Yeah but they're not really twee, that's the worst bit of it. These sorts of people are always calculating
― Never changed username before (cardamon), Friday, 16 June 2017 23:35 (six years ago) link
Anyone?
https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/313979985/
― Chuck_Tatum, Friday, June 16, 2017 5:06 AM (four days ago)
applications are closed :(
― sarahell, Wednesday, 21 June 2017 02:49 (six years ago) link
This is a more general marketing whine rather than Innocent specifically but some of this stuff is super awful: https://www.facebookawards.com/winners-gallery.html
(NB I work in marketing, sort of.)
― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 21 June 2017 10:14 (six years ago) link
jesus fuck, this just turned up in my inbox
Big question for ya. Assuming it arrived without a hitch , is our Beard Balm the mind-blowing, life-changing, marriage-saving experience you’ve always wanted? Okay... maybe we’re reaching a little bit. Maybe. But a ll jokes aside (for now), do you have 30 seconds to give us your feedback? Perhaps 27.2 seconds, if we may be so bold?I know, I know… we’re not exactly the first company that ever asked you for honest, unbiased feedback. But at Smooth Viking, we never want to lose touch with what our fellow Vikings think. In other words, we're sentimental. Don't judge us. Pssh.Besides, there’s thousands of other bearded Amazon shoppers out there that like making informed decisions, so why not give them your honest and unbiased take to help your brothers out? #SharingIsCaring #TheMoreYouKnow #ThugLifeIf that sounds doable to you, shweet. Here’s the link to make it easy:Tell us your honest/unbiased thoughts while we think of more dumb hashtagsIf there's anything I can help you with, don't hesitate to reply and let me know. Thanks for taking some time out of your legendary day to do this, Ross. Take it easy.Charlie – Smooth Viking
Okay... maybe we’re reaching a little bit. Maybe. But a ll jokes aside (for now), do you have 30 seconds to give us your feedback? Perhaps 27.2 seconds, if we may be so bold?
I know, I know… we’re not exactly the first company that ever asked you for honest, unbiased feedback. But at Smooth Viking, we never want to lose touch with what our fellow Vikings think. In other words, we're sentimental. Don't judge us. Pssh.
Besides, there’s thousands of other bearded Amazon shoppers out there that like making informed decisions, so why not give them your honest and unbiased take to help your brothers out?
#SharingIsCaring #TheMoreYouKnow #ThugLife
If that sounds doable to you, shweet. Here’s the link to make it easy:
Tell us your honest/unbiased thoughts while we think of more dumb hashtags
If there's anything I can help you with, don't hesitate to reply and let me know. Thanks for taking some time out of your legendary day to do this, Ross. Take it easy.
Charlie – Smooth Viking
― bitumen: the animated series (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 20:34 (six years ago) link
beards, that's where i'm a dipshit viking
― bitumen: the animated series (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 20:35 (six years ago) link
honest/unbiased
― kinder, Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:01 (six years ago) link
oh i'll be sending them an honest opinion alright
― bitumen: the animated series (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:03 (six years ago) link
charlie from smooth viking here, i'd like to increase our email open-to-face-punch ratio. and no, i don't care if it's not physically possible.
― jenkem street team (carpet_kaiser), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:06 (six years ago) link
the fact that every model on their homepage is sporting an undercut (and one with a bun) makes my purchasing decision extremely easy
― El Tomboto, Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:11 (six years ago) link
I was unsure what I thought of their brand name, but having seen the site I'm not liking it
― mh, Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:12 (six years ago) link
either they shave and have smooth skin, or they exhibit some sort of viking skill making them worthy of being called "smooth" and I got nothing here
― mh, Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:13 (six years ago) link
here is a site with guides to mixing your own olive-oil-and-beeswax things btw
http://www.humblebeeandme.com/a-quick-guide-to-beeswax-liquid-oil-ratios/
― El Tomboto, Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:15 (six years ago) link
i think it's the #thuglife part i find most teeth-grindingly aggravating
― bitumen: the animated series (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 21:20 (six years ago) link
Dear Mr Drug DealerNext time you leave your hotel room in a hurry don't leave your drugs behindWe've your bags and ID tooSee you soon pic.twitter.com/jHSw9mkzsy— GMP Middleton (@GMPMiddleton) July 15, 2017
the rise in police forces using twitter for "banter" is a real pain. imagine being the type of person who happily retweets the flabby arm of the state's horrendous attempts at humour.
― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Sunday, 16 July 2017 19:18 (six years ago) link
I'm guessing you're familiar with the comedy stylings of the Garda Traffic Twitter account...
― Number None, Sunday, 16 July 2017 19:34 (six years ago) link
indeed - also the irish gardai on facebook is a fucking horror show - badly spelled, random, occasionally offensive, they haven't a fucking clue.
― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Sunday, 16 July 2017 19:51 (six years ago) link
That drug-bragging wouldn't be a good look for WYP, especially after one of their plods was caught with 700k worth of confiscated drugs stashed at his house last year.
― calzino, Sunday, 16 July 2017 20:05 (six years ago) link
love a bit of pig banter, drug dealers are really naughty
― i predict a griot (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 16 July 2017 20:18 (six years ago) link
This Bradford cop who was stealing all the drugs for himself was caught with bales of cocaine (weighing 11 kilograms) at his house!! He probably could have made a Pablo Escobar statue out coke and still made a small fortune on the rest.
