OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

Piece on Lorde that no one will link to and ILM can't reach a consensus on where it was published is definitely the worst piece of music writing ever.

otoh if this guy hates it, there's probably some merit

o lorde tupac mansplain to them

i'm issuing subpoenas to everyone on this thread, give up your sources on the Lorde review!!!!!!!

tick tick tick

ilx melodrama

ilx d-d-d-d-dynamite

Wasn't really sure if it should go here or not but I think the 'hats of, chief' is worthy of it.

This is apparently in Q magazine.

http://i.imgur.com/Fk9phey.jpg

Whew! Close one.

I certainly can't remember the likes of Baby Ford or A Guy Called Gerald sawing up fenders back then, was that really a thing?

wallop! etc

same guy as this dude? Worst Thing In This Daily Telegraph "10 ways Britpop changed modern manhood" Article

tbh, everyone needs editors who aren't themselves

― maura, Monday, June 19, 2017 6:12 PM (two weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I certainly can't remember the likes of Baby Ford or A Guy Called Gerald sawing up fenders back then, was that really a thing?

― calzino,

I dont recall anyone doing that

Guitar Music means Stars of the Lid and Oren Ambarchi, right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVG9u_nxWBI

^^^my dance hero

It's not entirely imaginary - there was an ad for The White Room with Cauty and Drummond in mining gear showering sparks by taking hand grinders to a couple of guitars which Sounds also issued as a poster.

This Facsist Kills Machines

Lorde: Melodrama (Lava/Republic) Having achieved world renown as a 16-year-old innocent with a throaty voice, a head on her shoulders, and the nerve to dissent from a style of upward mobility invented by black people a pole away, she returns four years later as what else—a pop property with a sex life. Thus her chief musical collaborator is Taylor/Sia/Carly Rae helpmeet Jack Antonoff rather than New Zealand svengali Joel Little, and it's Antonoff plus the extra grain in her voice that make the difference here. For me, the most meaningful line is "Put my hands under your T-shirt," because it suggests someone who's thought about how this sex thing works. Deep, no. Real, in theory. Sex life, presumably. Pop property, absolutely. B PLUS

gross

Lorde: now with shoulders AND a head!

What's the record sound like? Who cares! Lorde's having sex (probably)!

Think that's the point of the review.

to write about how awesome Lorde is for inspiring a male fantasy

Not too awesome, only a B+! Not being devils advocate or anything but he's criticizing the disc for compromising/stereotyping a promising& unique talent or something like that.

or something

"a pole away" strikes me as very... off

Should be "across the Indian Ocean" ?

a hemisphere away

excited to find out black people invented vulgar materialism

hardly controversial to suggest Royals plays on a type of materialism associated with successful black artists, iirc Beyonce is name checked

Dude's such a fucking creep

Lol @ "hardly controversial"; ILM argued the point for a month iirc.

one reason i can't be bothered to reargue, also i suspect niels was commenting without reading the review clearly

A lifetime of witty irrelevance behind him, self-proclaimed Dean aims for - and achieves! - for par on this creepy course. B-

Male critics don't seem to get that even when like Christgau they've spent a lifetime extolling powerful, intelligent women these men still become drooling fools at the thought that these powerful, intelligent women can slip hands between their T-shirts and jerk them off. These women still exist as fantasy objects.

not seeing the creeping here, "most meaningful line" != most meaningful line, but banal pop property? that Antonoff has packaged her as another pop property fantasy object?

(well aware that C has form for creeping, just not seeing it here)

not seeing the creeping here

Let me run it down for you:

- the most meaningful line is one that makes Christgau think Lorde has been having (or at least thinking about) sex
- the most important fact about the new album, for Christgau, is that she's working with the same producer as Taylor Swift, Sia, and Carly Rae Jepsen
- given limited space, he'd rather talk about her (presumed) sex life than any aspect of the music he's supposedly reviewing

He's a fucking creep. And has been for decades. To paraphrase one of his own (in)famous lines, he should fold up his penis and stop typing with it.

I read that as the most meaningful line is a banal throwaway: "Deep, no. Real, in theory. Sex life, presumably. Pop property, absolutely."

He's not talking about her sex life, he's saying she's been packaged as pop property, real, in theory. "someone who's thought about how this sex thing works" is a zing, not frisson. the producer is singled out because he's doing the packaging.

But, yes, there's plenty of creeping that's been done.

Now you have to explain the pole.

damn.

Citroen otm imo

antonoff's so-far-recorded work with crj also amounts to a co-write on a KISS bonus track and some bleachers stuff. they've been in the studio together recently but she throws a lot of stuff out.

female popstars are always the ones who are "packaged" or "presented" it seems...critics tend to lean harder on that language with them anyway. I'd be curious to see a running count of how often producers are named and credited in these reviews, break it down make vs female artists and see what the numbers come out as.

i don't know why people care so much more about branding than actual music.

it's easier to describe in concrete terms

Because nobody cares about music

^^^ new board description

if christgau wants to talk about sex in the new lorde album he should just write about how it figures thematically into the music instead of speculating on how other people are trying to "position" her in the marketplace or whatever. certainly she shouldn't be called a "property."

like, pop music is a commodity, and so it's not unreasonable to think about how lorde is trying to change her brand or whatever, but god, what could be more boring.

Alfred's OTM re: fantasy objects