Let's all laugh at the Universal Dark Universe

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I would like to see a Count Chocula film played completely straight. The full origin story of how Chocula, once a man, became a creature of the night with an unquenchable thirst for chocolate. Very grim, very dark. Like 98% cacao dark.

we live in a world where riverdale exists so

It would have been really easy to make a scary Mummy movie. Like, a found footage trapped in a tomb movie (I'm sure it's been done). Or basically, It Follows, but a Mummy.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 13 June 2017 17:20 (three years ago) link

but then you can't do them faithfully because every single one of them is now a knackered, wheezing cliche in the popular imagination

― cast your vote for fully automated gay space luxury communism (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 16:58

And King Kong or Godzilla isn't? (In theory, any remake can be done well. In practice, Sturgeon's Law is in full effect.)

The Ottomans want to impose their Turkish delights on Christendom. That's a movie.

― jmm, Tuesday, June 13, 2017 1:05 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You are Steve Bannon and I claim my five pounds.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 19:02 (three years ago) link

yes, you're describing this movie:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pyramid_(film)

xposts

Max-Headroom-drops-a-deuce-while-shredding (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 13 June 2017 19:14 (three years ago) link

^image nicked from the Facebook page of film critic John Charles

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 15 June 2017 18:44 (three years ago) link

you can't do them faithfully because every single one of them is now a knackered, wheezing cliche in the popular imagination

no, this is the kind of thinking that has resulted in so many forgettable re-imaginings that imo the original designs are novel again. if they went full-on og Frankenstein w slightly updated take on the classic look, they could make it work. look at Monster Squad, they brought back all the classic monsters and made them work, even the mummy was made creepy again w the trapped in that closet. they just need people who can write a decent movie.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 15 June 2017 19:19 (three years ago) link

It's always been frustrating because I'm all about the classic/gothic horror aesthetic, it's probably 80% of the reason I like horror but there's really not that many good scripts in the films. And whenever there's a return to it, the stories are usually hackneyed. There's no reason you have to keep using those plots.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 15 June 2017 20:04 (three years ago) link

three months pass...

As the story notes, it's likely going the deep prequel route instead...but is it?

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 October 2017 23:05 (two years ago) link

one year passes...

The Dark Universe is dead, long live (to quote Variety) “a fresh strategy for the Universal monsters properties, bringing creative directors with distinctive visions to the classic characters.”

https://io9.gizmodo.com/a-new-invisible-man-film-rises-as-the-dark-universe-die-1832124202

Ned Raggett, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:04 (one year ago) link

Aw, does this mean we'll never get to see Seth Rogen as Lou Costello?

Brex Avery (Noodle Vague), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:09 (one year ago) link

Can't wait to consume the fresh content generated by the Universal Synergisticdiversificationverse!

That shitty promo photo for this will never not be funny

gray say nah to me (wins), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:20 (one year ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man, and though he is not thought to be part of this movie, Variety’s sources suggest it could happen in the future. The same goes for actors like Javier Bardem and even Cruise’s character: They could appear in future movies, but it’s not definite. For now, the idea is to encourage individual filmmakers to make great movies, and see what happens.

they will not appear in future movies

omar little, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:25 (one year ago) link

https://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2017/05/31/31-universal-monsterverse-dark-universe.w700.h700.jpg

Ah yes, all your faves - there’s the mummy of course, and the Dracula, and the wolf man, and that must be the Frankenstein sitting down there, and who’s that on the end? Oh, how could I forget, the black lagoon!

Oh no wait it’s five checked-out randos. Can’t fucking wait for them to cross over with each other.

gray say nah to me (wins), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:25 (one year ago) link

Russell Crowe with the expression of a man who's come home to see an uncut lawn and a terrified son

omar little, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:27 (one year ago) link

That photo was edited together, iirc. Can't you just feel the chemistry?

jmm, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:29 (one year ago) link

I watched The Mummy and it's remarkable how they took a plot that was about 3/4 of a movie and then slapped half of a different film into the middle of it and still somehow only came out with less than a single complete work

mh, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:36 (one year ago) link

I've never heard of this thing, just clicked on the thread in the expectation that it was about laughing at the universally dark universe we all live in and got to say I'm pretty disappointed

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:40 (one year ago) link

I was hoping for a debunking of dark matter a la string theory

david waster phallus (darraghmac), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:56 (one year ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man


and now he’s the actor we all wish would disappear

maxwell’s silver hang suite (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 28 January 2019 18:58 (one year ago) link

Let's all bow our heads in honor of Camaraderie's thirst for humorous anomie.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 28 January 2019 18:58 (one year ago) link

Johnny Depp was the actor originally expected to play the Invisible Man

Pretty sure Johnny Depp is already playing the Invisible Man in most movies. He's usually just walking around in the background and stuff, but you kind of have to squint.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 28 January 2019 19:10 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

I'm trying to think of a body of water that is hipper and fresher than the Black Lagoon.