― calzino, Sunday, 16 July 2017 20:30 (six years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/97OiYUI.jpg
― Alba, Wednesday, 26 July 2017 12:03 (six years ago) link
one of those twins was clearly getting more nutrients than the other
― yes!!! its ur real Hogbards world (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 26 July 2017 12:04 (six years ago) link
surely the twins should be a racial mix of black bin and green bin
― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 26 July 2017 12:06 (six years ago) link
oh i get it, bins with parents of two different ethnicities are all just grey as far as the general public is concerned
aye but both of those adult bins are male - an important breakthrough for representation of lgbtq+ refuse containers imo
― yes!!! its ur real Hogbards world (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 26 July 2017 12:11 (six years ago) link
do they think that by announcing the birth of the two bins people will be pleased at having yet more complicated waste disposal practices?
― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 26 July 2017 12:16 (six years ago) link
not sure if this counts as Innocent Smoothies aesthetic so much as just rubbish marketing
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Wednesday, 26 July 2017 12:54 (six years ago) link
Hope all is well, I have been trying to reach you over the past few weeks to discuss your 2017 cloud based projects. However, I have not heard back.
This leads me to believe that...
a) at the moment, your company sees no value in taking advantage of all the Google Cloud Platform has to offer
or....
b) 2017 is not the year for your company to realize the performance, scalability and savings of moving to the Google Cloud Platform
or possibly....
c) you are trapped under something heavy, just outside of reach of your PC desperately trying to respond
Whatever the case may be, in efforts to give you some time to mull it over or find availability, this will be my last correspondence. If you would like to discuss any aspect of your cloud computing initiatives via a google hangouts you can book an appointment here . I am always a call or email away.
― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, 23 August 2017 20:37 (six years ago) link
For the record, this is the goofiest, most infantilizing rejection letter I've gotten since, maybe, first year of college? pic.twitter.com/Mzuf9qil7O— Jason Scott (@textfiles) September 1, 2017
This actually made me shout OH FUCK OFF at my phone.
― Thomas Gabriel Fischer does not endorse (aldo), Friday, 1 September 2017 18:49 (six years ago) link
lol, when i saw this thread bumped i was JUST about to post that here!
― Karl Malone, Friday, 1 September 2017 18:53 (six years ago) link
The very same here. Amazing.
― brain (krakow), Friday, 1 September 2017 18:59 (six years ago) link
https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/fr/cp0/e15/q65/21200747_1928459190514376_3232820399731925753_o.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=a7f9dd4306c176e0b487c14c57bb48d4&oe=5A20C888
― Never changed username before (cardamon), Saturday, 2 September 2017 22:17 (six years ago) link
The scope of newEpicJob is a bit limited.
And those single quotes around Uber look decidedly non-ascii.
― koogs, Saturday, 2 September 2017 22:24 (six years ago) link
Advert/warning on the All4 app. This must be one of the worst things like this I've ever seen.
http://i.cubeupload.com/dsGBCl.png
― Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, 19 September 2017 20:29 (six years ago) link
gnnnnnggggghhhhhh
― Mr. Eulon Mask, urging the UN to ban the "homicide robot" (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 19 September 2017 20:34 (six years ago) link
the fucking ads make All4 unwatchable, if you make the mistake of pausing, forwarding, rewinding you get subjected to another bunch of unskippable ads
― be the cringe you want to see in the world (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 19 September 2017 20:57 (six years ago) link
that's why I love illegal torrent sites. At least even when the viewing is predictably dire, I can console myself that at least I'm successfully depriving this appalling channel of a few clicks.
― calzino, Tuesday, 19 September 2017 21:07 (six years ago) link
Good grief
That is fucking monstrous
It's not just 'business transactions presented in kid-speak', it's knowing adult to knowing adult in knowingly pretend kid-speak
― Never changed username before (cardamon), Tuesday, 19 September 2017 21:28 (six years ago) link
my line in full
A: the grown-ups are all gone, we will not see them again in our lifetimesB: bcz it's up to us now god help us C: deeper magic from before the dawn of modernity :| D: ^^^a fuckton of this, it's everywhere, it's the ground we all walk on and it's gone live again
― mark s, Thursday, 7 September 2017 18:59 (one week ago) Bookmark
― calzino, Tuesday, 19 September 2017 22:12 (six years ago) link
Not sure if this belongs here but
https://i.imgur.com/8YtBQgT.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/GEu1ysI.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/L3IMCdW.jpg
― nate woolls, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:32 (six years ago) link
I might be getting old and boring, but I'm so glad life has led me away from having to meet people like Atticus
― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:49 (six years ago) link
Is that supposed to be some sort of super-meta level of irony? Like hipsters are now so self-aware they're being ironic about themselves? Or did the copywriter get the brief and literally copy and paste the audience description into the body text of the advert?
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:49 (six years ago) link
"His beer crafty and his food street" is ultraviolet level ugh
― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:51 (six years ago) link
Seriously, if it wasn't for the text in the tiny black rectangle at the bottom, I'd have thought this was an extract from the creative agency's pitch to their client, not the actual advert itself
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:52 (six years ago) link
that is exactly how it reads, yeah
― Number None, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:53 (six years ago) link
No way do any of the Atticuses I've met have a "quiet" distaste
― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:53 (six years ago) link
Unfortunately Atticus is going to be living 10 minutes away from my front door
― nate woolls, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:55 (six years ago) link
wonder what atticus' ilx login is
― more bemused than human (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:56 (six years ago) link
From the website:
https://i.imgur.com/0qtIv8t.png
― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 09:57 (six years ago) link
gnnnnnggggghhhhhh― Mr. Eulon Mask, urging the UN to ban the "homicide robot" (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 19 September 2017 20:34 (two weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Mr. Eulon Mask, urging the UN to ban the "homicide robot" (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 19 September 2017 20:34 (two weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― more bemused than human (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 10:01 (six years ago) link
this is amazing. i'm amazed
― Shat Parp (dog latin), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 10:10 (six years ago) link