EXCELSIOR is the second solo album by British musician LOLZ Coombes.

Not advocating Bernie running again, fyi.
― Duane Quarterdump (Old Lunch), Thursday, July 6, 2017 9:54 AM (forty-four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

He might win
― quet inn tarnation (darraghmac), Thursday, July 6, 2017 9:58 AM (forty minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Depends, how is his reality show faring?
― Duane Quarterdump (Old Lunch), Thursday, July 6, 2017 10:03 AM (thirty-five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

speaking of Depends...
― evol j, Thursday, July 6, 2017 10:19 AM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I've yet to read a review that hasn't given this movie 5 stars

― Well bissogled trotters (Michael B), Friday, July 21, 2017 4:35 PM (fifty minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Well obv you haven't read Fred's then, cos he's give it 6 stars!

― calzino, Friday, July 21, 2017 4:44 PM (forty-two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Here you go: http://pov.international/en-impressionistisk-filmoplevelse/

― Frederik B, Friday, July 21, 2017 4:46 PM (forty minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

that's kind of an anti-excelsior but I smiled

otm and otm

It's got me singing Kevin Gates 2 Phones as "I got 6 Stars.." in my head!

lmao

you really havent lived until youve seen a bunch of portly children with backpacks full of piers anthony xanth novels attempt to negotiate a ropes course

― I want L'interieur chicken, not Hausu chicken (jjjusten), Wednesday, May 30, 2012 2:11 PM (five years ago)

by the last few days it was pretty much like Lord of the Flies but everyone is Piggy and the conch is a well worn copy of the AD&D Fiends Folio

― I want L'interieur chicken, not Hausu chicken (jjjusten), Wednesday, May 30, 2012 2:14 PM (five years ago)

Things You Just Don't Care About

Anyone's preemptive reaction to the anticipated reaction to the gender of anyone playing Dr who

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Sunday, July 16, 2017 5:36 PM (six days ago)

I mean, specifically. Dr who as a topic is obviously very safely within the bounds of things that will not ever have been just cared about

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Sunday, July 16, 2017 5:36 PM (six days ago)

Deciphering sentences with syntax so tortured that they require more thought than their contents deserve.

― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, July 16, 2017 6:12 PM (six days ago)

don't know what's going on anymore. I'm sitting on the crapper reading my phone and freaking
― Eazy, Saturday, July 22, 2017 3:00 AM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Bob Lefsetz is all of us.

― Le Bateau Ivre, Saturday, July 22, 2017 6:45 AM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's been said before but

new board description

fuckin xpost

― she carries a torch. two torches, actually (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Saturday, July 22, 2017 6:53 AM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm paranoid, crappin with my finger on the twitter

― President Keyes, Sunday, July 23, 2017 11:49 AM (four hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

For those curious about why a sane middle-aged person would read RPO, its a post-climate catastrophe world, mentioned in the eco-fiction.com database, and I'd been methodically making my way through this from Ballard to Atwood to Bacigalupi to more recent titles.

― Are you Eating It...or is It Eating You? (Sanpaku), Monday, 24 July 2017 17:45 (yesterday) Permalink

Ha despite being the one that said it, what the hell thread was that mookieproof?

did you attend SUMMER CAMP?

something about the arid, completely freeze-dried delivery of this (at least that's how I read it):

do we think Trump has read Jeet Heer's piece on dominance politics and is now consciously putting into practice what had previously been instinct

― The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, July 25, 2017 9:25 AM (one hour ago)

Also the decimation of Danerys' navy is quite convenient, as Jon will soon appear with Davros, who knows shit about ships.

― sarahell, Thursday, July 27, 2017 3:59 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the appearance of Davros would certainly be a turn-up for the books

― André Ryu (Neil S), Thursday, July 27, 2017 4:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

My teenage niece has a wall decal that says "Nothing happens if you stay in your room."

My wife looked at it for a second and said, "Wow, that sounds really nice! "

― okapi paste (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, July 28, 2017

I think I garbled it; it's actually "Nothing _ever_ happens if you stay in your room." It's from a Rachel Platten song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBaB8Bl_1-Q

Disclosure: Platten is, btw, an actual IRL pre-fame friend of my sister and niece, so it makes somewhat more sense in context. I am a bit sore because loaned her a mic stand and she still hasn't given it back.

That's a bit taking the mic-y

I think he would be funny he if fired everyone.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:20 PM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You're fired, you're fired, you're fired, you're all fired!

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:20 PM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX IT!

