Let's all laugh at the Universal Dark Universe

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I mean, also, they'll probably manage to mess up the psychological metaphors that are there already in the classic films

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:33 (two years ago) link

By changing things around a bit but not enough, so as with most re-makes you end up with slop

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

^ Trenchant

Never changed username before (cardamon), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:34 (two years ago) link

wat if Frankenstein but made by isis

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:38 (two years ago) link

dotor jekyll but good 1 is bad

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 16:40 (two years ago) link

Who is the real monster, Frankenstein or that guy who made him whose name I don't know?

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:19 (two years ago) link

invisible man but he's partially visible

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:39 (two years ago) link

I have seen the Dark Universe, yawning,
Where the blockbusters cruise without aim;
Where they cruise in their "horror" unneeded, each ghost held aloft by a name.

Beetle Juice continued to spit all over our drinks (contenderizer), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:59 (two years ago) link

Bride of Frankenstein, but also Frankenstein cuz she cannot decide on gender so he keeps taking out the stitches to swap out the junk.

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:47 (two years ago) link

Get thee to a Frankenhooker, Øystein.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:47 (two years ago) link

omg

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 18:49 (two years ago) link

It's not quite what you describe but there are indeed some Frankensteinian gender-swapping hijinks in that acclaimed film.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 June 2017 19:01 (two years ago) link

universe where every1 is invisible xcept one guy and he is the visible man

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 11:58 (two years ago) link

Also it's Dark

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:23 (two years ago) link

"Truly, we humans were the real 'invisible man' after all."

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:47 (two years ago) link

"We have met the wolfman, and he is us."

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:53 (two years ago) link

'he who fights with universal monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a universal monster. and if you gaze long into a black lagoon, the creature also gazes into you'

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:56 (two years ago) link

"The only thing we have to fear is a dracula."

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 12:59 (two years ago) link

Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Igor is the bride.

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:06 (two years ago) link

lol @ bothering with this 'universe' crap for a load of long out of copyright characters

The Adventures Of Whiteman (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:19 (two years ago) link

Ned probably started with that thread title, but crumpled it up

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:21 (two years ago) link

It was a process of experimentation

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:23 (two years ago) link

now i'm imagining ned working in the lab, late one night

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:24 (two years ago) link

Is anyone actually planning to see The Mummy?

jmm, Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:27 (two years ago) link

*crickets*

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:32 (two years ago) link

even for slumming hollywood shit this is getting toxic reviews

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:33 (two years ago) link

It doesn't look even a little bit good or interesting. Universal's previous foray into Mummy-dom doesn't exactly give me any confidence that they're on the right track this time.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:34 (two years ago) link

Not so much for the sake of enjoying a schadenfreudegasm (which is just a pleasant side-effect), but I kinda want this to die on the vine in the hopes that these studios will stop thinking they can grow some expansive franchise out of a single, untested seed.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:38 (two years ago) link

i thought the first mummy reboot movie with brendan fraser was dumb fun, but there's nothing appealing about this one at all afaict

i only just found out russell crowe is in this as dr jekyll, which seems like a particularly egregious misuse of the shared-universe shoehorn

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:39 (two years ago) link

Whut

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:41 (two years ago) link

It's just kinda fucking dumb, too. Because he will surely only appear AS Dr. Jekyll, leaving us all to ponder HMMM WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH THIS MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUTURE, OH THE MYSTERY OF IT ALL.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:43 (two years ago) link

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It was great working with @RussellCrowe on #TheMummy (even though we were kicking each other's ass). pic.twitter.com/ZfPOWb7pVL

— Tom Cruise (@TomCruise) June 7, 2017

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:44 (two years ago) link

I think you mean licking, Tom.

