Let's all laugh at the Universal Dark Universe

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Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Igor is the bride.

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:06 (two years ago) link

lol @ bothering with this 'universe' crap for a load of long out of copyright characters

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:19 (two years ago) link

Ned probably started with that thread title, but crumpled it up

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:21 (two years ago) link

It was a process of experimentation

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:23 (two years ago) link

now i'm imagining ned working in the lab, late one night

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:24 (two years ago) link

Is anyone actually planning to see The Mummy?

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:27 (two years ago) link

*crickets*

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:32 (two years ago) link

even for slumming hollywood shit this is getting toxic reviews

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:33 (two years ago) link

It doesn't look even a little bit good or interesting. Universal's previous foray into Mummy-dom doesn't exactly give me any confidence that they're on the right track this time.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:34 (two years ago) link

Not so much for the sake of enjoying a schadenfreudegasm (which is just a pleasant side-effect), but I kinda want this to die on the vine in the hopes that these studios will stop thinking they can grow some expansive franchise out of a single, untested seed.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:38 (two years ago) link

i thought the first mummy reboot movie with brendan fraser was dumb fun, but there's nothing appealing about this one at all afaict

i only just found out russell crowe is in this as dr jekyll, which seems like a particularly egregious misuse of the shared-universe shoehorn

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:39 (two years ago) link

Whut

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:41 (two years ago) link

It's just kinda fucking dumb, too. Because he will surely only appear AS Dr. Jekyll, leaving us all to ponder HMMM WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH THIS MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUTURE, OH THE MYSTERY OF IT ALL.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:43 (two years ago) link

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It was great working with @RussellCrowe on #TheMummy (even though we were kicking each other's ass). pic.twitter.com/ZfPOWb7pVL

— Tom Cruise (@TomCruise) June 7, 2017

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:44 (two years ago) link

I think you mean licking, Tom.

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

crowe's wearing one black glove in that fight scene so i assume he's already afflicted by monsterism

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

fuck i just remembered that benicio del toro's wolfman only came out a few years ago and tanked too - man, they're really intent on doing this until something, anything sticks, aren't they

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:47 (two years ago) link

xposts Oh, that's just Russell being Russell.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/259/034/857.jpg

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:48 (two years ago) link

Yes, and when this one turfs out...well, obviously Bride of Frankenstein is the one that was REALLY intended to kick off the franchise. Naturally.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:49 (two years ago) link

I was joking earlier about them pulling their '50s sci-fi stuff into the mix at some point, but decent remakes of that stuff (and yes, a fucking "universe" if they must) would be infinitely more interesting than them cranking out the 5,819,392,492,813th Frankenstein movie in existence.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:51 (two years ago) link

i feel like there's potential to update frankenstein to explore contemporary stuff like genome-editing and growing spare parts for humans from scratch but uh let's say i don't have a lot of confidence they'll want to take any interesting approaches to the characters

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:58 (two years ago) link

Looking forward to the 2024 slate of Renfield vs. Igor, Mohel of Frankenstein, and Abbott & Costello Fey & Poehler Meet the Scorpion King.

FTFM Universal.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:45 (two years ago) link

Only very very tangentially related because Scorpion King but I just saw the comedy issue of GQ on the stands yesterday, featuring everybody's favorite funnyman Dwayne Johnson on the cover.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:47 (two years ago) link

is that the one with the caity weaver profile of the rock? cuz that's a great piece (as caity weaver articles invariably are, tbf)

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:56 (two years ago) link

I couldn't say, as I never got past those bulging biceps or those dreamy eyes staring back at me from the rack.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:44 (two years ago) link

Stare into them, deeply

http://media.gq.com/photos/5911e2845607d02ba9e29932/master/w_800/The-Rock-Cover.jpg

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:50 (two years ago) link

we're usually on the same page on pop-culture, old lunch, but if you're not on the dwayne johnson hype-train too i dunno if we can be friends anymore, i'm sorry

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:54 (two years ago) link

and the caity weaver hype-train tbh

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:54 (two years ago) link

Here's my hot Rock take (as I steer this train all the way off the rails): he seems like a swell dude and I like him just fine as a personality but I'm pretty unenthused about his presence in non-action movies (aside from his role in The Other Guys, which he will likely never top because how can you top one of the greatest moments in Western culture).

No beef with Caity Weaver!

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:00 (two years ago) link

I guess by that metric, Dwayne Johnson is partially responsible for one of my most hysterical laughing jags ever and so maybe he does belong in the comedy HOF after all.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:01 (two years ago) link

Let's all laugh with Dwayne Johnson in the Universal Rock Universe.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:03 (two years ago) link

If this Dark Universe thing does take off and he doesn't make at least a cameo reprising his role, I'll eat my hat.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:04 (two years ago) link

the rock is the maybe closest we'll ever have to a real-life superman

i love him

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:05 (two years ago) link

In the new FastFurious, he leads a soccer team of 10 year old girls in a haka

Dwayne the Rock Johnson is entertainment itself

softie (silby), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:07 (two years ago) link

I think the nu-fast films are sorta insanely overrated and even I think the rock is a delight

K-hole MacLachlan (wins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:12 (two years ago) link

Which means it'll instead be Hart & Johnson Meet The Scorpion King.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Thursday, 8 June 2017 17:14 (two years ago) link

Universal has no idea how to make movies people actually want to see and I think the Fast & Furious franchise was successful on accident

officer sonny bonds, lytton pd (mayor jingleberries), Thursday, 8 June 2017 17:21 (two years ago) link

Johnson is really good in a lot of things - I still maintain his performance in Pain & Gain was award-worthy, and Snitch didn't get nearly the audience it deserved. But I'm glad the Baywatch movie face-planted commercially.

grawlix (unperson), Thursday, 8 June 2017 21:13 (two years ago) link

The Rundown is an overlooked classic

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 22:47 (two years ago) link

Universal Horror shared Universe (2017-soon)

There was already a big thread.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:07 (two years ago) link

Ah thanks! I was wondering where the heck it was.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:09 (two years ago) link

So which one shall we use?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:27 (two years ago) link

This one is funnier and is now about The Rock so uh, this one

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:30 (two years ago) link

have any of you jabronis read this front to back cuz I have
https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fs-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2F736x%2Fe5%2Fd3%2Ffb%2Fe5d3fb62c371381ca56dd1d5299f0422.jpg&f=1

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:32 (two years ago) link

(fuck the Rock btw)

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:33 (two years ago) link

dude clearly has political ambitions, something we should not encourage

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:34 (two years ago) link

Why did you read that?

Wasn't Spielberg saying a few years ago that half a dozen megabudget bombs with implode the film business? I think most these seem destined to bomb but maybe they'll just stop after a few flops?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:36 (two years ago) link

But how you can resist Russell Crowe going EVIL

https://www.flickeringmyth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Russell-Crowe-The-Mummy-600x409.png

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:47 (two years ago) link

It was in a recording studio we were in for a weekend. Good for a laff between takes.

Xp

Οὖτις, Thursday, 8 June 2017 23:58 (two years ago) link

Why did you read that?

Shakey actively engaging with something he despises? Never!

I dunno why these studios don't adopt the radical tactic of making films people might enjoy, then maybe thinking about a franchise after they're successful.

chap, Friday, 9 June 2017 14:35 (two years ago) link


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