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:21 PM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I like this plan

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:21 PM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ahahaha! he is very funny man fiering everyone

― imago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:21 PM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

he might hesitate a second for dramatic effect before firing Melania

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:22 PM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I love you, you're so beautiful, just gorgeous... but you're fired"

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:23 PM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yes yes

more fiering

― imago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:23 PM (fifteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

firing sessions would be just the absolute best, but i'm afraid it might get us pres Pence a lot sooner than i'd prefer

― constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:24 PM (fourteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nope he's fired too!

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:29 PM (nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that would be dope af but kidding aside he can't actually do that right?

― constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:31 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(re Pence)

― constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:31 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That would be better. Conservative > Madman who blurts out state secrets and encourages police to rough people up

― Treeship, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:31 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Xp will

― Treeship, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:32 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no the President cannot remove the Vice President

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:34 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Conservative > Madman who blurts out state secrets and encourages police to rough people up

wait how are these different?

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:34 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Reporter: President Trump, there have been reports of ...
Trump: You're fired!

White House chef: Mr. President, what would you like for dinner? We have ...
Trump: You're fired!

Ivanka: Dad, are you ... ?
Trump: You're fired! Clean out your desk! Get out of here!

(Trump looks in mirror.)
Trump: And what are you looking at, jackass?! You're fired! You're fired most of all!

A single tear streams down his cheek.

Trump: I said you're fired! Why are you still here? Why are you still here!?! Why am I still here! Where is everyone? What happened to my bed? Where is my bed!?!?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:36 PM (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg he fierd everyone!

― imago, Tuesday, August 1, 2017 8:37 PM (one minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the excelsioring america deserves

otm. love it when uk and america worlds are in collision like this. and you're properly ignored, too (though that might be bcz of killfile idk but either way good job)

you're ignored because you're seemingly singing in tune with the choir. that's what fascinates me.

tbf tbf halfassed pisstaking probably shouldn't be on excelsior and it irritates me when all someone has to do is lazily zing morbs and it gets posted here

but actually yeah it feels appropriate to where the board is right now. hey guess what, trump will probably end up firing his own twitter account LOL

if hearty laughs inducing pisstakes on here are wrong I don't want to be right etc

:)

rival comedy troupes workin different threads

http://www.avclub.com/article/prehistoric-fidget-spinner-discovered-

perfect

It's a bold experiment but let's see where it goes

Excellent work, imago.

The president used to be the host of a television show where he said "You're fired!" to contestants who would not go to the next round.

http://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/9/1/4/91914_v2.jpg

hmmmmmm still not sure if this is a "funny posts" thread or not

think it's pretty obvious

While thread is in meta-mode can I thank tombot for generously reading my trump/jeep heer quip in such a way as to maximize the funny.

jeep heer lol

We're talking about a country where most people's primary educations are from McDonalds ads.

― carpet_kaiser, Wednesday, 2 August 2017 18:31 (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Holy shit is this true

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Wednesday, August 2, 2017 4:09 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It is true, unless you had parents who intervened. More depressing than funny IMO.

was about to carpet a trench

http://i.imgur.com/I51cZMC.jpg

Don't fuckin play with me I seen four twin peaks this week Im in a vulnerable place

we all learned from this helpful man

Very uncool to hit up a staggered Irishman with a pic of a dude in mickface

that was my geometry teacher and he had a skin disease you ass

U guys take it outside, this is not the place for genuine lolz.

And to think people used to rag on me back in the day for posting too many lols.

My Alma Mater

https://goo.gl/images/KB9up3

BTW, if any UK television programs want me as a commentator I am available at any time. It would be nice to turn the tables a bit. Our coverage of UK politics is frequently condescending and exoticist - Did you know they have a queen there? And did you know that, with any new legislation, the queen has consults her orb, and waves her scepter over a bacon butty while wearing a bearskin hat. Then she changes into a wig and takes a sword out of a stone.

I would be happy to enlighten Britishes about the special rabbitskin robes worn by electors, and how the President Pro Tem of the Senate consults a haruspex whenever there is a veto. Unless there is not a quorum, in which case they must shake a Magic 8 Ball no fewer than seven times. Then it goes to the Weights and Memes committee, which votes by secret ballot, and even then only at midnight.

― okapi paste (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, August 4, 2017 12:11 PM (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kickstarter.com/toAuntieBeebwiththatYMPladiirc

― Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, August 4, 2017 12:16 PM (six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You forgot to mention the importance of catching the snitch.

― I'm Calling My Loyer! (Old Lunch), Friday, August 4, 2017 12:17 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I find your sense of humor obscrutable and perspicalic.

"Weights and Memes" is pretty classic though, good job YMP

I've only ever reported to women in ten years in the public sector it's cool because you can blind them with logic iirc

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Tuesday, August 8, 2017 12:39 PM (forty-two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you don't actually go blind when you roll your eyes all the way back

― mh, Tuesday, August 8, 2017 12:40 PM (forty-one minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink