6kqWsHBONIQlt2W0sOjMihDTTM.jpg?w=432&s=cdc99bbdf93899b0d17792673e90d14a

^^ Key item in my future Dadaism and the Alt-Right seminar

If I looked that much like shkreli I'd shave my head and register as an et impersonator instead

I fully believe he belongs in a messy jail cell.

The Good Martin is in the messy room, and he can't leave...

that letter is so gross. "hey mr judge man, you don't get it, threatening people shouldn't be illegal because all my shut-in dickhead internet friends think it's funny, ps jacking up drug prices 1000% is bedroom model tinkering, i'm smart, peace"

lol that this dude was sitting in prison during the insane runup of crypto

And he's out and about (and per the post above, just in time to totally miss crypto's bubble):

https://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Pharma-bro-Martin-Shkreli-released-from-17182037.php

back in the game