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

crowe's wearing one black glove in that fight scene so i assume he's already afflicted by monsterism

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:46 (two years ago) link

fuck i just remembered that benicio del toro's wolfman only came out a few years ago and tanked too - man, they're really intent on doing this until something, anything sticks, aren't they

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:47 (two years ago) link

xposts Oh, that's just Russell being Russell.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/259/034/857.jpg

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:48 (two years ago) link

Yes, and when this one turfs out...well, obviously Bride of Frankenstein is the one that was REALLY intended to kick off the franchise. Naturally.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:49 (two years ago) link

I was joking earlier about them pulling their '50s sci-fi stuff into the mix at some point, but decent remakes of that stuff (and yes, a fucking "universe" if they must) would be infinitely more interesting than them cranking out the 5,819,392,492,813th Frankenstein movie in existence.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:51 (two years ago) link

i feel like there's potential to update frankenstein to explore contemporary stuff like genome-editing and growing spare parts for humans from scratch but uh let's say i don't have a lot of confidence they'll want to take any interesting approaches to the characters

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 13:58 (two years ago) link

Looking forward to the 2024 slate of Renfield vs. Igor, Mohel of Frankenstein, and Abbott & Costello Fey & Poehler Meet the Scorpion King.

FTFM Universal.

Diana Fire (j.lu), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:45 (two years ago) link

Only very very tangentially related because Scorpion King but I just saw the comedy issue of GQ on the stands yesterday, featuring everybody's favorite funnyman Dwayne Johnson on the cover.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:47 (two years ago) link

is that the one with the caity weaver profile of the rock? cuz that's a great piece (as caity weaver articles invariably are, tbf)

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 14:56 (two years ago) link

I couldn't say, as I never got past those bulging biceps or those dreamy eyes staring back at me from the rack.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:44 (two years ago) link

Stare into them, deeply

http://media.gq.com/photos/5911e2845607d02ba9e29932/master/w_800/The-Rock-Cover.jpg

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:50 (two years ago) link

we're usually on the same page on pop-culture, old lunch, but if you're not on the dwayne johnson hype-train too i dunno if we can be friends anymore, i'm sorry

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:54 (two years ago) link

and the caity weaver hype-train tbh

alcohol aficionado zane lamprey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 8 June 2017 15:54 (two years ago) link

Here's my hot Rock take (as I steer this train all the way off the rails): he seems like a swell dude and I like him just fine as a personality but I'm pretty unenthused about his presence in non-action movies (aside from his role in The Other Guys, which he will likely never top because how can you top one of the greatest moments in Western culture).

No beef with Caity Weaver!

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:00 (two years ago) link

I guess by that metric, Dwayne Johnson is partially responsible for one of my most hysterical laughing jags ever and so maybe he does belong in the comedy HOF after all.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:01 (two years ago) link

Let's all laugh with Dwayne Johnson in the Universal Rock Universe.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:03 (two years ago) link

If this Dark Universe thing does take off and he doesn't make at least a cameo reprising his role, I'll eat my hat.

Sir Isaac Gluten (Old Lunch), Thursday, 8 June 2017 16:04 (two years ago) link

it's aliiiiiiiiive!

Elisabeth Moss, who was in early talks for Universal-Blumhouse’s The Invisible Man last month, is officially on board with the latest rendition of the classic monster character.

The project reps a re-team for Moss with producer Jason Blum after the recent $220M-global grossing success of Jordan Peele’s Us. Invisible Man will shoot in Australia. The opening weekend for Us became the highest-grossing ever for an original horror title.

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:48 (eight months ago) link

And prompted by the wild success of an original horror title, we've opted to produce the 415th film adaptation of a 150 year old horror property.

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:54 (eight months ago) link

laugh all you want, cynic, but i for one am excited about the possibility of elisabeth moss' invisible man going toe-to-toe with russell crowe's mr hyde and tom cruise's err whoever the fuck tom cruise was in the mummy

arli$$ and bible black (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 15 April 2019 13:59 (eight months ago) link

The Daddy?

Oold Lunch (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 April 2019 14:00 (eight months ago) link


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