― The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T & the Women (Old Lunch), Tuesday, June 13, 2017 12:16 PM (one year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The Creature from the Gowanus Canal? He's coming for your microbrews...and a hipster hottie in a vintage bathing suit?

In the meantime, the Invisble Man remake may have solved its Depp problem: https://www.cinemablend.com/news/2467738/the-invisible-man-reboot-may-have-found-its-first-new-star

Anne Hedonia (j.lu), Monday, 4 March 2019 20:20 (one year ago) link

I hope they cast her as the titular star and still bafflingly go with The Invisible Man as the title.

Gary Ornmigh, Heywood's son (Old Lunch), Monday, 4 March 2019 20:25 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

it's aliiiiiiiiive!

Elisabeth Moss, who was in early talks for Universal-Blumhouse’s The Invisible Man last month, is officially on board with the latest rendition of the classic monster character.

The project reps a re-team for Moss with producer Jason Blum after the recent $220M-global grossing success of Jordan Peele’s Us. Invisible Man will shoot in Australia. The opening weekend for Us became the highest-grossing ever for an original horror title.

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:48 (one year ago) link

And prompted by the wild success of an original horror title, we've opted to produce the 415th film adaptation of a 150 year old horror property.

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:54 (one year ago) link

laugh all you want, cynic, but i for one am excited about the possibility of elisabeth moss' invisible man going toe-to-toe with russell crowe's mr hyde and tom cruise's err whoever the fuck tom cruise was in the mummy

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:59 (one year ago) link

The Daddy?

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 14:00 (one year ago) link

ten months pass...

Apparently the success of The Invisible Man has inspired Universal to return to the Dark Universe: http://epicstream.com/news/TinyDiapana/Universal-Developing-New-Dracula-Movie-For-Its-Dark-Universe

Life is a banquet and my invitation was lost in the mail (j.lu), Friday, 13 March 2020 00:57 (four months ago) link

the invisible man was good though

karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 13 March 2020 00:58 (four months ago) link

it was also made on a us$7m budget, unlike the mummy which cost a freaking bomb

karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 13 March 2020 01:00 (four months ago) link

giving it all to blumhouse is a decent strategy. might work.

wasdnuos (abanana), Friday, 13 March 2020 01:06 (four months ago) link

we could be entering an era of decent hollywood movies that don’t cost liechtenstein’s gdp to make

karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 13 March 2020 01:21 (four months ago) link

seems like horror films are the only small movies that turn a reliable profit today.

wasdnuos (abanana), Friday, 13 March 2020 01:33 (four months ago) link

Yeah I saw this last night and thought it was good. Have no idea wtf they’re gonna do with Dracula. Also assume the budget won’t be 7m.

officer sonny bonds, lytton pd (mayor jingleberries), Friday, 13 March 2020 04:37 (four months ago) link

imo they should cap the budgets just in case

mh, Friday, 13 March 2020 13:55 (four months ago) link

Two of Kusama's previous films were on $1 million budgets (fifteen years apart).

Whannel's first film made $100 million on a $1 million budget, his second made $147 million on a $4 million budget, his third made $164 million on a $10 million budget, his fifth made $100 million on a $1.5 million budget, his sixth made $160 million on a $5 million budget, his seventh (first as director) made $113 million on an $11 million budget, his eighth had a $3 million budget, and The Invisible Man has made $105 million in two weeks on a $7 million budget.

Blumhouse's most expensive movies to date iirc are $15 million for BlacKkKlansman, a co-production with a name director, a couple of stars, dozens of speaking roles & even more extras, and shitloads of outdoor and indoor location shoots; and $20 million for Glass, which had to pay M. Night Shyamalan, Bruce Willis, Sam Jackson, and James McAvoy, who probably has a reasonable quote after a bunch of X-Mens.

It's very unlikely that they're not going to keep the budget low on Kusama's Dracula.

Fantastic. Great move. Well done (sic), Friday, 13 March 2020 20:27 (four months ago) link

and the one that kinda flopped was upgrade, which is amazing

wasdnuos (abanana), Friday, 13 March 2020 21:29 (four months ago) link

Returned about six times its budget, on almost zero promotion! Absolutely a big success, just only made a fraction of his horror & sequel flicks.

Fantastic. Great move. Well done (sic), Friday, 13 March 2020 21:44 (four months ago) link

three months pass...

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/invisible-man-helmer-leigh-whannell-direct-ryan-gosling-wolfman-1302467

Aaaand now Blumhouse and Whannell are now attached to a Wolfman reboot for Ryan Gosling. "The script has been described as having a vibe that evokes Network (1976) and Nightcrawler (2014)." So pseudo-found footage of Larry Talbot yelling "I'm flea-bitten as hell, and I'm not going to take this any more"?

Life is a banquet and my invitation was lost in the mail (j.lu), Thursday, 9 July 2020 17:44 (five days ago) link

i was recently thinking that if ace in the hole were done today, the reporter would throw people in wells and never think twice about it.

wasdnous (abanana), Thursday, 9 July 2020 18:52 (five days ago) link


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